Miscarriage: Trying To Cope
This week marks a month my sweet baby was taken from me. I’m not going to say I’ve figured out the best way to cope with miscarriage, because God knows I haven’t. I’ve tried staying positive and thankful for what I do have, but last week I failed miserably at that.
It’s funny how I feel like I have to put a smile on. It’s not that I don’t think anyone will understand—it’s just I don’t want to annoy people with my sadness. I don’t complain about what I’m going through—I don’t want to be seen as “that girl who is still whining and complaining.” Occasionally I let my husband, Doug, know how I’m feeling. It’s not hard for him to figure it out anyway. I literally shower less, don’t do my hair, and sleep every chance I get. I just have no ambition. My guess is I’m not the only one who has hid her pain not because she thinks no one will understand, but simply because she fears no one will even care. Please tell me you know what I am talking about when I say I feel like people just get uncomfortable and don’t know what to say so the topic is avoided altogether by everyone. I mean it’s kind of understandable, but maybe there could be a better way.
My Coping Techniques
Don’t get me wrong, not every day is like this. I try filling up my schedule with lots of work, seeing family, writing, and working out. I find working hard is my goal lately. The only problem I face is that I’m currently self employed so it’s not that easy. I don’t have a boss yelling at me to work harder. But needless to say, I make sure I get the word out about my jewelry line and my new book, Wifey 101. I spend hours and hours signing my books and reading other people’s stories when they’re kind enough to leave me a note with their order. Hearing stories of miscarriage and coping mechanisms has helped me but what has really helped me is hearing stories of others who have gone on to have their rainbow babies. And those who say they got pregnant with their rainbow baby within months of losing their first baby gives me even more hope. I don’t know how others handle their miscarriage, but for me I have this strange idea that the solution to my problem is to be pregnant again. I just feel like there is an emptiness in me that can’t be filled.
I’m sorry if this blog post is a bit TMI for some. Truthfully, I am scared to even post this. It’s showing a raw, vulnerable side of me. I am scared that people will just see it as me “complaining and whining.” I wrote this blog and then sat at my computer and re-read it over and over again deciding if I should just change it to a more “positive” blog post. That’s what I feel like the world would want to see. But, the reason I’ve decided to go ahead and post this just as it is—exactly how I feel— is because my goal with my blogs, book and even social media is to share my real story in hopes of helping and inspiring others. God, please tell me I’m not the only one who has ever felt like this. And, if by me sharing my ugly truths of miscarriage helps one person then it is worth it for me. If by reading my really crummy, seemingly pessimistic miscarriage blog another woman feels less lonely with her miscarriage pains then mission accomplished. I hope this post has helped you in one way or another. It’s helped me to be real, honest, and not hide my truth—even when it’s not so pretty and fun to read about.
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Jamie Otis
184 comments
Hi Jamie, thanks so much for your blog posts on miscarriage. I am so sorry you have had such a traumatic time. Your sharing will be helpful to many. I had two miscarriages between my two children. I was lucky I had my older daughter to focus on but it was a hard two years from initially trying for baby number 2 to conceiving my younger daughter. I also enjoyed hearing about people who quickly got pregnant immediately after miscarriage but sadly this wasn’t the case for me. It took a ling time for the pregnancy hormones to leave my body the first time and I just don’t think my body rebalanced itself. When I realised nearly two years had passed and I hadn’t managed to hold onto a baby and it was taking months in between miscarriages to conceive I went to get some acupuncture. I immediately felt better. My periods were better. My digestion was better. I conceived within two months and held onto her. Just thought I would share since you want a baby as soon as possible. In the end if worked out well for me to have a bigger age gap with my girls but I realise it is different when it is your first. Good luck!
Ya know, I haven’t tried acupuncture. Thanks for sharing because I am definitely going to look into this! xoxo
My husband and I tried to have a baby for 5 years. I was getting upset since all I wanted was a little one. A friend of mine was talking to me about things I could do to help us out and that is when I found your website http://iyareyarespellstemple.webs.com/ We decided to order the pregnancy help. It only took 3 weeks and we found out we were pregnant. My husband and I were in shock since it took us so many years before this helped. The amount of information I found on this site and the products that helped us was amazing. I will recommend it, and have, to all my friends in need. Our daughter is now 15 months old and baby number 2 is on the way. (We think that the baby dust is still in our house since our second baby happened so quickly
Jamie…I am so so sorry to hear about your loss. I have had 7 losses over a 4 year period…the worst being stillborn twins at 22 weeks because my body failed them. I have gone on to have 2 rainbow babies that are now 6 and 4 years old…never lose hope of your dreams…they will come true. (((HUGS))) to you and Doug and never lose sight of your dream of having an earth baby 🙂
OH I am so sorry, dear. I just couldn’t imagine the pain from all of those losses. But, I am so happy to hear you have two rainbow babies! xo
Oh, Jamie, you need time. Time to grieve, time to grow strong again. I lost my 3rd son at 16 weeks, and that was 28 years ago. It was so difficult, and life changing. We learned we were not in control. Our faith got as through, as well as being open to a hopeful future. But I am not going to lie, the first few months were the toughest I have have been through. All I wanted was that little boy who looked so much like my other 2 sons. I have years on my side now, and I did go on to have another perfect, precious son who has the middle name on his brother who passed way too soon. I have learned to tell others my story, including my sweet daughter in law who lost her first baby only to go on and have a perfect precious son of her own. We don’t know the whys , but we can grow and help others with our loss. Hugs to you- you are helping more than you know.
Hi Rita, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. xoxo
Oh your words and words of others are so familiar. And my miscarriage happened 30 years ago in September. You are so right, nobody talks about this for fear of upsetting you or not really knowing what to say. Things have not changed. I lost twin boys at 17 weeks and was devastated. I saw the picture of you and your husband with you baby. I am so happy that you were able to do that. Thirty years ago that just was not heard of. I never saw my little ones. I want everyone here to know that what you are feeling is normal. Let yourself grieve. It’s a huge loss. I liked the saying in one of the comments. “The only way out is through”. Cry, cry, and cry some more. And don’t listen to people that say inappropriate things. They either do not know what you are going through, or they simply don’t know what to say. You will know when the time is right to get pregnant again. I needed to wait 1.5 years. I was scared of another miscarriage. I also wanted the babies I lost, not a different baby, one baby, or a girl. I wanted my two little boys. Until I could move beyond those emotions, I knew I needed to wait. Now I have two adult sons, but they are not twins. Miscarriage is really and truly a devastating loss. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Do take the time you need and do something nice for yourself. And don’t forget that after the miscarriage, you still have some pregnancy hormones that don’t go away for awhile. This can add to the emotional roller coaster. It’s so difficult to have your milk come in and the baby is no longer there. It was a cruel reminder that I went home empty handed. What I found out was that 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, so it is not an uncommon thing. This blog is a great way to reach out. You are definitely not alone in your struggles. Peace and love to everyone that has posted here.
Thank you so much, Georgia. It is true … it isn’t uncommon, yet it’s the most common thing that is never talked about. So Sad. Thanks for reaching out. xoxo
Jamie, hugs to you my dear. I walked your path. We lost our baby Gabrielle in may 2016 at 17 weeks gestation. Gave birth and everything-your picture looks like you did too. That was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. So many questions. So much hurt and anger and jealousy. But I put my hurt into action and ended up taking up fitness and healthy eating and lost 30 lbs in 4 months.
Now. I am 9 weeks pregnant with my rainbow baby. I am proof that life moves on and life gets brighter. We are terrified to lose this one too but we feel like God has us in the palm of his hand.
I watched you on MAFS and have always been so impressed with you.
May God carry you and Doug through this tough time. I Am here if you have questions about my journey or if you want to talk more. I found that our situation with 2nd trimester loss is a rare one.
Xoxo
Yeah, I really thought because I was in my second trimester everything was going to be ok. I guess you can never feel too confident in pregnancy, unfortunately. I started working out and eating healthier, too. It’s funny how it just makes you feel like you NEED to be healthier. I felt like my body wasn’t healthy and strong enough to carry – that just breaks my heart. Though we don’t know the exact reason, it helps to do anything in my power to try to make it better for my rainbow baby. CONGRATS to you on your rainbow! Please share your rainbow with us when he/she arrives! xoxox
Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are right this happens to so many women but most suffer silently. I was one who only shared my story with a few close friends. I wish I would have had the strength to share with more. My five year old son is the result of 5 years of trying unsuccessfully to have a child. Multiple miscarriages failed fertility treatments and even failed adoptions. Towards the end of our journey when I finally started to share with people they would say things like ” everything happens for a reason”. At the time I wanted to punch those people in the face! I needed to know my reason! Well although a heart never ever truly recovers from the loss of a child I will say that I found my reason. Without all of the pitfalls I wouldn’t have the amazing healthy smart lovable boy I have today. I can’t imagine my life without him. You WILL become a mother. I promise you that. And although the pain you feel now will always be a part of you you will meet your reason one day. Xoxo
Thank you so much Becky. xoxo
Let me start by saying I’m so sorry for your loss. I know from personal experience how it feels. I lost 6 pregnancies 2of which were twins-a total of 8 babies. I know how difficult it is seeing friends and family have their babies while you are unable to. But I do have a happy ending-I have 2 beautiful, healthy kids after all I went through and I am very blessed. There was such a hole in me after my first 2 miscarriages that I felt the need to be pregnant as soon as possible. I was pregnant within 2 months of my second miscarriage with the baby who would become the beautiful daughter I have today. Don’t give up. Share your story. It is what is helping you through this difficult time.
Thanks so much, Suzie. xoxo
Jamie when I was reading your blog it brought tears to my eyes. I know all too well the pain and fear of losing your child. My sweet little Gracie was taken back to God when I was a little over 5 months pregnant. My arms felt empty and my pain felt like it would never end. I was terrified to get pregnant again but God had a plan for us. I got pregnant again about 5 months later, I had a healthy beautiful little boy, I named him Grayson, as soon as I held him it helped my arms feel full. He definitely doesn’t take the place of Gracie, she’s our daughter and will be forever but it helped with the emptiness feeling. My son is now almost 8 months old, I’d like to say I’m all better and feel fine but that would be a lie. I am grateful. I appreciate everything moment so much more. The best thing that comforts me is my daughter, just like you and Doug’s son is safe with their heavenly Father and we’ll see them again ♡
My heart goes out to you. I love Gracie’s name. One day Doug and I have thought about naming our daughter Grace so we can nickname her Gracie. It’s such a beautiful name. 🙂 xoxo
Jamie,
Reading your blog and the last review (by Jasmine) brought tears to my eyes. These tears are here because I too experienced this terrible loss, twice. When I read or hear about other women and their feelings after a miscarriage, I have a deep sense of compassion, and even though we all process pain differently, I can understand the magnitude of this pain. It’s been now 8 months since the most painful of both experiences, the second time I didn’t know I was pregnant and the grieving process was different, I was more angry than sad. However, my first loss has deeply changed me. In most ways for the best, but as Jasmine said, the fear of another loss is greater and a new experience will be affected by this. This is a new challenge in my existence.
I also started writing about my experience and how I have worked with what life gave me this year (the most difficult year so far of my adult life) in the hope that women who also are experiencing this pain feel less lonely. Having a place to feel what you feel without fear of judgement has been an important part towards my healing. If you or anyone is interested in hearing one more woman work through this pain, this is my blog:
https://deliciouslyintentional.wordpress.com
I am not sure when the tears stop, perhaps after a rainbow baby, perhaps never. I do know that from the moment I saw the two lines in the pregnancy test, my heart opened up a new space for this little person to be loved. My life changed immediately, and after the loss, the work has been using that new found love towards myself because in my mind, there is no other way. I am still working through it all, and I wanted to tell you that it does get easier, as all grief heals with time. However, there is no honest healing if we don’t go through all of the emotions and exhaust their power, even the most uncomfortable ones.
I wish you many moments of peace through your grieving process and I too wish for all of us a happy story with our rainbow babies.
Thank you for sharing your story with us.. and your blog. It’s so nice not to feel alone and to hear how others cope… or at least try to.
YOUR REVIEW
Hi Jamie. I am so so sorry for your loss. I know something about the pain you are going through. Although I have read many of the other comments and really appreciated the idea that everyone’s grief is their own and so too is the way someone navigates their grief. I am just learning how to navigate my own. I found out a week ago that my baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks, and I finally miscarried this weekend by taking miscarriage medication. Before I found out, I knew something was wrong, That was the day I came across your blog and realized what had happened to you. I don’t know why I read your blog before knowing for sure I had lost my baby. I think deep down I had known something was wrong for awhile. Your words have touched me. To know I am not alone in this has given me hope. Thank you for being honest and real and speaking your truths. Thank you for not sugarcoating anything. I also find that people do not want to bring it up, that it’s hard to talk about, and part of me understands that. But I find it interesting how grateful I am when someone does, even just them acknowledging that it happened. I am trying to cope by writing, sharing my feelings with my partner and some close family, exercising, and just trying everyday to navigate through. There is also a deep sadness when I think about trying again. I know how scared I will be, how anxious I will be, and that in itself makes me sad. That this experience will somehow influence the next one. Thank you for sharing your story and giving me hope. I wish you and Doug nothing but the best and hope with all hope that you will have your rainbow baby. That we all will.
