Married At First Sight: The First Year
Season 2 Episode 3
One word: misery
I wish I could do what I did last episode and just say this is way too difficult for me to talk about and just ignore Married At First Sight: The First Year altogether. I’ve never been through so much public turmoil. I am so confused and feel so alone. I made a commitment to my husband and I meant it. But, I spend all day and night wondering if it was the right choice?
Have you ever been in a relationship and wondered if you made the right decision by being with that person? Am I the only one who has found myself a year and a half into my marriage and wondering if I took the right path in life? I know it is a terrible thought and it is downright cruel to my husband, Doug. But what’s worse – painting a smile on and leading my husband to believe everything is ok OR tell him how I feel so we can try to work it out?
I don’t want to lie to my husband. I’m not going to deceive him. We’ve been married and have known each other for an equal amount of time – less than 2 years. We are still getting to know each other. We’ve been through rough patches before, but nothing as tough as this.
You don’t just marry a stranger and get ‘Happily Ever After’
You know, to share how you truly feel and let your honest feelings out makes you so vulnerable. But it’s also just asking for a lot of opinions and/or comments… or in my case, a whole lot of both. At this point, I don’t even care anymore. I knew I needed professional advice and I wanted it so badly. I was thinking a lot about my ex. I couldn’t help but wonder if I left true love and happiness for New York City – which eventually led to Married At First Sight. When I first learned of MAFS I decided I’d leave it up to destiny. If they found my “perfect scientific partner” then it would be fate – and I’d marry him. I decided more on a whim than any sound reasoning. (Obviously. I mean c’mon – I married a stranger for crying out loud!) After a year and a half filled with ups and downs -and finding ourselves in the biggest slump of our marriage- I yearned for direction. I needed someone to turn to who would tell me that I am where I am suppose to be in life. To reassure me that I made the right decision by getting married at first sight. Or that I didn’t. I was aching for guidance. That is why I called Dr. Pepper. She is such a momma-bear. She’s so easy to talk to and I can feel that she really, truly cares about us.
But now that our problems are being shown on Married At First Sight: The First Year I have people on Facebook saying I’m just a reality tv whore. Twitter’s popular comments are “Doug is way to good for her. He should just ‘run.'” Instagram loves calling me “ugly on the inside, “mean,” rotten….” Clearly, I knew when we were going through this that eventually it would all air. The cameras have never bothered me. The production crew have become like family. But obviously there’s only so much “hate mail” a person can get before she gets torn down a little. …So if I knew it would be tough having to watch it all back then why’d I do it?
Only When You Open Yourself Up Will You See What You Have Inside
I have never learned more about myself than when I watched Married At First Sight back for the first time. I spent my whole wedding thinking I was being “nice” to my new husband (who I wasn’t attracted to.) I didn’t want to offend this stranger “hubby.” I really thought I managed to politely get through the wedding. It took watching it back for me to realize that I came off as cold and cruel. Of course I wasn’t trying to be heartless. I was really just terribly scared. Like I said before, I had signed the paperwork saying that I’d marry the scientifically “perfect stranger husband” almost assuming that they’d never find him. But when they did I thought long and hard as to whether or not I wanted to do this. I knew I’d bombed dating. I did have one true love who I still loved and always would, but we never worked out anyway. I went into this marriage hoping and praying that it could be “perfect.” The only problem is that I only hoped it would work – I never truly believed that marrying a stranger could actually be successful. (Again – let’s be real – it is a freaking stranger.)
The goal of being so open and honest throughout this process is really more for me and my husband and our own benefits. Not only do we get more attention from the experts when we are filming,(they literally flew Dr. Pepper out so we could chat face to face) but we also get to watch our lives back. (The positive side of having the good, bad, and ugly filmed.)
Imagine having a terrible argument…ya know, the kind where you end up arguing about what you’re arguing about. You just wish there was a recorder because you’d show them EXACTLY what they said that ticked you off! Well, cameras don’t lie. As painful as it is to have to watch this back and relive it all, it’s also part of the process. I am truly trying to become a better person, wife, sister, daughter and friend. One day I want to be a strong, reliable, loving mother. I believe the only way to improve is to open yourself up so you can see what you have inside. And hey, if someone else can see a solution to their own struggles or can get a bit of wisdom from my being so honest and vulnerable then it’s all worth it.
What you can expect tonight:
I love Doug. I may be struggling with being certain about whether or not we are meant to live forever together, but there is no doubt in my mind that I love this man whole-heartedly. On tonight’s episode you will get to see me taking Dr. Pepper’s advice. Pole dancing may or may not be the key to helping my husband and I get back to being frisky in the bedroom. PS. I definitely blushed a whole lot when I heard Doug talking about our sex-life problems so vividly on-camera. Eeek!
*If you want to watch the episode I am discussing in this blog just click Here.