Miscarriage: What Not To Say
There are a lot of things you shouldn’t say to someone who just lost her baby. Miscarriage is easily one of the most painful things I have ever experienced. The no brainer thing that you should not say to someone who jut miscarried is “I’m so sorry, but you’ll have another baby.” Or how about “At least you know you can get pregnant.” A real good one is “Life goes on and you must move on.” The perfect response to this last one can be summed up by three words we all used to say back in middle school: “Yeah, no duh!” Here’s a link from What To Expect When You’re Expecting that gives a few more examples.
NONE of any of the above show any sign of empathy for the woman who just lost her child. You’re better off saying nothing. It’s like that saying our mommas ingrained in our brains since the day we learned to talk “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” That doesn’t mean say something mean and then try to backtrack by saying “but I really do care.” And the “I am sorry, but….” doesn’t work either.
Perfect scenario: a comment someone (who names herself as “I Understand”) just left on my blog titled “Losing Our Baby.” If you can’t see from the title of the post how hurt and devastated I am you can click on it and read just how painful having a miscarriage has been for my husband and me. So when you leave a comment like the one below you bet your a$$ I am going to be hurt, frustrated and straight up angry!
What Not To Say To Someone Who Just Miscarried:
I understand: “I think you may be using this [blog] as “cathartic release”, but you are also capitalizing on the fact that there is sympathy to be sought after enduring such a thing. It is understandable to write about such loss and pain. Some of us have been there, too. But to publicize it on a platform to sell your book is disgusting. You need to heal your heart instead of capitalizing on the monetary gain to be had in place of your loss. I can’t imagine enduring your loss, I can’t imagine the immeasurable loss, the confounding sorrow. I can’t imagine it. My heart is, indeed, with you. I truly hope for healing and strength for your family.”
Because Here’s What A Woman Who Just Miscarried Will Say Back:
Me: “This is one of the rudest things you could say to me. Typically I would ignore such a hateful comment, but since you’re on my blog and I am a bit emotional I am going to address this. First of all, I am not publicizing the loss of my son on a platform to sell books. That makes me disgusted – to think that you’d even think that is heartless. And quite frankly, anything you wrote after that does not even resonate. I wrote my book and poured my heart and soul into. I wrote it in a way to help inspire women and young girls who are going through or have gone through similar experiences I went through growing up; I talk about my struggles of domestic violence, sexual abuse, drugs, neglect – the list goes on. Obviously this plays a role in dating/marriage – and played a huge role in me wanting to be a mother and have my very own family for love and stability. I want to help others by sharing my story. Hence, I wrote my book. Writing my book and releasing it has been my work for the last year of my life – my job.
It is incredibly unfortunate that I lost my son. (Do I even have to say that????) It was only a month after my book was released. I wasn’t doing anything to help promote my book for the first weeks of it’s release – which happen to be the most crucial – because I was worried about losing my son. (I haven’t even shared half of the battle of my pregnancy, but at this point I doubt you’d care to know.) Then when I did lose him I felt like I lost my life. I’d sit in bed numb with no motivation to get out and do anything. I walked around like a zombie day in and day out. I cancelled two TV shows in LA and an abundance of press based around my book. I had no will or strength for anything “normal” in life. My life no longer felt “normal.” Finally my husband said to me that I have to get back to work. He told me it was the only thing that would help me and make me feel better. So the next day I began working. I “promoted” my book and my jewelry. And Doug was right. It helped keep my mind busy so I wasn’t just lying around with greasy hair crying all day. I put my book up on my site for autographed copies. Signing my book is my way of connecting with my “fans.” (Obviously I cancelled all plans of a book tour the moment I found out I was losing my baby.) Writing is very therapeutic, but it can be a lonely job so when I get to sign a book I feel like I am almost interacting with friends. I’m so thankful to my husband and his advice. Working has helped me begin to “move on.”
Many of you know me as a nurse. I loved working in labor and delivery in New York. 6 months after being married my husband and I moved to NJ. At first I would take the hour drive into the hospital but eventually I realized it was just too much. Unfortunately, I don’t have my nursing license in NJ yet so I can’t work at a hospital here. To address your nasty comment – had I gone back to work as a nurse and talked about my loss and my book I doubt you’d ever have the audacity to say that to me. (Mostly because it would have to be to my face and I’d hope you wouldn’t be so cruel – though it was no less cruel for you to type and post on my blog.)
The short of it all: YES, I am “promoting my book.” And my jewelry line for that matter. It’s my job and it’s the only thing helping me move forward. When I want to lay in bed in a puddle of tears and wallow in my own self pity I tell myself to get up and get moving. I remind myself the advice my husband gave me. Typically the first thing I do is grab a cup of coffee and my computer and read comments here and on social media; they’ve been so encouraging and helpful to me. (Clearly your comment – not so much. As a matter of fact, your comment was more hurtful than I’d like to admit.) I’ve worked harder after losing my son than I have in months! It’s not even something I am necessarily proud of. It’s just that I don’t know what else to do to keep my mind off the pain and misery…to keep my mind from remembering the day when I delivered my son and got to hold his tiny little body in my hands and kiss his itty bitty forehead. I can’t wipe away the memory of seeing the image of my son in my hands and then having to hand him over to go to a lab to be tested. How dare you judge me! I wish I didn’t give you so much of my time.”
Miscarriage is hard enough. Think before you speak/write. Keep negative, painful comments to yourself.
I will not allow bullying on my blog to be ignored and over looked. I will not let this deceivingly “kind” bully affect me, my family, or my work. “I understand’s” bullying is discrete. It is hidden by “nice” and “supportive” words in between, but it is bullying nonetheless.
Miss “I understand,” I hope you now understand why I will continue to work on promoting my book and my jewelry. And I hope you’ve learned a good lesson. Until you’re in my shoes (especially right after a miscarriage) and know exactly what I am going through – do not judge me.
And on that note, allow me to introduce you to my book, Wifey 101: Everything I Got Wrong After Finding Mr. Right. This book is so much more than just a little “wifey” tip book. It’s about fighting your demons, overcoming obstacles, and learning how to be successful in love, dating, and marriage. You can get a signed copy from me or you can order anywhere online where books are sold. (Amazon links below.) And if you happen to like jewelry and want to check out my jewelry line just head here.
What does it take to be a good wife? God knows I had some trouble figuring that out. If you’re engaged, a newlywed, a long time married veteran, or even just dating you will love my new book, Wifey 101: Everything I Got Wrong After Meeting Mr. Right! It’s on sale for less than $10 bucks on Amazon, B&N, and everywhere books are sold. Grab your copy NOW! *Online only. (If you’d like to read chapter one for FREE just click here.)
Now Offering Autographed Copies. Click Here To Get Yours!
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Jamie Otis
297 comments
I have miscarried twice myself, one at almost 12 weeks and one at 7 weeks. The almost 12 weeks was hard as I was almost into the 2nd trimester. I read what went on with 1st your pregnancy. It scary reminds me of my last pregnancy but a better outcome. I spotted alot too. My amniotic water was low at 15 week, at 16 weeks I went to the ER as I was leaking fluid. The OB/GYN was extremely concerned but it being affiliated with a Catholic Hospital I know would never tell me to abort the baby. The doctor handled the high risk pregnancy so I didn’t even go to another one. As like you I scoured the internet trying to find anything good about the baby and low fluid. Hard to find and nothing good. Even the Dr was not hopeful. . I really didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want a baby disabled from going through this. I was looking at a micro preemie if he survived. One of the visits they told me he would have clubbed feet. I was upset. He was going to have something wrong with him. He told me clubbed feet was fixable and so he would be little. I kept the faith he would be alright. That’s all I could do. I had a c-section at 38 weeks and outside of being little and having clubbed feet (he’s now a year old and you wouldn’t know either) he was perfect. I know I was lucky. The doctor is still in shock because he shouldn’t have made it.
I know your angst, I was there. I don’t know if given the option I would have probably done the same. It was a hard mental road and walking on egg shells to know what the outcome would or could have been. Countless sleepless nights as like you only wanting the best but preparing for the worse. I know it was probably the hardest decision you had to ever make. I know it would have been with me. I know I was way beyond lucky, He was meant to be here is all I can come up with.
Please don’t think what if…. you had 4 doctors tell you the same thing. I know you did what I did looked up all the stuff that could go wrong with low amniotic fluid and you know it is really bad.
I’m so excited for you guys and your new little one on the way. Congrats!
I, too, lost a child at 4 months. I remember being carried in my husband’s arms to the car to rush me to the hospital. I remember lying on a gurney being rushed into the OR. And I remember the bright lights in the operating room. After that, I remember nothing. Absolutely nothing. I don’t remember waking up. I don’t remember coming back home. I don’t remember when I started to remember again. They say that happens when the pain, or grief, is so deep your mind protects you. Losing a child is the most painful experience a woman can go through. For anyone to ridicule you, or judge you in any way, is as heartless as it gets. I am so sorry for your loss. My experience is different from yours, but the end result is the same. A year later I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl who has since blessed me with 3 children of her own. But I still think of my first child and wonder what he would have looked like. What his personality would be like. It has been 40 years now and I still think of him. The pain of the loss was so intense that even after all these years the gap in my memory has still never returned…but my baby will never be forgotten.
xoxoxoxo
Hi Jamie,
I just happened upon your blog … I haven’t read your book (yet).
We are alike in that I also experienced a miscarriage with my first pregnancy. I wasn’t as far along as you were – and people (my friends and family) seemed to agree that since I wasn’t “very” pregnant I hadn’t really lost anything (I lost my baby at 9 weeks). I grieved my loss as though I had carried my baby to term and held him/her in my arms. And when the people around me said those things to me it made me feel as though I didn’t have the right to be sad. This was 5 years ago and it still makes me mad just thinking about it! So — I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from ~~ if you can’t find the words to console parents who are grieving the loss of a baby due to a miscarriage, then stay silent. I became a mother the minute I knew I was pregnant. Even though I lost my baby, I am still it’s mother. So right now, my heart breaks for you and your husband.
You are a mother and he is a father and I’m so sad for you both that this happened.
Wishing you comfort ….
Aww Erin, thank you! Sending you loads and loads of love. xoxox
I honestly just want to give you a hug. I personally know how devastating miscarriage and infertility is. I am on a very emotional fertility journey of my own. I’m floored to think that anyone could possibly think that ANYONE would write about their miscarriage to gain book sales. Yes, you have a book and yes, you’ve lost a child. Those 2 things are not one in the same. I’m so glad that you’ve been strong enough to write about this. Miscarriage and pregnancy loss are swept under the rug and we all feel so alone when it happens to us. I’m so sad for you, but am so glad that you have been able to speak so openly about this. You are doing so much for all of us. Thank you!
Thank you so much Alex. I really appreciate it! xoxo
Finished 75% in the first day and the rest the second. Nice work! I found myself feeling sad that you went through what you went through, but then I thought: I guess she’s probably grateful for her experiences because she is who she is as a result of them! I hope you continue to write.
I will definitely continue to write. xox
🙂 Going to order your book now! Cant wait to read it!
Aww, YAY! Let me know what you think! 🙂
You are most welcome! I tend to think that the same thing! Recently had a dream that she said she was sending me a baby girl…then AF showed 😛 Hopefully someday!
Here is the blog: http://livingwithoutmymama.tumblr.com/
Hope today is a good day for you! xo
Yay, I see you posted a link! Excited to read! 🙂
Jamie,
Good for you for writing that response to the “I understand” (I literally rolled my eyes as I typed that because she so clearly does NOT understand) and making it public!
I lost my mom (mom, aka best friend, business partner, sounding board et al) 2 years ago. It has been such a tremendous loss that I cannot even begin to articulate it…even now. Though, I’ve tried in my blog. Pretty sure no one reads it –haven’t gotten a single comment or like. But that’s OK! My hope is the same as yours: if ONE person reads it and finds solace in it, then that’s enough of a reason for me to spew my heart & soul and put pen to paper! Further, it IS – in fact – EXTREMELY cathartic! For someone who has an outlet such a this, and has the words to attempt to articulate the most muddled of thoughts, you should use it. Heck, I find comfort in shooting off a rant text to a good friend because a vendor aggravates me, or someone flips me the bird while driving for no reason at all. I can vent/get it off my chest and proceed with my day. It’s called DEALING with what’s in front of you, knowing who you are and how YOU best cope with difficult situations and DOING what HELPS. I commend you for that. And I applaud Doug for knowing you so well to be able to point out the most apropos outlet to help alleviate some of your pain.
My mom died in September 2014; I was 31. I never had to mourn what I didn’t have in her because she gave me SO much. My story is literally the opposite of yours (your upbringing, mainly). I miss my mom so terribly because of what she DID provide; which was, frankly, everything. I’m completely lost without the woman! Less than a month after her death I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend and I had only been dating since the end of June that year. Not ideal, but also not upsetting. He was 36 at the time. It also should be said that we didn’t meet in the most traditional of ways. Certainly we wanted more time together to foster our relationship before we brought a child into the world together. ABSOLUTELY, carrying a baby whilst going through the loss of my mama was NOT how I envisioned it. But I was 31, in love with the man I intended (still do!) to spend the rest of my life with, a successful business owner…and I already had a child (a son, 7 years old) whom I love so deeply. I knew what it was like to be a mom, and though the situation wasn’t how I had planned it, I was happy and hopeful.
I miscarried early on (about 6 weeks). Part of me found comfort in knowing that it would have probably been bad for the baby for me to be so confused, depressed and utterly LOST during my pregnancy. To me that situation wouldn’t be good…I have to believe that my baby would have absorbed what I was feeling, in some way. But that didn’t make me any less SAD. I was DOUBLY sad having lost my mom, and now my baby.
That being said, I absolutely cannot imagine going through what you’re going through. Sure, it was sad for me to miscarry (so early on they call it a “chemical pregnancy…” so scientific…almost as if to take away from the fact that the baby wasn’t really a baby); but I didn’t go through all of the changes that you went through. I didn’t experience anything more than slight nausea, hot flashes and sore boobs. My body didn’t change. I didn’t see my baby’s heartbeat. I didn’t feel my baby kick. I didn’t make it through the first trimester, into the second, pretty much solidifying my chances of making it to the delivery room.
I feel for you. I really do. I don’t even have words to properly convey it. But honestly, there is nothing I can say to you; and I honestly don’t think there is anything you expect for me (or others) to say to you to heal you. Your loss, your sadness, your process in healing…it’s all yours. You’re aware; you know that. In fact, you’re so aware that you know what your journey to healing entails…even if others are going to criticize you for it!
I don’t watch the show. I only happened upon this because my friend sent me the link to your blog after I just went through my second “chemical pregnancy.” I found comfort in your words knowing that my feelings weren’t irrational, dramatic or out-there. I hope you find peace and comfort. And as my friend said to me after I lost my mom (my friend lost her husband years prior): I hope you find your bliss again! Because while we can keep on trucking and doing our thing, smiling, laughing and enjoying what’s in front of us…for me, it’s not QUITE as sweet as it once was. I’m still ACTIVELY seeking MY bliss.
xo
Thank you SO much for sharing your story with me (and everyone). I am so, so sorry to hear about your double loss in such a short amount of time. I can’t even imagine. I hope to one day be a mom like your mom. 🙂 And, I know sometimes it sounds silly, but I couldn’t help but think that your baby is up in heaven with your mom keeping her company until you meet again. 🙂 …I would love to read your blogs. Please share a link! xoxo
I don’t know you, but I know your pain. We have four children: two playing in Heaven, one building block towers in the living room and a little one just getting to know the world. Many hugs.
Thank you, Diana. xoxo
Jaime and Doug, I have followed your story since the beginning, I wish you peace and comfort on the loss of your precious son, Johnathan. while I have not personally miscarried a child, my daughter has lost 2 children to miscarriage and I have 2 precious grandchildren in heaven. My heart aches for you.
Terri, thank you. xoxo
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I went thru the same thing as you Jaime. It’s not easy to go thru that. I got to my 3rd trimester when I lost my baby. I have a son who is 27. I had 10+ miscarriages. My baby girl “Emily Pearl” would’ve been 14 this year. So I told my husband I can’t try anymore it was to hard on me emotionally and medically. Just know your baby boy will be there in your heart always, and nobody can take that away from you. I hope you and Doug try again when your ready.
So sorry for your loss. Emily Pearl is your angel. 🙂
I am so sorry Jamie and Doug! I only just saw this news on IG and it is so heartbreaking! How disgusting that someone could accuse you of that, that never came into my mind. They are obviously a very sick person with no love in them. The OB that I saw for my child couldn’t find a heartbeat weeks in and told me it was not viable and when I broke down sobbing said “what? We’re you trying for a while? You can always try again?” I was just frozen. People say such horrible stupid things but you can get past it because they’re obviously smaller people. I have miscarried so many times but fortunately they have been missed miscarriages, I don’t know what I would do if I had started to get attached for even a day. I am so sorry for you and will keep looking out for all your news. I love the three spoon necklace because my not so little baby spoons me and puts me to sleep lol! I hope for spooning in your future!!!
aww — I LOVE that! I can’t wait to have a sweet baby to spoon. …that’s exactly why I made these spoons. Thank you so much for your kind words and reaching out. it’s so comforting & I needed it today. xoxo
Thank you for sharing that story with me. I 2 suffered a miscarriage this year in April and got pregnant 3 months later only to find out this baby too did not have a heartbeat! I agree with you, people should not say anything after a miscarriage. A hug or a simple phone call to check up on me would be better! I’m extremely devastated but found your blog encouraging. I know God has a plan and I should not loose Faith but at this point in my life, right now, is that me and my husband feel incomplete. I am blessed to have a healthy 2 year old, but I also need to come to realize rhat God works in mysterious ways. Thank you once again.