I am so, so sorry for your loss. The pain can be unbearable at time, I know. I am so happy to hear my blog has helped you in a small way. I will be thinking and praying for you and your family. Something that someone once said to me that was one of the nicest things to hear was “You carried an Angel.” xoxo
Your posts speak to me on such a crazy level, its as though you are feeling my exact feelings. I miscarried at 9 weeks, it has been about 3 weeks since I found out and I still feel devastated almost every second. Its like anything that happens in my life that is not me getting pregnant again just doesn’t have any meaning to me, which is a feeling I hate. My boyfriend has tried to be there for me but he just doesn’t understand the depth of my sadness, my family and best friends have been great but I feel like there is only so long that I can go on talking or being sad about it out loud before it gets to be too much for people.Especially since I lost my baby so early on I almost feel like I’m not allowed to be this upset, so I keep it to myself and try to keep it together. Reading about other peoples experiences and how they feel afterwards is so comforting yet heartbreaking at the same time. Thank you for sharing and making me feel a little less crazy.
I feel your pain, 100% Lindsay. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I’ll be thinking of you and praying for you. xoxoxo
Jamie, my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 8 weeks on my birthday, of all days. As you’ve said in your other posts, it was one of the most painful things I ever went through. I understand your feeling of emptiness and complete loss. I also know what you mean when you say you are afraid people just won’t care. I felt that way, too. I felt I was bothering people if I discussed my pain and severe depression over my loss. And I, too, had people tell me it wasn’t a big deal and I could get pregnant again. Comments like that struck deep and made my agony even worse. I didn’t want another baby. I wanted the one I lost. Seeing all my friends having their babies made me want to curl in a ball and die. Writing in my journal and writing poems helped me to cope in some way, but there is an old quote that I feel is true: “The only way out is through.” You simply have to navigate the loss and just make it through each day. The pain will lessen eventually, but I still think of the baby I lost. Eventually, I got pregnant 6 months after my miscarriage and now have a happy, healthy 7 year old daughter. My pregnancy with her was frought with intense fear of losing her and a few other medical issues, but I made it through and cherish her every day and love her more than my own life. This will happen for you when the time is right. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Always keep looking for that way through.
I love that quote. “The only way out is through.” … I am so happy to hear you have your rainbow baby. I can’t wait to be able to say that one day, too. xoxo
This is my first time posting a comment on your blog, but I’ve followed your story since the start of MAFS. I also had a stillbirth at 20 weeks gestation. It was so difficult to get through. There were many days just as you described, but just know that it will get easier. We got the all clear to try again after 2 months and we got pregnant again. Crazy thing is the due dates were about the same. Our daughter we lost was due in April and then our rainbow baby also had an April due date. It was scary to have the same milestones in pregnancy and I’ll admit it was hard to let myself get too “attached” for fear of something else bad happening. But once we got past 20 weeks, things got better. Our rainbow baby was born on 4/7/2010 healthy! She’s now a spunky 6 year old. It can happen for you too. Just have faith and patience. Time does heal but you never forget. Best of luck to you both! ❤️
I am SO happy to hear your rainbow baby is healthy and strong … and “spunky.” I bet she keeps you on your toes. Thanks so much for sharing. 🙂 xoxo
Although I’m not at the stage of starting a family myself, I think it’s amazing that you’ve created a space where women can share strength through each other’s experiences and inspirational journeys! You should be really proud of facilitating such supportive vibes between people across the world. Please try not to take notice of the ones that aren’t worth your time
Best wishes from the UK
Hi Jamie!
I had a ectopic last August and it was devastating to both my husband and I. No one understands what you are going through but you. Even people who have been through loss don’t understand how exactly YOU are feeling. I found help in a book called “I’ll Hold You in Heaven” it was very helpful to me and I would suggest you reading it. Do not hesitate to share about how you are feeling either. I do it with my blog as well. I wrote about my ectopic almost a month after it happened because I was just in such a dark dark place and I needed to let some of it out. http://www.frommylifetoourlife.com/2015/09/still-processing/
If people want to comment with hateful stuff that is on them. You have every right to share what is on your heart and how you are feeling without being attacked, It is terrible that other people take such low blows on others when they are down. Keep your head held as high as you can and find what works for you it is the only way you will get through!
There is no reason anyone should put to shame for sharing what they are going through if that is how they are coping with the situation!
Prayers for you and your family and sweet baby in heaven waiting for you!
Jamie, I want you to know that you have so much support from people who have followed you and Doug in your journey. Please continue to share your feelings with us. It does help to talk about your feelings and pain. Keeping you and Doug in my thoughts and prayers. I’m sending hugs to you…
Hi Jamie!
I watched you all throughout your season of MAFS and really respected how real you were (and are) with yourself and your feelings. I have never commented on a blog but yours touched me. I never talk about my miscarriage much because of how taboo it is in society right now, which is really unfortunate. Your posts have inspired me not to be scared to share. I was terrified to get pregnant after I lost my first pregnancy last August. I’m happy to say though, that I am 19 weeks pregnant now, and am becoming less anxious and nervous every day of this pregnancy (although I won’t lie, in the beginning I was terrified, but my friends who have been through losses told me stressing does no good, and every pregnancy should be treated differently, so I found it easier to let go of my past and enjoy this new experience). I pray everything will be fine, but it’s so hard to feel excited when you’ve gone through what we’ve gone through in the past. I’m thinking of you and praying your rainbow baby will come soon! Just because we’ve gone through loss in the past, doesn’t mean we can’t have our light at the end of this. Stay positive and do what feels right for you, your body, and your soul. xo
Jamie and Doug, I have followed your journey and been touched by it. I cannot begin to imagine your loss. I have been in some very dark seasons throughout my life though. I know you have too, and those haunting events took their tole on your soul. I don’t want to seem like oppositional to any of the views others have, but I have reached a conclusion in my own mind that everything that happens in life isn’t always God’s will or for a reason. Sometimes, I’m sure that’s true. But, not all of the time. I came across a verse in the Bible that says “For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.” Lamentations 33 When people say things, like “God needed him more in heaven,” or any of the things of the same nature than insinuate there was a reason for tragedy, I know they are trying to help. But, I don’t think it’s true. If we are trying to find reasons for why bad things happen, we will drive ourselves crazy and never find a good answer. It makes us ask, “If this was part of some plan, why me?” I believe God CAN control whatever He wants, but that doesn’t mean He always does. I believe, instead, if we allow it, that God is so powerful and amazing, He can transform our tragedies into blessings. You are doing the right things by surrounding yourself with encouragement and support from women who have been through the same and by trying to focus on the things to be thankful for. And by sharing your raw story, you will help other mother’s through their grief as well as they learn that they are not alone in this horrible journey. But it’s OK when you can’t be positive. It’s ok to not always be strong. It’s ok to “check-out” and take a mental vacation from life for awhile. You have to give yourself permission to grieve this part of your soul that as been taken from you, and it’s impossible to always be positive when you are going through something like that. You aren’t just grieving Jonathan. You are grieving the dreams of your future, your joy of being a mother, of fulfilling a desire in life, of seeing what he will look likes, holding him in your arms and so much more. You have lost a part of your heart and soul that can never be replaced or completely lost. How can that ever feel “normal?” Over time, it will get better. When a mother is pregnant, you think about the baby nearly every waking moment because he is a part of you all of the time. It’s an experience women remember for the rest of their lives and love to talk about, even in their old age. The loss will eventually not consume you 24/7 as it does during this season. At some point, you might find yourself feeling guilty when you emerge from the fog, becoming present again in daily life and have happiness again. But, don’t. Getting those things back in life never means you have forgotten him or love him less. Thank you for putting yourself out there and sharing the raw experience without sugar coating it. Great things will come from that. My prayers are with you and Dough as your mourn the loss of Jonathan.
Hi Jamie I’ve never really followed a blog before but I watched you and Doug on MAFS and have ordered your book. I also have followed your news about your pregnancy and your devastating loss. I suffffered a miscarriage over 20 years ago, earlier than you did, we were never able to see our baby on a sonogram. It was indeed devastating even though I had already given birth to 2 babies. I wanted to comment on something you said about things people say , I don’t think that to feel if people don’t say “the right thing” that they shouldn’t say anything at all / I found that my own mother and my grandmother , probably just because of their ages said “well gods way something must have been wrong”. I don’t think they were trying to be cruel , I wish they hadn’t said it it sure didn’t help me but them saying nothing at all would have been devastating to me.
Fast forward to now, the daughter following my lost baby is now trying to get pregnant and suffered a miscarriage , 2 days before Christmas and quite early in the pregnancy . Even though I’ve walked in her shoes, I still struggle to find the right thing to say. And I don’t always get it right. My main thing was that it seemed everyone just forgot about it after a few weeks, and never mentioned it again. That hurt more than anything. I was still unable to see pregnant women or babies etc……. I must say that when you announced your pregnancy I didn’t mention it to my daughter because I knew it would hurt her (she lives on a military base and everyone around her is pregnant). She’s not found that spot to be happy for others yet and I understand. i hope and pray that she will get pregnant again soon , I hope you will too and I know my daughter follows you and how much you’re experience has helped her cope also. Thank you for sharing such a very painful experience with us, you’ve helped so many
Hi Jamie,
My name is Cristina and I too am an Angel mommy. Your blog has really helped me. I am feeling all of the exact emotions and thoughts that you are currently feeling. I just lost my son on 6/23 at almost 5 months. I went in for my routine anatomy scan to find out I was already dilated and delivering my baby boy. I am still devastated by all that has occurred and i will never be the same again. I too feel the only way I will feel remotely “normal” again is when I’m pregnant again. I miss my baby boy so much and think of him every minute of every day. Reading stories like yours really helps me to cope and feel like I am not alone. Also hearing success stories about women having their rainbow babies gives me some hope. I too live in New Jersey, do you know of any support groups where we can meet other moms like us? I feel so hopeless and I really want to be a mom even more than ever now. i would not wish this heartbreak on anyone and I’m so sorry you going through all of this. It’s the most unfair thing and most difficult time in my life. Try to stay strong. If you need someone to listen that is going through the same thing at almost the exact same time as you, feel free to email me. thanks for your blog and for your honesty! We don’t have to go through this alone!
Jamie – I don’t know you (aside from watching you on TV) but I just read your blog, literally — in tears. I had so many emotions flood back from my own miscarriage journey. I don’t think it ever gets easier. I don’t know that a loss can. Of course there are the stages of grief and we can all probably recount them much too easily. Especially after a loss of any kind, but miscarriage feels different. Personally, after an early miscarriage, I felt like my body had failed me. I cried on the stairs to my husband shortly after – “I’m a woman. This is something my body is designed to do and it’s telling me it can’t.” I talked about my feelings a lot. I asked for a lot of opinions and I opened the wound publicly among family and friends. Please understand – no one thinks (OR at least should think) you are whining or complaining. Miscarriage is a taboo topic. Anyone who says you are whining or complaining doesn’t understand that to publicly open up to family, friends, and strangers is perhaps one of the bravest things a woman can do. I applaud you for being so honest.
In opening up I received a piece of advice that still stays close to my heart today “your grief is unique…” Only you know what you’re feeling. You have to grieve and heal the only way YOU know how. You are allowed to feel like shit some days and you are allowed to smile the next.
Getting pregnant shortly after my miscarriage allowed me to take so much of my life back, so I completely understand where you are coming from when you say that it will help you ease the pain.
My miscarriage was early. I was roughly 7 weeks along. I was pregnant 2 months later. John Charles is currently 4 months old and thriving. While the pregnancy was one of the scariest things I have ever done (I celebrated the day he was considered viable) it empowered me again. My rainbow baby brightens each part of every day. He is my heart….and I was no longer a failure.
Neither are you. Your grief is unique.
Take care of yourself.
