Social Media: Shaming & Bullying – It’s Not Ok

We’ve all commented under our friends’ posts and pics on social media. Some of us have even commented under our fav celeb’s posts and pics. But have you ever posted under someone you don’t even know – whether celeb or just a regular person? This whole blog post is on shaming and bullying on social media. It’s not ok.

Finally home from a long weekend working and I get this…

I came home from Chicago yesterday. This afternoon I grabbed a salad and sat down at my computer. I did what everyone does after they’ve checked out for a while – I looked at my Facebook and social media to see what’s been going on with my friends, “FRANS” (Fans + Friends), and and the social media world.

I got a notification that I had a new comment on one of my videos. (I’ve been doing some live Facebook videos lately and I LOVE it! It’s so fun connecting with you all in real time.) I get so excited to read your comments and hear what all my frans and friends think! I happily clicked on the notification to read this comment:

I’m just trying to figure out what’s lopsided – her boobs, her bra, or her shirt … Woman, have some respect for yourself.

I instantly felt my smile fade. My mood went bleak. I immediately looked down to my chest to see if my boobs are really that noticeably “lopsided” …?! Then I re-watched my video to see if my breasts looked completely abnormal? I wasn’t thinking of my breasts or even paying attention to them when I was chatting with all of my friends and frans live on Facebook. I was wearing a maternity dress for goodness sake.

Hurt By A Complete Stranger

If you follow me on twitter you’ll know I recently watched A Girl Like Her on netflix. (If you haven’t seen this I highly recommend it. I cried like a little baby watching it!) This is based on a true story—true stories—of bullying and shaming. It’s an understatement to say that bullying and shaming has a terribly negative impact; the results that come from it can literally be fatal.  After I finished watching this I told myself that I would no longer over look bullying & shaming in any form.

I’ve gotta be honest, I am a bit hormonal so please forgive me in advancer my brutal honesty on this topic. I guess I am a bit sensitive, too. I’ve been bullied & shamed before – it’s not fun. I used to be so insecure that I would just keep quiet and not say anything. As a matter of fact, I would do ANYTHING to get the person who was tormenting me to begin to like me…nope, never successful at that, either. It’s time people who are bullied and shamed stand up for themselves.

Standing Up Against Bullying And Shaming On Social Media

I decided to message this woman on Facebook. Maybe she didn’t realize that her comment was so hurtful and downright rude? I chose to do it privately so no one goes attacking her. That is NOT my goal. Even though she hurt me by being a bully and trying to shame me, I do not want to react by shaming and bullying her. It wouldn’t make me happy to see others “have my back” and gang up on her, either. That’s the exact opposite of what I want. I just hope to help her realize that I am a REAL person on the other side of her computer. I read ALL of the comments I get on social media. Maybe if I speak up she won’t hurt another person by bullying and shaming them?

I shared so much with this woman in my message to her — in hindsight, maybe a bit too much. It’s really none of her business why my breasts are “lopsided.” I wrote from the heart which I probably should have edited to make sure it didn’t come off mean in any way. (I share my whole message to her at the end of this blog if you’re interested in reading it.)

Wasn’t Expecting That

Her response to me literally left me speechless. Instead of maybe apologizing and accepting that her words were hurtful she went on to try to shame and bully me more. This is where I decided I should just stop. Some people live in their own little worlds and refuse to try to change for the better.

My goal in sharing this experience is that any woman who stumbles across this blog will just think about their comments before they post them. Maybe we as women could go out of our way to build each other up instead of tear each other down.

“When they go low, we go high.”

Ultimately, I hope that if I share this maybe it will prevent another person from being bullied or shamed.  …And if you’re reading this after being bullied or shamed, please know you are not alone. You are NOT at fault, either. Don’t go hide in shame, but instead stand up to your bully. You don’t have to be mean, but you can point out their actions are cruel and unnecessary. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. No one does. And if they choose to continue to be rude – rise above them. I promise you, it’s not your problem. It’s theirs. Likely, they are just jealous or insecure. Don’t take their cruel words personally. They have to live with themselves.

Do you have any tips on how to deal with bullying and shaming? Please share in the comments below. Also, please share your bully/shaming experiences so other know they aren’t alone. Maybe it will help us learn to stand up to bullying.

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My Message To My Bullier

I just noticed a comment you posted under my video. First of all, I never usually do this … but I guess my pregnancy hormones have gotten the best of me.

I’m kinda hurt that you’d point out my physical “flaws” and be so rude about it. And I’m mad at myself that someone I don’t even know (you) has such an impact on my feelings.

I shouldn’t really care what you think. But I’m human. So yeah, I guess that only makes me normal & gives me a pass.

I’m just curious – why would you even bother commenting such a rude comment? What was the goal for you? Yes, my boobs are lopsided. One is significantly smaller than the other bc i had to have a lump removed when I was younger. They feared it was cancerous. But that’s really none of your business.

And I’ll tell you what really aggravates me most about your comment —- women, young teenagers and little girls everywhere are already SO insecure. I make it my mission to be as “real” as possible to prove that no one is perfect. Not me and not the girl sitting next to you in class. Or on the bus. Or in line at the grocery store. No one is perfect. It’s an unrealistic and unattainable goal to try to be “perfect.” So it really bugs me when another woman goes way out of her way to not only point out flaws, but also try to degrade another woman without even knowing a thing about her. (Not that if you knew anything about me it’d make it ok.)

And the reason I will privately reply to you about your cruel and insensitive comment is because I don’t want a swarm of people bashing on YOU…See, that would never be my goal. I guess that’s the difference between you and me.

May more women think before they speak and comment on social media. May more women support each other and love on each other instead of tearing each other down. That’s my goal in life.

Hopefully when you realize that when you comment there’s a REAL woman who reads it (with real thoughts and feelings) and there are young girls & women everywhere who are also negatively affected by it – after all, maybe I’m not the only woman with lopsided breasts. Your comment not only made me feel “ugly” and “imperfect” but I’m sure a few teenage girls looked down to think about their own chest – wonder who is judging them, too? If you knew that was the response to your comment maybe then you wouldn’t post such a hurtful, insensitive comment. At least I’d like to assume you wouldn’t.

I guess my hope is that by me actually responding to you that it’ll make you think before you post cruel and insensitive comments to another woman online. One less woman beating up another woman online would be a good thing in this world. Who knows, maybe you’ll even go out of your way to say something nice and actually support another woman. Wouldn’t that be so nice.

So, cheers to more women supporting women – in person AND online.

-Jamie