For the first time this pregnancy, I have began truly prepping for the future for my baby. First thing we got: a 21 bundles subscription box. I guess I should share why I’ve waited so long before collecting baby items and pregnancy needs. (Please tell me I am not the only one who didn’t buy one thing for my baby in the first trimester … my sister had her whole entire nursery, car seat, stroller, etc. before she was in her second trimester….)
Yesterday my hubby and I had our 12 week check up for our little bundle of joy growing in my belly and everything is going great! Each time we go in to see the doctor and I climb up to sit on that crinkly paper I find myself holding my breath.
The doctor cannot get my baby’s heart beat on the screen fast enough.
The moment I hear my baby’s fast-paced ‘thud thud thud’ a little smile comes to my face.
Pregnancy after Loss
If you’ve ever been through a loss, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. It’s the fear of not knowing if they’ll find the heart beat or enough amniotic fluid or fully developed and functioning organs … I feel like I could go on and on with this list.
When I was pregnant with my sweet angel baby, Johnathan, I was on cloud 9 from the moment I found out I was pregnant until the moment I learned it wasn’t a healthy pregnancy and my sweet boy wouldn’t survive (about a week before we lost him). There was no fear in between. I knew I was taking my pre-natals, trying to get enough sleep, and going to all of my doctor visits. Everything seemed to be going GREAT – even though I did have some red-flags – so I assumed everything was going to be fine throughout my entire pregnancy.
It’s so different this time in my pregnancy. I worry a lot more.
Easier Said Than Done
My husband and I have been trying to choose “happiness and joy” over fear, but that is so much easier said than done. I thought if I said it out loud and tried to actively force myself to choose “happiness” and push the fear aside I could. This actually does work sometimes and it helped me to begin to bond with my baby, but I’m not going to lie and pretend like we are as optimistic as a fluttering butterfly on a beautiful summer day … the truth is, I find myself worrying alone because to talk about your fears is always quickly met with blind reassurance.
It’s funny how fast people will say “Oh, don’t worry! Everything is going to be ok this time!” I know people just want to comfort us and reassure us, but I remember when I began bleeding (first it began with spotting and then it slowly became more and more) in my last pregnancy I was always reassured with “sometimes women just bleed. Everything is ok.”
I believed it whole-heartedly. The doctor said I was fine. The baby looked fine on the monitor each visit (regardless of the bleeding and red flags) and everyone told me I was fine. Why would I believe anything other than everything being fine.
What really eased my fears was knowing that my sister who is a mommy of two told me she bled with both of her happy and healthy growing babies so I assumed that although it isn’t considered “normal” it was normal-ish and I didn’t let myself worry about it too much.
I Need Proof
The moment we found out we were pregnant I vowed that I wouldn’t spend the first three months filled with worry and fear and instead we would celebrate and love on this baby, but I guess I kinda failed at that. 🙁
I feel like this time around I needed to see that everything is definitely “fine” rather than just hearing it. It seems like I need proof – like hard evidence – that my baby is definitely happy, healthy, strong, and growing inside me. I want to know that I am having zero complications – literally. Not just “it can be normal.”
Because last time that shade of grey turned into the black loss of my baby.
Not to get all scientific on ya – but I am a nurse so forgive me 🙂 – it’s statistically proven that most losses occur in the first trimester. Even though my loss happened well into my second trimester I still feel so happy and reassured to say that I have had absolutely zero complications in my first trimester of pregnancy (the superseitisous me is knocking on wood right now)!!! And that superstitious part of me also feels totally ok saying this (as long as I knock on wood) because it’s the END of my first trimester (!!!) and I’ve had zero bleeding, zero cramps, and zero issues/concerns from any of my doctors with my ultrasounds.
*DANCING and TWIRLING and SINGING HALLELUJAH*
Ahhh, I just cannot celebrate enough! My baby is is healthy and happy. As much as I wanted to celebrate early (and we definitely tried our best) I feel like it’s more of a genuine celebrate now. Of course we were so excited about our baby the moment we found out he/she was growing inside me, but for so many reasons it was always while holding our breath.
Coming out of my doctor’s visit that was the very last one of my first trimester my hubby and I couldn’t stop smiling and kissing. And then we’d each kiss our little kiddos face on a ultrasound pic and just stare at how miraculous our little baby Hehner is. We I were just gushing with joy and overflowing with emotion. We made it to the end of our 12th week of pregnancy with absolutely zero issues!
We can finally breathe!
