How Do Adult Females Find Friends?

Don't let this become you. At least go out and get yourself a fur baby to love! ;-)

Don’t let this become you. At least go out and get yourself a fur baby to love! 😉

This may or may not make me sound a bit nuts, but I find it very hard to make good, quality friends. I am 29 and married a dude I didn’t know prior to our wedding day. That definitely makes me nutso. But I don’t care. I’ve always wanted a “family life.” I definitely got that when I married my hubs. So, I moved out of NYC and down to the dirty Jersey. His whole family lives here but I know ZERO people. I never really thought anything of it until I was here in the midst of it. That’s when I realized I don’t have many friends – and none who live near me. Sounds depressing. (Honestly – yep, it kind of is.) BUT, I’m one who grabs life by the horns and goes out to conquer! One problem though: I’ve never had the average life and made friends the “normal” way.

In middle school and high school I moved literally 11 times. Try making and keeping friends that way. In college I had custody of my siblings so instead of partying at a sorority and finding my lifelong best buds by being the life of the party I delegated chores to my little sisters and bro instead. Fast forward to my late twenties and I am sitting on my couch with my fur baby waiting for my husband to get home from work realizing how I have very few quality friends. (And the ones I do have don’t live close by.) This is the life I live now. Womp womp. lol

This may make me sound even more insane, but I’ve gained several friendly acquaintances – if not friends – through social media. I chat daily with a lot of my “followers.” Verdict is in: I am definitely not normal.

Allow me to introduce you to Lisa. I can’t remember if Lisa and I met through Facebook or twitter or instagram? But, anyway, she commented on one of my posts and we got to chatting. (Yes, I read all comments and respond to as many as I can.) I realized she blogs. I read something she wrote about making friends and I instantly wanted more – someone is brave enough to admit out loud that they struggle to find friends too!

I reached out to Lisa and asked if she’d like to guest blog on my site with an article re: how adult females find friends. I really like what she wrote. (In Blue) I think it will be helpful for me. I hope it’s helpful for you, too! 🙂

Guys, meet my best friend from like 13 years old: Elya! You can call her Ells or Ellies if you want. :-)

Guys, meet my best friend from like 13 years old: Elya! She’s the one friend I’ve had since childhood. I am beyond blessed to have her! 🙂

So how do Adult females find friends?

Not many people like to talk about their friendship troubles. Often we are embarrassed and even ashamed of it. Blaming ourselves, and we question our likability. What we as women need to realize is that having a lot of close friends is a fantasy for most people. But in reality it is really uncommon. It’s very weird to try to make friends as an adult. You might feel like you’re being pushy or needy. So if you make an effort and somebody doesn’t respond how you would like, you might pull back and withdrawal. Sometimes we need to learn not to take things so personally and understand that you have to be patient.
I asked several of my friends and followers on social networks how adults can find friends. Here are their answers:

~ Try joining a workout class or a wine club/wine tasting night in your area.

~ Some cities offer classes through their parks and rec department (art, photography, cooking, etc)

~ Networking. Not just for your job, have your friends set you up – you might have some common ground with friends of your friends.

~ The website Meetup.com is a great way!

~ Reach out to someone who you think you could be friends with. Take a leap you might like where it takes you.

~ Throw a dinner party, BBQ, Wine Tasting or, Poker Night. Invite neighbors, Co-workers and ask them to bring a friend.

I have found that as an adult it’s not necessarily “making” friends but maintaining friendships. It is so easy to let friendships slip because we see in Facebook what is going on in everyone’s lives making us feel connected to them, but not always making a personal effort to stay in touch. Over all, just get out there and see what happens. You never know until you try.

Thanks for sharing this, Lisa! I’m going to try the work out class since my other problem since getting hitched is that I’ve gained 10 pounds easily. I stopped working out and I feel like I lost sight of who I am. It’s never too late to get it back though. 🙂

Books that may be helpful:

How to Win Friends & Influence People

Please let me know if this blog has been helpful for you and if you’d like more similar to this! And please comment any tips you have found helpful in meeting friends after becoming an adult. If you want to read more blogs by Lisa, click here.

xxoo,
Jamie

P.S if you’re interested in guest blogging here on my site just let me know in the comments below. I love inviting guests on!

LEAVE A COMMENT

  1. Amy M. 9 months ago Reply

    I definitely agree with joining a Meetup group! A little over 3 years ago I decided to join a Meetup group because all of my friends were either in a relationship, getting married, and/or having kids. I was single at the time and wanted to meet friends who were in the same boat as me. I joined one and was instantly hooked! I not only met tons of friends and had a good time I also met my future husband at an event through Meetup! I met my fiancee 3 months after I joined my first Meetup and now we will be married in 7 months. I highly recommend it to anyone and everyone. I even became an event organizer after a few weeks of joining. I picked the activities that I was most interested in trying out and people showed up. Everyone that goes is in the same boat as you are, looking for a friend. As my mother would say, “What do you have left to lose.” Go for it!

  2. Kristine Felix 10 months ago Reply

    I’m reading this and thinking to myself, “Wow, I have no friends really”. I had a best friend we had been friend since freshman year in high school. However, we parted ways a while ago. That’s it for me, I find it so hard to meet friends and even more so one I can trust. Thank you for writing this and bring the topic up helps to know I’m not the only one!

  3. Ashley Cohen 11 months ago Reply

    Oh, and also! I adore that you’re so down-to-earth that you will allow your fans to be guest bloggers, and connect with them online (and you’re not “too good” to befriend them if you do make a solid connection) 🙂 Props!!!