Me trying to get pregnant is like me trying to pat my head and rub my belly at the same time — have you ever tried that?! It’s next to impossible. 😛 Which is so strange … if you read my book, Wifey 101, you’ll know exactly why I say this (but it’s too hard to write out here). As many of my close followers – A.K.A Frans / MAFS Family – know, trying to conceive after miscarriage has been rough for my hubby, Doug, and me. A few months ago I went to a psychic with my mother in law and she told me (just what my mother in law has been telling me) that we are trying way too hard. Never ever in life have I ever been told to “Stop trying so hard!” When you’re in school, in sports, in business, etc., you’re told to “Never give up!” and “Do the BEST you can.” That’s been my life’s motto so learning how to STOP TRYING SO HARD when trying to get pregnant hurts my cranium!
Another Month, Not Pregnant
This is gonna be way TMI, but I got my period today. So, there’s no doubt I’m NOT pregnant. Usually I take one of those “99% accurate 5 days before missed period” tests like five times before my period comes in hopes it will say “pregnant” or have an extra line or give me any sign that I’m preggers. ( I wish I was just kidding here about the 5 tests! 😛 ) I didn’t have to do that this month because my monthly visitor came a week early. I told my hubs, “Hey, at least we didn’t waste our money on pregnancy tests this month!” Those stinkers are expensive! Especially when you have to buy 5 because you don’t believe the first 4 negative results.
No Christmas Baby
Doug and I were due to have our sweet boy, Johnny, on December 20th. He was going to be our little bundle of joy on Christmas; our very own Christmas baby.
My heart has never bled more than the day I delivered my sweet boy, at just 17 weeks, 1 day. He had no chance to survive — in the womb or out. I just sit here and the tears fall out of my eyes as I think about him. I just can’t help but remember seeing his perfectly little formed body and beautiful little face. Holding him in my hands and kissing his forehead. Having to say goodbye to the baby I just met. I was supposed to have a lifetime with him. I was suppose to protect him, nurture him, love him, and keep him safe.
I have honestly been doing a lot better lately, but the holidays are going to be so sad. How could they not be?
I was hoping to give our sweet boy a little brother or sister to watch over this holiday season. I was really hoping and praying to be pregnant by Christmas. I just feel like the only way to be happy during the holidays is to be pregnant with our rainbow baby. (If you’ve never heard of the term “rainbow baby” I explain it’s meaning here.) The moment I lost Johnny I felt like I needed to try to get pregnant again ASAP. I felt like there was supposed to be a baby growing safe and sound inside me. Why is my stomach empty now?!
Trying To Get Pregnant After Miscarriage: Advice
As I thought about what advice I wanted to give anyone who is traveling with me through this journey of trying to get pregnant (after miscarriage or for the very first time) I immediately thought, “Who are you to give advice? You haven’t even figured it out yourself!” It’s true I haven’t been successful — yet. But I will be one day, this I know. I am putting it out into the universe. 🙂[bctt tweet=”Sprinkling LOADS of baby dust on all of you wanna-be mommas and Angel mommies. xoxo” username=”jamienotis”]
I’m not gonna lie, the moment I got my period I dropped everything I was doing, went upstairs, and napped away the sorrow in my heart. To be honest, I shouldn’t have been too surprised because Doug and I moved in with his parents a couple weeks ago so it’s not like we are getting hot and heavy every night. But that’s the thing, I was kind of thinking because we stopped trying so hard that maybe we WOULD be pregnant. But, nope. Ugh. …So, after months of trying with no success here’s my advice to us:
- Try however you want. Maybe try hard one month and not try so hard another. I think the key here (that I’ve known all along but it’s SO hard to let go of) is that you must ENJOY the JOURNEY. Stressing about when, where, and how to try to get pregnant is not helping you in any area of your life, let alone the ‘trying to get pregnant’ area. And getting all anxious and revved up when you find out you’re not pregnant does no good for you either. I know, easier said than done. But I think it’s also silly to say “stop trying” because God knows that isn’t even an option for us wanna-be mommas and angel mommies. 😛
- Be healthy. The moment I lost my baby I took a good, long look in the mirror. I’ve been eating the most processed junk, sitting on my butt, and wondering why I feel sluggish and unmotivated. I don’t think the outcome of my pregnancy was from me not being ‘healthy enough’ to carry my sweet baby, but it’s nothing I can rule out, either. That being said, why on earth would I just sit around eating the same crap and twiddling my thumbs watching TV when I could be getting my body as healthy as possible to carry my rainbow baby. I immediately began running and eating healthier foods. My therapist (Highly recommend therapy!) recommended a diet with less gluten, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, and dairy – or none at all if I could hack it. I began trying to cut these items out of my diet. On November 14th I began a new “diet” called TheWhole30. Let me know if you’d like more updates on this.
- Get therapy. Whether you think you need it or not, therapy is so helpful. And a lot of times when you think you don’t need it—but do it anyways—you realize you TOTALLY needed it. Therapy comes in all different shapes and sizes. For starters, you can get an actual therapist. (It took me a few tries to get the right one, but I found someone who is SO helpful.) I don’t think I can recommend a therapist enough. It is literally life-changing. But if chatting with someone about your life isn’t your cup of tea that doesn’t mean all therapy is out the window for you. Writing, singing, volunteering & giving back, and even blogging is GREAT therapy. Another idea is group therapy. There are Facebook support groups out there as well. As a matter of fact, I think I may begin one if enough people show interest.
- Optimism is your friend. A friend of mine text me tonight saying she read a book recently called On Fire: The 7 Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life by John O’Leery. She said “He talks about gratitude a lot. He was saying we should wake up and be thankful for things we want but don’t have yet because it’s ‘all in the works.”’ I fell in love with this advice. Again, easier said than done but when it comes down to it—adopting this mindset will only do us all a lot of good.
- Pregnancy apps. Download one you like and pay attention to when you’re ovulating. This is probably the most obvious piece of advice that doesn’t really need a whole lot of explanation. These apps make it dumb-easy. You literally just search for a pregnancy app, download your favorite one, and fill in when you’ve had your period and it will calculate when you’re ovulating for you. Simple as can be.
- Fertility Sticks. Ok, I have to be honest, I haven’t actually used these yet. I am going to look into them though. A fran (Fan/friend) recently messaged me on my Facebook page saying that she highly recommends this. She said she used hers and got pregnant 3 times on first tries. Umm, why have I NOT been using these?! Thank you so much for your advice, Christy! 🙂 I researched on Amazon a couple different options for those of you who may want to try this:
My last piece of advice: try to actually use some of this advice – and I am preaching to the choir here because I need to as well!
Do you know of any tips/tricks for conceiving? Please share with all of us wanna-be mommas and Angel mommies!
What does it take to be a good wife? God knows I had some trouble figuring that out. My past threatened my future, but I learned how to stop that from happening. If you’re struggling in the dating world — or if you’re engaged, a newlywed, a long time married veteran, you will feel a lot better about your relationship after reading about mine in my new book, Wifey 101: Everything I Got Wrong After Meeting Mr. Right!
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