I am so, so sorry! Its good to know you find my blogs comforting. Hearing this encourages me to write more. Lately I’ve just kind of kept to myself, but I will write another soon. It’s been 2 months he’s been gone. I still talk about him and my pregnancy all the time. I don’t know if that’s “normal” but I don’t really care. It helps me feel like I care for him and I hope it somehow shows him how much love I have and will always have for him – even if he was only with me for 17 weeks. xoxo
My heart breaks for you and Doug. I’m sorry that someone could say that without knowing a thing about the pain you have to go through moment by moment. Having gone through the loss of my first child ( Valentine’s Day ) at 5 months then losing his/her twin sister at birth. My twins would’ve turned 19 in June. It took me years to be ok with what I went through. Our spouses do have a different experience. We carried them. We felt them and they were part of us. I don’t think it’s less painful just different for them. You are a Mommy. Those firsts will be difficult but lean on one another and be transparent. If it hurts it hurts!! Don’t be upset if it’s not the same for him. I found that my hubby was better sooner but that’s because he didn’t carry them. People mean well but sometimes don’t think before speaking. I would’ve been ok with just having them be silent and letting me express my feelings. whether I sobbed , talked or threw things for hours it would’ve been better than those cliche and hurtful things like you mentioned. I was angry at God in the beginning and I remember our pastor saying it was ok because ” God’s big enough to handle it.” and then I began to ask God to give me peace. HE did. It takes time. Just like falling for Doug. I remember your wedding. I did not think you’d ever come around. It’s been neat to watch. You are a strong woman and a great Mommy. I became a Mommy to two more. The first boy 13 months later after swearing I never wanted to go through the “not knowing”. The second boy 5 years later. God knows the desires of our hearts. Even when we are angry and hurt. HE knows you long to raise a beautiful, loving and stable family. You will. Love and prayers to you both!!
P.S. I’ll be ordering your book soon!
Thank you so much for reaching out. …Thank you for all of your love and support. We really appreciate it! I hope you like my book! xoxo
Thank you for this! You are so brave and you have no idea how much this helps. I experienced a loss; no where near as traumatic as what you went through, but the hurt is something that I know you can understand and relate to. Experiences such as this are never forgotten and this angel definitely deserved that beautiful name. Your words are perfect and exactly how I felt. I wish you and your husband all the best, and prayers for the future children that will be so blessed to have you and your husband for parents. All I can say is Thank You!
Oh sweet Annette…any loss is a tragic loss in my opinion…5 weeks or 9 months… :-/ I am so, so sorry for your loss and my heart pains for you because I know so many say “oh, at least you were only ___ far along….” That is the worst thing someone could ever say. Please know that I do know and feel your pain and I am thinking of you and praying for your rainbow baby, too. …I’m glad you found this blog to be helpful. xoxo
First of all I’m so sorry for your loss Jamie and Doug. I am from South Africa and watched your Married at first sight and your first year. Me and my husband are huge fans. So obviously I was also excited when I heard you were expecting and I think a month later I found out that I was also expecting. I read about your miscarriage and was heartbroken and felt sad because having a miscarriage was one of my fears since I was little and saw women from my town having them. Then at 12 weeks pregnant I started to bleed and I knew something was off and everything ended on the 27 Aug and I had a D&C on the 31Aug. I think that is the English term. I’m sure you feel the same way as me and can’t stop thinking about the baby you lost. There literally isn’t a minute in the day where I don’t think about my baby. I read your posts for comfort and saw that you are waiting for the doctors to give you the go ahead to try for another baby. My GP said 3 months but I’m going to my gynecologist in October and it can’t get here close enough so that I can hear what he says. I wanted to ask you if its okay, why and how long does your doctors want you to wait? I know it will never take the place of my previous baby, but I ache for being pregnant again.
I cannot wait to be pregnant again. My doctor told me immediately is ok, another doctor said 2 months, and yet another doctor told me wait until you have at least 2 normal menstrual cycles. I had an abnormal pap that I needed to take care of and when that is 100% in the clear my husband and I will begin trying again. …good luck to you my dear. ( I think you commented on another blog because this is the same exact situation … Please know that I am praying for you and thinking of you!) xoxo
I went through a miscarriage many years ago. I learned something I will never forget. That is to me it felt like my body had to go through mourning. People knew I had a miscarriage and because I was just about 4 weeks along they tried to minimize it. I heard “if you had not of worked in a medical laboratory you would not even known you were pregnant.” “That is nature’s way of taking care of a bad pregnancy” and many others. So you are made to feel like you have no right to be hurting. So I felt that my body had to go through mourning in silence. It hurt. I wanted that baby. Unless you have gone through a miscarriage you just don’t understand. It was my first pregnancy and I dealt with the thoughts of wondering if I would be able to carry and deliver a baby. Which my next pregnancy I carried to term and delivered. I know and just like you said the things people say are well intentioned (sometimes) but not well thought out and it hurts. Best wishes for a healthy pregnancy and full term delivery of a healthy and happy baby.
Thank you so much Virgina. I am so happy to hear that someone else understands exactly what I mean … and I am also so happy to hear that you went on to have a full term healthy baby. Thank you so much for reaching out to me. xoxo
Hi Jamie I know how and what you are going through. I had my first son at 26 weeks he lived 11 days. It was one of the hardest things a person can go through especially a mother it like a piece of your heart has died with your child. He would have been 28 years old in August 16 and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of him. But please don’t let it stop you for wanting to have another baby I have two kids now and everything went great with them. And if you want to post pictures of your son go ahead I have a picture of my son on my table. So I wish you and Doug good luck and y’all will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Oh my goodness! I couldn’t even imagine … 🙁 ….Thank you for encouraging me to post photos of our sweet johnathan. I guess I am still scared of all the judgement…I want to protect him from it. He was so little and so bruised. …. But thank you for saying it’s ok because that feels so good to hear. So happy you have two happy, healthy kiddos (or adults) now. 🙂
Jamie,
I watch your show and was so happy for you and Doug when I read on Internet about your pregnancy only to read a week later of your loss. I cried for you. I know you wanted your sweet baby boy more than anything. I feel your pain. I had two miscarriages back to back and they completely destroyed me, gutted me. I felt alone, like no one could help me or understand my pain. My “friends” deserted me. It was terrible. I heard all of the “It was meant to be” or “When it’s your time, it will happen”, etc. Well, I had my Rainbow baby this May after my two heartbreak angel babies. I will never forget them. It gives you a better appreciation for what you do have. I have two older children (18 and 5), but when a women gets told they are pregnant or sees the + sign on the pregnancy test, they are already bonded with that baby and when they lose that child, it’s one of the worst feelings/pain to ever experience especially since the world just continues to go one around you, including your husband. I wish you lots of love and healing. Don’t give up hope if you want to try again. Rainbow babies don’t replace the babies you lost, but they help your broken heart heal just a little. Take care
Thank you so much, Kim. xoxo
My wife and I lost our baby, Boston Lucas, back on Febuary 7th of this year. He was also 17 weeks along. Everything was going great. Good movement, heart rate was good. Everything on all of the ultrasounds looked fantastic. During one ultrasound, as I was watching the monitor, it looked like he was shifting a race car. The night of the 6th, my wife started spotting. We called the Dr., who advised it was okay right now, but if it turns to this, go to the ER. A few hours, we were in the ER. After about 4 hours, ultrasound, and monitoring his heart rate, they sent us home, asking us to come back in the morning to see their specialist. My wife delivered our little Boston Lucas at home, about the following morning on February 7th. Back to the emergency room, then an ambulance ride to the best hospital in the area. They gave us a blanket, his footprints, and a card. I took 2 weeks off work to be with my wife. Still today, if we are watching a show or a movie, and a baby is lost, we lose it. And by we, I mean me. It is a struggle, for everyone. Every one heals differently. Some holes don’t fully heal.
-God Bless
The Gorecki’s
Oh, I am so, so sorry for your loss. I love that your wife can see that you ache for your baby, too. My husband tends to hide any pain and it’s a struggle for us. I know everyone grieves in their own way, but I’m sure your wife feels a lot less lonely knowing you are grieving right by her side. God bless you and I pray that you will have your rainbow baby soon if you’re trying. xoxo
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son Johnathan. Sharing your story will be comforting to so many and hopefully healing for you. I have been on both sides, having a miscarriage and then also knowing those who have and even though I had been through it myself, It’s tough. I still didn’t think I had the right words to say to them. Good thoughts and prayers going to you and Doug. <3
Thank you .. xoxo
Jamie & Doug,
My heart has gone out to you since I learned of your miscarriage. Now, after reading of the heartbreaking decision you had to make and the heartless comments you have received, I feel the need to share a few things with you.
First-you are most definitely not alone. I know you both know this, but in case you forget…remember it.
Second-I can say with 100% conviction I have faced a similar struggle and I believe you made the most loving choice you could have made. While I gave birth to my 2nd child at full term, he was diagnosed with multiple heart defects a few months later. Following his 1st heart surgery, he suffered full cardio-respiratory arrest and subsequently severe anoxic brain injury. Not knowing what the future would hold for him, I had several discussions with my husband about letting “nature take it’s course”. I was out-voted. My son went through 19 heart wrenching surgeries and hundreds of hospitalizations. He was a spastic quadriplegic who was G-tube fed, required frequent pulmonary suctioning and urinary catheterizations. But…he was INTENSELY happy! He passed 2 months shy of his 18th birthday 11 years ago. The pain of losing a child is like no other pain imaginable. Having a child with multiple medical issues has brought about comments like “Oh. So you knew then.” As if to say the sheer knowledge knowing you were going to outlive your child somehow negates the pain. NO. I did NOT know this was going to happen and even if I DID, it is NOT okay!
Third-Your grief is YOURS! I sometimes slap myself because in between child #4 and child #5, I had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured around 11 weeks…I only talk about it in medical scenarios….you know, the whole “para 6 gravida 5” thing. I know at the time, it was intensely emotional but I just never know how to really bring it up. So…
Fourth-THANK YOU for openly discussing your loss. Your Johnathan was indeed a gift from God. I cannot think of a more deserving couple to have been given His gift. His light, life and love will live on through you and Doug.
Paige, thank YOU so much for sharing your story with us. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain of seeing your baby boy struggle for his life so frequently…and then to lose him so early…I have no words. 🙁 …Thank you so much for sharing with me … I am so glad you reached out. I am so glad to hear he was INTENSELY happy though, that was no doubt because he had an AMAZING family. xoxo
I am sorry someone had the nerve to say that to you!! Having a miscarriage and losing a child is so hard… I have lost 6 pregnancy and I know the emotions that go along with a loss… I will continue to pray for you. You do what you have to do to help you cope.. It will take time to heal and although with time it gets easier you will always remember your sweet little boy! Lots of prayers for you and doug!!
Thank you so much Barbara! xoxo
Jamie,
I’ve adored you and Doug from when I watched you at married at first sight. I grew up like you, in a bad situation with an in and out mother. When you would tell Doug how much you wanted a family I would tell you through the TV how much I understood that longing for the family you ALWAYS wished you had. I felt the same. I struggled the same way with my husband for a little while. We got a surprise pregnancy that we welcomed with open arms. Later we lost our baby. And this was incredibly hard. I struggled with depression. I wouldn’t leave the house. I never forgave those who I thought loved us who said hurtful things like, “Well you didn’t need a baby right now anyways!” or “You’re young, you’ll have more.” It doesn’t matter. You have to have time to mourn THAT child, that baby you loved dearly. I felt like my first pregnancy bliss was ruined. It was another year until we were able to get a second chance at parenting. That was also short lived as we lost that baby as well and I was diagnosed with infertility. I almost gave up. But I knew I wouldn’t. I knew I wanted to have the family I never had before. A mother and father who loves their child and reminds them constantly…. That being said, after some fertility management with my doctor we are pregnant again with twins and everything is going okay so far but that fear and the emptiness from my other losses are still there. My first baby would have been one in a couple days. I just want you to know that you will get your rainbow baby one way or another. Everything in my life has slowly fallen into place and I hold on to the hope that I will be a mommy and that I will meet my angels one day. Stay strong Jamie. You are going to be a great mother and Johnathan will always be remembered and loved.
Thank you so much Tifanie. Means a lot to us. xoxo
Hi Jamie – I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my 5th baby at 17 weeks 3 days, This was 2 weeks ago. It’s been excrutiating. I have 4 kids and had 2 previous miscarriages at about 10 weeks, but this was by far the worst, having felt her move and seeing her ultrasound pics many times. My heart goes out to you and Doug and to all of us who have suffered this type of loss. I pray for us all for healing. I know you and Doug will have beautiful children and will love and appreciate them every single day.
Mariana, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I was 17 weeks, 1 day when I lost my sweet boy. It’s the worst pain imaginable. I am thinking and praying for you.
Jamie- There are no words, except I’m so very sorry. I had an ectopic pregnancy in July of 2010. To this day, it’s the most painful thing I’ve experienced. I was so blessed and became pregnant with my rainbow baby in August 2011, and my miracle Noah Stanley was born May 19, 2011. He had a little brother, Graham Nathan, who was born January 2013. I am living proof that there are blessings upon blessings after an indescribable loss. Best wishes, Amber
I love hearing success stories like this. I am so thankful for all the prayers for Doug and me. I hope to have a success story, too!
I haven’t read your book yet but I wanted to offer my deepest sympathies. I was so happy and celebrated with you two when you made your announcement about expecting. I
Thank you so much JoAnna. I really appreciate it. xoxo
Jamie I have been thinking for a while if I should write a comment or if you would even read it but I decided that even if you didn’t it might help someone else… (But I hope you read this) I just wanted to tell you what an inspiration you are to me! For a few reasons! Background info I was in a terrible abusive relationship with my ex for 8 years, When I was 18 I have a miscarriage at 16 weeks and it was seriously the hardest thing I thought I would EVER go through then I felt like I was ruined because doctors told me I probably would never have children but all I wanted in this world was to be a mom and raise children! I became extremely depressed and being in this terrible relationship fearing for my safety daily but being to scared and naive to get out I stayed… Well I ended up getting pregnant with my rainbow baby 5 years later but I’ll tell you what he helped me to grow up and make better choices for him and I! I was able to leave his father and get my son and I to a safe place! Yes I chose to become a single mommy and raise my son on my own but I wouldn’t change it for the world the last 5 years of my life have been the most amazing rewarding adventures with him! I don’t know your full story of your past or your present but I do know that you will get your rainbow baby when the time is right. You are going to make an amazing mother, you have already showed the world that!
I do have a question do you think you could design something for a single mom and child jewelry? I would love to be able to wear my son and I!
Hi Keali! I read all of my comments (though I can’t reply to them all). I am so happy to hear that you were able to get you and your son out of a terrible situation. I wrote my book in part because I wanted to shed light on these terrible relationships and how it’s OKAY to leave them. I’m glad you’re able to talk out loud about your situation because it will definitely help another who has been through it or is currently going through it. …I am so happy to hear you’re so happy now! Yes, i would love to design a piece of jewelry for single mom’s! Let me know what you’re thinking! Jamie@JamieOtis.com is my email! xoxo
I don’t have a review (yet). Ill be purchasing your book next week.
I just stopped by to say WELL SAID to Miss “I Understand”. I was exclaiming with you!! I am so sick of the social media bullying. It makes me sick what some people have the nerve to say anonymously. How about the ones that say, “no offense but” what a joke. Be kind people. Be loving. I’ve never had a miscarriage but I have experienced loss. I know this for sure, your loss is not mine and mine is not yours. It’s impossible to know how you will feel after anything that causes heartbreak and devastation. My walk looks different than yours but it doesn’t make you’re wrong. It’s just different. I was judged harshly as well after my loss, thank God I knew enough at my young age (18) that I didn’t have to do what anyone thought was “right”.
Jamie, my heart breaks for you. Nobody should ever have to bury a child. You deserve space to be who you choose to be and grieve anyway that feels right. Pour yourself into your book, your jewelry, your hubby, yourself, or whatever darn thing you want. You’re pure gold girl.
All my best, Chris
Thank you so much, Chris! I can’t wait to hear how you like my book! 🙂 xoxo
I have loved you ever since season 1 of Married At First Sight. I literally cried when after 6 months, I found out y’all were still married and more in love than ever. To have anyone judge you because of how you have coped with your miscarriage is beyond heartless. I cried again when I read your blog post because I know how important family is to both of you and how important starting your family is. Keep your head up — God bless you!!
Thank you so much Katie. You’re so sweet. xoxo
Thank you so much for writing this. I have had two miscarriages and I feel like everyone offers some ridiculous “solution” for how I can feel better. These things are so true. I am so sorry for your loss
I am so sorry for your loss, too. xoxo
Jamie, I am a big fan. I love your honesty. This is a great blog post. I am a rainbow baby, born 10 months after my parents lost their first born, a son. My mother and father love me and my siblings very much, don’t get me wrong but the loss of their baby boy was with them for years and still is a heavy weight in their hearts. I grew up surrounded by women who have lost their babies as my mother turned to support groups to help her deal with the pain. when she felt strong enough she then helped other women, newer members of the group, although I have never lost a child, I don’t have any children, I’ve witnessed first hand the trauma, the hurt, the despair. Stay strong. You are so right to call out this “nice” bully. Keep your head up on days you have the energy and do not be ashamed of crying on the days you need to. You are a strong woman, you have a supportive husband and your baby boy will always be in your heart. A soul too good for this earth was called back by God all too soon. He is loved, he is missed, he lives on in your heart.
