Married At First Sight: The First Year
Season 2 Episode 3
One word: misery
I wish I could do what I did last episode and just say this is way too difficult for me to talk about and just ignore Married At First Sight: The First Year altogether. I’ve never been through so much public turmoil. I am so confused and feel so alone. I made a commitment to my husband and I meant it. But, I spend all day and night wondering if it was the right choice?
Have you ever been in a relationship and wondered if you made the right decision by being with that person? Am I the only one who has found myself a year and a half into my marriage and wondering if I took the right path in life? I know it is a terrible thought and it is downright cruel to my husband, Doug. But what’s worse – painting a smile on and leading my husband to believe everything is ok OR tell him how I feel so we can try to work it out?
I don’t want to lie to my husband. I’m not going to deceive him. We’ve been married and have known each other for an equal amount of time – less than 2 years. We are still getting to know each other. We’ve been through rough patches before, but nothing as tough as this.
You don’t just marry a stranger and get ‘Happily Ever After’
You know, to share how you truly feel and let your honest feelings out makes you so vulnerable. But it’s also just asking for a lot of opinions and/or comments… or in my case, a whole lot of both. At this point, I don’t even care anymore. I knew I needed professional advice and I wanted it so badly. I was thinking a lot about my ex. I couldn’t help but wonder if I left true love and happiness for New York City – which eventually led to Married At First Sight. When I first learned of MAFS I decided I’d leave it up to destiny. If they found my “perfect scientific partner” then it would be fate – and I’d marry him. I decided more on a whim than any sound reasoning. (Obviously. I mean c’mon – I married a stranger for crying out loud!) After a year and a half filled with ups and downs -and finding ourselves in the biggest slump of our marriage- I yearned for direction. I needed someone to turn to who would tell me that I am where I am suppose to be in life. To reassure me that I made the right decision by getting married at first sight. Or that I didn’t. I was aching for guidance. That is why I called Dr. Pepper. She is such a momma-bear. She’s so easy to talk to and I can feel that she really, truly cares about us.
But now that our problems are being shown on Married At First Sight: The First Year I have people on Facebook saying I’m just a reality tv whore. Twitter’s popular comments are “Doug is way to good for her. He should just ‘run.'” Instagram loves calling me “ugly on the inside, “mean,” rotten….” Clearly, I knew when we were going through this that eventually it would all air. The cameras have never bothered me. The production crew have become like family. But obviously there’s only so much “hate mail” a person can get before she gets torn down a little. …So if I knew it would be tough having to watch it all back then why’d I do it?
Only When You Open Yourself Up Will You See What You Have Inside
I have never learned more about myself than when I watched Married At First Sight back for the first time. I spent my whole wedding thinking I was being “nice” to my new husband (who I wasn’t attracted to.) I didn’t want to offend this stranger “hubby.” I really thought I managed to politely get through the wedding. It took watching it back for me to realize that I came off as cold and cruel. Of course I wasn’t trying to be heartless. I was really just terribly scared. Like I said before, I had signed the paperwork saying that I’d marry the scientifically “perfect stranger husband” almost assuming that they’d never find him. But when they did I thought long and hard as to whether or not I wanted to do this. I knew I’d bombed dating. I did have one true love who I still loved and always would, but we never worked out anyway. I went into this marriage hoping and praying that it could be “perfect.” The only problem is that I only hoped it would work – I never truly believed that marrying a stranger could actually be successful. (Again – let’s be real – it is a freaking stranger.)
The goal of being so open and honest throughout this process is really more for me and my husband and our own benefits. Not only do we get more attention from the experts when we are filming,(they literally flew Dr. Pepper out so we could chat face to face) but we also get to watch our lives back. (The positive side of having the good, bad, and ugly filmed.)
Imagine having a terrible argument…ya know, the kind where you end up arguing about what you’re arguing about. You just wish there was a recorder because you’d show them EXACTLY what they said that ticked you off! Well, cameras don’t lie. As painful as it is to have to watch this back and relive it all, it’s also part of the process. I am truly trying to become a better person, wife, sister, daughter and friend. One day I want to be a strong, reliable, loving mother. I believe the only way to improve is to open yourself up so you can see what you have inside. And hey, if someone else can see a solution to their own struggles or can get a bit of wisdom from my being so honest and vulnerable then it’s all worth it.
What you can expect tonight:
I love Doug. I may be struggling with being certain about whether or not we are meant to live forever together, but there is no doubt in my mind that I love this man whole-heartedly. On tonight’s episode you will get to see me taking Dr. Pepper’s advice. Pole dancing may or may not be the key to helping my husband and I get back to being frisky in the bedroom. PS. I definitely blushed a whole lot when I heard Doug talking about our sex-life problems so vividly on-camera. Eeek!
Don’t Forget – Doug and I will be live on twitter and periscope tonight throughout the episode chatting with you guys. Follow me here: Jamie on Twitter and Jamie On Periscope.
*If you want to watch the episode I am discussing in this blog just click Here.