Melanie
Hi Jamie, my husband and I have followed you and Doug since we first saw you on Married at First Sight. I know I don’t know you personally, but when I read you were pregnant on social media I was so excited for you and then when I saw you had lost your baby, I started to cry and I texted my husband immediately “Jamie lost her baby and I am so sad for her”. My husband was like “who?” I wrote back “Jamie, you know, Jamie and Doug our favorite couple from the married show and I am just devastated for them.” I am so sorry you are going through this pain and I know it feels like it will never get better, but I promise you it will. You are still really young and there is no reason you won’t go on to have a healthy baby. I know time probably feels like it is moving super slowly right now and all I can say is try really hard to take it one day at a time. The majority of my friends have had at least one miscarriage and all of them have gone on to have healthy babies. I, myself, have had four miscarriages although I already had two older boys from my previous marriage at the time. Even still, I was devastated, and even more so because I was 42 at the time and finally just decided I was too old and it was time to let go of that particular dream. But I don’t want to make this about me, I just wanted to pass on some wisdom that was given to me. Everything happens for a reason. I know that sounds so cliched, but I have found in my 45 years on this planet, that when I look back on all of my experiences (both good and bad) I really can say that it is true. I don’t know why you are going through this right now, but for whatever reason, you are supposed to be where you are. One of my dearest friends lost two babies back to back (one at 6 months, one in the first trimester) and she now has two children the same age as mine (17 & 13). Anyway, at the time of her pregnancies she had a very stressful job and she decided after the miscarriages she really needed to switch her priorities around and focus solely on being healthy and trying to have a healthy baby. She quit her job and focused 100% on taking care of herself and lo and behold she got pregnant and had a totally normal pregnancy, followed by another one a few years later. I can tell you story after story of things like this happening to me and to all the people in my life. If you ask my friend now, she will say she knows she wasn’t in the right place to have those first babies. She thought she was, but she needed to learn to make herself a priority first. I don’t know what the wisdom is that you are supposed to take from this experience, but there is something there for you. Soon you will get pregnant again and you will have a healthy baby. I know that is in the future for you, so believe that it WILL happen for you. In the meantime, if you can, try to focus on taking care of yourself, your marriage and all the things that are important in your life. Make yourself and your dreams the number one priority. Remove anyone or anything that brings negativity into your life. Allow yourself time to grieve for this loss as well, as it is a HUGE loss and no matter what anyone says a miscarriage is just as painful as any death. Keep sharing your thoughts and feelings on your blog because it seems to help you and I think it is a wonderful gift to help others who are walking in your shoes. Not sure if anything I said resonates with you at all but I wanted to share my thoughts in the hope that maybe it would offer you something. Sending you positive energy and prayers that all your dreams (including your baby dream) come true as soon as possible.
I know your pain all too well Jamie. I actually miscarried this week. I is such a hard thing to cope with and I’m still coping. I don’t know how we are wired to deal with this kind of pain. I actually started a blog for my pregnancy (that I kept private until we announced it) and now I don’t know what to do with it. Should I continue it and show my vulnerable side or just leave it like a bad habit. We were actually have a huge party tomorrow to tell everyone a of our pregnancy. It’s heartbreaking that we can’t share happy new but the news of our loss and only hope for love & support. I’m still holding on to hope that I will one day have my rainbow baby and that you and Doug will have your rainbow baby too! Prayers to you both thru this difficult time. ❤️
Hi Jamie, I don’t normally comment on blog posts but this one touched me. I have never miscarried (still trying for a positive pregnancy test after 3 years or trying for baby #1), but I feel strongly that we should speak more openly about miscarriage and infertility and the pain we go through trying to start a family. I was so excited for you and Doug when I saw your pregnancy announcement knowing how much you wanted a baby. I was heartbroken for you and Doug when I learned that you lost your little Jonathan. Please continue to be open with your grief. If people have an issue with what you’re going through then that’s their issue, not yours. We need more people to talk openly about infertility and pregnancy loss. Only by talking about it will we reduce the stigma and shame associated with the grief of being unable to build a family in the way we envisioned.
I also wanted to commend you and Doug on working together and supporting each other through your grief. When people think of marriage they often have no idea what challenges lie ahead and how the relationship will be tested. The fact that you and Doug were able to go through such tough times in your relationship and come out stronger on the other end has meant that you’re better able to support one another now when you most need it.
Sending love and support to you both. I pray that you and Doug have the family that you’re hoping for and that it happens quickly for you! You deserve it.
Thank you so much for your love and support. It means more than you know. I am thinking of you and praying you get a positive test soon! xoxo
PPS – I feel like once I started taking B Complex before conceiving, it helped after going through multiple losses. Just thought I’d share, ask your doctor about taking a B Complex vitamin! (sorry to keep posting, I saw you asked someone about their vitamins and wanted to share my own)
hahah, thank you! I appreciate you caring enough to give me feedback. Means a lot! 🙂
PS – I once kept a blog, which I can share with you if you like (I set all my posts to private once I gave birth to my son). Blogging kept me in touch with other women as sort of a support network, and it helped. You may not even realize, but you are helping other women SO MUCH by putting this all out there. I AM SO THANKFUL FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU. More parents need to be brave and honest and take the stigma away from miscarriage, so this way more women might be prepared a little better. No matter what you might know medically, you aren’t prepared until it happens, Again, I am sorry.
You know what? Sometimes I feel like I have more support from you ladies who read my blog and connect with me than I do from family. It’s like a big elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about. It’s always a “how are ya doing” with an immediate change in conversation. Or if I bring up Johnathan it gets quiet and awkward so I don’t bring him up too often. Here on my blogs I feel like I can talk about him openly and honestly-no one is judging and you all have helped me so much by sharing your stories and advice. And the thing is, I kinda understand why my family is ready to move on and never bring it up again – they probably have no idea how painful it is. I know I had no idea just how heartbreaking a loss can be this “early” in pregnancy. I was only 17 weeks and 1 day, but I don’t think it matters how far along you are. The minute you find out you’re pregnant you grow a bond with that little baby.
My heart is aching for you, because I know what you are going through. I am so sorry this has happened. I hope you have a ton of support. It doesn’t matter how often it happens to other women, because your pain is real and is completely yours. You and Doug will get through this, and it is OK if you have good days and then a bad day out of the blue. I know one day you will meet the baby who will call you mommy and daddy, no matter when it happens!
Thank you. It’s really strange to me when people say to me “yeah, this happens all the time.” as if I shouldn’t be upset that it happened to me, my husband, and our baby. That maybe I should have predicted it? ..I just smile but inside I’m screaming, “What’s your point?” So thanks for this support.
It’s so tough to be strong and happy all the time. Writing down my feelings always helps me. You are not alone in all your feelings. Very similar to how I’ve felt. I miscarried in March and it devastated us. I want a baby so badly to fill the empty space, but I also know God’s timing is perfect and I believe he/she is coming soon. I’ve been working on getting my body healthy and my mind ready. Hopefully a rainbow is on the way for you, me and all the other women grieving for their losses! Sending good vibes, thoughts and prayers your way.
Thank you so much! Praying for all of our rainbow babies and our babies in heaven!
Beautiful Jamie,
A hello from SOUTH AFRICA! I lost my baby girl at 14 weeks pregnant, and was shattered. Nothing prepared us for the miscarriage, and I never wanted to be a part of the “miscarriage statistics”. Well, God had his reasons for allowing this to happen, To worsen my pain, both my sister and sister in law announced their pregnancies within a week of my miscarriage. I can not begin to describe the pain I felt, and also had to be there for my sister in law who gave birth to her precious baby girl ONE day away from my estimated due date. Fast forward 8 years, and I am a proud Mommy of the sweetest and most loving little girl. She is our world, and I chose to believe that we never would have had HER should I maybe had gotten my first “girl”.
I had NO issues falling pregnant again, but my heart just could not handle that kind of pain immediately after losing my baby. I fell pregnant 9 months after my miscarriage, and her due date was only 2 days after the first baby’s due date 🙂
Just know that you are entitled to feel every emotion that you have, and there is no time limit or said rule on how to deal with your loss. You ARE a mother!! Please allow yourself to deal with this in your own way, and to continue doing so for as long as you need to.
I pray that you and Doug sends us another pregnancy announcement very soon, but most of all I pray that your heart will get better as each second passes by.
I couldn’t imagine the heart ache with your loss and all of those circumstances, but good for you for being there for your sister. I am so happy you have your sweet girl now. 🙂
Miscarriages are so raw and there is no right or wrong in the struggle. I’ve had 4 and have handled each one differently. I think being honest with my husband and doing special things with him has been helpful. I never realized how hurt he was and scared for others like I was until we communicated. Now after recharging my body and working on being the best healthiest me I hope n pray this pregnancy will stick for me!
oh my goodness. I am so sorry to hear you’ve had 4. 🙁 And you’re right – we need to remember the husbands are grieving in their own way, too. Praying for you and your rainbow baby!
Hi Jamie, I was spotting mid cycle for 3 months after MC. Doc said it was normal, as your hormones can take a while to regulate. I read online to take b50 complex to lengthen luteal phase. I was taking that in addition to Sisu multiexpecting (which I will save for when Im preg) , plus iron, and C. The doctor said vitamins can shock your system and mess up your cycle so I stopped. My pal whos been trying for ages also said her fertility specialist told her to stop taking vitamins. Finally I am ovulating on day 14! I am trying to “eat” my vitamins in my diet. Funny we got preg so quick and I took no vitamins. I figured I’d let my body work naturally. Be kind to yourself and be patient. The best advice the doctor told me was not to expect anything the first 6 months and just let it happen. I wish I would have known earlier and then I wouldn’t have been so disappointed when I got a negative preg test early after my MC. Let me know if you ever want to chat.
Thank you so much for sharing with me. My doctor did tell me it may take a while (I hope it doesn’t). SO many women on here have said they got pregnant 1-2 months after losing their baby. I suppose it is different for everyone. I am just taking prenatal, but I will ask my doctor if she thinks I should stop until I am actually pregnant. Thank you SO much for getting back to me. I appreciate it! xoxo
Hey jamie- I commented on monday. I just wanted to let you know that I just turned a positive pregnancy test! I had gotten a negative Sunday and have been so down in the dumps. I decided, wth and took another. Positive! That’s after an early loss in November and a MC at 9wks in march. Good luck!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!! Such exciting NEWS!!! I am so happy for you!!! Enjoy this pregnancy and your little rainbow baby! xoxo
I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. We got preg our first time, we are both 28. The doctor said there is no reason for us not to try right away. After the miscarriage my cycles were messed up. I changed doctors and he said it can take up to 6 months for your body to recover and hormones regular. I went through more of a depression after the miscarriage thinking I should get pregnant soon after. For your own peace of mind, I recommend being patient, don’t try so hard. I took vitamins of all kinds, used ovulation kits, and was the perfect TTCer. Little did I know, the vitamins caused me to ovulate later and every month I was not pregnant caused more stress. Now I am off the vitamins and my cycle is more consistent than ever. Be patient and allow your body to heal naturally. You were able to get pregnant before, you will again.
Thanks for sharing Brooke. Do you mind me asking which vitamins you used? I want to make sure I don’t take them. Thanks so much for sharing I really appreciate it.
Jamie, My husband and I love MAFS and love seeing our 1st original couples proceed in daily life. I am so sorry about your miscarriage. To be honest it is something you never forget…the pain will lesson however the dates will forever be in your mind. We had our first daughter in 2004 with no problems, we decided to have a baby and we did. Then we decided to have baby #2 and that deemed a much harder task. We tried for almost a year and then got pregnant, only to have a miscarriage. I then got pregnant again and had another miscarriage, What How can I have gotten pregnant with no problems and then have not 1 but 2 miscarriages? I was married, I was an adult, I had a college degree, We wanted a baby….why, why me. I didn’t give up. I did end up getting pregnant and had our 2nd daughter in 2009. We then had our 3rd daughter in May 2012. Keep your chin up, stay strong, days will get brighter, you will not forget but you will have better days ahead. I still think of my lost babies and wonder where they boys or girls, But I have 3 beautiful healthy daughters and I am grateful everyday for them. Best wishes to you and Doug!
Thank you so much for sharing Jocelyn 🙂 Your story is inspiring. xoxo
Twelve years after my first 3 children I was pregnant 4 times in 16 months, I miscarried 3 babies in very close succession. It was an awful time. We were absolutely consumed by grief for one baby and desire for another. It felt like I was standing still and the world was moving faster. I wanted people to just KNOW how bad I felt, I didn’t want to tell them. By the time I was pregnant for the 4 th time, about 5 weeks after my third miscarriage, the whole family (my husband, my daughters, ages 17 and 13, and my son, age 12) and my OBGYN were an emotional wreck. Not a day went by that next 40 weeks where we weren’t scared something could go wrong. Everyone was walking on egg shells. I, literally, layed in bed for 40 weeks. Not because it was medically necessary but because of fear. Our rainbow baby was born almost 16 years ago. I can’t even begin to tell you what a blessing he is to all of us. I can only describe being his mother as absolute joy. He is kind, compassionate, loving and bass great sense of humor. All that being said, he didn’t take the place of my babies that didn’t make it. I think about them often, especially on their due dates. There does seem to be a stigma about miscarriages. I had people who would wonder aloud why I wouldn’t wait farther into the pregnancy to announce it. As if it’s any less painful to lose a baby that only you, the dad and the doctor know about! I feel for you and anyone else who has lost a child. I hope and pray great joy comes your way. And just know that sharing your feelings has touched many people who have never felt validated for feeling the same way.