Thank you so much for sharing this Alyssa. xoxo
You Go Girl. You nailed her that insensitive piece of crap. This is coming from a woman who never had a child & always wanted one. Your book was great,, I was fortunate to not have the kind of childhood you experience and I learned many things from your book. Your experiences made you the STRONG WOMAN you are and that strength will help guide you along in your journey. God Bless You.
Thank you so much Maddie. xoxo
My first child was stillborn at 31 weeks, when I was 15 years old. People told me it was a blessing and that I could go back to being a normal teenager with a great future ahead of em. My daughter would have been 48 years old this past August 5th. I never went back to being “normal”. I will never forget the way she looked or the way she felt in my arms. I will never stop loving her or stop missing her. The void in my heart will always be there. Back in 1968, when she was born, stillborn babies were considered hazardous waste and because I was a minor, my parents were in charge of what would happen to her tiny body. There was no funeral, no memorial service, no gravesite, no name on a birth certificate. I named her anyhow, because I could not go through life referring to my child as “the baby I lost”. Her name will forever be Andrea Danielle Cervantes. And while there is no gravesite to visit, 43 years after her birth, a cemetery finally allowed me to plant a tree and placa a plaque with her name on it at the base of it..
You will always love your son and you will always miss him. Grief, however, is not a good bed partner. Sadly, we were too young and immature to deal with the death of our daughter and my relationship did not survive and although he and I reunited after over 40 years and are still together after almost 8 years, it still makes me sad that I was “cheated” out of raising a family with this man. And I still feel the tightness in my chest when I think of Andrea and it is all I can do not to cry my eyes out.
We not only lose our children ~ we lose all the hopes and dreams we had for their lives and for our lives with them. And that is a very bitter pill to swallow. But we stumble forward and go on with our lives, always a piece missing, but the memory of how much we loved our child then still with us and knowing how much we still love her.
This is beautiful, Christine. I love how you hold your little Andrea close in your memories still. xoxo
Well said Jamie!! Don’t allow these haters to invade you. You do what YOU need to do to carry on. I pray you and Doug GOD’S BLESSINGS ALWAYS!!
Thank you Nancy! xoxo
Jamie, I’ve lost two (one during my second trimester). Both traumatized me beyond words. Like you said, the only thing that helps is distracting yourself to keep your mind from racing. Everyone would tell me that “things happen for a reason” and that would piss me off. There’s no reason for it….it’s just that life can be terrible sometimes. It does get better and focusing on the future helps. I’m pregnant now at 12 weeks but terrified every day. You will be ok. And you will get through it. That I know.
thanks, Lauren. xoxo
Omg you killed her in that post. So sorry you lost your tiny baby xxxx I have a son. I would be lost without him. No mother should lose a child xxxxxx
Miscarriage is never easy. I’ve had 9 miscarrages (1 at 6.5 months) and 2 live births. I will Never tell another woman that it’s okay because they can always try to have another baby. Like you said you wanted that baby. I can tell you that you will always want that baby like I have always wanted mine. For all my pregnancies, I will forever remember their due dates. I will cry and mourn for those pregnancies that we taken from me. I loved my children as much as I love my living children. For all the mothers who have lost their unborn children, time passes and heals, but the memory and the feeling of your child growing inside you will never fade.
oh my word Jennifer. My heart goes out to you. I couldn’t even begin to imagine.:-/
I don’t know what it’s like to lose a child. I have no idea how you feel. All I know is that GOD loves you. He had plans for Johnathan that we can’t explain. I remember a scene from a movie “Heaven is for real” if you’ve never saw it, watch it. I don’t want to spoil it, because that is one scene I’ve never forgot. It touched me as a parent. And I know it will touch you as a parent. You are a Mommy. I’ve been praying for you and if I ever meet you (I hope I will) we will cry, laugh, hug, yell and hug again. 🙂 Until then ((((hug))))
thank you so much xoxo
Hi jamie
I also just went through a miscarriage at 7 weeks. We’ve been trying for almost 4 years and finally thought we had a little miracle.
Thank you so much for being so outspoken about your journey and your loss. It has certainly helped me realise that what I’m feeling and what I’m going through is normal,most importantly I’m not alone.
All the best to you and Doug in your future.
Hi Sarah, I am so glad you find my blogs helpful. I know I felt very “lonely” and after I blogged and so many women shared their stories with me I realized how many more women suffer from this. 🙁 I am so sorry you lost your little miracle. The pain is real. Thinking of you. xoxo
Dear Jamie,
First of all I want to apologize for my english because I’m Italian and this is not my language so I may write something in the wrong way.
I’ve read your book, I bought it before I knew about this terrible event, so no miscarriage involved in my choice. While reading I realized what kind of person you are and knowing that I would never even think that you use miscarriage as a way to sell your book.
Moreover reading it was a way to get to know you better than in the tv show and actually I saw a very strong woman that went through very difficult challenges but still fights for her happiness and for her siblings’ safety.
If I were one of your friends, or one of your relatives I would be very proud of you. I think you should be proud of what you’ve done, for yourself and for your siblings. You never let go. You’re a strong woman, find the strenght in yourself to get through this event. Remember that now you are not alone, you both have to be strong and united. That’s the only advice I can give you. I’m so sorry for what happened and I keep on hoping that you can get over it in some way.
Best wishes,
Caterina
Caterina, thank you so much. I really appreciate this sweet and thoughtful comment.
I completely understand the pain. I found out when I was six months along with two boys I lost one two days before Christmas. Then lost the second healthy one four days after Valentine’s. It’s one of the hardest things in life. It’s been 13 years since the loss but to this day hurts from time to time. I am still a proud mother of one who got me through the pain and depression from losing them. I words I hated the most was ” I am so sorry and I will be here for you. ” because in reality they were not. Not even the father. It is truly the hardest thing in life. And the pain never leaves you. Just gets easier to deal with.
I am so sorry you had no one to love and support you during the loss of your twin boys. 🙁 I am so fortunate to have my husband. He has really been very supportive of me. Family comes and goes with support. I just don’t think anyone can feel the pain we feel/felt – they never carried the baby/babies. It’s understandable, but no less hurtful.
I just got done reading what was said to you and just kept shaking my head. I wanted to crawl through my computer screen and slapped that guy. I just don’t understand.
I believe that people who have never lost an infant or child at all just have no idea what to say. I remember MY MOM, telling me as I was laying in bed, after being told that there was no longer a heart beat, that she now had all this “baby stuff”, It was by far the worse thing I had heard. She also said that we could have another one. I was 36 at the time, I didn’t know why we loss that baby, I didn’t know anything other than my heart was destroyed. And I didn’t want another baby… I wanted that one.
I sat around for weeks just going through the motions. I found a great online support group, where I could type my feelings and not have to look people in the eye. For Christmas my dad found me this great necklace that I still wear all the time. http://www.myforeverchild.com/store/WsDefault.asp?One=668
I hope that the bullies don’t get you down, that you continue to blog about your feelings and that you and Doug are able to start trying again and your rainbow baby will be here soon.
Hi Jamie,
I just want to first off applaud you for calling out the ‘nice bully’. People hide behind their phones and computers way too often these days.
I also just want to say sorry that you went through what you did with your son. As a mother myself, I couldn’t imagine going through that and dealing with that pain. My heart breaks for you and every other mother who has dealt with this at some point.
Love and prayers to you and Douglas. XO
Oh Jamie…you are a special woman. I am a grandma now but I lost 2 babies…my first and 3rd. Back in the day we didn’t talk about this much. It is a loss that stays with you. I did have 2 daughters and they are grown women. God bless you for being so honest and sharing your pain and struggles during this time. I watched you and your husband on the show and seeing you two from minute one we were hoping it would work. I love how in life the most unlikely situations are the biggest blessings.I wish you all the best and things will work out! Hugs from southern California!
I’ve been watching your journey with Doug from the very beginning from MAFS. I’ve seen the two of you go though so much, and I’ve watched you grow into such a strong woman and allow yourself to love and to be loved unconditionally.
You and Doug will always be Jonathan’s mommy and daddy. You will always have him in your hearts, and he’ll be the one to watch over you as you journey through life until you’re reunited with him once again.
I too had to endure the nightmare of losing my son at 22 weeks. Next month will be 14 years that my Alex has been gone, so I absolutely know and feel your pain.
Please keep doing what you’re doing. Your work is your outlet & it will help you grieve in your own way. Your precious son is watching over you and Doug, and you’ll get through this in your own way and in your own time.
Please feel free to email me if you want to talk to someone who has been in your shoes.
Jamie,
I understand the death of someone you truly love. I have not lost a child, but a husband at a young age of 36. Our pain and grief is something you cannot explain to anyone who has not gone through it. I would never wish for anyone to be in my shoes or yours. People expect us to ‘Get over it”. One of many phrases I detest. We will never get over the loss of our love one, we learn to live with it, it is apart of us forever. We will always have that hole in our heart. It’s good to talk about it, share it. Keep up the good work of letting other’s know they are not alone and we are with them to pick them up when they fall down. Thanks
I’m glad you wrote this, Jamie. I noticed similar comments on a few of your IG posts and this is a good response for all those “followers.” I hope some of those commenters read this. The love and support out there far outweighs the bad seeds, and I hope the love directed at you brings you even the tiniest bit of comfort amid the cruelty. We are here for you! <3
Jamie, Your loss was huge and no two people deal with the loss in the same way. So no one has the right to judge! They have no right to give any opinions! Remember that you and your sweet husband are the two people feeling this loss the most. Grand parents also feel this loss to some degree. So turn to your husband and your closest friends when you want to talk about your loss because they will never judge you! Talk about it as often as you need so you can continue to grieve. You will never forget this beautiful baby and you shouldn’t have too. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers!
God bless you Jamie. Try to keep your chin up. You’re a strong woman and you will get through this one day at a time. Draw strength from Doug and your families as much as you can. You are loved. Hugs from Chicago.
I feel I should find you and high five you! Some people make misery a hobby. You keep doing you because you’re fabulous!
I’ve lost a child. granted, I was only 8 weeks, but it still hurt just as bad. 🙁 it was my very 1st child. Jamie, it never gets easier. it’s been 7 years for me & I STILL think about him/her. I like Doug’s advice. keep busy to (try) to keep your mind off of it. I was all alone when I miscarried. I had no one to help me through that terrible time. it took me to a dark dark place. but I’m thankful I pulled through when wanted to die. now, many years later I have 3 beautiful baby girls. (5yo, 3yo, & 1yo). keep your head up, girl. try to stay positive (is it even possible?). just know there are people out there who get what you’re going through. hugs, sweetie. you’re in my thoughts & prayers. I pray you have a healthy pregnancy & baby when you become pregnant again. xo.
I don’t think it matters how far along you are, the pain is just as real. I heard from my new therapist then when she lost her baby someone said to her “Oh, at least you weren’t too far along so you didn’t get attached.” When she told me this my jaw just dropped….I can’t even find the words. People don’t even realize how hurtful and cruel their words can be. I think it’s because no one ever talks about this (and it’s SO common). I am so happy you went on to have three healthy, beautiful kiddos. Thanks for thinking of us and praying for us. We want to try for our rainbow baby soon. xoxo
Very proud of you! Shame on her. I am sorry for your loss Jamie, it has always been crystal clear how much you and Doug love your son.
I saw that comment your talking about. I was hurt for you and wish I could have hid it from you.
I look at what your doing as a positive. You’re starting a discution that no one wants to talk about. But we need to. So many families are hit by this. And are told to move on. But that was your child. Your angel.
You are giving a voice to every mom that has had this happen to them. Telling them, you should talk about your baby and you should grieve.
I’m proud of you. And I am sending you love for healing and strength. You take all the time you need. And talk about your son all you want. ❤️
It is so saddening to see how negative and disrespectful one person can be to a grieving mother. I am so sorry you had to go through this and wish you many blessings. I sent you a message on Facebook and I hope it helps I some way. Good bless you and Doug.
Hi Jamie. I just wanted to say that I really admire you for being so open and sharing your heartbreaking journey to try and help others. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through at the moment, although I’ve had my own fertility issues I am one of the lucky ones and haven’t had to experience the terrible loss you have suffered. It’s easy for me to say but try not to let negative and grossly insensitive comments like the one you’ve described get under your skin- you don’t owe anyone any explanations and you don’t have to justify yourself. You and your lovely hubby have to do whatever it takes to get through these dark days, be that working, exercising, sleeping, or just curling up into a ball and crying til you think you have no tears left. Very gradually, a day at a time, you will start to heal. Healing isn’t ‘moving on’ or forgetting the past- you are and always will be mummy to your beautiful little man. You will start to find ways to let life carry on again but it won’t ever be the same, why should it be? I truly believe you will get your rainbow but as you say, not as a replacement and not to take Jonathan’s place. You don’t stop loving your first child when your second arrives and that is no different for you. I think you are a truly inspirational lady and I hope you can wrap Doug’s love around you like a quilt to protect you from the negativity, and when you are ready you will start to find the strength to carry on. Jonathan’s memory will never fade and you do him proud every day. Sending lots of love and prayers all the way from England xxx
YOUR REVIEW
Forget about those haters! They are miserable people who will never find happiness and we should feel sorry for them. I too lost two sons. They passed away from premature birth one at 23 weeks and one at 17 weeks. You find strength you never knew you had and you will survive this. Life does get better. I Lost my first son at 28 and now I am 31. I have two beautiful daughters and although I cannot have anymore children and I suffered great loss with my sons, I am happy and feel so blessed. I pray that joy will be restored to you as well.
I am so deeply sorry for your loss Jamie. I enjoyed watching you and Doug on MAFS and got so excited for you when I saw you post that you guys were expecting. I was actually in tears when I saw the post that you lost your precious baby boy. And this post describing what you’ve been through is heartbreaking. No one deserves to go through something like that and then be talked to like that horrible person did. I know the struggle of wanting to get pregnant so bad and yet not being able to. I can’t even begin to imagine the struggle of losing a precious baby. My heart goes out to you and Doug! I wish there was some miracle cure all that could fix this for you. ❤
“But I wanted THAT pregnancy, I wanted THAT baby” when I saw you post that on Instagram I knew I had to come say thank you. I found myself uttering those same words when I sat in the ER on July 20th and was told my baby no longer had a heartbeat. I was crushed,devastated,blamed myself for what I must have done wrong. I had never felt that type of sadness before. Finding my strength in God and praying for you as well. No one understands unless they have gone through it. Thank you for being the voice for those of us who have been through it <3
xoxoxo
Jamie-
I am incredibly sorry for all that you and Doug are going through. I started watching MAFS when it first aired and have followed your story up until now. There are many different ways that we as mother’s find comfort and begin to attempt to fill the void in our lives that once was there. It’s been 10 years since I lost my baby. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think what if. But ultimately it was out of my control. The many questions enter your mind; was it something I did; what could I have done different. All questions and thoughts that circled my head daily. With each passing day the tears, emptiness and numbness began to heal. We find our own individual ways to cope and begin to put ourselves back together. We never forget but we learn how to exist again after such a loss. I now have a beautiful 7 year old son who is by far the best thing in my life. He is a gift from God.
I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You will get through the heartache. You will learn how to make peace with all you have been through. Wishing you all the best
I am so sorry for your loss. I usually don’t write on anyones websites but this is different. I have been happily watching your marriage blossom since day one and was so excited to hear you were pregnant that I went around telling people as if you were a family member. A few days later I was so saddened to hear of your loss and now I am so mad that someone would hurt you.
I cannot begin to understand what you are going through as a mother but I know how this loss affects an aunt. My brother and then sister in law lost my precious nephew at 26 weeks 10 years ago this month. They had been prepared for an early birthday and we expected for him to live but while going through the birth canal he passed. They tried for awhile to bring him back but our little boy was born into heaven. I knew something was wrong when they brought out the empty incubator. A few minutes later my brother walked out and couldn’t say a word he just fell to the ground and held on to my mom’s legs sobbing like a child. I have never in my life seen a broken man before, it was the most heartbreaking thing to watch. Let me say that recently my kids best friend died in a car accident and once again I saw two broken parents. So it doesn’t matter if your baby is weeks old or 18 years old the pain they feel as parents is the same. The pain the family feels around them is the same.
I will never forget that day, I will never forget helping my brother pick out a tiny casket while my sister in law was recovering and grieving in the hospital. I will never forget looking at my brothers gravesite and putting my nephew with him. I will never forget his mommy’s and daddy’s faces full of tears and disbelief, watching as their son and pieces of their heart being buried.
I miss that little angel and often wonder how it would have been especially during holidays and birthdays. I wish so much that you didn’t have to go through this. I will continue to pray for you and your family.
P.S. shortly after my dad passed in 2010 my brother says he woke up in the middle of the night. My dad was sitting at the end of the bed with two toddler boys one on each of his lap. My brother said he knew which one was his son and which one was our brother(my mother miscarried at 7mo). He said my dad told him “don’t worry I’m taking care of our boys”.
I hope you too have sweet dreams of your son.
Don’t let what a few say hurt you because there are thousands of people who know you and Doug are a loving mommy and daddy to a beautiful angel baby!
aww, what a beautiful dream…Thanks for sharing. xoxo
I have walked in your shoes and faced a loss of my own. Everyone’s loss is so completely different. Everyone grieves in their own way. How dare anyone have anything rude or judgmental to say about the way you choose to express your emotions after loss. Nope. No way. Hold your head high! Say what you feel when you feel it!
Praying for you and Doug, for God’s perfect timing and peace.
I wanted to add one more thing not to say if that’s alright with you. For me it was “everything happens for a reason” and to this very day, even after having a rainbow baby, I HATE that saying. The truth is, there isn’t a good reason. It just plain hurts. You never forget but the pain does get easier to handle. It’s been 3 years and I still think about my angel every day. Just know that you are already a wonderful Mother, one I admire so much.
