I lost my son, Johnathan, when I was just 17 weeks pregnant. Every loss is hard, but losing a baby …there are just no words. As a mommy, you’re supposed to be able to protect and nurture your helpless baby; keep him from any pain and sadness. The moment I saw my sweet boy lifeless and limp I just lost it. I would spend endless hours just sitting on the couch in a dark room —no tv, no radio—and tears would just fall out of my eyes. I was n.u.m.b. I felt like the whole world was spinning out of control. I went from one day having a sweet little boy kicking and playing inside me to having an empty stomach the next. I’ve never had to weather such a terrible, heartless, bitter storm.
[bctt tweet=”Sprinkling baby dust over all of you Angel mommies who are trying for your #RainbowBaby.” username=”jamienotis”]The only thing I wanted to do was get pregnant again. To not be pregnant felt so wrong. I had been preparing for our Johnny’s arrival. As a matter of fact, I was organizing his gender reveal party the exact same day I found out we would be losing him.
What is a Rainbow Baby
My sister in law shared the meaning of a rainbow baby with me the day after I lost my sweet baby boy. A rainbow baby is a baby that comes after pregnancy or infant loss. A baby that comes after a loss; your rainbow that WILL come after your storm. I’m not sure who thought of this term, but it’s really so beautiful. It’s inspiring and uplifting.
I cannot wait to one day give my angel baby in heaven a little brother or sister to watch over. Until then, I hope he is up in heaven bouncing on clouds and feeling lots of love from his mommy and daddy. We will always love our sweet boy and he will always be our first born son.
What does it take to be a good wife? God knows I had some trouble figuring that out. My past threatened my future, but I learned how to stop that from happening. If you’re struggling in the dating world — or if you’re engaged, a newlywed, a long time married veteran, you will feel a lot better about your relationship after reading about mine in my new book, Wifey 101: Everything I Got Wrong After Meeting Mr. Right!
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Jamie Otis
