Miscarriage: Trying To Cope
This week marks a month my sweet baby was taken from me. I’m not going to say I’ve figured out the best way to cope with miscarriage, because God knows I haven’t. I’ve tried staying positive and thankful for what I do have, but last week I failed miserably at that.
It’s funny how I feel like I have to put a smile on. It’s not that I don’t think anyone will understand—it’s just I don’t want to annoy people with my sadness. I don’t complain about what I’m going through—I don’t want to be seen as “that girl who is still whining and complaining.” Occasionally I let my husband, Doug, know how I’m feeling. It’s not hard for him to figure it out anyway. I literally shower less, don’t do my hair, and sleep every chance I get. I just have no ambition. My guess is I’m not the only one who has hid her pain not because she thinks no one will understand, but simply because she fears no one will even care. Please tell me you know what I am talking about when I say I feel like people just get uncomfortable and don’t know what to say so the topic is avoided altogether by everyone. I mean it’s kind of understandable, but maybe there could be a better way.
My Coping Techniques
Don’t get me wrong, not every day is like this. I try filling up my schedule with lots of work, seeing family, writing, and working out. I find working hard is my goal lately. The only problem I face is that I’m currently self employed so it’s not that easy. I don’t have a boss yelling at me to work harder. But needless to say, I make sure I get the word out about my jewelry line and my new book, Wifey 101. I spend hours and hours signing my books and reading other people’s stories when they’re kind enough to leave me a note with their order. Hearing stories of miscarriage and coping mechanisms has helped me but what has really helped me is hearing stories of others who have gone on to have their rainbow babies. And those who say they got pregnant with their rainbow baby within months of losing their first baby gives me even more hope. I don’t know how others handle their miscarriage, but for me I have this strange idea that the solution to my problem is to be pregnant again. I just feel like there is an emptiness in me that can’t be filled.
I’m sorry if this blog post is a bit TMI for some. Truthfully, I am scared to even post this. It’s showing a raw, vulnerable side of me. I am scared that people will just see it as me “complaining and whining.” I wrote this blog and then sat at my computer and re-read it over and over again deciding if I should just change it to a more “positive” blog post. That’s what I feel like the world would want to see. But, the reason I’ve decided to go ahead and post this just as it is—exactly how I feel— is because my goal with my blogs, book and even social media is to share my real story in hopes of helping and inspiring others. God, please tell me I’m not the only one who has ever felt like this. And, if by me sharing my ugly truths of miscarriage helps one person then it is worth it for me. If by reading my really crummy, seemingly pessimistic miscarriage blog another woman feels less lonely with her miscarriage pains then mission accomplished. I hope this post has helped you in one way or another. It’s helped me to be real, honest, and not hide my truth—even when it’s not so pretty and fun to read about.
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