Married At First Sight: From One MAFS Bride To Another (And Giving You Another Perspective On Heather)

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Married At First Sight D Day

It’s D Day in Married At First Sight world. D Day as in decision day, D Day as in DIVORCE day. And, it’s the fastest divorce in the history of Married At First Sight! What on earth happened between Heather Seidel and Derek Schwartz?!

Ok, I was at a festival last weekend signing my book and displaying my jewelry for one of the very first times in public. (Woot, woot!) I absolutely LOVE meeting fans and inevitably we end up gossiping about Married At First Sight. (Guilty pleasure announced. Go ahead …judge away, but I know you do it too! 😛 ) Ha! No, but really — almost every single person who came up to me was so sad to hear about Derek and Heather’s divorce — and they almost always pointed the finger at Heather as the one to blame. I get that because she is the one who chose to walk away from their marriage and “take a break.” She went home for “space” and left Derek to be by himself after their super rocky honeymoon. (If you choose to sleep under separate roofs while in this experiment then you automatically failed this experiment and yourself, IMO.) She’s also the one who decided she didn’t want to continue with this marriage and opted for divorce while Derek was willing to try to make it work. So, yeah, I think it’s fair to say she is the reason they’re divorced. But, she isn’t some evil witch filled with hate who never gave her husband a chance.

I love meeting you all!
I love meeting you all!

Understanding Heather

I remember my Married At First Sight wedding day like it was yesterday. I didn’t let myself even think about what I was doing leading up to it because I was so scared I’d back out — and I knew deep down inside that this could be the best thing that ever happened to me. I truly believed that. I whole-heartedly trusted the experts and I trusted in the science behind it. However, the morning of my wedding, when I put my wedding dress on (which wouldn’t zip all the way up so I had to cut out my bra – true story) I freaked the EF out (and not because of the dress not fitting – or maybe that did have something to do with it all?!)! Up until that point I was able to keep busy with wedding planning (in the two weeks time you have) and making sure my friends and family were comfortable and being taken care of since they took the 4 hour trip from upstate to celebrate with me and my strange wedding in NYC.

Seeing my reflection in the mirror wearing a beautiful, white wedding dress with my hair all curled and a bouquet in my hand gave me a real fast REALITY CHECK. I am getting married to a complete stranger today. Imagine thinking that the morning of your wedding. Now tell me you wouldn’t freak out, too!

I am always in awe of the people who say “But you knew what you were getting yourself into.”  Another one that just fascinates me is “She’s treating him like he’s a stranger still.” Like, “What?!” Yes, I had two weeks to prepare myself to marry a stranger. Yes, I went into this with the best of intentions hoping for a fairy tale (because, duh, don’t we all want that). And yes, I am treating him like a stranger still because I BARELY know him. How is that wrong?! In my opinion, that is NORMAL.

From One Married At First Sight Bride To Aother
From One Married At First Sight Bride To Another

Up until this point I’d think it’s safe to say Heather and I responded quite similarly, but she had A LOT more class than I had on my wedding day. It got REAL for her the night of their wedding when she had a second to think about it all — going to bed with a complete stranger in bed next to her who is her husband. Again, I think a freak-out moment is ok. What I am sad about for Heather is that she never had the opportunity to relax and enjoy her marriage (unless you count that one night on their honeymoon where she got tipsy). Maybe then she would have been able to see Derek the way we see Derek — sweet, charming, and handsome.

I was very fortunate because I had the most patient, understanding, unflappable husband, Doug. I was blessed to begin having chemistry with him the moment we began chatting on our plane ride to St. Thomas. (Where we honeymoon’ed and where I couldn’t run away or hide.) But that’s not what happened for Heather. For whatever reason, Heather didn’t get the time she needed to digest it all and she became more and more closed-minded about everything. I do feel like she may have missed out on the love of her life (because, Hello, if I hadn’t opened my mind and began feeling comfortable with my husband then I would have missed out on my soul mate!). I wish I could’ve been there for her. I just think she needed some girl talk from one MAFS bride to another to help her understand that it’s OK to freak out. And it’s also OK to relax and try to get to know this strange dude who is now your husband.

