This may or may not make me sound a bit nuts, but I find it very hard to make good, quality friends. I am 29 and married a dude I didn’t know prior to our wedding day. That definitely makes me nutso. But I don’t care. I’ve always wanted a “family life.” I definitely got that when I married my hubs. So, I moved out of NYC and down to the dirty Jersey. His whole family lives here but I know ZERO people. I never really thought anything of it until I was here in the midst of it. That’s when I realized I don’t have many friends – and none who live near me. Sounds depressing. (Honestly – yep, it kind of is.) BUT, I’m one who grabs life by the horns and goes out to conquer! One problem though: I’ve never had the average life and made friends the “normal” way.
In middle school and high school I moved literally 11 times. Try making and keeping friends that way. In college I had custody of my siblings so instead of partying at a sorority and finding my lifelong best buds by being the life of the party I delegated chores to my little sisters and bro instead. Fast forward to my late twenties and I am sitting on my couch with my fur baby waiting for my husband to get home from work realizing how I have very few quality friends. (And the ones I do have don’t live close by.) This is the life I live now. Womp womp. lol
This may make me sound even more insane, but I’ve gained several friendly acquaintances – if not friends – through social media. I chat daily with a lot of my “followers.” Verdict is in: I am definitely not normal.
Allow me to introduce you to Lisa. I can’t remember if Lisa and I met through Facebook or twitter or instagram? But, anyway, she commented on one of my posts and we got to chatting. (Yes, I read all comments and respond to as many as I can.) I realized she blogs. I read something she wrote about making friends and I instantly wanted more – someone is brave enough to admit out loud that they struggle to find friends too!
I reached out to Lisa and asked if she’d like to guest blog on my site with an article re: how adult females find friends. I really like what she wrote. (In Blue) I think it will be helpful for me. I hope it’s helpful for you, too! 🙂
So how do Adult females find friends?
Not many people like to talk about their friendship troubles. Often we are embarrassed and even ashamed of it. Blaming ourselves, and we question our likability. What we as women need to realize is that having a lot of close friends is a fantasy for most people. But in reality it is really uncommon. It’s very weird to try to make friends as an adult. You might feel like you’re being pushy or needy. So if you make an effort and somebody doesn’t respond how you would like, you might pull back and withdrawal. Sometimes we need to learn not to take things so personally and understand that you have to be patient.
I asked several of my friends and followers on social networks how adults can find friends. Here are their answers:
~ Try joining a workout class or a wine club/wine tasting night in your area.
~ Some cities offer classes through their parks and rec department (art, photography, cooking, etc)
~ Networking. Not just for your job, have your friends set you up – you might have some common ground with friends of your friends.
~ The website Meetup.com is a great way!
~ Reach out to someone who you think you could be friends with. Take a leap you might like where it takes you.
~ Throw a dinner party, BBQ, Wine Tasting or, Poker Night. Invite neighbors, Co-workers and ask them to bring a friend.
I have found that as an adult it’s not necessarily “making” friends but maintaining friendships. It is so easy to let friendships slip because we see in Facebook what is going on in everyone’s lives making us feel connected to them, but not always making a personal effort to stay in touch. Over all, just get out there and see what happens. You never know until you try.
Thanks for sharing this, Lisa! I’m going to try the work out class since my other problem since getting hitched is that I’ve gained 10 pounds easily. I stopped working out and I feel like I lost sight of who I am. It’s never too late to get it back though. 🙂
Books that may be helpful:
Please let me know if this blog has been helpful for you and if you’d like more similar to this! And please comment any tips you have found helpful in meeting friends after becoming an adult. If you want to read more blogs by Lisa, click here.
P.S if you’re interested in guest blogging here on my site just let me know in the comments below. I love inviting guests on!