Jamie, Very well said! I actually felt real emotional reading this blog. What yourself and Doug went through is truly heartbreaking, how dare anyone judge you or tell you how you should feel. I’m in Australia and have followed your journey since watching married at first site series, maybe 6-12 months ago now. I have always rooted for you and Doug and have loved watching you two fall more and more in love with eachother. I’m in shock people can be so heartless, says alot about them as human beings to be honest. Keep fighting together and if work makes things that little bit easier for you, then work, work, work. Lots of love and kisses to you. xxxx
God bless you sweet mama. You are an incredibly strong and loving mama in so many ways to your angel baby. Take as long as you need, cry as much as you need, and work as much as you need. Don’t let anyone tell you how to grieve, only your heart alone can do it. I lost a baby over a year ago at a much earlier stage in my pregnancy. I have been through a lot in life but that was by far the hardest thing I have ever gone through. All I can say is I learned to love myself through the process. I still think about and love my little angel baby. Over a year later I am now pregnant with my rainbow. I am overwhelmed with joy and love but I still have a special place in my heart for my angel (getting pregnant again wasn’t a “fix” to me like some people said, it is just a next chapter). I will always love my angel. Sometimes I still cry and that is perfectly okay. Life is painful and I’m so sorry you are hurting. Many blessings sweet mama, you’re are more amazing than you know. Keep doing you, beauty, messes, pain and all. You are an inspiration to many.
Jamie ,Doug and Johnathon. You’ve been on my mind and in my thoughts these past few weeks. I just wanted to send you a cyber hug and a prayer ❤️
I admire your willingness to share your raw emotions and heartbreak of losing your son. You are a strong wife, mother and woman. Hold your head high, cry when you need to, but don’t let the haters bring you down. My prayers are with you, Doug and your families. Hugs to you ❤️
I’m so sorry for your loss, my heart breaks for you and your husband. It’s never easy having a miscarriage, I’ve had six of them and it is hard each time but my last one made me realize that I can’t go through another one, I was pregnant with twins and I lost my daughter when I was six months pregnant, she just didn’t have a heart beat any longer, I ended up having to deliver her when I gave birth to my son and that was the hardest day of my life. I have four boys and loosing my only daughter has left a hole in my heart and it has been almost eight years. I wanna say it gets easier but I’m not really sure it does, I think you just try to continue on with life but never forget your baby last you lost.
YOUR REVIEW
I’m so so so very sorry for your loss It’s amazing to see how strong you and Doug are You guys were my favorite couple ever on MAFS out of every season ! I was so happy for you guys when you announced you were pregnant ! That day you found out the horrible news I was so sad for you guys I just want to let you know I started praying for you and Doug from that day since Again, I just want to tell you how strong you are especially with those hater comments. We all love and support you and Doug Hugs , Amanda
People can be SO cruel. As a mom I can’t imagine your loss and you are absolutely right when you say that there is no “right ” thing to say. I loved watching your growth and showing the real was of being a wife. I hope your heart can heal and learn a way to smile more and more each day
Oh Jamie! I am so sorry someone left such an incessitive, rude, heartless comment. Have never commented on your blog before, but just want you to know you are not alone. Feel all your feelings, and know you ARE doing your best. Even if you dont do anything but cry all day. That’s ok. Your strength is admirable. I recently had a miscarriage, at 8 weeks, so I don’t know exactly what you are going through, but the heartache can not be compared. Keep your chin up mama, sending you so much love.
Hi Jamie
Let me start by saying how sorry I am for your devastating loss. I lost my angel baby 3 weeks ago, she was 18 weeks old. I am heartbroken and have had no one to turn to to help me through my grief. I greatly admire the manner in which you have handled yourself at this difficult time, particularly when faced with bullies as you have described. I wish I had your strength and grace. I am still struggling to get out of bed in the morning but reading your blog and tweets has given me hope. Despite being thousands of miles away in the UK, your blog has made me feel less alone in my grief and for that I am grateful. I hope it works out for you and Doug and you get your rainbow baby. I am sure you both will make incredible parents. Thank you for being such an inspiration. Sending love and prayers xoxo
Sending you a big hug
Jamie and Doug, I’m so sorry for your loss, no one should ever have to go through this. The things that were said to you were horrible. As someone who has never had to deal with this horrible tragedy herself I’d love to see a post about what TO say. I always find myself struggling to find the right words. I never want to say the wrong things or be hurtful but want to be compassionate and say something, Praying for you, praying your rainbow baby comes soon.
When my newborn died, someone I love dearly and trusted with my heart said, “what did you do to make God so mad at you?” That was 34 years ago and it hurts me to my core even yet. She didn’t mean to hurt me. It was thoughtless and a reflection of her own grief, but I never felt the same toward her. She won’t know that what she said just confirmed the guilt I was already struggling with. I wasn’t able to do the most basic thing a mother does: protect her child.
Good for you! We lost a baby at 5 months as well, a little boy. The most hurtful thing another mom said to me was, “at least you weren’t” that far along”. I wish I had the courage to stand up to her the way you did in this blog. Thanks!
You handled this perfectly! I am not graceful when I am hurt and angry so your example was helpful. Thank you. Bravo for standing up to someone who completely DOESN’T understand. I think your time replying was well spent and helped you take a steep of healing. I hope so. You are so courageous.
Good job on cutting down the bullying. Unless you walk the same path as someone else, feel as they do, grieve as they do no one knows how you feel. GOD BLESS. Hugs from a fan in Virginia.
I was a fan of MAFS, season 1 because I thought it was such a bizarre concept. I am 53 years old and miscarried in my 14th week (1998). My D&C was on Good Friday! I kept going and even went to church on Easter Sunday! I am a nurse of 30 years now and after waiting the proverbial 3 months my husband and I found out after numerous attempts with assistance from a well known infertility specialist we stopped our quest to have children. I now have 24 children; they’re just in their 80’s and 90’s!! (We own several assisted living homes). This was my outlet while grieving. I wrote a business plan and dug into it. So work is a positive outlet especially in our training. We are healers and caregivers. I think of “my boy” all the time and wonder what his interests would be. This year he would be driving! My advice since I went through my loss during Lent and Good Friday is this: Easter always comes! My prayers are with you.
Thank you for your post on this. What a perfect message to see today…you see 7 years ago I miscarried on this very day…and although the rawness of that loss gets less and less each year, the comments people said around that time can still hurt…I felt so unsupported by people’s comments because they were so cookie cutter…and like you mentioned, had no acknowledgement of what was lost. Thank you for being so brave and open to share this very private and difficult event…your angel in heaven is looking down on you.
I applaud your response! Thank you! I can’t tell you how hurtful it is when people make those comments about miscarriage. “You will get pregnant soon.” “It will happen to you.” “At least you know you can get pregnant”. And the one super common one is “why don’t you just adopt.” I always shrug those comments off because I know they don’t mean to hurt me but OMG! Can people just be a little more sensitive?
You are doing everything right. Grieving in the way only you can grieve. Talking about it, not allowing yourself to stay in bed for weeks on end. It has been three years for me. Still trying to conceive and dealing with a whole different type of pain of infertility. I have a deep desire for my baby in my womb. I have a deep since of loss for someone I don’t have. I hate that there are so many women who go through this. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone but I don’t like how common it is. Why does this happen to us? I will never understand. But I will tell you this. I will do what I can to take care of myself and to not give up on my hearts desire for motherhood. You are a strong amazing women! Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for being brave.
You are so awesome! That woman was so out of line and she needed to be put in her place. I have worked in labor and delivery for 9 years and I know that there is nothing worse than a woman coming in at any point in her pregnancy to deliver a child they will never take home. Those deliveries are so heartbreaking and I have cried and prayed for every single momma I have taken care of that lost her baby. It’s a devastating thing and I never know or have the right things to say because really nothing you say will help. But there are definitely things you don’t say and accusing a grieving mother of using her tragedy for financial gain is beyond disgusting. I have been in the room when tiny babies are brought into the world and I have been the one that the mother hands her baby to for the last time. There is nothing about that situation that I would wish on anybody. And unless you have witnessed it or experienced it yourself you really shouldn’t judge how the people who do cope with it afterwards. I also had a loss of a baby at 15 weeks but I did not have to go into labor and delivery with all of the other moms and their healthy babies and deliver one. I was able to have a d&c because although I was 15 weeks along the baby had passed at about 7 weeks. I never heard the heartbeat and I never saw my angel. It was still a very heartbreaking experience. So my heart and sympathy go out to you. I think you have handled yourself with class and dignity and I admire you having the courage to stand up for yourself. Keep doing what you are doing! God bless you and your family.
Jamie so sorry for that ugly comment, I don’t know what she was reading but I never connected you miscarriage to you promoting your book. That was totally wack. Then she tried to put whipped topping and carmel on liver and oysters,. WOW! It still tastes like S__t! I like you so much because reading your book your childhood mirrors mine, Not knowing father, bed wetting, sexual abuse etc. It sounded like my life as a child but not in a trailer park. I was unable to maintain a normal relationship until my 40’s after I got help. ( I created chaos) when there was none, that’s all I knew. I wasted 20 plus years of my dating life cause of my craziness as a result of my childhood. I’m now married to a great guy, happily, that I wasn’t physically attracted too and we have been together 20 years. I have never miscarriaged but forced to give a baby up for adoption and I have grieved like he died for many many years, He was taken from me. So my heart really goes out to you and Doug because I do know what losing a child is like, you never get over it. I think people mean well most of the time but aren’t thinking. I’m hoping happiness in the form of a bundle of joy fills your heart very soon.
You are such an inspiration to me! My husband & I lost our second baby at 11 weeks a few days after you lost your baby boy. I have always liked you & followed you guys since MAFS. You have been so helpful for me during my grieving process I love reading your blogs I feel like you are always saying exactly what is in my heart too. It is so nice to know I am not alone. Thank you for being so real, raw and opening up about your pain. It something that no one every really talks about & I think you are so brave for doing it! I pray that we both will have our rainbow babies! Don’t let negative people bring you down you are amazing! There is a awesome bible study book called Anchored that’s been helping me a lot. Maybe it would help you as well. Sending love & prayers your way! xoxo
First, I am deeply sorry for your loss Jamie, it is so terrible and no one should have to go through the experience you did. I think you are so brave to even be sharing your story and opening up to the world knowing that it might help someone else, that is so admirable. It really shows your strength of character. I was also outraged at the comment after reading it on your blog. I just bought your book to clap back at that hater I have been such a big fan of you and Doug since the first episode of the show, and it was heart wrenching to learn the news you shared. I know your future is bright and can’t wait to read and learn even more about you! Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way always.
Miscarriage sucks! No women should ever have to go through it. I had many hateful people tell me to “get over it” and all I wanted to do was punch them. It’s been 3 years since I lost my baby at 12 weeks and it took me months. I can’t image holding my son and having to say goodbye. Take your time grieving and don’t let anyone tell you what’s right for you! My sweet rainbow baby is now two and his smile lights my world. I pray your rainbow baby will be a blessing in the near future. I know when I heard my sons heartbeat for the first time after loosing one, I cried! It’s the best sound most moms take for granted. I know I did. You are a strong women and I know you will get through this when you are ready! Hugs!!!
Jamie,
First I’m so sorry for the loss of your son and the ignorant comments that people are leaving! I’ve been watching you and Doug since the very first episode of MAFS. I was disappointed when MAFS 1st year ended because in my mind I felt like I knew you guys and I wanted to follow your story forever! Thank you for being so open and so willing to share your life with your fans and any one else! I’ve been struggling with the idea of being 30 and not having a husband (or any kind of relationship at this point) or kids yet. Your life gives me hope. And I’m so grateful to you! I know that one day you and Doug will be able to be great parents not only to your Johnathan Edward but also to your child(ren) that will be here with you. I pray that your heart can heal as much as it can and I just encourage you to do what you need to for yourself during your healing process! ( I’m a marriage and family therapist and that is my professional opinion too lol). Thanks again for taking time to read this and I pray nothing but God’s greatest blessings for you and Doug and your families!
-k
Well said. I have never been through the things you have but we all have a story and remembering to watch we say or not to say is important. Good luck in all your endeavors and best wishes for your continued journey to starting your family.
I lost my twins when I was 18 two weeks after my my birthday it was devastating I never got over it but I thank you for your advice and are really helping me get over it after 4 years I miss them dearley but your advice have made me stronger I hope one day I will be able to get your book and find my Mr right to I’ve been thru so many domestic violence relationship its unreal grew up like that after I hit 9 years old but thanks to you I realize it not my fault its Thiers and we should be treated with respect etc I really can’t wait to read your book thank love you Jamie you the best.
Jamie, I was so heartbroken to hear that you lost your boy. :(. Though I have not had a miscarriage, I can’t have children of my own so I can understand to some extent the emotions you are going through. I mourned the loss of my future child when I was diagnosed and it took me a long time to even want to move on. Everyone needs their own time to process, and I think you have been so strong and brave to blog about it! Don’t let the bullies bring you down, I think your response to that bully was very gracefully written and handled like a champ. Continue doing you and I pray in time that you and your hubs will heal! Good luck with getting licensed and promoting your book! I may have to get one now!! 🙂
Jamie, I’m so sorry to hear that people have the audacity to shame you for your grief and how you go about it. The reality is, we all grieve differently and considering you just lost your son I think you’re doing amazing. I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through and the reality is, as much as we would love to be sad and feel terrible about life in the moment the healthiest thing to do is to keep busy. He will always be your first born, your sweet angel baby. And when the time is right, your rainbow baby will come along and you’re going to be the best mommy. I wish you and Doug nothing but the best, and I truly hope that woman realizes that you can’t judge someone for their grieve, because in the end there will never be a “right” way to grieve or a “right” way to move on. We can’t please everyone unfortunately but thankfully we don’t have to 🙂
My heart aches for you, no one can truly understand the pain you are going through unless they have experienced it themselves. My mom miscarried her first baby also a boy at 7 months and she still thinks about him often and what he would have been like, this happened many years ago. I couldn’t be more proud of my mom for being so strong, like you she had to keep busy and there is nothing wrong with that, you will never forget or stop loving him, and you can’t stop living you are an inspiration to all women, and even though I only know you from watching Married at first sight I’m incredibly proud of you!! You have a wonderful husband who is there for you and you will both be ok in time. I can’t have children myself and not once have I found anything you have said or done for your benefit or offensive, your words are beautiful and encouraging. Carry on being an awesome you! xx
You shouldn’t use time to defense your self. Not neccesary! Don’t use your time on a person like that. It’s hard to loose a baby. Even years after having other babies. All love and understanding from Denmark
Jamie I am sorry about ALL that you are going through. There are certain people in this world that do not and will never show empathy or compassion. It is very sad. As a fellow nurse, it is a lot harder to go back work on Labor and delivery floor after you miscarry. You will be flooded with emotions and it is too much to take in. I do think it is great that you are able to do your jewelry and book. Both make you happy and you are reminded of being joyous and happy during all your hard work and feel him kicking amd full of life. I can see how it brings joy to you as it was such a joyous time creating it. It makes those positive healthy vibes come back. You are probably having times that you feel guilty for being happy. That’s ok. I think it is wonderful that you are able to do projects and side business to slowly get back to not feeling guilty because you are happy and try to focus on other things. Jamie you are doing the best that you can. Some days will be easier and other days it will be tough and again that’s ok too. Buy Jamie Otis Wifey 101 book today.
Oh my they are going to think I am just using this tragedy for attention and promote your book. I am so sorry that people are trying to decide how and what you should be doing and acting after your miscarriage. I never got the memo about proper return to work timeline post miscarriage and all the haters out there can pardon my language bit they can go eat a dick. Coping with tragedy is hard and there is no wrong or correct way that says what you are to do and how you cope except you. Saying prayers and will continue them for all your family. Take care friend and it is tough. Hugs girl.
YOUR REVIEW
Jamie, I cried reading this. I’m so sorry that people assume things and are so insensitive. In such a time of loss, it saddens me that people can be so mean. I don’t think you should have to explain yourself, but you addressed the comment perfectly. I’m continuing to pray for you, Doug, and your baby! I haven’t read your book yet (I’m in Canada and I haven’t seen it in Chapters yet), but it’s definitely on my list of books to read 🙂
Jamie you are a real inspiration, ive been with you from the 1st episode MAFS and you have grown beautifully. You have been through so many things, yet you stay humble! You are a strong woman! Love you lots. Keep well. God bless you and your awesome hubby!
Jamie my husband and I lost our son in November. I was 6 1/2 months along and I can tell you that I have been in the not wanting to get out of bed stage the blame yourself stage the what if stage and any other stage you could image but I am fortunate like you to have an amazing husband for support and people who have not been in our situation are quick to judge. I still get mad angry upset because I always feel lie people forget that my son did exsist and I hate the phrase well things happen for a reason!! But I just wanted you to know I understand and your story has help me feel not so alone!!!
I don’t quite understand the pain here. Just like Jamie, I had an abortion when I was young and had a miscarriage last year. I didn’t feel bad after the abortion, just relief that I wasn’t going to have to raise my loser boyfriend’s kid and while I was disappointed that I had a miscarriage, I didn’t feel any differently than I felt about the abortion. Jamie seems to feel bad about her miscarriage but didn’t have a problem with her abortions. The practical consequence of each is the same. An abortion is an action taken by the mother, where as a miscarriage is taken by the body.