So, I guess I just wanted to say to Heather: “Girl, I get it.” And, my husband always says “No one can fail from this experiment if they learn something from it.” I hope you learned something valuable to take with you on all your travels.

I wanted to show you all another perspective on Heather. There’s no doubt Derek is a great man and she’s missing out, but Heather is equally a great woman who was just scared to death and never had a chance to relax during her whole marriage. I wish things were different for them, but I wish them both the best going forward.

What about Nick and Sonia and Tom and Lilly

Geesh, now that I’ve spent my whole blog talking about Heather and Derek’s divorce, I wanted to touch base on our last two couples. They aren’t straight up smooth-sailing either. But, I want to give them props for giving the experiment a FULL chance and not walking away from it when the sh!t hits the fan. I suspect that’s because they each have chemistry and romantic feelings towards each other. (I never would have guessed with Tom and Lilly. 😛 )  …Nick may not know it yet, and that is OK.

I shared my thoughts with you, now tell me yours. What do you think about Heather choosing divorce?

Did you catch the behind-the-scenes secrets the couples shared with me on last week’s Married At First Sight: Unfiltered? If not, check it out:

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Married At First Sight and Married At First Sight:Unfiltered air every Tuesday on A&E and FYI. (Married At First Sight:Unfiltered, hosted by yours truly, is ONLY on FYI!) Grab your glass of wine and watch and tweet LIVE along with me at 8:45pm EST! I cannot wait! And don’t forget to join my mailing list so you never miss out! (Join at the very bottom of this blog if you’re on your smart phone. Join at the right of this blog if you’re on your laptop/desktop computer.)


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55 comments
  1. My boyfriend and I binge-watched most of this season over the weekend. We don’t watch a lot of TV, and especially reality shows, but since falling in love with yours and Doug’s story, Jamie (he and I both cried watching your second wedding), we check up on the MAFS couples every season with the hope there will be another happy ending for another couple, but it’s always a disappointment. We discuss how much is in the editing and nature of the genre. Reality TV producers are going to try to show us drama, much of it manufactured, and we’re not getting the full story. We get it. It’s just our one guilty pleasure. We’re middle-aged, and it’s been kind of a bonding activity for us to shake our heads at these “kids” at times. LOL. Also, he and I have had good counseling to help us communicate in our own relationship better, so I think we enjoy sort of applying all that we’ve learned and being “armchair counselors” to the couples on the show. Maybe everyone does that. 😉

    So my boyfriend and I have been dismayed at how they chose to spin the Heather and Derek story, as if they were equally at fault. I’ve been even more surprised at how many people bought it, blaming her and saying he was this nice guy. Did they even watch the same show we did?? As we saw it, Heather was level-headed, mature and in touch with her feelings. She expressed herself well, while he resorted to abusive language and childishness. In today’s society, it has become taboo to call people out on bad behavior and somehow everyone is supposed to share in blame. Well, I’m sorry, but sometimes one person is mostly to blame. So Heather got drunk and at times distanced herself from him, but she was trying to cope with a situation that was unhealthy for her. I’m giving her a pass on that. She trusted the experts and the experts failed her.

    Could no one see how Derek manipulated the pastor by saying the things he wanted to hear like he wanted to change, not give up on it, etc… Nice words, but the only things he ever actually directed at Heather as a person was jealousy, defensiveness and meanness (“men age like wine and women age like milk” What??) He declared it was going to end in divorce on the balcony before she even hinting at giving up (did everyone not notice that?) She cried on more than one occasion in response to his attacks. I have never wanted more for a woman to get out of a toxic situation. If that was his behavior in the first week, well… just wow. My boyfriend couldn’t even watch it anymore at one point.

    I think she will be fine, as she seems to be a strong and balanced person whose only bad decision was signing up for this. It seems the producers have had a hard time finding any more “Dougs”. That is sad, especially for the women who get matched with these guys who clearly are not prepared for relationships, much less marriage.