I hear that all the time too…”aren’t you going to wait at least three months before announcing it?” …Who wrote that rule book? I waited four months with Johnathan and that didn’t change the events that happened. And, I couldn’t imagine going through this even more alone – with no one even knowing Johnathan had ever even existed. That would be absolute heartbreak. I am so sorry for our losses. I am glad that you went on to have a healthy rainbow baby. xoxo
There is a hole in your heart, where your child is missing, that nothing can fill. Allow yourself to grieve, it has only been a month, The grief will become easier to bear, yet will still last a lifetime. If people cannot understand your pain and grief, if you feel the need to protect them from your pain, then let them go. They are not the right people for your life. You husband wants to fix it for you, yet he himself needs to grieve also. Share the loss and pain together and your marriage will become stronger for the sharing. Just understand you are coming at this loss from different perspectives. Men think differently than women and process differently than women. His greatest gift to you will be loving you through your pain, even when you cannot get out of bed for the devastation of it. Your greatest gift to him will be to allow him the insights into your vulnerability and weakness, do not try to hide it from him, allow him to help you through the pain…brought about by your tremendous loss and different ways of dealing with it. He is hurting just as much, he just has a different way of dealing with it and he feels responsible, as the man, to protect you through this horrendous ordeal. Please do not hide behind work as a way to dull the pain or avoid it constantly. Allow yourself time every day to feel the grief, feel the pain, allow it to overwhelm you for a time and then put it away for the day and do the same again the next day until the day will come when you can carry it without it consuming you completely. There is no timetable for grief. We all grieve at our own time and pace. NOBODY can set the pace for you or tell you it is time to stop grieving, for you will never stop grieving. You will however come to a place of acceptance, at your own pace, when you can manage life on it’s own merits without the grief defining who you are. Until that day comes be kind to yourself no matter what and be thankful for your wonderful brain and body that will heal at a pace that is BEST for you.
Best advice: “If people cannot understand your pain and grief, if you feel the need to protect them from your pain, then let them go. They are not the right people for your life.” I am learning to stop yearning for people to want to be in my life and love and respect the few who go out of their way to be in my life. Even if they aren’t “blood related” they are true family. thank you.xoxo
Jamie,
Today I read your post while sitting at my desk at work with a tear in my eye. While our miscarriage stories may be so very different I just want to let you know that over here in Australia I am sending you all the baby dust I can possibly muster up.
My miscarriage story begins and ends with fear, which is completely un like me. I am the person that jumps head first into everything is afraid of nothing and genuinely doesn’t mind failing, however when it comes to pregnancy the sheer terror is too much for me to try.
I found out my hubs and I were expecting twins when I was 6 weeks along. We were plagued with complication, they thought id lost both babies after significant at 11 weeks, but they were wrong.. At 23 weeks our baby girl lost her heartbeat.. I say lost her heartbeat because the idea of saying “she died” inside of me still kills me almost two years later. I carried my beautiful boy to term and despite complications during labour I delivered both my babies.. I tried so hard to concentrate on the fact that my baby boy was alive and he was healthy, that he was my rainbow, but every milestone, every smile, every coo, every cuddle made me miss her, made me want to know who she would be, made me wish that I could have just known her for a second.. Nothing has ever cured that ache and I don’t think it ever will, the feeling of carrying your baby inside your belly knowing she isn’t with you, that you can’t help her, you can’t save her, has stolen a part of me I never think will be restored…
In October last year my hubs and I (after completing lots of councilling and the doctors assuring me that all was okay for us to begin trying for another baby) we started our journey again. I was hesitant I was scared, overcome with a dreaded feeling that something would go wrong, so I we tried and I fell pregnant within two months, I was so excited, I thought it would go right. But unfortunately at 14 weeks we were informed of the horrible news. I remember going to surgery feeling just empty.. Completely empty… I hope and pray that sometime soon I’ll have the courage to try again for our rainbow baby! Your strength is inspiring to me, although our stories are different and our feelings about trying again are opposites it gives me hope that one day I will be willing to try again. Until then, my little miracle boy, who is my entire world, gives me hope and hopefully you too that even when the darkest moments of our lives appear, there’s always a rainbow that follows..
Love and light x
Oh my goodness. I am so, so sorry. I couldn’t even imagine. 🙁 I am so sorry you have your miracle boy. xoxo
I’m so sorry to hear of your miscarriage. But I believe you and Doug will go through the sadness with great love and support from your friends, family. I do enjoy reading your real stories from your blogs, that really inspiring. Even though I come from HK , I would like to send you a super warm hug and support, pray for you & your family. Stay strong and unlimited support xoxo
Thank you so much Christy, we really appreciate that. xoxo
Thanks forTalking about this publicly. You will end up helping a lot of women.
Hi Jamie, I also miscarried early on in my pregnancy years ago. The Dr said for us to wait at least 3 months before trying to conceive again, but the void in me was awful and I didn’t want to wait to try again. And so yes, I got pregnant probably about 5 or 6 weeks later. Everything went fine, and my son is now 21 years old. But I sure remember what it felt like to lose the baby. You are not alone, and those feelings are normal. I will be praying for u and Doug.
Jamie, I just lost my first baby recently. It hasn’t even been two weeks since it’s little heart stopped beating. I was only 7 and half weeks and I feel like everyone thinks I shouldn’t be sad because I wasn’t that far along. Everyone keeps telling me at least you can get pregnant and you weren’t even trying that long beforehand but it doesn’t matter. I still lost this baby and want this baby back. I feel the same way, as in I think the best thing is to get pregnant quickly. I pray God gives us another blessing very soon. I think I will lose my mind if my first due date comes and goes and I am still not pregnant. That is a ways off but I still think like that. Prayers to you everyday! You are not alone and not crazy for feeling anyway at all. I feel the exact same way.
Heather, I am so, so sorry! I’m so sorry they say “at least you weren’t that far along.” I can’t even believe that. I am so sorry! ….And I am exactly the same thinking – if December 20th comes (my due date with Johnathan) and I don’t have a rainbow baby I’ll probably lose my mind. I feel like if I am pregnant before then then maybe it was “meant to be” like everyone says because I wouldn’t have been able to have that baby without losing Johnathan …. even typing that feels so cruel. Nothing about it makes sense. Nothing. Because I wouldn’t want to have to lose Johnathan to have another baby that “was meant to be.” It’s really just such a mess going through miscarriage. I pray for you and I to get our rainbow babies though. I feel like that will take our mind off the sadness and we can be happy for our new miracle. God bless you, love. xoxo
Hi Jamie. I hope you see this. And I hope you begin to know you are not simply complaing and whining about your loss. You lost your child. No matter what age or stage in your pregnancy you were, you lost a child. And with that loss went the hopes and dreams you had for that child, the dreams of what you would do together and all the memories you would make. I lost my first baby at almost 7 weeks and had a D&C shortly after. This was easily the most difficult thing to ever happen to me. I felt much like you did. Alone, unsure if anyone understood, even my husband at times. I felt empty and like my whole world was taken from me in one split second. Confused and angry why I was the one to lose my baby while so many around me were making memories and growing their bellies. I don’t have a magical answer as to how I got through that. I still am not even sure how I survived this time but what I can say is allow yourself to feel how you feel, ask for help, send friends and family how you feel, talk to your husband and let him know when it hurts the most, ugly cry when you need to, think of your child and think about him often, join a support group or talk to someone you may know who has also shared a loss. Talking to a girl I knew who had also had a miscarriage was probably one of the times I felt most free. She understood me and the exact pain I was feeling. I am happy to share that my husband and I waited a month to try per recommendations from my doctor. We then decided to take a trip together to the Bahamas and I’m happy to call myself a Bahama Mama! We created our rainbow baby while there and I am now almost 13 weeks pregnant. It’s very scary going through another pregnancy but I’m proof that there is hope. That there can be happiness after a loss. I’m wishing you and Doug all the very best in your journey. You will make loving and perfect parents. Im always willing to talk. Not as a fan but as another woman who shares your pain in the loss of a child. ❤️
Congrats Bahama Mama! 🙂 Such good news my dear! xoxo
Jamie, I know exactly how you feel & we are dealing with our miscarriages the same way. I too have a void in my heart & once I get pregnant again, I think I’ll feel better. I worry that I’ll be so nervous when/if we get pregnant again- it’s so overwhelming. Sometimes I don’t even know what to do with my emotions… I wish you nothing but the new of luck in your journey with Doug.
I hope my blogs have helped you feel less alone. It’s crazy no one talks about this. Why is it such a taboo topic still? I hope by commenting about how you’re feeling you’re able to heal a bit. Talking it out and knowing someone is listening is great therapy – at least it has been for me. xoxo
Hey Jamie! Miscarriage is near and dear to my heart. My husband and I have experienced 4 of them. I am the face of your pain…I lived it. It never got easier and honestly I got angry. I didn’t understand why 14 or 15 year olds had no problem becoming a mom, drug addicts or honestly even friends. I hated seeing pregnant women. I couldn’t be happy for anyone because my heart just hurt so bad. And you are right, you hide it because you don’t want to annoy people and people don’t know how to respond. I mean is there anything they can really say to fill that hole in your heart anyway? After my 4th miscarriage I was sent to a fertility doctor. I prayed he would find something wrong as no one else was able to tell me why I kept going through this. Nothing was wrong…again! It was probably a couple of weeks until my final appointment with the fertility appointment that I had this nagging feeling to try again and it wouldn’t go away. We were sitting in the doctor’s office discussing my options when I looked at him and said “Am I crazy for wanting to try on our own again?” He said not at all! So that is what we did. I got pregnant quickly (which had happened before). I was scared out of my mind. I just didn’t know if I could go through another miscarriage. I would get sick to my stomach before every appointment. I bought a Doppler so I could listen to the heartbeat in between appointments or when I felt more scared than other times. Jamie, 1 year ago Aug 5, I gave birth to the most beautiful little girl in the world. I look at her almost daily and cry because I never thought I would get to be a mom. She is soooo special to me! I believe in your rainbow baby. If you ever want to talk – I am available…just to listen if that is what you need. I know your pain all too well, but there is HOPE!!!!
OH my goodness. I couldn’t even imagine. But I am SO happy to hear your little girl is your rainbow. Thanks, Amber! 🙂
I just wanted to say that I know exactly how you feel! Sometimes I feel like everyone expects me to be falling over and crying hysterically every day and open to them about my loss. I realized that the way I’m expressing my pain isn’t “wrong.” It just feels right for me. I keep a lot of inside, mostly because no one else around me has ever really gone through a loss like myself. I lost my son at 20 weeks of a rare membrane rupture. But anyway, I just don’t want to be “that girl” like you’ve stated. I do write about him a lot and post “positive” things about him because I reread them to help myself, not just for people to see or know. And yes, I feel as though getting pregnant again is also my new “mission.” It just hurts so much and there’s nothing else I’d want than my baby. I’m probably babbling on but I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story. It didn’t solve my problems but it shows me that I’m not alone, especially with how I have dealt with my loss. Do what’s right for you and when you’re ready to try something new to cope or make yourself feel better, go for it! No rush and there’s no right or wrong way to grieve!! Follow your heart.
Please, babble away. You’re babbling helps ME feel less alone. I had no idea how many women suffered from miscarriage until I began blogging. No one talks about it. I find talking about it and hearing others share their stories really helps me. Thank you for sharing and for your support. It means more than you know. xoxo
I’ve literally been through the entire internet trying to find a blog post as honest as yours, but also describing exactly how I feel. Especially the “I don’t want to annoy people with my sadness” is so accurate. I’ve often said to my bf “I need to talk about this with people, but how?”. Miscarriage is the ultimate party pooper/conversation killer. And not to mention the jealousy that follows! Phew! It’s such a difficult topic, but I’ve found that forcing myself to tell the story over and over again and sharing my somewhat weird emotions, has helped me cope. It’s funny how good it feels to read that someone else feels exactly like yourself.. Thanks so much for sharing. I can sooo relate!