Hi Jamie. I have not had a miscarriage, but I was never able to have kids (and never will) but I just wanted to say I am so proud of you for standing up to this bully. No one has the right to dictate how you grieve this unimaginable loss. And I think it is great that you are talking about it – all of it. When I was about 7 years old, I heard my mom talking about a friend of the family who “lost her baby”. When I heard that, I sat down and started writing her a letter. I didn’t even understand “where” her baby went, but somehow my little 7 year old heart wanted to reach out to her. When my mom found me writing the letter, she took it away from me and said “no, no you can’t do that. it will make her sad.” so from then on I learned that a miscarriage wasn’t to be talked about. That isn’t right. Even though I haven’t suffered this loss, I have known people who have, and hearing what it is really like helps anyone that has been touched by this. I was a big fan of the show and I always loved you and Doug 🙂 Take care of yourself and thanks for writing this.
dear jamie, i am very sorry for your loss. With great intrest I have read the above blog as my best friend just miscarried. I see the pain and loss she is going through and I feel very helpless cause I don’t know how to help her. Do you have any advice for me? You wrote about things not to say after a misscariage, is there anything people said or did that was actually helpful or made you feel understood?
Take care
I am so sorry for your loss. I know how much you had wanted a child and to hear that you have lost your son is devastating. I want you to know that through all the negative comments, you have at least 100 supporters here to listen and give you strength to get through the hard times.
Hi Jamie, I have followed you since being on the bachelor. I love your heart and love that you and Doug have made a life together. My heart broke for you when I learned of your miscarriage. I can relate, I lost one as well. The statement that got to me as one of the worst was, ” oh you know miscarriages are just so common. They say 50% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage.” I was so upset, how dare you minimize my baby to a mere statistic…… I am praying for you and your rainbow 🙂
I read your book and it’s awesome (I’ve been through most of that too, and I thank you for being so courageous to put it on paper)!
I’ve never had a miscarriage, but been through 4 years of infertility battles and it has been an up and down Rollercoaster, we are 12 weeks pregnant via IVF (our insurance in CO does not pay for any infertility treatments). I can’t tell you how many people would say, oh you shoukd adopt and then you’ll get pregnant, or, it’s ok….you get to keep your freedom without kids…
I think it sucks, especially those with “advice” the fourth time an IUI didn’t work.
So I feel you, and you are “allowed” to grieve anyway you see fit because there is no wrong or right way to do it. Just continue to do you
YOUR REVIEW
I have had my fair share of loss when it comes to baby side of life, I understand the emotions you feel, but I most definitely do not, nor will I say, I know how you feel. Every one processes grief and loss differently. What “she” wrote was wrong in more ways than one. As for having to deliver your son and hand him over I do know that pain very well. In 2010 we lost our daughter to Anecephaly, I had her at 22 weeks. I chose not to see her but if I had it to do over I would hold her and tell her I loved her. I’m sorry is not enough to say but it also seems wrong. I wish I could say that the pain goes away, but I can’t it will lessen with the passage of time but it’s something you will never forget. So I end with this, you and your family are in my thoughts and pray that you find the peace you need to heal.
Sincerely
Amber
Jamie, I have followed the MAFS show from Season 1 and have loved watching you & Doug and Courtney & Jason.
While I have never been in your shoes regarding the loss of a child, my heart goes out to you and Doug. Many loving thoughts and prayers go your way. I think you said exactly what needed said to the “kind” bully. As you stated, that is exactly what was going on and very astute of you to catch it and “nip it” the way you did.
You are so much fun to watch as you interview the newest season’s newlyweds. You are fun and spunky. I am interested in reading your book Wifey 101 for certain. LOL
All the best to you and your hubby.
Much luv from Missouri!
It’s so sad there is bully people like this one out there. I know it’s not easy but try not to let it get to you, it’s not worth it. Going through a miscarriage is extremely painful and hard to overcome. Heartless people can’t understand it. I can assure you that time makes it bearable and hopefully you can have a rainbow baby very soon. Remember you are not alone. Keep working hard and and making your dreams come true. You are an amazing and strong woman. Keep your head up height. I know you’ll get trough this!
Jamie
Sorry I miss spelled your name
Jaimie,
Having a miscarriage is the hardest thing in life. I am glad you are open and talk about your sweet baby. I had 3 miscarriages and the only person in my family or husbands family to have them. No one knows the loss it still hurts and my 1st loss was in 1980. One week before I got married. People would not talk to me or if they did they would say such mean things, same as you listed in your blog. I hate this one a nurse told me part of nature and was not meant to be you can have another. Really I did not want to hear that. .i still think of all my pregnancies my loss was 1st 3rd and 5th. My 2nd,4th and 6th full term birth. Keep talking about how you feel cry and these darn people need to start being understanding this just makes me mad when I hear mean comments. Our babies were moving until we had the miscarriage we felt them and it hurts to lose them and you will never forget. In my day I was not allowed to bring up my miscarriage so that’s why I am saying it so much now. Those of us truly understand your feelings❤️
Sorry for the typos. My first time leaving a comment.
Jamie. I follow you on Instagram I’ve read your book and for some reason I feel like I need to say something. Haters gonna hater proverbs 9:8. The more people that hate you then you gotta be doing something right -Kat Williams.
I think it’s fine you promote ur book. It’s powerful and I’m glad you found ur other half. I was super yelling at you during the show because of dough patience thought I yelled at him too but I’m so glad you saw the light so to speak. I know it’s ur job. You work hard I also can tell that a lot of the promotions are embedded. For some reason there will always be dream squashers. Who feel the right to give their unwanted opinions. I feel like in social media We feel more and more bold to say what we want. We as a society already scrutinize everything and feel like we are entitled to judge etc. some times I just wanna yell let’s just support one another. Let’s try that for a change! I’m sorry to read that comment. I pray for you and Doug. Just keep pushing. God will continue to bless you and I know it’s helping women around the world who feel the pain you do know they are not alone
– Lyric.
When I learned of your loss I was so heartbroken for you! It is by far the hardest thing any woman can go through. I experienced several miscarriages during a 5 year infertility journey, the last one being while I was pregnant with triplets. I lost one of the three babies and the things people would say to me made me want to slap them, very hard, in the face, with a chair!!! I would hear “oh at least the other two are fine.” Or “it was meant to be.” The fact that my two babies continued to grow did not lessen the pain and heartache my husband and I felt! We grieved for that baby no less than we had grieved for the other 4 babies we had lost.
People can be incredibly cruel, especially when they don’t know the experience of the loss, but that is really no excuse.
Your words to “I Understand” were on point and I applaud you for calling her out on her ignorance!
I know your place of sorrow, all too well, but there will come a time when you will know your healing has truly begun and that is when you will be at peace.
My peace came on January 15th 2003 when I gave birth to my precious baby girl (who was conceived without medical intervention when my twins were 6months old) and my mom told me my precious baby was the soul that left when I was pregnant with triplets and that she had known it wasn’t safe for her to stay and returned to me when it was safe! I named that precious baby girl Amelia Faith because faith is what helped me through losing her the first time.
I’m so sorry people have to be so ignorant. When I lost my sweet baby girl at 31 weeks in March, we had professional pictures taken. I cherish those photos and I’m so thankful for them…but the photographer put them on her Facebook page and the response was overwhelming. There were some sweet comments and some down right mean ones. The first mean one I read I just sobbed. How can people be so cruel? I have two children living, but that doesn’t mean I love my baby any less! People just say stupid things. I’m currently expecting my rainbow baby, but I still cry over my daughter Madison. I know I always will. It’s a pain that changes us forever, and it never goes away. With time, my sobbing moments become less, but they will never go away and I’m okay with that. I want people to know about my daughter, so I will talk about her forever. She will always be part of my family, and I know Johnathon will always be part of yours. Lots of hugs your way, and just keep doing whatever you can to get thru. Day by day.
Jamie,
First off…I can’t imagine what you’re feeling, because I have not felt that kind of loss…but I hear you. I know loss, not in a mother/child way, but I’m the one that lost the man I loved and then 5 months later I lost my dad. I can tell you that going back to work was one of the hardest things I had to do after losing both of these men…but I needed to, I had to. I couldn’t sit all day just thinking about the what ifs and the should haves. If I had, I would still be there now and I would have missed out on meeting the love of my life. Through tragedy comes pain, through pain comes healing, through healing there is hope. I pray that you hold that close to you and always remember that you are a mother, your son just got to see Heaven before you. Don’t let others get you down…keep doing what you’re doing and through it all, lean on those closest to you. Prayers and love, Emily
I’m so sorry that one rude individual hurt your feelings. Losing a baby is one of the hardest things any woman can go thru. Nobody’s experience is the same, nor is how we grieve for what we have lost, for what we were hoping for. Some people will never understand that it hurts beyond words to lose a child. They will never understand how it feels to never be able to hold your child because it was early on in your pregnancy. Or how it feels to deliver a baby that will never cry. Or to have to make final arrangements for that same baby. I can’t imagine the pain and sense of loss that you have felt or will continue to feel. I can only apologize for her and to say that we are truly sorry for your loss. I pray that when you are ready, that you will be able to carry a baby to term, and that the baby is healthy and happy. But no baby will ever fill the spot in your heart and soul that your son occupies. Try to ignore those who are ignorant, even under the guise of being helpful. Make an amazing dedication page in your new book for your son. Write for him. And yourself. I wish you and Doug all of the happiness that you deserve.
Bravo. Good for you standing up for yourself. How frustrating it must be the be in the lime light at times. XOXO
Here is an interesting article I read a few months back. I thought of it when reading your post tonight. It’s about pregnancy and how your child’s cells are still living in you, even when they aren’t. I love this article, it’s so comforting! http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/scientists-discover-childrens-cells-living-in-mothers-brain/
Jamie I am so sorry for the loss of your little Angel he is now in Heaven dancing with all the other little angels, my brother and sister are now ag this very moment going through the same painful event you and Doug went through. She was fill term and was due today but yesturday their baby our nephew went to be with the lord. Reading your blog right now was so helpful, i pray that God brings them like you some sence of acceptance because im pretty sure the pain will remain. Sending much love to You and Doug.
Hey Jamie, I’ve watched from the bachelorette to present. I have prayed for you during married at first sight that God would guide you through the journey with grace! I felt like Doug was the Gods gift to you your other half! I’ve been in you’re shoes! It’s a pair of shoes you wouldn’t pass on to even to an enemy (if you have any). Since my husband and I married we began the journey to become parents! We thought surely anytime! After a year, then doctors got involved, needless to say we might as well have flushed $30,000 down the toilet. 4 years later I conceived without trying! I overlooked every symptom and at nearly 8 weeks I broke down and took a test! God had finally answered our prayers! 3 ads later on my sisters birthday we told family and Facebook, we were on top of the world! Next day after 100’s of Facebook, emails, texts and face to face hugs and excitement at noon I began a completely different journey one that changed my life forever, I began having a Misscarriage. I was numb, humiliated& confused that God blessed me and 3 days late He took it all away and crushed me! My husband and I were crushed! My family was crushed! One person I love very much hurt me by telling me, “well at least it happened now rather than later!” What kind of words of encouragement is that! The moment I knew, I fell in love with them, with a person I created and lost!!
People will say all kind of stupid ignorant things! I pray God restore to you what was lost! I love you and I don’t mean that creepy! You’ve become a friend and and I know you will hold Johnathan again, the Word of God says you are know as you were known, he was your baby and when you make to heaven you will know him once again! We will rock our babies in glory and what a day that will be!
Good for you. Much love, light & healing for you and Doug.
Oh Jamie, I am so proud of you for standing up to that ignorant, cruel person! You said exactly what needed to be said. You and Doug are in my thoughts & prayers and I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious son. You do what YOU need to do to continue healing. Blessings for better days to come
You are an amazing woman to even be able to talk about something so personal. I have followed you and Doug since MAFS. I rooted for y’all. And couldn’t wait for y’all to have babies because I see how much you wanted it. I was so sad when I heard about your miscarriage. I wish you strength to stand up to the negative comments. There are always those trying to bring you down instead of build you up. I believe it takes a strong person to share so much of there personal life and I believe you are helping so many others that are going through the same thing. God loves you and so many people do too. Keep the faith!!!
This literally hurts my heart knowing that people can be so rude so menacing. I have not had a miscarriage however I have a condition where I may not be able to have children and it breaks my heart into.I’ve had people not thinking make very hurtful comments about this and some were close family members. People don’t know the impact their words have on someone. Please know that you are an amazing person and are doing the best you can after such a tragic loss. Im so sorry for you and your family. I can’t say I know how it feels but I know just the thought of not being able to get pregnant is so painful so I can’t fathom what you are going through.
Sorry , I should have re-read…. That’s supposed to have said watched you since the bachelor …. Sorry for the errors
WELL SAID!!! Good for you Jamie to stand up to this “miss understand” …… I don’t now you personally but have watched you from the bar hekp to now, my heart breaks for your family’s loss… Keep selling that book… The best hekp comes from someone who’s walked the journey and I know God didn’t allow you to endure all you have for no reason. I love your story with Doug and love watching how you fell in love with each other. Praying for comfort and strength!!!
Jamie! Wow! This lady’s comment makes my blood boil! Some people have such nerve! I don’t curse, but she deserves a F*@k you! She has no idea what you are going through. Please do not let this person’s comment make you think twice!
I’m so sorry for you and Doug’s loss. I do not speak from experience of losing a child, but my heart breaks for both of you! I lost my father 7 years ago and buried myself in work and didn’t give myself proper time to grieve. Please take care of yourself and Doug and it’s OK to just grieve there’s no time table. You guys are in my prayers! ❤
Jamie,
I can’t imagine your pain at living this nightmare in the public eye. I lost two babies and experienced a hurtful comment by a family member I had considered a close friend. But the worst part was that no one wanted to talk about it. I know you didn’t ask for advice, but what really helped me was to talk to about it and make it less taboo to discuss. I really had to just walk through the grief, head on. I know you are grieving in the best way you know how and no one should judge you for that. The pain doesn’t ever leave and I always wonder about my two sweet babies that weren’t meant for this earth. You will too.
Much love to you and Doug!
Stacie
I am so sorry for your loss, the way you wrote about it I think will help other people have insight into the pain and heartbreak that miscarriage is. I have had two miscarriages in the first trimester and never felt like I was allowed to feel any sorrow about it because it ‘wasn’t far along’ but as you said you are connected to that baby as soon as you find out your pregnant. It’s inside you and part of you, how could you not! Please know you are not alone in your pain, keep talking about it as much as you need to. Do whatever you need to do to get through your days. You have a lot of support and love in your life and out here. Lots of healing energy to you xx
I am so sorry there are people in this world who feel that passive-aggressive behavior is the “nice” way to tell someone they are doing something wrong. I have watched your progression since the bachelor and I think you are amazing! You have been through things that most people do not understand, yet you’ve become stronger because of it. You don’t let it define you! Losing a child no matter how you do it, is the hardest thing a parent can go through! I had a miscarriage after only 1 month and the comments were the same. It DOES NOT erase the pain in your heart and soul. So, grieve, talk about it, get angry, and BLOG AWAY. If “Miss I Understand” doesn’t like it, she can stop reading your blog! It’s that simple! Lots of love and prayers for you and Doug!
An “I understand” in sheep’s clothing is still a mean girl.
Bless her heart.
I am so, so sorry for what you’re going through.
I read and loved the book, so many insights for even a person that had been with their spouse for over 13 years.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your son, we lost our first baby and I thought and was convinced that there was something wrong with me and only me, so many people were pregnant and doing just fine all around. No one knows what to say, I my case I really had no one to talk to. “Getting over it” is not an option. Keep your head up! My rainbow baby just turned 2 and she is the best thing that has ever happened. I look forward to the day you announce your rainbow baby! Prayers to you and your hubby. Every day is a struggle but eventually it does get easier.
Thank you for posting this on behalf of all mothers who have had to experience this unimaginable loss. Sadly I think it’s the people who’ve never had to experience any kind of difficulty in their lives that are so critical of others. They’re absolutely clueless.
When I lost my husband I experienced some of the most ridiculous commentary. Many people didn’t care to ask me how I was feeling or invite me to share stories of my husband, realizing it would bring me some joy, instead they wanted to know all the details of his tragic death. Basically they wanted me to relive it over again, for them . I referred to them as the ambulance chasers.
I applaud you for getting out of bed every day and putting one foot in front of the other and learning to navigate the world without your beautiful son. And thank goodness for your husband, who sounds very supportive. I’ll be holding you in my prayers.
Jamie, I want to send my deepest condolences to you and Doug. How insensitive can people be? I for one have had a miscarriage 34 years ago. It is very hard. You are so loved Jaime and I just wanted you to know that and I support you in all your endeavors. From what it sounds like, you have come a long way. Your an amazing women! Don’t let those negative people get you down. You’ve got a lot of people that care about you. I will be praying for you honey to get through this difficult time. Sending you lots of love and hugs!
I suffered 2 miscarriages and I remember crying for days and days. I have 2 very beautiful teenagers. It takes people who are in the media to tak about subjects that are seen as taboo which unfortunately miscarriages are. Your children will have a very special Angel always with them in your son. Hold tight on to your hubby and taking every day minute by minute, then hour by hour then day by day.
I unfortunately know about miscarriage as well. Following our infertility struggles we got pregnant with twins through IVF. We ended up losing them both early on and it was so traumatic to our marriage after everything we went through to get pregnant. My jerk of a MIL had the nerve to tell me, “well you’re so jacked up on hormones from the IVF that just go have lots of sex and you’ll probably get pregnant!”
First off yeah, that’s how it works right? WRONG! My body was miscarrying, it wasn’t about to jump right into a pregnancy WHILE I was miscarrying! I was so angry for her hurtful comments along with other people’s. Nobody knows what to say, but at least try something NICE rather than some horrible response of, “it wasn’t meant to be, etc”
Jamie, my deepest sympathy goes out to you and Doug. I too had a miscarriage 34 years ago. I know it is hard to go thru. I am so sorry you have to deal with disrespectful people. People just have no regard for people’s feelings. Know that you are loved honey! I will pray for you and may God bless you and Doug.