    1. I wish there were more Doug’s in the world. And truth be told, he’s not perfect. No one is. But the idea that he is willing to work on problems and love unconditionally is so rare. ….and I agree, she will be A-OK. I think they both will be just fine. 🙂 xoxo

  2. Thanks for defending Heather. I hate the comments that are being made about her (like Ashley, last season. They are real people!). My take (as I wrote in my own blog/recap 🙂 )is that was the Heather ultimately went with her gut. (and it definitely didn’t seem to be an easy decision for her) We all know that women have powerful instincts and we shouldn’t judge another for following them.
    Tracy has a good point too… though I have no doubt that the experts discussed this with her in advance (which they said they did) – they seem to be pretty thorough.
    To speak to Rosie… like Pastor Cal said, nobody is perfect and much of marriage is accepting each other’s imperfections.

    1. I just wanted to give another perspective because Heather has handled this all with class and dignity and has remained distant from comments and judgment. And it’s so unfair she’s been judged so harshly when no one has walked in her shoes. It’s like if I judged another based on an hour of her life each week. It’s just not fair. I understand it’s heartbreaking to see Derek so sad (it is for me too) but Heather is hurt, too. And to me it’s even more heartbreaking to see that no one puts themselves in her shoes to try to understand where she is coming from. I can feel her pain. It’s so sad.

  3. I have to say that I side with Heather. One statement she made bothered me. She said that she was bothered by Derek’s smoking and could not get to know someone when their “mind was altered” by it. That leads me to believe that he was smoking pot. Not cool. Especially if it was every day. I could be totally wrong but cigarettes do not alter your mind.

  4. I think there is a big difference between how you felt walking toward Doug at the altar and how Heather felt. Doug, from the neck up, was no one’s Prince Charming (wens, snaggle toothed, disproportionate features – not exactly model material) whereas Derek was just a too thin hipster, a look he was a tad old for. You stuck it out to find the man within the face. She didn’t. We have to be wise enough, when choosing life partners, that the shell changes over time, even without any vagaries of life, but that the core person is the real partner. That said, Derek is no Doug. Yes,I admire that he made a commitment and intended to keep to it but he was a sniper. She did give him plenty of reasons to take aim but he was more than willing to take a kill shot when offered the opportunity. He was hurt so he passed on the pain. She rejected him and never gave him a second chance so his resentment had no way to dissipate. She would have shown more concern to an old bingo player on a group tour than she did the man she had married on every single planned activity of their honeymoon, she approached the exercises provided by MAFS as if they were the cost of the honeymoon rather than tools t make her experience better and improve its chance of success. If she thought she came across as classy and stylish, she is deluded. She came across as cold, boring, juvenile (still wanting to be a party girl at 32?) and a sloppy drunk. Derek came across as peevish and childish and too old to look like a skater kid. Of the two, he did put in much more effort, was much more accepting and willing to try but only to a point. He should have taken her to karaoke – she’d have picked up some guy, disappeared and he would have saved himself five days of grief.

  5. Jamie, thanks for a candid, heartfelt assessment. I find myself joining the folks who assess more blame to Heather. She was turned off by Derek’s smoking, but didn’t find the courage to express it to him. He has to ask. Ultimately, they were fighting over the meaning of the word “occasionally” because she said she could live with occasional smoking. So she owed it to him to at least discuss what “occasional” means to her. He could have argued with her in a way that didn’t feel so attacking, but he could have learned that over time. The whole point of the experiment is not to walk away so easily, but she bailed. Badly done. I think the problem is that people go into the experiment thinking about they WANT instead of what they can GIVE – they haven’t matured yet. Hoping the other couples can hang in there.

  6. From one blogger to another, I love your blog!! It’s so authentic and you always state your opinions with class. I agree with everything you say and I can’t imagine being in a marriage with so many elements that I wouldn’t be comfortable with. On the other hand, I know that no one is perfect and relationships are not perfect but together you can work on those imperfections to create a healthy one, Also, there are so many relationships who go through major MAJOR heartbreaks that can shut the person down, but through persistence and giving an opportunity …things CAN get better, I have a fiancé who is wonderful! Seriously, the best person I’ve ever met. However he’s had his wrong moments. I thought about breaking up but the “what if this is my soulmate that I’m losing ” stayed in my mind, Point is, if anyone takes the time to give someone a chance, it’s very possible that things are greener on the other side.