Many hugs from a follower in Denmark, Scandinavia – I hope your rainbow will come soon <3
Thank you so much for letting me know my blogs are helpful. Because sometimes I get scared to post them in fear that they are just “annoying and whining.” I’ll keep posting because it helps me but also because it seems to help others, too. And that really makes me feel good. Thank you. xoxo
Ten years ago I had a tubal pregnancy and unfortunately I wasn’t able to have my rainbow baby. I was two weeks away from finding out the sex of my baby. Although I don’t know for sure we as women have an idea of the sex of our baby and I swear it was a girl. From time to time I have dreams about her she’s beautiful, blonde hair and big blue eyes. This past weekend I had a dream again and in my dream she came up to me put her hand on my face and said, “It’s ok mommy I’m here”. Took me four days to finally tell my husband and as I did I cried like it was just yesterday. I realized in that moment I to hide my pain a lot because like you I don’t want to make people feel uncomfortable. I don’t want to be viewed as the crier and whiner. However, I also realized not talking about it has really hurt myself and my memory of my child. So Jamie… keep talking….we are hear to listen! xoxo
I’ve been following your story and loss of your son, and just wanted to let you know you’re not alone! We lost our son at 23 weeks 3 years ago. The grief was overwhelming and transformative, and you have a right to get through it however you can. We were fortunate to get pregnant with our rainbow 3 months after our loss and our daughter was born 11 months to the day after we lost our son. The grief has become more bearable over time, but never truly goes away. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but have faith that you will get your rainbow and arrive at a better place with time.
thank you so much. xoxo
I read this and I felt compelled to share my story. I know that drive to be pregnant again. I lost my daughter Olivia at 26 weeks back in January 2016. I saw my infertility doctor at the six week mark and by March I was pregnant with her brother and my rainbow. He didn’t take her place but he helped heal my heart. Another thing that helped me was a support group through the hospital. It helped me so much to be surrounded with people who shared my experience. We have also all gone on to have our rainbows. I hope that you find peace and your rainbow.
thank you so much for sharing! 🙂 Praying we get a story like this! xoxo
By the way, I wasn’t able to purchase your book for myself so I put in a suggestion with my library and they bought FIVE copies… better deal for you in the end 🙂 I really enjoyed it. You are a strong and courageous soul.
wow, thank you so much. I really appreciate that. 🙂 xoxo
I am fairly new to Married at First Sight and your love story with Doug, which along with the vast majority of the world (it would seem) has become my favorite. Your story is stunning to me and I’ve been processing your story in light of some of my own challenges and belief systems about myself and a marriage I hope to have someday. I know neither of you are perfect and that your marriage has faced its challenges but watching you all has been inspirational in more ways than you can ever know.
I’m so sorry to hear of your miscarriage. There’s no way for me to understand your pain but I do know grief. It’s a complicated thing and no two people grieve the same. Generally speaking, words just completely fail in times of grief. People so desperately want to just make things better for us but they can’t. It’s not theirs to make better and it’s not in their capability to do so either. The best thing a person can ever do is to simply be available… to listen to our words/our hearts, to sit while we cry, to help us put one foot in front of the other when we have no idea how anymore.
Isolation is easy for the simple fact that it is risky to lay our hearts bare only to be met with what is quite often the most well-meaning of ignorance. I recently found that instead of isolating (or hiding), I really just need to insulate… that is, reach out to those with the ability to just show up, no questions asked and no pressure to say the right words or do the right things to “fix” the situation or the pain. They just simply are while we just be.
Please no there is no time limit to grief and there is no need to feel shame in grief.
I heard this song this morning and thought of you – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mkg4IH1Zp64. I wonder if it would prove to be an encouragement to your heart? Music for me has always been a source of comfort. These are the lyrics – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/nataliegrant/held.html. And these are (supposedly) the stories behind the lyrics – http://tending-home-fires.blogspot.com/2010/08/meaning-behind-held.html.
I pray your heart would heal in just the right time for you and that your current dashed hope and broken dream of having a baby would one day be fulfilled and put back together more beautiful than ever.
You are so loved and I have a hunch your husband and those closest to you really want to know your heart during this time and to love you through it.
thank you so much! xoxo
You’re seriously telling it like it is, don’t be concerned that you may think you’re whining! You’re going through a real experience and why butter it up when you’re really not feeling that way…keep it up, we like hearing real and raw, Jamie! I lost my angel baby in March and became pregnant with my rainbow baby in May. I hope this gives you hope that your rainbow baby can’t be too far behind and this stage of mourning will soon be filled with rejoicing! I pray you and Doug find peace and enjoy each other before you become so busy with planning 🙂
oxoxo
Jamie,
Just know you are not alone in the way you feel. My husband and I have been married 4.5 years and started trying to get pregnant right away. Unfortunately, in the last two years we suffered two miscarriages. The latest one was in May. Both were heartbreaking and I couldn’t understand why God would put us through the pain of loosing not only one but two children. After this last miscarriage, I finally told God its in your hands. When you feel ready for us to be parents we will accept it. Well, at the time I didn’t realize it but our prayers had already been answered. I am now 12 weeks pregnant with our angel baby. Please don’t feel like you are the only one that shared the feelings you have. I had lots of sleepless nights and a wide range of emotions. I remember hearing people were pregnant and see baby’s and getting emotional and then angry. But just know God has a plan for you guys. It may not always be the easiest nor the plan you want. But he never gives you more than you can’t handle. I have faith your story will touch so many woman. Maybe that was his plan for you right now. I will be praying for you and Doug and hope this post brings you relief in feeling the way you do.
Jamie, I never respond or post my views or ideas, but your blog has touched a place in my heart so I thought I would let you know that your grief is so normal and it is something that you need to do! In 1991, I had a healthy baby boy. My husband and I wanted children close in age, so 1 1/2 years later, we got pregnant again. It was early on, I was about 12 weeks when I miscarried. My grief was so real because this was our child that we wanted, that we planned for, that we had already picked out names for. We never got to meet him but we loved him. We heard all the cliches about it just wasn’t meant to be or that God had other plans or He knows what is best. In my heart, I know all of that is true, but it did not lessen my pain. We waited the time we were supposed to before trying again. I had an empty spot that I felt needed to be filled by another child. We got pregnant again and early on, I lost that baby also. We decided to not try anymore. I couldn’t deal with it and my husband couldn’t deal with it. But 3 years later, God had other plans. I got pregnant again. I had trouble in my first trimester, but by His grace, I have a beautiful 21 year old daughter born on December 20th. It was God’s timing that I needed. Then, through another beautiful blessing, I surprisingly got pregnant with my third child and have an 18 year old son! It will happen for you. Go through your grief but know as the days progress, even though you will always love this child that you wanted, and although another child will not take his place, there is plenty of room in your heart to love again and you will be okay!
Jamie, my sister just suffered a miscarriage of her own. Watching her go through it was one of the hardest things I’ve done because like you, she really was ready to be a mother. There is no proper “grieving time”. It takes as long as you need. You will always be his mother, and I know God will bless you immensely. Praying for you and Doug!
Jamie-
I cried my eyes out reading this post. Do not apologize for your thoughts for a minute. I understood and have felt or maybe even still feel everything you mentioned. I had a miscarriage last May and an early miscarriage (chemical pregnancy) in September. I am currently pregnant due in October with my rainbow baby. This year has been so extremely difficult. I have to be honest. I thought I would feel better or happier or more confident when I get pregnant again, when I passed the first trimester, or when I passed the amount of weeks in my previous pregnancies. This unfortunately wasn’t really the case. I am still anxious and scared. But everything is looking great with my baby boy. I can’t wait for the day that my baby boy is crying in my arms. Sending love and prayers that you get through this most difficult time. While it is still hard, it does get easier in a way.
God bless you Jamie. Miscarriage is so very hard and difficult. I hope one day that you will be able to.look back and smile on little Johnathon Edward’s life and know that he was given and taken for a reason. You will be blessed with your rainbow baby soon enough. You deserve that. I think you are handling things as expected. Hand in there.
Jamie, i was heartbroken when I heard the news. You are entitled to take as much time as you need in order to deal with this loss. 30 years ago I too was carrying a little boy named Christopher John. CJ for short. When I was five months pregnant I too had a miscarriage. Even after all this time I still think of him. I wonder what he would have looked like, if he’d be married, if I’d have grandchildren. The Loss never goes away. Since then, I have had two daughters whom I love with all my heart and they have given me many years of joy. Don’t give up. Your time to be a mother is coming. And it will be wonderful!
If people have a problem with how YOU feel it is THEIR problem! I lost our baby girl at 23 weeks, she had trisomy 18. We have since been trying…that was 6.5 YEARS ago! I totally get the empty feeling. I want another baby so bad. I am fortunate to have a beautiful 8 year old little girl, but she is so lonely and begs me for a sibling daily. I don’t want a baby just to replace the one I lost…and that’s what’s hard for people to get. I hear all the time “be thankful for what you do have” “no baby will take Hayden’s place” first…I don’t want a baby to take her place! And second I want to ask people “what child would you choose to die?” When they tell me to be thanful! Anyways…take your time healing and who cares what other people think of YOUR emotions! I pray for you and Doug! I also hope your rainbow comes quick!
Hi Jamie…I suffered a miscarriage with my 1st pregnancy. I went from feeling special to empty. People try to understand but end up saying unintentional insensitive things. I remember thinking if one more person tells me how common miscarriage was I was going to scream. Time definately helps and knowing there is nothing wrong with you…you will have your baby! I became pregnant 6 months after my miscarriage and had my beautiful daughter Delaney! Two years later my son William was born! Try not to worry about how other people think you should be feeling. You have to heal on your own terms. Cry, scream, and mourn the way you need to…not how you feel like you should. If someone in your life makes you feel bad for being sad…then they aren’t worth being in your life. You are totally justified in how you feel. I can remember driving around for hours sobbing…scared there was something wrong with me…fearful I may never have children. I worked through those emotions on my terms and only surrounded myself with people who let me be me and FEEL my emotions. I know I am a stranger to you but I truly hope you find peace. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!
Jamie,
Your raw, openness is helping so many women cope and realize, they are not alone in their struggles in dealing with miscarriage. I too have Angel Babies in heaven and have gone through the stages of grief you are going through. Your feelings and actions are real and “normal”. Keep doing what you’re doing and take life one step at a time. God has blessed you with a wonderful, loving husband who is going through the same stages of grief with you. God is carrying you both through this storm and will never leave you; trust HIM.
I think people who haven’t been through if find it to be an uncomfortable conversation or topic to address. Unfortunately there are many of us that have been in your situation so we are here to support you. It’s totally ok to have these feelings and to express them, it’s important to have these feelings and get them out there rather than suppress it. I started a blog to get all of the feelings out and met so many other women who have been through the same thing. Our rainbow baby was born two years almost to the day of our miscarriage so I have so much hope for you as well that your little ones are coming soon!
Please keep your head up!! I lost my sweet georgia March 27, 2007….. and I became pregnant October 2007…. I now have 3 beautiful children!! Keep your head up ajd be yourself!!! You are such a sweet beautiful person
I am praying for you too and hope that you can really seek comfort in God’s love and peace that passes all understanding. We lost a baby too and I definitely felt like people expected me to be over it way more quickly than I could handle. Try your best to tell people what you need – even though I know that can change moment by moment, sometimes you want to talk, sometimes you don’t but most people will support you – they just don’t feel like they know how. Keep talking about and honoring your baby. Yes a rainbow baby is a huge blessing – ours is 5 months old now, but it certainly doesn’t replace your little one. I have actually grieved in a whole new way since having my rainbow baby because now I really know everything that I missed with my lost little one. Just know that this is a part of your story now, who you are and it always will be. I know that I will always be a mother who lost a child and it will forever change my mindset – in some good and some hard ways. The good way is that it makes me way more focused on eternity and eternal things. I know that the most important thing in life is loving God and helping as many people as possible to be in heaven with Him forever where we all get to be with our lost loved ones and most importantly with God forever. Totally makes things like money and things on earth way less important. Here is a link of a photography project that I was a part of to educate about miscarriage if it helps you to know you are not alone! You now have a bond with all women who have lost and fiercely love our little ones that we didn’t get to meet on earth and that is a special community of women. https://truthshecarries.org/isaiah-project-video/
The one thing I was most surprised by when I lost my first baby was how common miscarriage actually is. I honestly felt I was standing in a field alone and no one had ever felt what I felt. Worse yet, my doctor tried to convince me that “passing the baby naturally” was what I should do. I felt like a time bomb! It was the most cruel thing a doctor could say to me. What I heard was “walk around with a dead child inside of you for awhile. You be alright.”
After a week, (yes! A week) I returned to my doctor’s office and asked for a surgical removal. Horrifying!
Although my husband stood by me through everything, he had no way of feeling the depth of emotion I felt. A living child growing in my womb… A miracle in the making.
I have since gone on to create another life with my husband and we enjoy our almost 13 year old sweet girl today. I ask myself now how to slow time. Before I was always looking forward to the next month… The next cycle… The next chance.
Be strong Miss Jamie. God has big plans for you and Doug!
God bless! Be plentiful!
Hi Jamie!!