I
Great insight in the last two years both of my sons partners lost their babies
The sorry they all felt was heart wretching for me as their mom and they were my grand babies
We all grieved in our own way but together
I personally think people don’t talk as openly about miscarriage as they other things in life
Blessings to you all
I really hate that women can be so insensitive. Everyone copes in different ways. After a loss there is a new “normal” and it’s hard to see the world keep turning when it should have so obviously stopped. I don’t think there is anything but worse for a mother than losing her child, no matter what the circumstances. The only thing I can say is that it’s not that God will only give us what we can handle, but will help us handle what we are given.
I admire your strength for moving forward. I lost my first baby at 11 weeks. I also returned to work 4 days afterwards where multiple coworkers were pregnant and it felt like such a slap in my face. Just keep doing you and ignore what the haters say!!
Dearest Jamie,
My heart aches for you. The loss of your son has changed you ( and Doug) for the rest of your lives. I have 4 angel babies ( 3 miscarriages and 1 stillbirth). The loss of our babies is not just a physical loss but the loss of a dream. You dream of them growing up, what they will look like, what their interests will be…etc. that dream will no longer be a reality for the son you no longer have. No one should ever begin to tell you how to feel, what to do or say. Your grief is yours alone. My first loss was over 13 years ago. Am I over it? NO! Will I ever be? Probably not. I am sorry you have joined the families whose dreams and children are not here. I pray that you find peace and love, and are emotionally willing to continue your dream of having a living child. Your first born son ( I hope you named him) will always be a part of your life, and your heart. Hugs from another mom of angels.
I can’t say thank you enough for your sharing your story with us. It takes such an incredibly strong and brave person to share such a personal and devastating experience with other people, especially in a blog where you are opening yourself up to be judged. I went through a very painful miscarriage myself in 2013. It was especially hard as my husband and I had struggled with infertility and didn’t know if that would be our only chance to be parents. Thankfully, we just had our rainbow baby but it took several years of struggle and numerous infertility treatments. I am so sorry that you received such an insensitive comment. I give you so much credit for addressing it head on and not backing down. Ignorant people like that have to be put in their place. Please continue to blog and share your journey with us. Although you may receive some insensitive comments along with way, always remember that for every idiot out there you have numerous others who are cheering you on and routing for you every step of the way!! Thank you for always having a voice and not being afraid to be open and honest. God bless 🙂
I’m in tears with you after reading this. I am so sorry for your loss. I too have experienced loss and I understand everything you are saying. I delivered Andrew Jay on April 9, 2005. He was at 20 weeks gestation and he was not alive. We knew going in that we were going to lose him. It is an impossible thing to go through. You will love him forever and you are allowed as much grieving as you need. I was also told to “move on” and I will never forget how it feels to hear that. I am proud of you and Doug and I look forward to watching you grow as a couple and eventually meet your rainbow baby. My rainbow baby is now 10 years old. His name is Jacob (a play on Jay-my first baby’s middle name) and he’s the love of my life.
Jamie I am so sorry for your loss, and I know exactly what you are talking about but in a different way. On your FB page I asked you to pm me because My husband is an author of 2 children’s that I would like to and to you for your rainbow baby. One of them has 2 versions , either for a girl or a boy, so I would need to the sex of your baby before sending them to you. I was called harsh and other words which I don’t remember and accused of using you to promote my husbands nooksin your time of loss. I really just wanted to help you look forward to spending time reading these books with your rainbow baby, the books are for toddlers.
Beautifully written Jamie. Bless you Doug and baby Johnathan. Pain and suffering, grief and loss are a personal journey for everyone and being unable to get up and function is something now one can ever understand unless you experience it. I myself after trying to take my own life now the feeling of such helplessness and loss of ones self. People say such hurtful things in the aim to give advise (underlying judgement) . I too had to pick myself up and “move on” ….its the hardest thing to do and continue to do on the bad days. Hold your head up high Jamie you deserve too xxxx
Dont give bullies like this a second thought Jamie. I returned to work as a teacher 2 days after miss carrying our precious baby because it kept my mind busy and helped me to keep my depression under control. No one judged me. No one questioned my choice. It’s you who is battling through this trauma and only you and your husband can decide how you cope. Keep working, stay busy and love will bring back your happiness soon xxx
Jamie, my sincere condolences and you hit it all on the mark! Sadly we suffered the loss, one before and one after our beautiful 30 yr old son here on earth that I give thanks to God for every day. We still of course remember and greive for the two angels I miscarried that would’ve been his siblings. It’s sad and especially since he’s an only child. He knows all about his “angel” siblings and we all will never forget them ever. I spent time in therapy years ago to deal with our losses and it helped greatly. Praying for you to be well, greive and be strong and when the time is right to conceive a sibling for your angel Jonathan in heaven watching over you all. Sending love and hugs. Stay strong and console each other through the process.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with catty people! For the record, plenty of us do care to hear the full story about your pregnancy battle. But I certainly understand that that is your personal story and its is up to you to decide when/if you choose to share it. My thoughts are with you & Doug.
Jamie, I am sorry for the lost that you and Doug endured. I too lost a baby at 15 weeks. It was so incredibly painful and even though it has been 10 years, Everytime the due date rolls around I can’t help but think of my perfect little pumpkin. At the time we too had insensitive comments made similar to the ones you mentioned. The worst one was from one of my Aunts who said to me “you wouldn’t have wanted it anyway, because something was obviously wrong with it!”. The only way that could respond was to walk away! I can’t even imagine why she thought that would be a helpful and comforting comment. A hug or an a simple “I am sorry” would have been much better. Jamie, I am sorry again that you had to experience this and I am sorry too that some people choose to share their ignorance by saying what that person said. Please know that there are those out here that have your back and stand behind you in your grief. I take pleasure in knowing that your precious boy is in heaven with mine. Hugs to you and Doug!
Jamie, you are a strong woman, and a loving, caring mother. I’m so sorry this happened to you and your husband.
I’ve had five miscarriages but never got to hold any of them. I was not as far along as you were. I can only imagine the depth of pain you are feeling… I pray for you both.
I now have seven children, two girls here with me and the rest I have yet to meet. I was pregnant with my sixth child when you were on Married At First Sight. You and Doug were my favorite couple! I prayed you guys would work it all out and stay married. Lol. I’m so glad you two are together! I cried with you on the show, and I cry with you now. ((Hugs))
Do what you have to do to get through this time. And don’t listen to the negative people who find it so easy to type whatever comes to their mind.
You are you. And you are an amazing person, no matter what gets thrown to you in life.
*.1% (math is not my strong suit )
YES! Good for you, Jamie. Im glad you stood up for yourself, I know it must difficult to decide the right thing to do when you’re in the spotlight. I read a comment when you first blogged about your loss and was appalled at a comment from someone…Might’ve been the same one. I’m proud of you! Just Know that 99.9% of us are rooting for you and Doug to heal.. The other .01% doesn’t matter!
I am so sorry you lost your precious baby boy… I lost a baby 5 years ago and it still hurts today and I will always have a place in my heart for heart for him.
My husband wasn’t open to trying to have another baby and its been a struggle for me.
I too received comments that were hurtful and inappropriate. I’m sorry you’re having to experience that pain on top of the pain your already experiencing.
If you get a chance, read Heaven Is For Real. It (and a lot of talking to God) brought me such healing, and if you read it I hope it brings you healing and peace like it did for me. God truly spoke to me and brought me comfort thru it!
I can’t wait to celebrate (via social media) the day you hold your rainbow baby in your loving arms!
God Bless! ☺️
Janell
Jamie,
I am not one to write comments but after reading this post I had to! I am so sorry for your loss and how anyone could say these things to you is beyond me. I lost our sweet baby girl at 24 weeks and it’s been over a year and I cry all the time, I have watched my sister in laws get pregnant and have babies and quietly struggle not letting the pain be seen. No one talks about losing a child this way and your strength has been amazing, Inspiring and a blessing! I pray for you and Doug and know God has a plan. I never wanted to hear it will be okay, or it gets better because I don’t know that is ever is I think we just learn how to live with the loss and pain! I’m so proud and honored to get to read this keep up the good work and don’t let anyone make you feel bad! Sending all my love and prayers
I agree!! I’m so sorry I have a very similar story, my husband finally agreed it was time for a baby, we were searching for a house and we’re both finally ready. I have always dreamed of being a mom. I got pregnant but had a miscarriage in April. I work as a CNA and have come workers who are pregnant and 2 of my siblings. That makes it so tough to be around others who get to carry on and have their babies. I have a couple worker who asks me about my miscarriage and how it felt almost weekly!!! Because she wants to makes sure feelings she is having are not miscarriage signs. I do think know what to say to her. How do you not understand that bringing it up causes me pain!!! Some people just don’t think before they speak!
I call people like that “saccharine sweet” they come accross nice and sweet but then you find out that they are not so nice after all. Jamie, I follow you in several social media outlets and I see how much you hurt and how you are doing your best. I know when it happened to me, it was hard and all I could do is take it day by day. I am happy that you and Doug have each other to lean on, and to uplift one another. God bless you both, and keep on keepin on!!!
Dear Jamie, no one can know really how are you feeling and how you overcome this, except you and your husband. And I think, all hurtful comments have to come from someone who is not a parent! The minute you know you are pregnant you change… Is like feeling and imagining every child as your child. So don’t listen this kind of comments, they simply just DON’T KNOW what they are saying. Because no one who has a child of their one, no one who has been pregnant and knows the worries you always have in your mind and in your heart about if everything is ok, can say anything with the purpose of hurting a miscarried mom. A pregnant woman is already a mom… you are a mom, even if you only held your son just for a few minutes, so don’t let anyone take that from you! And somewhere I once read that everytime an Angel wants to know Earth goes to God and ask him to come, so God send him as a baby, and because He knows life is so difficult He gives him a mommy, because He knows a Mom is the only human being that can represent Him in Earth. A mommy loves uncondicionally, always cares, always gives, and could even die for defending their childs. So be proud of it. God sent you an Angel, you were chosen to be a mommy. And an Angel briefly knew The Earth through you.
Jamie you don’t have to justify yourself to anyone. People should be ashamed for even thinking they have some sort of clue what you’re going through, and thinking they have a right to comment something so horrendous. You know yourself best, you know what you need to do. Your feelings are your feelings and they’re valid. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Sending you and your husband all the love and prayers in the world through this difficult time.
Hi Jamie,
I truly wish I could find the words to express how sad I am for the loss of your son. I have never been through the loss of a child so I cannot even pretend to understand what you are going through. I have wanted to write to you many times but I really could not find the words. I remember 20 years ago my sister in law suffered a miscarriage, it was so devastating for her, I remember just saying ” I have no words, I don’t know what to say to help you”. I truly felt guilty because at the time I had a 3 month old son. Many months later my sister in law said, that was the best thing I could have said to her at the time. I didn’t try to make it better. I just grieved with her.
You will grieve in the way you need to and you should never have to explain that to anyone.
Know there are many people praying for you and Doug and your sweet baby. Bless you and your family!
Jamie and Doug I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my little boy at 24 weeks. I went into premature labor while on vacation in Hilton Head and there was nothing they could do to stop it. That was back in 2011, and these past 5 years I have struggled everyday with the loss of him. I have followed your story, and I know that you will get your little rainbow. In fact I’m 25 weeks along with my rainbow baby, a baby girl this time. Please know that even though we have never met, you and Doug are in my thoughts. And I wish you both nothing but the best!
I feel numb after reading the comment by “miss understand” or whatever her name is. It’s really sad that a human being could be so hurtful. I had a still birth at 7months pregnant and I cried for months and still think about that baby i lost even till today which is 8years after i lost him so i feel your pain Jamie and know its not an easy road to walk. As for you “miss understand” Jamie owes you no explanation. Whatever she does with her life, her story, it’s HERS!
YOUR REVIEW
Hi Jamie,
I have watched and liked you since you were on the Bachelor. I’ve seen how much you’ve tried to find love and I was so happy when you finally did. I was so saddened by your miscarriage. I have personally never experienced this but I have a friend who has had 3 miscarriages so I know the saddenes and heartbreak you’re experiencing. I pray that God gives you the strength you both need to overcome this pain. In regards to this post, you did such a great job calling out this cyber bully. It really upsets me that someone can write such hurtful things. I bet if they were in front of you they wouldn’t say such things. If I were you I wouldn’t waste one more second thinking about this 😉 Sending lots of hugs and positive vibes your way.
Jamie thank you for sharing this. Unfortunately there are just nasty people in this world. My thoughts and prayers are with you, you’re a wonderful mom.
Jamie,
When I heard about your beautiful angel, I was inspired to write this for him, and you.
You are still a mom
When you think of me and I’m not there
Know that you are still a mom
From Heaven above I love and care
Know that you are still a mom
When you’re crying you tears of sadness and joy
Know you are still a mom
Because I’ll always be your little boy
You are still MY mom
From one Mom to another…
You go girl!
I recently lost my son as well about 7 weeks ago and I was 24 weeks along. I, however, do understand where your coming from. If I don’t get up and do something I will lay in bed and be a miserable mess. You can’t explain what we are going though or how to even go through it. It’s disturbing the amount of pain and suffering but I love that you are so vocal about your loss! It has helped me. I also decided to write out “what happened” and wrote a 10 page “story”! I have let others read it in hopes that it helps them but truthfully if you’ve never been through it nobody will ever understand. Keep going strong girl!
YOUR REVIEW
Thank you for that! I had a miscarriage this past April. After almost a year of fertility treatments & 2 doctors saying I can’t have my own bioloigcal child. I have low egg and I can’t even try to do IVF. Finially gave up & I got pregnant to find out I had a ectopic pregnancy.
I cried so much… Friends telling me, “at least you got pregnant.. Now we know.” Everything you shared. So true how people are so heartless. To know someone else is going through the exact same thing is comforting. Everytime I hear one of my friends friend getting pregnant I tear up. Especially today…. I feel so down. Sorry I hope I’m not making you down. Just want to say thank you so much for posting that. It was so comforting & was notting my head Yes, finally someone who understand exactly what I’m going through.
Anyways keep promoting your book and keeping fighting! Keep doing you! Your my inspiration and I love you & Doug.. Still my favorite couple!! Love you and God Bless!❤️
Jamie,
I seriously love you for standing up to this person. Thank you for the inspiration and courage you give to myself and others. I definitely appreciate it. I have had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy and I completely understand what you are going through and know how some people just do not get it or understand and say hurtful things. Someone even said to me “oh no another one bites the dust, im sure youll get pregnant again though”, talk about hurtful ( I wish I had stood up to this person at the time). But its been years since my miscarriage and have not been able to get pregnant again. I am leaving it in Gods hands now and I have learned to cope with it. But there are days when it just hurts just as much as the day it happened. You are definitely a strong person and I am sorry you had to read such an insensitive comment. Continue to be strong mama and continue to do what you do. Thank you for sharing your stories and inspiring people like me to continue to be strong and knowing we can get through anything. ❤
Wow! I can’t believe someone could be so inconsiderate of another human beings feelings. Sorry that you get bullied and on YOUR blog! My heart hurts for you. I miscarried at five months. People can be rude. When I went back to work there were so many nosey questions thrown at me. It made me feel like that all they cared about is wanting to know details and the whys and whats rather than allowing me to handle my loss. I sympathize with you and Doug. Take care and grieve however long you need girlfriend…there is no time limit on it…that’s for sure! God bless!
You have gone through the worst hell as a mother, and I can only admire you for how you have handled it. You have every right to grieve however you need to, and no one can take that away from you. I went through a period in my last pregnancy of a “threatened miscarriage,” and I felt like my life was over. Lucky for me, I got to keep my daughter, and I haven’t stopped thanking God for that since. Your angel is so blessed to have you as his mother, and to have you help so many others who are coming to terms with the same pain. Thank you for sharing your truth, and just know that we are all rooting for you silently as we follow your story <3
Hi Jamie,
I’vs been following you since I watched MFS here in Italy. I cannot image the pain and how you are feeling after the miscarriage..you are such a strong woman, do not consider this disgusting comment that comes for sure from someone who has nothig better to say and who like hurting people with bad sentences!! Continue to follow Doug’s and your family advices but first of all, follow your feelings and heart!! My prayers and thoughts are with you and Doug, may you realize the dream of having your rainbow baby soon.
How can I order the signed copy of your book? Can it be shipped to Italy?
Big Hugs and Kisses.
I read that post and couldn’t stop crying. I hurt so bad for you. I’ve never personally miscarried but I have an aunt who has suffered several miscarriages and lost a son shortly after birth (he was born with a hole in his heart). She did have one daughter who is now in her forties with a daughter of her own. And another aunt also lost a son shortly after his birth. They both still suffer from the loss, even more than 40 years later. He will always be your first born, and will always be that missing piece of your family. You do whatever you need to do to make it through each day. If some people can’t understand that, screw them! For each person like that, there are hundreds, even thousands, who love and support you. You guys came into our living room every week and became part of the family, almost like my children. I get excited for you when things are going well and I hurt for you when bad things happen. Just know that there are so many people who care about you and Doug and want nothing but the best for you. Thank you for sharing with us and letting us be there for you. We’re here whenever you need us.
Social media seems to bring out all sorts of kinds of people with opinions and comments. I wonder if those hurtful people are trying to wound those around them so they don’t feel their own insecurities and pain. Nonetheless, it is completely unacceptable. Bullying is just that- no matter how flowery it comes across.
I too have had a loss- multiple losses- and I just wanted to crawl into a ball and cry. It is completely devastating, no matter how far along in the pregnancy and I too pushed myself back to work. I even worked while miscarrying because I did not want to explain to people at work why I was taking time off or request additional time off. Two days after losing one further along, I went back and tried to keep my focus on my job. It was very difficult and painful but, for me, it was distracting enough so that I could put one foot in front of the other each day.