  7. Ok so I binged a little on this new season after reading your blog last night 😛

    I don’t totally agree with Derek being sweet. I mean he comes off as someone totally different in interviews than he does in the heat of the moment with Heather. Don’t get me wrong, I think she handled some things inappropriately –she came off as cold, insensitive and unwilling to open up and give this a chance (which duh, she had to know signing up for this she would have to do!). But that being said, if I was Heather and I was met with a contentious, instigating, needling guy I would RUN FOR THE HILLS.

    He has a way or wording things that come off as personal attacks, and even if it’s coming from a place of frustration it’s a piss poor way to interact with someone. I felt like he painted a crystal clear picture of who he is by how he carried himself in arguments. I’ve been in relationships with people like that and I felt so belittled and small. My first relationship was like that, and after that I picked people who were JUST like that until I finally met my current boyfriend 2+ years ago. He isn’t a door mat and often puts his foot down…but he does it gracefully, with tact and most importantly respect. And because of that I can actually HEAR him, and as I result I’m more receptive to his point of view. He has never spoken to me the way Derek spoke to Heather. And if she has lived a relationship like that before she probably knows that something like that doesn’t change or get fixed; he is who is.

    And I get Derek’s frustration, because yeah, she was closed off. She was completely fixated on things she didn’t like about him. You could almost see her spiraling out of control when she allowed fears to snowball into the MAIN things to focus on. I’m sure her behaviors were based on fears, and also probably deeply rooted in her past experiences (as is often the case for most people entering a new relationship –which is why I’m a firm believer in LONG breaks between relationships where one can take the time to figure out WHO they are without a partner). Anyway, certainly HER actions were the catalyst for the arguments that ensued. But I feel like HIS behaviors and reactions were what doomed them. Had he handled it differently I wonder if Heather would have made a different decision. Had he been more respectful and less defensive, soaked in what she had to say, why she was saying it, tried to put himself in her shoes for a second and RESPONDED instead of REACTING…who knows where they would be. Maybe that would allowed her a moment to reflect. Maybe she would have sat alone and though “wow, this is a good guy!” Instead his reaction just ADDED to her worries and fears and it was just one more thing (one which I don’t believe could be fixed –sort of like an emotionally or physically abusive partner) to add to her list of red flags.

    I think she made the right decision and cut her losses as soon as she saw it would never work. Why subject herself to that for the next 4 weeks? Eff that 😛

    1. Haha! That’s awesome! You have to watch season 1 – that’s when I met my husband! 🙂 ….And, I totally agree! I do not like the way Heather or Derek fight … there should be a rule book that teaches people that they can “fight” and argue without completely attacking another person – no one will ever survive a relationship if they fight like that… and send me link to your blog! I’d love read! xoxo

  8. I am so used to seeing Women all broken hearted but seeing Derick so upset was sad I wish they would have just sought out more counciling before calling it quits

  9. What a great post! I think it’s easy for viewers (like me) to be hypercritical of the couples because we have NO idea what they’re going through. Yeah, sometimes they make pretty obvious mistakes, but don’t we all? It’s important to remember that every journey is different, and learning how to successfully navigate a relationship is ALWAYS difficult – but even more so if you meet at the altar! Your insight is so valuable when trying to keep things in perspective about how daunting being married at first sight must be! It’s so sad seeing Heather walk away so soon, but knowing I can’t begin to understand what she must be going through makes me realize how unfair it is to judge her. I hope she, Derek, and the two other couples all at least learn something from this process, even if it’s just realizing something is a deal breaker when re-entering the dating scene. Also, thank you for always being so open about the ups and downs in your marriage – that’s not only SO brave, it’s also been incredibly helpful for me to watch over the years as I can always take something away to apply to my own relationship. Wishing you & Doug all the best!

    1. Gosh, being so open on TV is hard. People are always SO quick to judge (and I see how easy it is to jump to conclusions when I watch shows like Married At First Sight). The one thing I can say is that both Heather and Derek were both very “real” and didn’t try to pretend to be something they’re not “for tv” …I can appreciate that a lot. xoxo

  10. Are you allowed to say what happened with Heather on Unfiltered? It’s obvious she was on a completely different set than everyone else and not in the same room as you during filming. Was it just because of her schedule or was there something more to it?