I so deeply understand this to my core! I remember laying in the hospital after I lost the baby that I carried for 5 months…. I had just had to push my baby out… My baby that I knew had no heartbeat… My baby that I knew would not be crying or moving…. In the middle of the maternity floor… where I could hear fathers in the hallway on the phones sharing their news of great joy…thinking “as soon as my OB says I can I’m having another baby!!” My doctor thought it best to perform a DNC to make sure there was nothing left inside to ward against infection and as I awoke to find my everyone in my room…. I found myself telling all that ” I’m gonna have another baby so don’t tell me anything!!” And that’s what kept me going! That’s what kept my sanity! My doctor told me I had to wait for 3 cycles before trying again… And I did just that!! 3 months later I began the process and I was pregnant the next month! All of this to say… Yes… I understand that need… That desire! I understand the feeling of only one thing keeping you on that path of joy right this minute. Please understand that you are “normal” in how your feeling…. Even if you don’t feel it normal right now! You are!! May God bless you and keep you!! ❤️
It’s very hard after a miscarriage….I was like you — didn’t want to seem sad around other people; no one truly understood how I was feeling and practically didn’t acknowledge my loss…..the only thing that got me through was that I knew one day I’d be a mom…..I’ve had way more than one loss and for a year and half straight suffered way more than one should but I have three beautiful kids now….so I guess my point in all of this is keep your head up and in the end things will be ok even though it might not seem it right now. I acknowledge your loss–you beautiful little boy—it’s very painful and you are NOT alone.
Such beautiful words. Exactly know how i felt. Pregnant with my rainbow baby. Miscarried my first as well. I emailed you a private message thru your blog. Not sure if you received it or not. No problem if you did. Just wanted to make sure you got it. Xoxo
Jamie
Found out there was no fetal heart beat June 10, 2014. Waited to get pregnant again till after 2 menstrual cycles to allow my body to get back to normal. Had a gorgeous baby girl June 10, 2015! I’ll never forget my first pregnancy but getting pregnant again made the pain slightly better. I think about you all the time and hope you tell us your having a rainbow baby very soon!
YOUR REVIEW
YOUR REVIEW
Oh, Jamie. My heart breaks for you. I’ve been there. Talk, cry, vent, whine, complain, break things…whatever you need to do. You lost a baby. You are grieving and all of this is normal. It took me months. I didn’t shower for a solid 2 weeks. I know this sounds trite, but you will get through this. Lean on Doug-that is what he is for. And remember, he lost a baby, too. In the meantime, prepare yourself. Because nothing could’ve prepared me for those 2 pink lines on that stick 4 months later. Big love to you and Doug.
Hi Jamie,
I lost our 1st little one on March 19th of this year. I broke down and cried for days. I didn’t want to do a thing. My husband didn’t know what to do. I was so depressed and hurt. Why was he/she taken from me when I’m a good person and have wanted to be a mom for so long? It’ll be hard on some days and easier on others. I am now currently 8 weeks 5 days pregnant with not 1 but 2 rainbow babies! I was so taken aback when they told me I was having twins! I know its not something you want to hear because believe me at the beginning I didn’t either but God works in mysterious ways and has a plan for all of us. Unfortunately we don’t always know what the plan is. I truely believe that you & your husband will get that rainbow baby or babies (never know). Keep blogging about it and keep talking about it. Thats what helped me grieve and get through my miscarriage. I’m not one to suffer in silence like most women who lose a child. I’ll be thinking about you! God bless.
Hi Jamie,
I know you said Rainbow baby stories help – so I wanted to let you know I am currently pregnant with my double rainbow.. We experienced two losses and have gone on to have 2 successful pregnancies now!
My daughter just turned two in May.
We experienced a loss in April 2013, June 2013 and conceived her in September 2013 – she was born in May 2014 and she’s perfect 🙂
I am currently 24 weeks pregnant – and this time we got pregnant on the very first try!
loss isn’t easy and having a successful pregnancy doesn’t erase that loss – but rainbow babies happen allllll the time. And having a new little person to shower with love will make your heart grow a million times.
You will get there – I know you will
Stay strong mama.
xo
All I can say is thank you for sharing this Jamie. I found out I lost our baby at the first scan. It was horrible when the nurses an doctors were reassuring us that apart from the m/c everything was fine. My body was doing what it was meant to do and it was the baby that just “stopped”. It wasn’t reassuring at all.
This happened in April and its still remains on my mind. Of course these are often private thoughts as everyone else has “moved-on” and like you I feel the same way. Any time I feel like I need to talk about it for my own sanity, people shift uncomfortably in their seat and placate me with kind words and change the subject as soon as they are able.
Its reassuring when you read or hear that others are experiencing similar things and I also gain comfort from other peoples stories of getting pregnant and having healthy babies after m/c. Im still waiting for that day to come for me but I am hopeful.
I wish you an Doug all the best. Stay healthy and positive and all will be right soon. x
Reading this was like seeing my thoughts that I had. I remember going back to work after 2 weeks off and crying at my desk. Even after having our rainbow baby. November, December and July still makes me sad. I miscarried early omg, but loosing something I waited so long for was by far the worse heartbreak I’ve ever endured.
I hope you and Doug get your rainbow soon. And never feel like you are whining or wallowing. You are entitled to grieve outloud!!
YOUR REVIEW
Reading your blogs makes me feel that I’m not alone. We read all the statistics that make it sound like its all too common yet it’s the only time I’ve felt so alone.
It’s been just over 10 weeks since I had my last cuddle with my baby boy.
I understand how it feels and I agree, I put on a smile and tell people ‘yeah I’m doing okay’ you get the awkward silence then like you say the topic is avoided.
I know people care but I only let my family and true friends show it… I think those people only deserve to know.
Reading stories of rainbow babies makes me realise too that my day will come.
Thank you for being so honest and open
Take care
I’m so glad it is helpful to you. Praying for you and your rainbow baby to come. 🙂 xoxo
We lost our precious baby ‘Hope’ in February 2013. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of them and feel sad. But, by God’s grace my heart did heal. It took time, I found it hard to talk to friends and family as I felt no one understood and that they just thought i should “get over it”. I now know this wasn’t the case at all and I wish I shared more and been more honest with everyone around me. Miscarriage is still a taboo subject but it shouldn’t be. Grieving is perfectly normal and natural and we need to support one another with love not judgement. Thank you for sharing with openness and honesty. It will help others I feel sure of it. We had our beautiful rainbow baby daughter Isabelle in September last year (for various reasons we waited to try again for another baby) and finally getting to hold my child is everything I dreamed of and more. I pray the same for you and Doug soon.
Jamie never ever feel bad for having feelings. Everyone copes in their own way. My husband and I have tried for 9 years to get pregnant and have had one miscarriage.. Take as much time as you need. My story is different bc we have yet to have our rainbow baby. But I just know you are going to have yours. It’s going to happen and he/she is going to the cutest baby ever. So please never apologize for being you. Everyone deals with things differently. I will be praying for your rainbow baby. Continue to be you. :0)
I totally feel your pain. My husband & I tried for 10 years to have a baby. We did 6 IVF cycles and I carried 15 embryos, but never had a successful pregnancy. I still have all their pictures. I feel like I’m broken and wonder what my purpose is. I’m 41 now so I can’t do any more IVF cycles, so the chance of ever getting pregnant is pretty much gone, especially with a blocked tube from scar tissue. I also have no motivation. I barely leave the house, only wear sweats, & rarely do my hair or makeup anymore. You are not alone. I wish people talked about infertility & miscarriage more. I think if people stopped waiting until the 2nd trimester to announce, then we’d hear more stories. Why should couples with earlier losses suffer in silence? Of course, it’s a personal decision, but I couldn’t do it. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Vent away, Jamie. We are here for you.
Oh Jamie nothing is permanent with God,we feel ur pain it hurts to see some1 go through all this pain, u are a strong woman u can do this be strong for yourself and your husband God is in control .u can still have another baby when ever u want its ur decision we are there to support u 100% what ever that makes u happy ur hubby will be by ur side
Jamie I have been there too. Don’t give up hope. For me, my rainbow baby didn’t come until following another miscarriage & a over a year later with the help of IUi. Throughout that time my therapist helped me turn my depression around. we support you in the times you need to be negative! It makes you human & we can relate to you better. Prayers are with you.
So no, I can’t relate. But I want to tell you a story. A lady in my dad’s parish lost both her kids (aged 1 and 3) in a freak accident. By the grace of God their marriage survived. 2 years later they started trying again. She ended up getting fertility treatment. She got IVF. She got pregnant 5 times. Each time, all 3 the embryos misscarried. That’s 15 miscarriages. They tried again, using an egg donor. 3 Embryos were implanted. One misscarried at 4 weeks. Another misscarried at 12 weeks. But this last little guy… he clung. And at the age of 41, 7 years after she lost her babies, she gave birth to a big, healthy, rainbow boy. And the ENTIRE parish fell madly in love with him. My dad even crawls around on the floor with him. Trust in God’s perfect timing.
Hi, Jamie and Doug. I’m so sorry for your loss and your pain. It’s not easy to go through, so be kind and patient with yourselves. Hold each other more. I lost a set of twins and then a single baby. I’ve been blessed with 2 sons since then. “My 3 Sons” altogether (there was a show called that). I was very sad, as you know yourself. It seemed like everyone was having babies around me, so difficult. My blessings are married and have children of their own now. So thankful. I pray the Lord will heal your hearts and comfort you. That He will give you the strength you need to walk this walk. More love for each other. And that He will give you more children in His perfect timing. You will never forget baby Asher, but you will see heaven as so much sweeter now. Love & prayers.
Reading this post felt like reliving my own feelings 3 years ago. After my miscarriage, I had to jump back into reality as it happened weeks before I took the CA bar exam. I was fortunate and passed the test but I do believe that having something to throw myself into helped ease the pain. Two months later, I found myself pregnant with my rainbow baby boy, Landon. We are now pregnant with our 3rd little boy and I know that my sweet baby in heaven is looking down on us and watching over us. I know it is still very raw and honestly, I still cry over my loss, but I know that you will come through it like many of us have. I once asked someone who had suffered multiple losses if it ever gets better and the best advice I received was that it never gets better or heals but you learn to move forward, one day at a time. I hope you can find peace in knowing that there are so many of us out there who have suffered this tragic loss and we can relate to your feelings of loneliness and not wanting to be a burden on those around you while you grieve. You are a strong woman and a great role model for women everywhere and you will get through this as you have with many challenges before. God bless.
oh gees, I couldn’t even imagine. 🙁 ..but I am so happy you’ve gone on to have happy, healthy rainbow babies. I love that advice, too. I’m writing that one down. thanks xoxo
This is exactly how I feel!! I’ve had 2 miscarriages in 5 months. Both early pregnancy, it took a complete stranger (after my second miscarriage) telling me that my hubby, friends and family loved me and they weren’t going to be bored with how I felt, in fact they were probably incredibly worried because I was “brave-facing” it and trying to positive spin it. She told me to be honest with a few and see how it went. The love and support I received when I was open with them made me realise just how much they care. You have every right to be sad, upset, angry and all the emotions that come with baby loss. BUT you’re also allows to feel happiness & hope. There is no one way to cope with your baby dying you do what works for you. Take each day as it comes and remember to always be honest with Doug. Some days he might not “get it” but he’ll always be there for you. Lots of love x
Let it out Jamie, your not whining or complaining your letting your heart talk.
My daughter lost her 3 year old daughter and finance on March 9, 2010. It is devastating to lose a child. Her loss was also the love of her life. She has had a rough road but by the grace of God and the people who stuck by her she has survived. She is a single Mommy to a sweet 7 month old daughter. Not the plan she had but this baby was Literally God sent. It has changed and saved her and she is stronger for the circumstances she is living life with.
Have you ever read Abby Rikes book? She was a contestant on The Biggest Loser. Beautiful and encouraging story of her loss of her Husband, Daughter and 6 week old son.
It helps to have others tell their journey even as difficult as it is your honesty and raw emotions will help others. Abby Rikes, was that story that gave my daughter the strength to get up the next morning and have to face the world 8 days after her 23 birthday. Make plans that no one should ever have to in their life. She is one remarkable young lady.
May you have some peace knowing you are not alone in this journey of grief. We are all here to support and listen as long as it takes, there is no time limit on grief
Send love and prayers to you, Doug and family.
Jamie, I didn’t miscarry a baby…however my daughter in law did…twice! We were so excited for the new lil one. It never even occurred to us that we would never hold that precious soul. With the second pregnancy we were more cautious. Maybe if we didn’t announce it right away it would be ok. I can’t tell you I physically felt the pain, but emotionally I was a wreck! About 6 months after the second my daughter in law and I were just talking about nothing and I suddenly burst into tears. How are you doing it?! I’m so angry at anyone who dares to even talk about their grandchild! I’m a monster and I didn’t even go through it like you did I told her! As tears flowed down her cheeks she said, I’m not doing it either…we cried together that day and have never really spoke of those precious souls again. Now there is a beautiful healthy rainbow baby boy named Ryan and he is the light of our world. What I’m saying is no Jamie, you are so not alone. Talk about your loss all you can. Holding it in does no good. And trust me….your loved ones are grieving with you…even if they think they should hold it in.