My hubby and I have A LOT to do before this baby comes in 6 months. First of all, we are living with my in laws. We need to get out of this financial crisis we are in. (I haven’t shared much on this because we are dead in the middle of it and we’ve just been trying to “handle it” as Olivia Pope would say. Scandal fans, anyone?) So yeah, first thing we need is to fix our finances and get our own home so we can begin designing a nursery for this little kiddo. Oh YAY! 🙂
I don’t know if this makes me sound crazy, but I haven’t bought one thing for this baby yet. That’s really not for any reason other than A.) we are saving money right now and B) I’ve just been so focused on getting through the first trimester. I remember with Johnathan we had a swing all assembled for him (among a few other things) but the worse was having to un-assemble that swing because our baby wouldn’t ever have the chance to be in it. 🙁 Simply devastating.
But now that we are in our second trimester I feel 100% more confident in my little saying that I am “pushing fear aside and choosing joy.” (I’m not gonna try to be so tough and pretend like I won’t worry at all anymore Because that’s really so unrealistic… BUT, I am really, truly feeling so much more confident!) I feel like I don’t have to hold my breath as much. AND I am so happy to begin prepping for this baby!
The very first thing I have gotten for me and our little Baby Hehhner is 21 Bundles. A friend who works for 21 bundles reached out and asked if I had tried one of their boxes yet. To be honest, I hadn’t even really heard of them (other than through her). I went to their site – 21Bundles.com – to do some research on it. I fell in love. 🙂
21 bundles is a really awesome subscription box (I love subscription boxes – it always feels like Christmas morning when you get them in the mail!) that delivers you a box filled with natural and organic goodies that are catered to each month of your pregnancy (and after for when baby is born and growing). So fun!
I think I fell in love with them when I learned that they literally search world-wide and hand select the healthiest & safest products for moms and babies. I feel like it can be so overwhelming to research every single product you end up needing while pregnant/for a newborn. It’s so nice to know that I don’t have to worry about any of the products in this box and I can just use them! (God knows I have so much else to worry about!) 😉
My 3 month 21 Bundles box
So for my very first box (just so happened that I received at 12 weeks precisely!) I got the perfect goodies! The first thing I noticed in my box was “Bright Eyes.” It’s a 100% natural and 100% vegan eye mask that helps brighten & de-puff your eyes. Doing another twirl of excitement for this! I have been non-stop EXHAUSTED this whole first trimester. I’m excited to use this before our next date night so I look some-what refreshed! 🙂
Another item that caught my eye immediately was the Erba USDA organic Mommy-to-be massage oil. I cannot wait to lay in bed in my nightie and give my hubby this bottle of oil. Do you think he would catch the hint??? …Get your mind out of the gutter – I am way too tired for any hanky panky! I just want a nice massage with oils that help calm my tired and aching muscles! 😉
A few more favorites: Ellovi butter that is made with just SIX ingredients, Yorba Organics rejuvenating body wash, and Argan Oil Sugar Scrub … I’ve actually been meaning to get this from the store but that ‘pregnancy brain’ everyone talks about – yeah thats definitely a real thing. I’ve been to the store like 10 times and somehow keep forgetting to grab this. SO excited to see it in my box!
Partnered with 21 Bundles
After I received my bundle box I reached out to my friend who works for 21 bundles and asked if she thought maybe they’d be willing to give my amazing frans a discount code. I really think you guys would LOVE this. I’m SO happy to let ya know they were happy to offer you guys 20% off your first bundle box with code Jamie20. YAY!
I am so happy that we have safely made it to the end of our first trimester. Among the things to-do is plan a gender-reveal party, begin organizing a baby shower, and then putting the diaper bag together and getting the car seat ready for DELIVERY day! Am I missing anything?? Oh, so much to do. I am really just SO excited for the next six months! 🙂
Are you pregnant? What are some fun things you have done to prep for your baby? I feel like I could use all the advice I can get (especially if you’re pregnant after a loss). Please comment below any tips and tricks you have! 🙂
What does it take to be a good wife? God knows I had some trouble figuring that out. My past threatened my future, but I learned how to stop that from happening. If you’re struggling in the dating world — or if you’re engaged, a newlywed, a long time married veteran, you will feel a lot better about your relationship after reading about mine in my new book, Wifey 101: Everything I Got Wrong After Meeting Mr. Right!
It’s on sale for less than $10 bucks on Amazon, B&N, and everywhere books are sold. Grab your copy NOW! *Online only. (If you’d like to read chapter one for FREE just click here.)
***Now Offering Autographed Copies. Click Here To Get Yours!***
*Some or all links in this post may be affiliate links. Affiliate links are a great way to keep my blogs alive. Thank you for your support!*