    1. Yes, you’re right – Heather wasn’t on the same set. The weekend I was down to film all the couples she was working (she’s a flight attendant so she wasn’t even in the country!). …Nothing more than that. 🙂

  11. Jamie- you were indeed blessed and smart enough to wake up. I found this weeks blog “professional” and carefully worded. It concerns me on how much we really see on our ends of what the “real” situation is. Lets get real here Jamie- Heather was rude, cold, distant, unforgiving and worst of all mean. Other than the marriage day, there’s not one part that shows her as a nice, giving, trying, or, even concerned one bit about him. It was ALL ABOUT HER. She has a grandiose attitude about herself and she will never find love for her only love is for herself.
    There’s no comparison between you both. Yes, you were a marriage nightmare the first few days. Then apparently a coconut or some foreign object fell on your head and woke you up- thank god! Now your one of the most loved “reality stars” and people in public view. Besides the fact you made a wonderful wife. I’m sure you won’t post this because it’s really truthful – too truthful but sometimes the truth hurts. Heather played the show and played herself in the end. Thanks for reading

    1. I post EVERY comment … and I happen to like the most truthful ones the most. I think you hit the nail on the head when you say we rarely see her nice and giving – and she does appear to be a bit self-absorbed, but I think that’s because she is always SO concerned about protecting herself. I wish they could have communicated their needs better. I wonder if they had had calm, rational conversation if maybe things would have been different for them. Where’s the coconut to fall and hit Heather on the head? lol

  12. I suspect Derek was into a little more than just smoking cigs if you know what I mean.. 😉 so it’s more than just getting mad about someone being a cigarette smoker. That would be a deal breaker for me too.

  13. Actually, I put blame pretty much squarely on DEREK! Yes, Heather might have gotten unnecessarily testy over the smoking (ironic that that was almost deal breaker for J and D, too), but Derek was way, way, way too harsh in how he dealt with her. Frankly, I could have seen her decision coming a mile away. Maybe HE will learn something. From one (happily married) guy to another…

    1. I love that a guy reads my blogs! 🙂 I like your insight … I REALLY didn’t like the things Derek had to say when they were fighting. I do believe true colors come out in times like that … I am a firm believer they both attributed to their demise. Thanks for commenting! 🙂

  14. Hi Jamie!
    I love reading your blogs. And I really respect all your strong efforts to always overcome adversity. With that said…ALL challenges with a potential worthwhile result does not come without hard work, comitment and perseverance. I was married at a very young age. Neither had a strong education. Children right away and drowning in expenses.
    After great loss…home, cars, etc. and accompanied with many arguments, We decided to never give up and divorce IS NOT an option. We refused to raise our children in a broken environment and continued looking forward to the day when we could share fun again, just the 2 of us. I returned to school, graduated RN, working on BSN, regained our credit, recently purchased a home after 8 years, and can honesty say the rewards are was worth the fight. My husband traveled everywhere looking for work. We never failed in our comitment. At one time, the children and I lived with a neighbor for 3 months. Talk about humbling.
    2 in college now and one in HIgh School, I can attest to finer days ahead. We enjoy local diner dinners and early morning front porch coffee. It’s all the little things we have learned are the huge things. Looking back, we supported each other picked one another up when we were down and focused on God as our strength. I could not imagine starting that friendship over with anyone else. We are completely different people. But ultimately each others compliments. He is adventurous. I like sweat pants and a good book. Recently, for Mother’s Day, he surprised me with a motorcycle of my own. Fearful but determined… I am learning to be a riding mamma. Not something I like so much! But absolutely love the smile it brings to his heart. Perfectly imperfect, he was my high school sweetheart, my best friend, my backbone and my person to do life with.
    It all took time…lots of time and sooo much hard work. An evolution of meere persistence and comitment.
    Iam sad Heather couldn’t hang in there. The greatest rewards in life are never easy to achieve!