Jamie,
I have endometriosis. I have miscarried 3 babies in the last year. If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it. We are going through a complete new cycle of IVF. I understand what you are going through. Pray for me and I will pray for you. We will both have babies soon!♡
Jamie I can’t say that I know how you feel, but I have been a bystander to know this all too well. Your precious baby will come in time. I have 2 friends that both endured miscarriages in the year of 2014. One had 3 within the year and the other 2. One of the friends, whom I’m very close to like a sister, had one miscarriage on February 15 2014. She then went on to get pregnant and miscarry again around Christmas the same year. She was very distraught and could not understand why this would happen to her. Her and her husband remained trying and during the last few days of May 2015, she conceived. They were extatic. Her pregnancy went fine and her due date was February 25 2016. Throughout her pregnancy she always told us that God was going to let her have her baby on February 15 2016, which was the day she miscarried her first. I remind you she had no complications throughout her pregnancy. Then on February 14 2016, in the middle of an East TN snowstorm her blood pressure began to rise. So me, all her other immediate gal pals, and her mom got in the FWD during the middle of the night and took her to the hospital. We camped out in the waiting room as she was put into a labor and delivery room to control her blood pressure, they kept her. The next day, February 15 2016, her doctor came in and said her blood pressure was under control and it would be the next day before she had the baby. She again said God is going to let me have my baby today. Fast forward a few hours, her blood pressure spiked again and she had to have an emergency C-section. Simon Jonas was born to her and her husband on February 15 2016. He is now an almost 6 months old, very spoiled baby boy. I said that, to say this. God has a plan for everything, we may not understand it or accept it at the time because of pain, but in His time He will restore. Have faith in Him. Don’t lose yourself, it’s hard to get through as I witnessed, but look to people for help that you are close to and more importantly to God. I pray that you and Doug remain strong and that you continue to share your story. Sharing can be great therapy. May God bless you and your family.
Jamie, I’m not a mom nor ever suffered a miscarriage so I can’t pretend that I know or identify with what you’re going through. But I just wanted to say that you’re an inspiration. Not a lot of people have the guts to be so open and so vulnerable to the world. We often have a tendency to bottle things up or pretend we’re ok because it feels better than facing what we’re feeling or going through. But not you. Don’t ever beat yourself down for not being able to cope or for sounding whiney or whatever. Your whining is and will make so many feel like they’re not alone. You’re an inspirations, your strength and openess is nothing but encouraging and all around the world you have people that DO care.
I miscarried 2 weeks after you did. I tried for 9 years to get pregnant and then it was taken from me. The quotes you have posted have helped me tremendously. I find myself searching out your posts so I can connect on a subject that is so personal and so heartbreaking. Thank you for being so open and honest. It’s been 10 days since I delivered my baby and I’m glad that you don’t sugar coat the feelings because people like me get strength from people like you. Keeping doing what you’re doing because it is making a difference.
Jamie,
I had a miscarriage between each of my babies and completely understand your feelings. I felt funny crying because I got the impression (or maybe it was my own insecurities) that there was an allotted grieving time and people growing impatient with me. My miscarriages were 10 and 6 weeks so I felt like some people felt I should of bounced back quicker than I did. I just needed validation that my babies existed and their loss warranted my grief. I don’t talk about it much even today but find myself tearing up typing this. One thing I do know is that there are no rules to grieving and please let yourself grieve however you need to. My rainbow babies came and I know yours will too ❤️
Actually I am relieved to read that you are allowing your real feelings to be exposed. Grieving is painful and the heart ache is undescrible. I talk to the Lord a lot in my grief. He has big shoulders and He knows and fully understands your anger, fear, sadness etc. He created us and gave us these emotions to use to handle life situations. Healing comes when we keep feeling and sharing those feelings. Once we understand that it is normal and good for us to experience our true feelings then is when healing can happen. Crazy how we can be so uncomfortable with sad emotions surrounding death. We celebrate life and yet run from death. They are both proof that someone we love was part of our life whether it was brief or a long time. So please keep journaling and each day may you find the strength to just put one foot in front of the other. It takes time and grief has it’s own schedule. I do hope you get pregnant soon. You are a wonderful person and Mommy! I can hardly wait for you to have another baby to love! I wish I could take your pain away but I can’t so for now I am praying for you and your family! Hugs!
It’s hard. Miscarriage when you have no other living children is even harder! I miscarried my first pregnancy, our honeymoon baby, but went on to have a healthy pregnancy afterwards. I wish it only took a few months…but for me it was almost 2 years. Then last summer I got pregnant with what I hoped would be our second baby, miscarried again. I am now 19 weeks along with my 4th pregnancy and hopefully 2nd child. I guess my point in this is I’ve had 2 healthy pregnancies so far and they have both followed a miscarriage. It’s hard for me to connect and fully believe I am carrying a baby until they are in my arms…I totally get it. Your rainbow baby will come…hang in there and take all the time you need to grieve. There is no right or wrong timeline with these types of things.
Hi Jamie,
I completely understand how you feel. I had a miscarriage on March 7,2016 and I felt the same that I needed to be pregnant right away just so that I could feel better. I was able to try right away and I am currently pregnant with our rainbow baby. The new pregnancy did help me feel better but I was also filled with so much fear because I didn’t really allow myself to mourn and get emotionally and spiritually better. I know that wanting and longing for a baby can be so emotionally draining and each month that passes without a baby just hurts even more. My best advice is to become emotionally ready for that rainbow you will have and know that your next pregnancy is a new pregnancy and should be celebrated and enjoyed.
Jamie, you are not alone. I lost four of my angels. The healing process just takes time. I have felt exactly like you do. People sometimes think oh you lost it so early just move on. Uts not that easy. You fall in love with the baby the minute you know he’s there. Hold tight to Doug. Let him love you thru it.
People dont know what to say. They don’t know if YOU want to talk about him so they tend to stay away from the whole thing.
Just take a day at a time. Talk to you dr. About folic acid supplements.
You and Doug are in my prayers and I am always sending you positive white light.
Jamie, I suffered three miscarriages back to back soon after trying to start a family. My first was at 9 weeks. My second ocurred just a few months later at a short 6 weeks of holding my baby. I then saw a specialist who ran all these tests on me but found nothing wrong with me except a low egg count for my age. As he then began to tell me to no longer try to get pregnant naturally and resort to IVF (which I couldn’t understand), I learned I was pregnant with my third baby. I carried her until almost 12 weeks when I learned her heart had stopped beating 2 weeks prior and I had been carrying my angel baby without knowing. She had Trisomy 15. I felt what you are feeling after the loss of my first baby, and by the loss of my third, I had lost almost all hope. I then sought a second opinion from another specialist. This specialist said the LAST thing I needed to do was IVF, and he would put me on a small dose of Clomid and go from there. The first doctor informed me my egg count was so low, if I didn’t act immediately on IVF, I would be needing an egg donor (I was 28 years old). This second specialist chuckled at the notion. That comment had made the loss of my three babies even MORE difficult knowing my chances were diminishing at my dreams of becoming a mother. Jamie… Hold on tight, because I promise you there is light at the end of this pain. The pain will always be there in some way, and you absolutely do not have to hide that whatsoever. I am now the unbelievably blessed mother of now 8 year old, very healthy, fraternal twin girls. My fourth pregnancy was completely healthy resulting in the birth of my daughters and we never did IVF once. Sending you ((hugs)). ❤️
My husband and I miscarried and it was the hardest thing we’ve ever went through. I still replay that week in my head and still think of things I could of did different. I think about my angel every day. This past decemeber we were blessed with our rainbow baby and he’s the most amazing thing that ever happened to us. We were pregnant within two months after our miscarriage and everything went perfect with our second pregnancy. It is very hard to talk about it for me because I don’t want people to feel sorry for me but some days I want to cry to someone about it and just want them to listen. I completely understand what your going through. your in my prayers everyday and I can’t wait for your rainbow baby
We just had our second miscarriage. I am lost for words my heart hurts and I feel the only place I can express my sadness is in the shower. I hide my tears and all of my heartache. We are trying again to have our rainbow baby. I know and have faith it will happen but it doesn’t take away my grief. I pray for greater faith and deeper understanding. Everyday is a new day and I try to see the good in everything.
Hi Jamie,
My husband and I have a little girl. We are incredibly blessed and we decided we wanted to have another baby. I found out I was pregnant in February and we couldn’t have been more excited. When we went to the doctor they did the sonogram and there were two sacs. TWINS!! Holy crap… But then came the bad news there was no heartbeats, but maybe it was too early. So we where told we needed to wait two weeks to go for another sonogram. It was excruciating. I couldn’t wait to find out how my babies where progressing. In the mean time I had a bad feeling something wasn’t right. So the longest two weeks of ours lives was over and we went for the sonogram and one of the sacs was gone, and there was just debris in the other which meant there was no twins. No babies, not even one. I had to have a d &c especially since there was no bleeding happening on it’s own. The d &c came and went and there was bleeding and bleeding and more bleeding. Turns out there was leftover debris and we had to go through the this again. The nightmare was not over. And I couldn’t believe I had to go through this again. So we did. And it was awful. And my brain felt fuzzy afterward because I didn’t give myself enough time to recover and went back to work the next day. I guess listening to people say that you will be fine the next day made me believe it. Well I wasn’t fine. I’m still not fine. I want my babies. I want to be pregnant with my children and I wanted to meet them and raise them and have them meet their beautiful, wonderful, big sister. And still months later I am mourning the loss.. It does not make me feel better when people say, “but you have a beautiful daughter”. Yes. I do. And I am more than incredibly grateful for her and what she brings to my life every single day. But it doesn’t take away the pain of losing a pregnancy. It is ok to mourn the loss and it is ok to talk about it. I found that talking about it actually made me realize that it happens more than you know. I wish people would talk about it more so that we would feel like we aren’t so alone. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I would not wish it on my worst enemy. No words make it better. It is just something time has to mend. Please keep writing and talking. I know it makes me feel better to talk about it. thank you for this forum to talk. Sometimes I still feel so alone. thanjs Jamie
I totally understand you and know where you are coming from. And I loved that you were honest and real about how hard it is to keep going even though your heart is breaking. It’s going to be one month on Wednesday for me that I lost my little angel. Please continue to write your very honest and beautiful blogs, it helps more than you know. I share in your pain, we will get through it slowly but surely.
I lost a baby little girl ,17 weeks.
Have had 3 babies since. Got pregnant with my now 9 year old a couple months after doctor cleared me. Scary pregnancy to go through and even had bleeding during my angel gracelynns due date. Scared me terribly. But ryland my son was ok. I pray and hope you have many beautiful babies when the timing is right. You ll have a house hold like me ! 13 , 9 , 8 year old and a 20 month old. .. and a beautiful angel baby who would have been 10 this year.
I love the way that you don’t sugar coat things, Jamie. You keep it real! I have never had to deal with a miscarriage and I am praying that I will not have to with this my 5th pregnancy. All things happen for a reason and this experience will only make you stronger! Keep getting healthy and praying to your higher power for the chance to be a mother, your dream. Thanks so much for your nice note in my book (and the kisses, too!). You are amazing! I cannot wait for the day to meet you in person. Keep on reaching for the stars!
Having lost 2 baby angels within 2 months of each other…I completely understand how you feel. My sister said it best when she said ” I wish I could take the pain away” because it is a pain that gets less and less but always remains within my heart of the babies I never had a chance to hold but loved with all my heart. But I do believe that these 2 sweet baby angels watched over the angel on earth that was sent to me 9 years ago. Hold onto HOPE Jamie. Heal together with your husband Doug and know that your sweet baby angel is in God’s hands. There is also a beautiful book that I found called “Mommy, Please Don’t Cry…There Are No Tears in Heaven.” It was one of the many resources that helped my grieving heart heal. Your heart will never forget but it will heal too with time.
I’m so glad you wrote this and staying true to your emotions. I suffered miscarriage on January 4 and had my baby removed from my body on January 7 of this year (2016). To this day I still look for some sort of closure. Like you said, not everyday is filled with sadness and tears. We as humans are survivors. We do what we need to do to survive. We are survivors of miscarriage. We go on each and every single day living our lives without our precious children. We live with an emptiness in our souls that will never be filled. And that bit about being pregnant again, I’m there with you. Since March we have been diligently ttc again and it isn’t happening for us. I too feel that I won’t be fully okay again until we get pregnant again. I currently have no living children but my fiance has his 9yo son. If I have learned one thing from all this it’s this: love as deep as you possibly can. Tomorrow is never promised. Hold tight to those dear to you. Never give up opportunity to spend time with those you love. His little guy may not be my blood but boy let me tell you, I love him with all of who I am. He and his father are the reason I pull myself out of bed each day and pray to my darling angel above to watch over us. My angel is the reason I am a survivor. You are too. ❤
I was told at a young age I couldn’t have children because of health issues, so when I got pregnant at 18 years young, even though it wasn’t ideal I knew it was meant to be. “What’s meant to be will always find a way” You and Doug will make amazing parents and I’ll be praying for you all and your sweet angel in heaven❤️
Thank you for sharing your story. I had a miscarriage in March and have had trouble coping myself. It’s strange, really. One day in optimistic and it’s almost like it never happened- then days like today I’m just… sad. Every time I see another negative pregnancy test I’m sad. I don’t understand why I see everyone else pregnant and its been so difficult for me. It helps me to read other stories and to know that I’m not the only one else to have a bad day here and there. Last night after I had a negative test I just layed in bed, not talking. That’s all I wanted to do. I didn’t want to talk about it I just wanted to sulk. Today is a better day.
