My heart is so heavy. There are no words to express the pain and sorrow associated with losing our baby Hehner.
We had planned a gender reveal party for our little one at the end of July. I was on Facebook making the “event” when we walked into a high risk doctor’s office. I had been bleeding for a few weeks prior, but every time we checked the baby (which was becoming twice a week by now) the little one was kicking, moving, and the heartbeat was going strong. The doctors said nothing seemed wrong with the placenta either. I read on several blogs that some women just bleed during their pregnancies. This allowed me to relax and continue to be optimistic.
By the time we went in to see the first high risk doctor (we saw four doctors – from four different practices – total before we lost our baby) my bleeding had altogether stopped. That being said, Doug, my husband, and I were very optimistic going into this doctor’s appointment. Like I said, I was literally on Facebook planning our gender reveal party…Until the doctor flat out said “The prognosis is very poor and there is nothing you can do to help it. You have very little amniotic fluid for the baby.” I’m a nurse so I know how important amniotic fluid is for growth and development, but I just couldn’t believe my ears.
How could the prognosis be so “poor” when I had just seen our baby’s feet kicking and his little body bouncing around in my belly less than a week before. Needless to say, we didn’t want to believe in that prognosis even though everyone raved about how amazing this doctor is. (And there’s no doubt in my mind he is an amazing doctor, but we were just in such denial!) We decided I would go on bed rest, drink lots of coconut water and even more regular spring water and fight for our baby – I read on blogs that this could potentially help.
There is so much more that happens after this first initial appointment, but I’ll have to save that for another blog. To me writing is therapy. Hearing feedback from others who have experienced this incredible loss is therapy. Talking about my baby who I fell in love with the minute I knew his little heart was beating inside me is therapy. I wish I could hold him and love on him. His little feet and hands were so precious. He was beyond adorable, even at 17 weeks.
Please pray for Doug, me, and our family. More importantly, pray for our little baby Hehner. I know he is up in heaven and I am sure he is bouncing on clouds, but selfishly I wish he was still bouncing in my belly. I’ll never get to see this Angel again on earth. He was given to us so graciously by God, and then God took him away way too early. My heart hurts so bad. Losing our baby has been the most terrible experience. I wish no one would ever have to endure this.
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