    1. Truer words have never been spoken .. “The greatest rewards in life are never easy to achieve!” … You are SO fortunate to have spent your WHOLE life with the man you love. God bless you two! 🙂

  15. Love love love your blogs!!! Can’t wait to read your book. I also love watching your MAFS behind the scenes.
    I think Tom and Lilly are working very hard. Tom maybe needs to relax a little and feel his wife’s heart on the children idea. Not rush it perhaps but at least listen and be open. Nick is fake. He has eyes for his pooches and not his wife. Sonia is a sweetie and deserves to be loved and have affection. I think Sonia and Derek would have made a great couple. Nick and Heather seem more evenly matched too. Pooches could keep him company while Heather is on her trips/flights.

    1. Nick definitely does love his dogs !!! But, I’m not gonna lie, I REALLY love mine too. BUT, when it comes to romance my hubs and I kick them out of the room. But, remember Nick and Sonia are still strangers – they’ve only known each other for 2 weeks at this point … I bet he will come around! 🙂

  16. You have some very valid points! From what I saw on the episodes (maybe it was the editing) it just didn’t seem like Heather really wanted to be in “the experiment” after she walked down the aisle and saw Derick. She wasn’t open and willing to try making the marriage work. She reminded me of Ashley from last season. For Nick he seems to be holding himself back and needs to open up to Sonia but I think they were matched for many reasons. Lilly and Tom really do remind me of Jason and Courtney they just had that instant connection and are willing to go through thick and thin with each other. I really hope Nick/Sonia and Tom/Lilly decide to stay together and have long and prosperous marriages.

    P.S. I am so happy to see you and Doug together!!!! You both have come such a long way! Love the show and your blogs!!!!!

  17. Ok, I’m not sure how I managed to send my last comment without a comment, but I did! Anyways, I think you nailed it on the head with Derek & Heather. I”m sad that she didn’t want to give it a try. Neither was perfect, but I think she decided on her honeymoon that she had nothing in common with him and that was it. And when the insults came out that was the nail in the coffin. Honestly, I don’t think they were a good match. I could tell from the beginning that you and Doug were a good fit and that you were just scared of being hurt and left. I can understand that, I’ve struggled with those feelings in the past as well. But Heather & Derek seemed to have no chemistry and completely different personalities. I’m not worried about Lily & Tom unless he’s totally against kids in the future. If he is and she wants that, she needs to move on. Nick & Sonia, I’m not so sure. If he can’t get past being so shy around her and worrying he’s going to move to quick, she’s going to lose interest. The poor girl needs some kind of sign, even small, that he’s interested in her!! Love reading your blog! Thanks for always chatting back with your fans!

  18. This is my opinion; anyone entering this experiment must understand that maybe there won’t be chemistry at firt but if they are looking for a spouse then their mind set must be at the marriage level. Accepting that you’ve entered into marriage with a complete stranger is number one, number two, seeing your spouse as that, as your spouse, not as a stranger should help in the first few days. Heather is rigid. She probably has always been that way and this doesn’t let her see the reality of things. The truth is that Derek was a bit strong minded about his marriage. His expectations were that the marriage had to feel like a true marriage. Unrealistic expectations; Expecting a set of behavior from this stranger is unrealistic hence, it hurt Derek. His fast reaction to Heather’s cold and rejected behavior also hurt him. Because of this he never had a chance with Heather. A person who perhaps for her great independence is unable to see the reality of life and its challeges. I do agree also with the way you accesssed it. And yes, I think you were very lucky with Doug but so was Doug with you. You help him a lot too!

    1. I hear ya, Marilyn. But, seeing your spouse as a spouse is so hard for people who are black and white. I am SO black and white. I remember it wasn’t until the end of our honeymoon that I became comfortable calling Doug my husband. It just made me cringe. It felt so wrong because I was married to a complete stranger. I guess this is why I feel for Heather. I think you’re 100% right about Derek – He expected MARRIAGE and all that entails IMMEDIATELY. That was cheating himself and Heather because that is so unrealistic. I think it scared Heather away. …Who knows at the end of the day! I just wish them both well! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. 🙂