I know it will happen again for both of us. Keep talking about it- it helps, Not everyone has the outlet to do so. But also, let yourself be sad to. It’s ok, and it’s healthy. Thinking of you in this difficult time.
Hi Jamie, I don’t know much about losing a child as I haven’t yet been able to conceive. There is a woman named Amelia Kathryn Barnes who I began following two years ago on Instagram because of her yoga practice. She was pregnant at the time and I was able to follow her yoga and her final weeks of pregnancy. Sadly, after four days in NICU her son passed away. She now has her beautiful rainbow baby.. I think maybe you could take a look at her page on Instagram- ameliakyoga… she’s even written a book. Perhaps she can help you on your journey!
I guess I’m behind. I didn’t know you lost your sweet baby. I know the pain all too well. I lost 4 in 3 years before successfully having our fist daughter. 2 1/2 yrs. later I got pregnant again, but it was ectopic. It ruptured and I was rushed off for emergency surgery. I ended losing my left tube and ovary. I was devastated but at the same time I was thankful to be alive as that was the worst pain I had ever been in. I wanted another baby, but if it meant losing my life and not being a mother to my sweet girl, I was ok with letting that dream go. Then it happened. I got pregnant again. Naturally. And I got to keep her! You know what I mean by that now. Now I have two little girls and I look at them in awe. The Lord has blessed me abundantly! I am not gloating. I’m hoping to offer hope as the same hope is available for you. Oh, I didn’t have my first till I was “advanced maternal age” either, so don’t let that scare you if that even has come up. It’s no fault of yours that the baby was lost. Things happen and our bodies naturally remove what is not right. Don’t give up. Grieve, but move forward and know that one day, not only will you hopefully Mother children on this earth, but you’ll have a child waiting for you in Heaven. Your baby is safe now – and perfect. You will meet him or her – one day. Allow this tragedy to bring you closer to your husband. It’s times like these that we build our love on levels not known to everyone. Love is not always smiles and giggles. It’s loss and sadness and going through it together is what makes you the perfect parents you will one day be. All my best to you and Doug!
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I don’t want to say I’m glad I miscarried….I’m not, it was some pretty dark days. But, I’m glad that I can relate and be there for other moms who also did. I work as an Ob ultrasound tech and actually went back to work, scanning pregnant bellies 3 days after. Talk about ripping off the band aid. I can’t tell you how many women I’ve did my best to comfort after a miscarriage. The only thing that I told myself over and over, and the only thing that I tell patients is this. Whatever baby I end up having, would not have existed, if I didn’t go through my miscarriage. I got pregnant 2 months after I lost my baby. If it weren’t for that, I wouldn’t have my sweet 1 yr old Emma Rose. I know I will meet the baby I lost in heaven one day. God has the perfect plan. Trust, trust, trust. He has brought you this far and he will continue to carry you. I don’t know if it would help, but the song Oceans by Hillsong United gave me so much peace after my loss. So much so, that I sang it to myself all the time whenever I was worried or nervous about my pregnancy with Emma. Prayers to you.
Jamie,
I have had a total of 6 miscarriages. Two prior to giving birth to my daughter, and four more before giving birth to my second child. I thought the first two were unbearable. I had moments of depression and outright rage. I couldn’t be happy for other who were pregnant because I so desperately wanted what they had. Once I gave birth to my child, I in some strange way looked at my miscarriages differently. I had a new appreciation for them. I seen them as a blessing because it made my love for my born child greater. We thought things were “fixed and better” so I waited three years before trying again. Well, I was wrong, things were not fixed and no one had answers. We went to specialist after specialist and had every test done with no prevail. The emptiness I felt was much greater than before. My only hope was that I did have one child, and I tried desperately to stay positive and in good spirits for her. Is dint always succeed but I did always try. It was a very lonely process because I didn’t tell people I was going through it. To this day not everyone knows what I went through. I enjoy talking about it. It brings me small pieces of healing every time I let someone into that dark place. It’s like they see me, all of me, and that makes me feel better. I commend you for being so vulnerable. I appreciate it. Please continue if for no one else, for you. You deserve to heal. I am praying for you. I pray that with each day you gain more strength. Though the void will never be filled, I pray your heart would grow stronger and your tears will be fewer. May God wrap both you and Doug in his arms of peace.
I lost my baby at 7 weeks.. found out on Feb. 12th and ended up losing our baby on Feb 26th.. iv been trying ever since then to get my rainbow baby but have failed yet to do so.. people tell me to not give up but seeing people post on Facebook with their first child that they are pregnant breaks my heart but I know I have a Guardian Angel looking out for me that calls me mom. I hope you get your rainbow baby soon.
Jamie,
Your sadness is normal. You are normal. Please don’t try to hide what is really real. Your son died. Plain and simple. And it sucks. No, it actually is worse. It is probably the worst thing you have ever had happen to you. (And yes, I read your book and know of your childhood). I’m sure you have thought of your past TABS and might even think you are being punished for them. I personally believe He doesn’t work that way. He loves you NO MATTER WHAT. I know I am just a stranger all the way in California, and you don’t know me from Adam. But I want to encourage you and let you know that you are so loved by so many people. People, like me, who are praying for you and Doug.
Jamie, my heart just broke for you when I heard the news. You’ve worked so hard on your marriage. You and Doug deserve every happiness! I lost a baby at 17 weeks. It was my 4th child. Even though I had 3 healthy amazing toddlers to enjoy and take care of I was depressed and empty. My rainbow baby entered my life just 3 months later and she is now 13 years old. She is my 4th of 6 living children. The Lord has truly blessed me, and I am grateful. I wish the same for you! Much love and happiness and hope for the pitter patter of little feet in the near future. Xoxo
I just came up on the one year anniversary of finding out was pregnant with my angel baby and of all things got a negative hpt this morning. I’m pretty pessimistic today too. Your blog is real and honest. People need to hear this sucks. I completely get what you mean when you say having your rainbow seems like the best way for you to heal. If I could offer one bit of advice, it would be try not to put the pressure of a time line on yourself. It just makes healing harder. You and Doug are in my prayers. Much love to you and our angel!! Thank you for being real.
thank you xoxo
It will be ok Jamie. Nature is nature and you can’t force or control it, but this is a common situation and you will have all the beautiful, lovely children you want and deserve. Stay strong
xoxo
Patrick is my Rainbow Baby. After a January 1989 Miscarriage (17 weeks gestation ), our beloved boy was born May 1991.
With our fertility issues, it seemed a miracle to have conceived. I w as the sickest pregnant mommie ever…for 6 months. Projectile vomit. Hospital visits for B-6 injections. Just ill. And reassured that the sickest mommas have the healthiest babies. And our 9 # son could attest that!
Although I never made it to full term again with pregnancies, I have always praised our heavenly Father for loaning us our Rainbow Baby. Our precious Patrick Drew is 25 years old and still my greatest joy.
I smile large each time I even type his name.
May God warmly comfort you and reassure you that His plan includes a Rainbow Baby. ..sooner rather than later.
Love to you Jamie Otis.
Martine
Thank you Martine.
You’re far from the only one. You’re not wallowing, you’re FEELING, and that’s okay. You lost your child. One month ago, your child died. Just because he was still in your womb does not make him any less a child, and NO ONE expects a parent to act like nothing happened a month after their child has died. I’m so sorry for your pain. I’m so sorry you feel so alone. Please know that you’re not. 1 in 4 women has had a miscarriage, and MOST of them feel exactly like you’re feeling. Like the rest of the world is moving on without you, and you have to fake it for THEIR comfort. Please know that this bereaved parents club, awful as it may be, is enormous, and we get it. TMI away! At least 1 in 4 women can relate.
And because you said hearing stories of rainbows encourages you, my rainbow was just born 2 months ago. He was conceived on his angel brother’s EDD, of all days, 5 months after his brother was born into Heaven. We named him Solomon, because it means “peace” and we felt like we’d been asking God for peace since the day we found out his big brother had died. He is such a sweet, happy, precious little rainbow. He is in no way a replacement in our family for his brother, but he does bring a measure of comfort to my heart on the days I’m in tears as a new wave of grief for Asher washes over me.
I do love hearing of these rainbow babies. It gives me so much hope that I will have mine one day soon. Thank you for sharing. Enjoy your little baby Soloman. xoxo
I won’t even pretend to understand what you’re going through (I’m still single, and I don’t have children). All I can do is pray for you. My heart bleeds for you and Doug. I don’t find your posts annoying (I find constant pretense for the camera annoying); they give me specific ways that I can pray for you, and by God’s grace, I will continue to do so.
thank you so much.xoxo
Jamie my name is alayla I have watched you all the time sense you got married. You should never feel bad to share your story because you might be helping someone else. I lost my baby at 7 months pregnant it was do to the bacteria called listeria. I share my story to keep women informed that what we eat and how we cook it is very important and that doesn’t mean that it can happen to them but it let’s them know that anything can happen and when you least expect it. So never feel bad to share your story because you never know if they have gone threw it and maybe they need someone that can understand them. Your life experience might help someone else. I hope your able to read this and that it makes you feel better I love you your such a great person and sooner or later you’ll have a little one right in your arms. You will be a great mom just remember you need time to heal and by doing that you have to express your feelings and be open about to your husband because he is in pain to. Take care Jaime keep up the good work.
Thank you for sharing your story because you’re right, it will help others. Thank you. xoxo
Your rainbow is on its way and your angel baby is the one who will send them. How do I know? My son (my rainbow) turns 1 in a little over 2 weeks. I was once in your shoes..shoes no one ever wants to be in. We lost our first baby in Octover 2015 at 8w2d and it was the most devastating thing we have ever gone through. I felt like a failure; why couldn’t I do the ONE job I was made to do?? Well, let me tell you, all of the pain, anger, fear, and sadness is normal! I STILL feel those emotions to this day! Please know you are not alone! Those nights that you lay awake crying, know that you’re not alone! I will leave you with this; exactly 6 weeks after we lost our sweet baby, my period returned and exactly 2 weeks later I was pregnant with our sweet rainbow baby. When did we find out I was pregnant? 2 days before Christmas. Coincidence? Possibly. I’d like to think our angel baby just wanted mommy and daddy to have an early Christmas present!! Also when my son is in his room playing with someone (who isn’t there), I know it’s his angel sibling! It makes my heart happy to know my son has a guardian angel looking over him (and possibly playing with him!)
This is so sweet. Thank you! xoxo
Jamie, Thanks for being so honest. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through. Just continue to have faith & you will be blessed with an abundance of joy.& happiness. And, if blogging about your miscarriage helps you & your blog helps somebody else….”THEN IT’S WORTH”.
May God continue to give you strength, faith & patience.
Hi Jamie,
My heart breaks for you and Doug and there isn’t really anything I can say to help you except, trust in the Lord and grab a hold of his hand and never let go. I am very glad that you are opening up and letting your true feelings out because that is probably healing for you. This is your blog and you have every right to post what you are really feeling inside. If it bothers anyone else than they don’t have to read it. I think it is better to share what you are feeling instead of holding it inside. Heck, I even talk to myself sometimes! Whatever it takes to get it out and not hold onto it. I hope and pray that you will have a precious bundle of joy one day and I know you will shower it with love. God bless you sweetie.
I agree. I feel like if I hold it inside I get super anxious and more depressed. Venting is so helpful. Thanks for listening. xoxo
Oh sweetie, I understand your pain all too well. I hate that no one talks about it, because all you want to do is talk about it, but don’t because no one talks about it. It’s a vicious cycle. I wish I could just tell you to call me, we’ll share sad stores and heal. I was terrified to get pregnant again, I worried every step of the way. But now, my rainbow is 3 and a half months old. I’ll never forget my first two babies, but holding her, it’s easier. I wish you all the luck in the world. God never gives us more than we can handle, and judging by your book, He thinks you must be near invincible. 🙂
Congrats on your sweet little rainbow. Give her lots of kisses & hold her tight. xoxo
You and me both love! I sleep more, have no ambition to do anything especially make plans with people. I know everyone is walking on eggshells around me. Part of me hates that because sometimes you just want to know that people do care and do want to help you. The other part of me is glad people dont talk to me about it because it still breaks my heart. It has been a little over two months since we lost our baby. I still havent decided if I am ready to try again or not. We arent married yet so I would like to do that before we have our first baby but sometimes I just feel that empty spot in me and I know a baby will make me feel complete again. Just know you are not alone in this. Peace&Love
Yes, like my best friend said who also lost her baby, it’s like no one wants to talk about the topic because they’re scared you’re going to break down crying in front of them.