And, even while promoting jewelry or your book, I know that waves of sadness and grief will hit when you least expect it- a song, a smell, seeing another baby or pregnant woman- it all had me emotional and in tears. And, the hormones! It takes months to get your hormones more stable and I was incredibly sensitive and vulnerable for well over a year.
I think it is brave of you to continue on, to not do what we’d all want to do and crawl into bed and stop eating and just cry. Each person too has their own timeline with the grieving process. It is ever over, you don’t move on, you just find joy in other places as you see more sun, more rainbows and more reasons to hold onto as you move forward.
I pray often for you and I wonder how you are doing when you are in the quiet moments or if you have had a difficult day being surrounded by others who are happy and carefree (and pregnant). Boy, that was so hard for me!
Don’t let negativity or judgemental people bring you down. Your son was and is everything to you and he is PROUD of his mom. The time that someone spends on earth is not equated to their value or depths of your love. He lives on eternally- and so does your love for him and he for you. And your job, life and dreams can coexist with his memory and love.
I am very sorry for your loss. My sister has gone through three miscarriages, and I’ve seen it’s affects on her and her husband. The only thing that I could do is sit and hold her. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.
I also want to let you know that I’ve watched the show since the beginning, and I judged you because I thought you were being selfish in your marriage. I’m truly sorry for that. I know realize that no one truly knows a person’s whole story, and until you lived their life you have absolutely no right to judge. I bought your ebook about a month or two after my husband and I got married, admittedly to be nosey lol plain and simple. For that I am also very sorry. Now that I’m in it I know that marriage is hard (I can’t imagine how much harder it is when you marry a stranger). Once I started reading it I realized that I too was selfish. I only cared about my happiness and was concentrated on what my husband wasn’t doing for me. I realized that if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with my bestfriend I needed to change. I have started doing things for my husband expecting nothing in return, just as you said in your book, and you know what? He started doing the same. We are just at the beginning of our story, and continue to work everyday on being better. We have a lifetime ahead of us (God willing), but we are happier and more in love than we have ever been. Thank you for your book, and Thank you for making me realize that I need to make my husband’s needs and happiness number one, even if that means putting mine on the back burner. We are partners who both give 100% every day. I just wanted to let you know that your booked helped someone, it helped my marriage, and it helped strengthen our bond. Hopefully that makes your day a little brighter. Psalms 61:2
I wish I could write you privately. I understand what you’re going through. I am also a labor and delivery nurse which, in my opinion, can take away a lot of joy for us anyway during a pregnancy because of all that we see at work. I was only 8 weeks when I lost my baby and that was hard enough…I cannot imagine bonding further with my baby and then losing them. I hope you know that you’re not alone and you will get through this. Not in defense of those nasty comments, but I do think that people don’t understand miscarriage unless they’ve experienced the heartbreak themselves. I know I didn’t quite understand, especially an early miscarriage like what I experienced. Keep blogging about it if that’s what helps you heal, I keep a journal as well…it just isn’t public but it has definitely helped me. People will always have something negative to say…just keep doing whatever it is that you need to do to help yourself. I’m so sorry for your loss…best wishes to both you and Doug!
I am so sorry for your loss and that you had to deal with that comment. My cousin lost her son at 38 weeks when they could no longer find a heartbeat, and to this day there is still no reason as to why that they’ve found. I personally don’t understand how you feel, but I did have my daughter 2 months early and in the hospital for a month (she is doing great now! 7 months and 14 lbs finally!). I personally felt/feel a sense of loss because of missing out on all those firsts in the first month, and even getting to hold her in the first few hours of her life. It does not compare to your pain or what you’ve experienced, but I did get those comments that made me feel like a bad mom because I wasn’t able to carry her to term or because we decided to have her when we knew my body most likely wouldn’t be able to handle it after our first was early as well. Reading that was how that comment made you feel upset me so much. I know that feeling and I can’t stand when another woman feels that way because of a situation they couldn’t change. You are NOT a bad mom! You are an amazing mom for sharing your story to help others who may have been/be in the same situations or struggles as you have experienced. Not only that, but you are keeping his memory alive in an extremely special way. Keep working and doing whatever you need to to make yourself feel better. Right now, you are number one and your wellbeing is most important. I know it’s so hard to ignore people, but you are an AMAZINGLY woman who is gorgeous, funny, so sweet, and anyone would be lucky to be an ounce like you. Day by day, moment by moment, emotion by emotion. You’ve got this, and he will be looking down and loving you through this journey!
Sorry if this is all over the place, my two year old keeps taking my phone and trying to type
Rawr! I’m so glad you addressed this and stood up for yourself. You shouldn’t have to, but you did. You’re amazing!
Jamie, I am so sorry that your dealing with that in such a difficult time of your life. You need to do whatever you can to heal. As a mother, my heart hurts for you. Surround yourself with love and encouragement.
Jamie I have be a huge fun of your since watching you on the Bachelor and then finding out you were going to be on married at first sight and even after I called it when I saw you and Doug together I just knew you two were meant for each other and I was so happy to watch as you two fall in love. And stayed married I jumped for joy and cried when you two renewed your vows!!! My husband and I are going to be doing the same but we waited almost 7 years. I was praying and hoping so badly to hear the new of your pregnancy and when it came I was so over the moon for you and Doug. And then the news came of your miscarriage and I cried!!! For so many reasons one being that is something no human should go through and also because it brought some pain back to me that I thought I was over!! In 2010 I gave birth to our wonderful daughter named Bridgette she is now six but for five years it’s been crushing for my husband and I!! Moslty because we have been trying off and on for five years to get pregnant and we had in 2013 but shortly after we miscarried and I was devastated. I was emotionally wrecked!! I took it out of everyone as if it was their fault I lost my little girl! It took some time to get over it and now my husband and I are trying again but every month I’m reminded that I’m not pregnant while cousins and brothers and sisters are having babies and are pregnant I’m not and I just yarn to be a mommy again! So reading your blogs about miscarriage its very touching and helped me close that chapter and to know its okay to hurt and take that time to morn but to then pick your self up and lean on your biggest supporter and know you will always miss and love your children whether they are here on earth or in heaven. That your allowed to miss them and allowed to cry every once in a while for them but to know its okay to move forward not move on because after something like that you just don’t move on you move forward! So thank you Jamie for helping me see that moving forward isn’t moving on its simple continuing to honor your children either here on earth or in heaven. That moving forward is just that! I’m praying for you and Doug!!! Just know you have a place in my heart from one grieving mommy to another! Don’t move on darling just move forward! Keep pushing through!! Much love!!!
“I understand’s” comment disgusted me. I don’t typically make comments on public forums however I have watched the show and read your book. You are an incredibly strong woman and to share your experiences publicly and without censorship in order to help others is not only brave and admirable but selfless. The fact that she made that comment reveals the unhappiness in her life. Jamie, keep doing whatever helps you get through the day.
Sweetie, reading your post made me cry. Please know that you are most definitely not alone. You have an army of people out here that truly care about you and care about what you are going through. I wished I could give you a hug right now. You also have a lot of people praying for you. I am a Christian and I know that your beautiful, previous boy is in the loving arms of God being comforted and cared for, free of any pain or sorrow and in a wonderful place. I have and will continue to pray for healing, comfort and peace for your heart and soul. Time does heal and blessings do follow. You keep blogging sweetie and take one day at a time and will we continue to be here with you all along the way. ❤️
Jamie you are a beautiful woman and you exhude NOTHING but that strength and beauty! I’m sorry that people can be so hurtful. You handled yourself well and hopefully that person will not treat others that way again moving forward. I downloaded your book and read it all in one day. It was an excellent read. I always loved your quirky personality on MAFS and that made me understand you. You are a tough cookie!! I am sending lots of love and positive thoughts your way 🙂
People are ridiculous. No one has a right to judge what helps you through your healing process. Keep doing whatever you need to do to heal. I’ve been a fan of you and your relationship for years and enjoy seeing people happy. What happened to you is devastating and you need to do whatever it is that you need to do to get as much happiness back. Keep on running and staying healthy for that rainbow baby and keep on writing and selling whatever you want for that pot of gold 😉
No words! Just tears. I’m so sorry, Jamie! Praying for you and Doug. (((Hugs))))
I know your pain of loss all too well and am sorry for the hurtful comments of naive people. I suffered my miscarriage 14 years ago and although the pain does subside, the memories always seem so fresh. Oddly enough I’m okay with that because in a way, I believe it’s what keeps my baby’s memory alive. I have been blessed with two children that I adore but I will never forget my first baby! Prayers for you during this time and for your rainbow baby. I believe you and Doug will be amazing parents!
I am sending you a big hug! I do know your pain, we lost our daughter at 22 weeks and signing her death certificate was the hardest moment of my life. Each day you will ache a little less, but you wil never forget. It has been nine years, and I think about her often. I was blessed with a rainbow baby- it is his seventh birthday today and I am thankful daily. I am sending you prayers for strength. I am sending prayers for a rainbow baby and the joy it brings.
I am so sorry to hear about the rude and insensitive comments you have gotten! I would totally feel the same emotions you are as you have every right (especially considering everything you’ve been through). I can relate with you so much. My childhood was very rough and when I finally made it out and met my husband…my life started to turn around. I wanted a child so badly (because I so badly wanted the family I never had growing up!). Our first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and it hurt me to the core! I couldn’t understand why I had to go through first not having a good family while I was young…and then now as an adult still couldn’t have that family. But after that miscarriage I became pregnant again and I walked on eggshells through the entire pregnancy. I was expecting the worst to happen and just didn’t want to get too excited in fear that I would loose another. But my daughters pregnancy was very healthy and she is now 4 years old! She has blessed my life and has helped me heal in many ways and it makes me so happy to give her the life I always needed and wanted growing up. Unfortunately we experienced another miscarriage when she was 2…and I haven’t had the courage to try again for my 2nd child yet. Although even if I were to never have another child, I will always feel incredibly blessed and thankful for my daughters life. I got alot of rude comments too. Like people asking, why did you miscarry?! It was hard. But I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your struggles and I so understand your pain! I will be praying for peace and strength for you!
Jamie,
I have to say that this woman was only right about 1 thing she said. “She can’t imagine the pain.” She will never understand and therefore should keep her mouth shut. I heard SO MANY comments from people who thought they were trying to be consoling or sympathetic when I lost my little Liam at 26 weeks. These comments just made me angrier because, your right, they cannot understand how it feels unless you have gone through losing your child. I have been following Doug and Yours story from the beginning. I was very excited (but jealous as I had just lost Liam) when I found out you were pregnant. I cried for you when I saw you had lost Jonathan because I knew the pain you were suffering. I actually have thought you were so brave for sharing your story through this tragedy and continuing to pick your head up each day and do your job. You gave me inspiration and hope that I too could do that. Don’t listen to people who don’t know, who don’t understand. Everyone deals with grief differently and everyone has their own way of healing. Your way of healing has been a true inspiration to me!
I just want to say thank you for sharing this terrible experience of what is a miscarriage. I’ve lost my baby this week. Three days ago exactly. I had to live, like you, delivery without having the chance of comming back home with my son (too). It makes me feel “better” when I read your blog even if for now I just can’t visualise how life will makes sens again. It makes me feel “normal” to be like a zombie right now and just live my pain like I want/need for now. Please keep sharing this as long as you will feel the need to. Im pretty sure, as I can see in comments, that Im not the only one for who reading your blog put a balm on the terrible experience of what is a miscarriage and child lost. (Sorry for my english Im a french canadian).
Jamie, I lost a child myself and completely understand the feeling. We tried for over a year and got pregnant and lost the baby at 13 weeks. It is literally the hardest thing Ive gone through and to this day (4 years later) it still breaks my heart and still tear up when I look at the babys memory box.. I blamed myself for the longest time and life seemed to stand still. Some of the comments that were said to me after cut me to the bone. One of them being “atleast you werent further along, the baby is only like 2 cm big”. Makes you want to thump them in the forhead. I dont care how far along I was, I loved that baby the moment I saw the positive on the pregnancy test. I get peace knowing that my baby is in Heaven and I WILL one day get to hold him/her. My husband and I even joke around about getting to Heaven first to name the baby since we didnt know the sex. Jonathon is your little Angel and you will always be his mommy. You will have weak moments, Im crying even writing this thinking about my baby. But try to stay strong and take it day by day! Hugs!
YOUR REVIEW
Jamie-
I’ve followed you since day one on MAFS. You’re so strong! I couldn’t ever imagine the pain you’re experiencing! Just do what you need to do to be okay right now. I love everything about you and Doug and you’re strong and will get through this together! Sending many prayers to you guys!
Love,
Katelyn
Hi Jamie. I want to say that I’m a so very sorry for your loss. I also experienced a miscarriage. However it was much earlier (I was about 5-6weeks). Even then, it was so emotional and heartbreaking. I can’t imagine your loss. I think your response to this comment was graceful and eloquent. I hope that you and Doug are able to find some peace, however that may be. Good luck in your future, both family and business. You deserve it. I am also reading your book. It awesome so far!
Thank you for saying this!! After my two miscarriages, I heard a few of those presumably well meaning comments, but they stick and hurt. You should be proud of your book and all you’ve been able to do in the midst of such heartbreak. I’m sorry someone would say something like that, keep on posting and writing and designing!!
Jamie, I have been a fan of yours since the bachelor. I was so happy when you married Doug – a real man. I know this is a tough time for you, I lost my first baby when I was 5 weeks pregnant, so many comments I heard were of the variety “are you sure you were pregnant”? My rainbow baby is now 23, life does indeed go on. I occasionally think of my little baby and I have a special ornament for my Christmas tree that has been placed every year. Whenever it gets put on the tree I give myself a minute to think what if… Cry when you need to, this is preparing you for how hard being a parent can be (but I wouldn’t trade it for the world). Take care.
Hi Jamie I am so sorry for your loss and I’m so sorry that someone had you to make you feel so awful you are a strong women whobhas the perfect man by her sidr .. I have had 3 miscarriages so I know what youbwent through… Keep your chin up love you both.. From east London south Africa
Jamie,
I first want to start off by saying how truly sorry I am for your loss. I unfortunately can relate as I just miscarried my baby last night at 7 weeks. We went in for an ultrasound and we saw our little baby but there was no heartbeat. It’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life both physically and emotionally. I wouldn’t wish this kind of pain on anyone. After 8 months of trying with my husband, we were ecstatic when we saw that positive pregnancy test. As humans, we start planing our new lives we’re about to have with our baby. We envision holding our bundles of joy, them wrapping their tiny hands around our finger, and to have it all taken away just doesn’t seem fair. And it’s not fair. I feel like this is a bad dream. I’m a huge fan of you and Doug and I hope you know you’re not alone. I wish you guys the best and I hope we both have our rainbow babies very soon.
I cry inside for you and your loss, Stay strong those who understand what you are doing are here for you and Doug.
I’m so sorry you had to endure such a lose and on top have to deal with people’s pathetic opinions. But BAM! I hope that soulless person read your response. I’ve walked in you shoes and 5 years later I still get ppl who give their unsolicited mind you , “kind not so kind words” losing a baby at 7months is more than ” oh I’m sorry but maybe it’s time to try again” I wish people understood what it is like living after losing your child. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of my baby girl. I have for 5 years and I’m sure will continue to wonder what it would be like if she were here . For the rest of my life I will have moments where I see a child my daughters age and fantazies how she would look or what she would do in that moment . So I will keep you and Dough in my prayers. I love seeing you both smile, I never knew how hard it would be to smile again but with by the Grace of God I am able to get up every morning straighten my crown and put that smile on my face. And so this is my prayer for you, that you follow your dreams and continue this journey of being a beautiful soul you are <3 a grieving mommy to another
And I will now be ordering an autographed copy of your book to show “I Understand” that she should not spend her time worrying about and/or judging anyone other than herself. It’s easy to sit behind a computer and comment on others’ lives. Clearly “I Understand” is one of those perfect people in this world who knows everything and knows how everyone should handle grief and every other situation. Maybe Oprah can interview her someday–she obviously knows all the answers! In all seriousness, you are an amazing person, Jamie, and I hope you can get through your heartache in your own time. Thank you for being so transparent and sharing your life with so many. Now I need to go put the autographed book in my cart and can’t wait to read it. Hey, “I Understand,” thanks for encouraging me to buy Jamie’s book! And Jamie, you do whatever you need to get through it. Praying for peace for you and Doug.
No one understands until they have been through it. I private messaged you a few days back, everyone’s experience is different. Everyone copes in their own way, and no one can tell you when to “get over it”. People are ignorant and say the worst things without even realizing it. Take your time and be gentle on yourself! Don’t let anyone make you feel like you need to explain your grief or why your not looking at it the way they think you should! I’m a mom and a Newborn baby nurse, my miscarriage has affected my life in every aspect, including work. My rainbow baby just turned one on Saturday! Sending positive thoughts your way! Xo
Love you, Jamie! You are as real as it gets and do not ever apologize for being you. I have followed you and Doug from the very first MAFS episode and rooted for you guys all the way. My heart leapt with joy for you guys when I found you were expecting and I cried tears of sorrow when I found out about the miscarriage. People like ” I understand” are put in your path by the devil to break your will and resolve-I’m so glad you don’t give in! You are so strong even in your weakness and I have no doubt you will hang in here to see brighter days with your beloved Doug again!