  19. I am totally cheering on Tom and Lilly and Nick and Sonja…. i think nick and Sonja are spot on perfect for each other…aside from taking their time and revisiting their own expectations and needs which is truly healthy… they have an innocence about them in their positions on marriage and commitment that is lasting.. Tom and Lilly have great chemistry but i fear for their different physical, financial standards..regardless Doug and Jamie are my forever MAFS favs and couples married 6 months or 60 years could learn some things

  20. Can’t quite agree with the entire review. Everybody is saying how awful Heather is for not giving it a chance but it appears people aren’t taking a deeper look at Derek. He called her names, accused her of flirting, wouldn’t listen to anything she said, he put words in her mouth and lied to the minister about her not responding to his texts. She tried to talk to him, he chose to go on the defensive. The day after their first argument, she wiped the slate clean, “started over” and tried to move on only to have him accuse her of flirting with the surf instructor. She may not be perfect but clearly, she saw enough to know she couldn’t spend the rest of her life dealing with him, especially when he takes absolutely no responsibility. That was clear when he was interviewed and said “It’s not me”. Meaning it’s all Heather’s fault in his mind. He needs to watch himself and see what kind of a jerk he is, he reminds me of the kid who blames everything on everybody else.
    Jamie; I know you stuck it out but Doug is a completely different man than Derek is, Doug is a likable human being, Derek in my opinion is not.

    1. Ok, I gotta be honest — I was scared to click the link in case this was one of those spam comments — I CANNOT BELIVE DEREK RAPS. lol I had NO idea. …wow! Thanks for sharing!

  21. I do agree with you that she needed some girl talk real quick to bring her back to what was actually happening but I don’t think it would’ve worked. She reminded me so much of Ashley from season two and it pissed me off. Neither one of them ever tried to put in work in their marriages yet it was what they wanted for so long. Both men seem so down to earth and genuine that it’s sad to see on tv. I just think she thought way to highly of herself and didn’t accept her flaws. She was basically wanted a perfect man, marriage etc. I mean, lets get real, none of that exists because if it did there wouldn’t be so many divorces. Marriage takes time and effort none of which she was willing to invest into her realtionship.

  22. I agree with your assessment! I feel bad for Heather and Derick. I am hoping Nick and Sonia can work on issues they have been facing. I don’t see a situation that Lilly and Tom can’t get through, they remind me of Jason and Courtney!! Thanks for the blog, reading is my Tuesday afternoon guilty pleasure at work 🙂

  23. Next week, I think your collage needs to be Nick’s head in place of Heather’s 😉 I think Nick and Sonia may be the opposite of you and Doug after watching the preview for tonight. I’m going to assume that Nick is completely overwhelmed and feeling a ton of pressure. That’s extremely hard for introverts. We don’t often respond well with overwhelm and intense pressure. There’s no way for me to even begin to imagine the emotions and thoughts, etc. that go along with this experiment. I continue to be amazed at how well you and Doug did and that you actually grew to love each other and are happily married 2 1/2 years later. As I continue to follow your story on social media, I kind of shake my head in wonder. Where in the world did they find a guy so unshakable and with such a big heart? I mean, I hear all the time that men are completely unattracted to women who are scared and insecure and whatever other character flaws don’t seem to equate to an ideal woman. Yet, Doug was able to see past all that to the heart of who you are. When we are loved, we begin to believe that we are lovable and we grow into who we truly are. You all have exemplified that.. Your story is fascinating to me in more ways than I can even get into here. I wish the Heather and other couples could fight like you and Doug have. Deep down, you seemed to just long so much to experience the love Doug gave you and you weren’t as scared of it as you thought. I wonder if the others yearn for the reality of true love as much or if they more just yearn for the idea of it not knowing the risk and the fight that are involved. Anyway, I’m not even sure if any of that makes sense. I think I’m just processing out loud, amazed, and wondering…

    1. It totally makes sense. I really yearned for LOVE, but I was also kind of scared of it because I was scared it would be taken away somehow. It wasn’t until we really began to get to know each other that I realized I could trust him not to “love me then leave me.” Maybe Heather thinks like that, too? I feel for her because she doesn’t speak up for herself and I guess I wanted to show that there is more to her than the hour we see on TV. 🙂

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