YOUR REVIEW
I love everything about this post.. I, too, lost my baby.. just 1 short month ago.. Jamie, I think the fact that you even chose to share about your miscarriage AT ALL makes you courageous and strong and brave.. And as someone else who has gone through the same thing, I am so glad you did. Who cares if you promote your book? You worked damn hard on it.. I, like you, completely and totally understand the feeling of being a zombie.. not wanting to do much of anything.. much like you, all I knew to do was to go back to my job.. the one “stable” thing in my life right now it seems.. It just so happens that your job is more “public” than my 9-5. What that person said to you makes me angry FOR you.. Just know that any woman who has gone through what you’ve been through.. or any woman with half a brain or a decent soul would never say those things to you.. THANK YOU for posting what you posted about your baby… thank you for sharing your story.. thank you for your book (which is amazing by the way..) I remember seeing your original post about your loss just 2 days after my loss.. Just two. I remember I was scowling Facebook for something, anything to try and get my mind off of my pain.. Reading about your loss and your experience made me feel comforted in some weird way. I felt like I wasn’t alone.. and after feeling like you’ve lost literally everything… feeling “not alone” is huge.. You keep doing you, Jamie, and us survivors will just keep ignoring those ignorant people with nothing better to do or say. <3
I am sorry that someone so rude and ignorant would even say something like this. I pray that you and Doug will be blessed with a baby at the right time. You are a true blessing. Many prayers to you.
Jamie-
Praying for you and Doug and hugging you across the miles (the Midwest!) 🙂
You guys are such a great team and you are doing what works for YOU on the road to healing and peace. You have so many that love and support you. So sorry this passive aggressive crap has to happen. Take good care. PS your jewelry is beautiful. ❤️
Someone must have shamed her somewhere in her life. Anyone who has followed your story knows you wrote your books and launched your jewelry line prior to starting your family. You are NOT capitalizing on losing your child but trying to cope with the loss. Any compassionate person can clearly see that. The fact that she would say such a thing is sick – she is an idiot troll. My thoughts and prayers are with you & Doug. Keep loving and know that genuine people got your back jack! Sending good vibes to help your heart at least a little during this time, take all the time you need to grieve and discuss. I don’t want to seem rude but fuck ’em – you owe NO ONE a damn thing.
as a woman who has suffered through 5 losses, I applaud you for writing a true, honest and real blog about what it means to have had a miscarriage. The pain of the actual miscarriage, the emotional pain that will hit you at the most random times….the struggle for a couple to still be loving and supportive of each when you lost the most precious thing. People are clearly cruel but know many out here appreciate and love your blog. Get back to work because laying on the couch doesn’t pay the bills and life does go on…even with the constant ache in your heart for your angel it is one day at a time and shame on that person for what she said. Should I have been told the same thing because I took a trip tdown vegas for work the week after my miscarriage? Whatever you have to do to help heal is what you do….to all the negative people – be lucky you haven’t had to experience the loss of a baby….
Jamie, I am so sorry you are going through a miscarriage. I experienced one myself, it certainly is the toughest thing I have ever gone through, Much like yourself, my life wasn’t easy growing up. I wanted to be a mother, that’s the only thing I have ever known for sure. When you see those two beautiful pink lines indicating you are pregnant, your world immediately changes. Never getting to experience raising I child you carried (for no matter the amount of time), takes a piece of your heart you will never get back. I would never wish this pain on my worst enemy (not even the heartless person who posted such awful comments). I want to thank you for sharing your experience with the world. You are an amazing person, a wonderful mother, and your son is very lucky to call you his mama. I am sure he is in heaven with my angel baby, watching over you until you get to be together again. Best wishes and lots of love coming your way!! Never let anyone take your ray of sunshine.
So I’m going to Amazon to get your book right now just because of this nasty person and your beautiful triumph over her vile comments.
Oh Jaime. That’s such a heartless comment. When tragedy happens, people handle it so differently. I cannot imagine the pain and loss you’re experiencing. It’s important to me to just support and love people in whatever way I can, whatever they are going through in life. Know that I am supporting you and your grief. I’m so so sorry you have to go through this. Sending you and Doug massive amounts of love.
I am so sorry for your loss. I have had 19 miscarriages and my heart breaks for everyone of them. I don’t have any kids and I live with this heart break everyday. I am thankful for the wonderful and loving support of my husband. He has truly been my rock. It is devistating loosing a baby and I think of each one everyday. I want to send you my love. Talking about your loss will help you heal and always talk about your son it will keep him alive. Biggest hugs and know you are not alone.
Wow is all I can say! I remember a co-worker screaming at me 6 days after I lost my baby because I wasn’t walking fast enough for her. I was in a lot of pain physically and emotionally and lost it but I threw myself back into work to keep myself from becoming a even bigger mess than I was. I cried for the rest of the day because of how hateful she was to me knowing what I was going through. I feel your pain and understand you pain. I am glad that you have been able to throw yourself back into your work and have a semi normal life. With time your heart will heal, but you will never forget your sweet little angel. I have a butterfly tattoed on my back that represents my sweet angel baby and my daughter still talks about her baby sister often 11 years later. I pray that you and Doug heal from this and become stonger as a couple as I know when God is ready you will both be amazing parents to sweet little Jonathan’s brothers and/or sisters. Xoxo
I was just discussing last night with my cousin that the Internet, social media, and all the outlets scare me the most in raising my kids. I was telling her how at my most vulnerable moments (like those rough patches in HS) or when I was told by doctors that I’d likely never have kids (only 2 months into my marriage) that I was glad that I had no platform, that no one could bully me, or say hurtful things when I felt the weakest. People sit behind their phones or computer screens and spit venom at others, condemn others, and shame them while knowing only snippets of their stories. You shared one of the most personal, difficult, and trying times of your life. You didn’t have to, you didn’t need to, you don’t owe anyone anything. Instead of acting like an adult and using the age-old rule of thumb “if you have nothing nice to say – say nothing at all” – someone came to bring you down. Success of others intimidates the people who only feel strength in bringing others down. Your journey, your healing, and your process are for you to decide. You don’t need validation from others to do things your way. You’ve exposed yourself and unfortunately that makes you vulnerable; this is something most of us do not have the platform to even do. You’ve helped so many, you’ve encouraged so many, and you’ve educated so many. I’ve shed tears for you reading your heart wrenching words about losing your precious baby. I know how many tears I shed at the uncertainty of carrying my son to term – perhaps it’s the pain I have felt that makes it so easy to be empathetic but regardless of such, her lack of grace should not dim yours. The unfortunate part is that people don’t know how much their words cut deep and have a profound effect on the way people are able to perceive themselves. Try to keep your head up, and just remember that you need to be true to yourself and those around you who love and care for you. Ones who have true love, not the love you’ve gained from a show or a blog – the love that balances you in the most difficult times in life, the love that is unconditional, and the love that uplifts you when you’re in your lowest points. They are the ones who know your heart so intimately and don’t judge you based on a blog post or what picture you’ve posted.
Sending you tons of love and healing..
The best way to deal with a bully is to confront them! Good job Jamie! Hang in there!! Xoxo
I’m so sorry that you have to deal with bullying and hurtful comments regarding your miscarriage. Everything in your life, including your baby and your job are connected, but to say you were exploiting your own loss is just ridiculous. Could you write more about what one can do and say to help those who have miscarried? Something like a “Dos and Donts.” Thanks Jamie!
I am so sorry for your loss of your son. I’m sorry you have had negative comments regarding this difficult time in your life. I have had two miscarriages. One was early at about 6 to 8 weeks the second was at my second trimester at 17 weeks. My husband and I have do have a child here on earth he is 8 years old but we longed to give him a sibling. I know your pain, I still think about my baby boy and it has been 3 years. I am not the same person I was before this. I feel a void in my life. It did effect my marriage but we have finally decided to learn to talk about it. This is the hardest thing I have ever done was to bury our son. I went back to work immediately because I needed something to keep my mind elsewhere. I pray for you and Doug. May you have your rainbow baby soon. Love and prayers.
Thank you for understanding my pain. It feels good to know I am not alone. I am sorry it’s under these circumstances, though. 🙁
YOUR REVIEW
Miscarriage is a subject that people have always tended to avoid, it seems. No one wants to talk about it. Either they don’t understand because they haven’t experienced it and can’t imagine it, or they do understand (or at least empathize) and don’t know what to say. It is painful. It is real. It is grief, and grief is a very personal and unique experience. It is different for everyone. Grieving a lost pregnancy is grieving the loss of a child. Not just that, but you are grieving the entire future you imagined with that little baby. It is not something you “get attention” for or capitalize on. It is grief. How dare someone judge how you grieve. How dare someone try to make you feel bad for sharing your child’s story. There are so many women out there reading your words, Jamie, and feeling that much less alone in their own struggles with pregnancy loss. There are women reading your story and feeling comforted that someone is finally discussing feelings all too familiar that they never felt they could talk about. That is not capitalizing on a tragedy, that is spreading love. Keep doing what you are doing, Jamie, and know that some people will just never understand unless they have been there, but that many others who have not been there still have good hearts and well wishes and love hearing about your son and your journey.
Thank you SO much for this. I really appreciate it. xoxo
I’m so sorry to hear about that hurtful comments. I’ve been a victim of that as well and I know how hard it is. On April 30th I lost my baby boy at 21 weeks, I was supposed to find out the gender the next week and after 3 years of trying to get pregnant this was and is still heartbreaking for me. I had one of the few co-workers I told tell me something along the lines that I “wasn’t even that far along yet”. That comment still sticks with me and I have to not bring up anything related with her.
I wish I could offer some sort of wisdom for you right now but I’m having trouble mustering that up for even myself. I hope we both get our rainbow babies soon!
Oh my goodness, Julie. I am so sorry. First of all, 21 weeks is quite far along. But that is beside the point. It doesn’t matter how far along you are. A woman connects with her baby immediately. I am so sorry to hear this. sending love your way. xoxo
You are amazing!
I’m so sorry. People just have no idea, unless they’re willing to take the time to truly hear and know us. I haven’t miscarried so I don’t understand that exact pain but I’ve recently had to walk through my own season of grief and knowing what to do and how to cope with the unhelpful words that people so freely speak. Words often only prove to heap more pain on top of the pain. Keep on grieving AND promote away! Promoting your work is fantastic and what is all stands for is beautiful and inspiring. Your story (both your past and your present) needs to be heard, even if it helps only one person. That one person makes it more than worth telling. So glad you have the support of your incredible husband as you continue to journey through life. You more than deserve his love, patience, and grace.
Thank you so much for this. xoxo
Dear Jamie,
Thank you for responding to this comment because people leave comments like that woman’s all the time but lots of people ignore and don’t respond and this sends a message that they’re in the right because they had the last word. So thank you so much for being honest and real about the reality of your situation; grief isn’t a one dimension in life to be expressed or felt in one universal way and your post shows that so well. I’m still praying for you and Doug to have comfort, peace and restoration during this time. Blessings!
That’s the thing-I couldn’t ignore such a comment because it hurt me to my core. It made me feel like I was a terrible “mother.” Like I wasn’t leaving a good legacy for my little Johnathan… Like I was doing a disservice to him. That is the LAST thing I would do to my little angle baby. 🙁
I would first like to say I’m a big fan of you & Doug your love story inspires me everyday, I pray to be able to overcome my demon and fears of dating being a single mother and finding my ever lasting love. Its beyond harder since I have to consider the feelings of my children and my future mate but I know it’s not an impossible task I have to be willing to be patient. Reading about your expecting arrival I was super happy for you both and when I read about the lost I was heart broken there is no right way to express to anyone who suffer a lost but I pray for you and Doug you guys are amazing people who clearly are meant for one another….. I plan on buying your book and hope to get some tips to help me in my current newly long distance relationship I am in he an amazing man and has hit many of the target thing I am looking for in a partner.. Even before we meet we had a strong connection that grew stronger when we meet its crazy to think he might be the one but God only knows…..
Thank you for your amazing light even in your darkest time…..
New Jersey gal
From someone who will never be able to bare my own child. My heart broke for you again with this part.. So terribly sorry. Hugs!
It’s just that I don’t know what else to do to keep my mind off the pain and misery…to keep my mind from remembering the day when I delivered my son and got to hold his tiny little body in my hands and kiss his itty bitty forehead. I can’t wipe away the memory of seeing the image of my son in my hands and then having to hand him over to go to a lab to be tested. How dare you judge me! I wish I didn’t give you so much of my time.”
…Thank you, 🙁
First, sorry for my bad english ( but I’m French so i’m almost forgiven ^^)
I have been watching you since ” Married at first sight” and it has been so refreshing for me to see love grow between your husband and you. You are an incredibily loving couple . You never give up , even if at the first time, you didn’t feel connected with Doug ! I’m sure you’ll never use your miscarriage to sell something, who will ever do that…
I’m sorry that you have to face one more time a hard life’s challenge, i didn’t have to face with that kind of thing personnaly but as a midwife, I know that can be very hard. I’m sure your little angel is proud of you, and he will be proud of the incredible mother you will be!
I haven’t the chance yet to read your book ( i don’t know if you send it in France) but i have read some extract and you are a very inspiring woman, You will go through this and the next time will be the lucky one!
Thank you so much for reaching out Fevre. I appreciate it. I also really respect your work as a midwife! .. I do ship to france and worldwide. I’d love to sign my book and send to you. 🙂 xoxo
Dear Jamie,
First of all I am so sorry for your lost.
I can’t imagine what you and Doug been through.
And I am thankful for your story. That you shared your darkest moments with everyone.
Please keep on sharing your life. It’s an insperation.
I am sorry for my english.
Best regards
Julia Schwalbe
I’m sorry that you have to go through this but I’m happy that you have your amazing husband to be by your side. I have loved the two of you since MAFS and I was excited to know that you were pregnant and it sucked when you had a miscarriage and there’s nothing to really say to make you feel better but just know that your baby is watching over the two of you everyday and one day you will see him.
You are so inspiring and I am so unbelieveably sorry that someone would be so cruel to you at such a hard time. Do not let mindless and heartless people affect you. You do exactly what you need to do to get through your days. I can only imagine the pain you are going through and I am sending you a big hug. I am thinking of you and your husband and praying for you!
Jamie, I suffered a miscarriage last fall and it still is so very painful for me and my family. I can remember afterwards feeling this pressure to put on a brave face and say “it’s okay, we will try again” but I was dying inside. People would tell me things that they thought were helpful but they were really just hurtful. After the miscarriage, we became obsessed with trying again and it literally destroyed our relationship. We fought hard to get it back and are in a very good place now but at the beginning of this year, I was secretly looking for a divorce attorney. For me I felt like I wasn’t supposed to talk about my miscarriage. But that was my child, my heart! His name was to be Samuel Nicholas. He did exist if only for a short time. Why did everyone want me to pretend like it never happened? I admire you for being able to share this devastating journey. It takes strength and faith to be able to do what you do and it has helped me to read it. Your Jonathan and my Samuel deserve to be treasured because one day we will be reunited with them. Thank You for sharing your story! Don’t even pay attention to those that say negative things! I never understood the pain a miscarriage could cause until the day in that hospital bathroom when I lost my tiny little miracle. God Bless You and Doug! Keep on keeping on Jamie!
Proud of you for standing up to that comment. I know that took precious energy, emotions and time. You are doing an amazing job of being a wife and woman. Keep the joy alive. We go through things in this life on earth for a purpose. God uses all things for his glory. I know that the honesty in your book and in your blog has spoken to many and been very encouraging. Blessings to you.
BTW i got a turtle to deal with my grief. Her name is Speed Bump.
You tell em!!! Everyone grieves in their own way. Nothing can change what happened. For someone to tell you that its shameful to post about it is shameful in and of it self. Ill pray for your rainbow baby.
I am so sorry to hear all the hate and negativity you are going through. I have never gone through something like that. I don’t yet have children but hope one day to have some. My older sister went through 2 miscarriages before she got lucky with her third which was a difficult one. She lost mono mono twins at 18 weeks. It effected her so badly. It was hard to show or share her emotions with others. You are such a strong and inspirational women. All that you have gone through in your life is making you stronger , being able to verbalized all and help others going through the same is something to be so proud of. The fact that you can come out and share everything with your followers and fans is amazing. You were able to find your happily ever after with Doug , losing a child is no where easy to deal with. You will be able to explain to your child one day that they have a brother watching them from heaven and is their personal guardian angel. I hope nothing but the best for you and your family in life. You deserve love and happiness just like everyone else in this world. Keep positive and things will work out for you!
I agree completely! After I lost our little one people would say it was meant to be, god has bigger plans, at least you know you can get pregnant etc. I was in shock! How could people say that right after? Basically if you don’t know what its like to lose a child or have nothing nice to say don’t say it. I love reading your blogs, true inspiration! Its tough and I’ll be thinking about you & and family! ❤
I pray God to comfort you as he has comforted me through this hard time. I have gone through the same twice now and completely understand and are going back through IVF again. Pray for my journey and I will pray for yours. Love always!♡♡♡
Jaime, I have followed yours and Doug’s journey since the beginning. I just adore you two! I recently had a beautiful baby girl that I wanted for so many years (like you I had to wait for my husband to be ready). I can’t imagine what you are going through. I have cried tears for you two (Hormones make me very emotional these days.) I want you to know that I respect and admire your public journey of pain through your miscarriage. You are helping so many women who are struggling with starting a family. I am sure it is so difficult to be In The spotlight and deal with the negativity. Good for you for calling her out! It is one thing for someone to think those thoughts but there is no reason to post them! Clearly she hasn’t watched your journey to know that you would never want to use this tragedy to promote your book! You keep doing what you can to feel better or at least more normal. And know that There are many others out there like me, who are praying and rooting for you and Doug (my sister and my mom included.) I am excited for your rainbow baby to join your family one day soon. Your going to be a fantastic mom. You already were to baby Jonathan. Xoxo- Shelbi