Jamie Otis
48 comments
Jamie…I watched the reruns of the episodes where you and Doug were disagreeing about him being so dependent on his parents and wanting him to man up and be a responsible husband. I then saw where Dr. Pepper characterized you as abusive. WOW! I TOTALLY disagree. I felt you were ganged up on…if Doug has Mommy, Daddy and Dr. Pepper making sure his bills are paid, and he gets laid, then he never has to man up. I think he is creepy and when you were crying on camera while they LIED about your character, he sat there rubbing your neck and back in such a creepy and inappropriate way. I feel like the network “experts” have a hidden agenda to make you seem like a mean girl. I don’t think you are..I think you were honest about the fact you still have feelings for your ex…and why shouldn’t you? SO sorry, but in my opinion, Doug is a childish, irresponsible, unattractive and immature BOY…not a man that any woman would want. I feel Dr. Pepper was wrong to basically instruct you to be more sexual with someone you obviously don’t feel that way about. I get that they know how much you want to be loved and approved of and they are using bullying tactics to get you to do things THEIR way. I would RUN…NOW! You are a sweet, intelligent and pretty girl who just needs to believe in herself and don’t let this boy and his crew tell you who you are. You have overcome a lot to get where you are in life. Don’t let them gaslight you. If anyone is lucky to have anyone in their life it is DOUG…quit listening to these people. You are not a bad person. I think Doug is ugly and creepy and sneaky. Be careful. It is OK if you aren’t feeling him…I wouldn’t either. I think many of the guys on this show are OFF….they are way out of the league of women on this show…Just my opinion…listen to your gut…. Don’t let people define you by the struggles you have overcome and your background….you are more in touch with the truth than you give yourself credit for…good luck.
There was a song that played in the background of this episode around the 13min mark. It was right before the fireman’s brother was driving in his car. I’ve been trying to find the name of that song and the artist for 3yrs. Can you give me the track list and artist name of every song that played on this episode?
Jamie,
I seen the last episode where you mentioned a lawyer to get your part of everything. I think you are just looking for a baby daddy to get money. You are so wrong. I think you are “Making yourself love.” You should just get out now if you are not happy. Doug has been more than patient and forgiving of your nasty selfish behavior. I would have let you out on the side of the road with your dog when you mentioned getting a lawyer. Enough Said!!
Jamie you are just an amazing woman. I was right there where you were. I was thinking about my ex A LOT! I then came to realize it was because I wasn’t getting what I needed from John(my hub) My ex would come to me first after we got into a fight, he was easy to talk to, everything John wasn’t. I mean my ex cheated on me with my best friend yet I’m thinking about him like he was an angel. But in my rose colored glasses he was. John would never cheat on me, I know that. But in my mind it’s like he did because he wasn’t giving me what I needed like my ex did. I started giving my hub the attention he deserved and he gave me attention that I needed. Guys know when something is wrong whether they admit it or not. 😉 Marriage is 80/20 and when I gave John my attention it’s like a light bulb went off in his head. He started being there for me when I need him and telling me and showing me how much I mean to him. Every day is a new day and I vow to love him because he’s the best, it just took my brain a long while to see it. Dang my mind and brain. I’m here if you ever want to chat. I had to delete my Twitter and open a new one because of crazy people bothering me. I’m not even popular and I get crazies. My old one was beginagainjen, now I’m jennigan4. xo
I watch this show EVERY episode and it is one of my all time favorite shows. Jamie, I look forward to the episode when you announce you are pregnant. BUT I certainly understand why Doug does not want to have a baby yet when you are telling him you still love your ex and that you think of him all the time. If I were Doug, I definitely wouldn’t want to have kids with you until I knew that you loved him completely and had only fond memories, NOT currently loving feelings, for your ex. I hope that you will realize what you have now and will cherish it so you can both move forward to become loving parents for your future children. You both deserve that!
I am 50….married +24 years. Whether dating a day or a year (I have seen it), the key to ANY marriage is committment. No looking back, ever. Never. Stay positive and look for solutions like you do as a nurse…you dont question whether someone should live, right? You figure it out…sometimes with help. TURN OFF THE PAST. If you cannot do that, then let Doug go…that sounds hard, but it is that simple. Let go of the past completely…no shared parties. Always look forward. A shared faith is necessary for me and my husband. I pray for that for you, too….but it doesnt change what you must do to stay and be happy with Doug long-term. God bless girl! ♡
Jamie,
I know you get a billion messages and probably wont see this BUT in case you do, I just wanted to comfort you by letting you know that even people who get married the traditional way end up having the exact same thoughts you were having.
I never thought that would be the case before I got married and I felt/feel incredibly guilty any time the thought comes into my head. BUT… I’m convinced this is a normal part of sharing your life with someone. Marriage is the biggest trust commitment/leap of faith you will ever make. Of course you are going to question it at times.
I’ve only been married 3 years so I wont claim to be a marriage expert, but my thought is this. In a marriage, everyday two people wake up and make the conscious decision to come to the table to renew their commitment to the partnership. Somedays it’s hard. Somedays it’s easy. Sometimes it’s beautiful and sometimes it’s messy. But as long as you are both showing up everyday and working on it together. That’s a healthy, growing relationship.
Now, before my best friends get married, I try to talk to them about these feelings. To expect them. How to work through them both as an individual and as a team. I hope this helps ease some of the guilt and helps them understand how to move forward. Also, I tell my friends that the first couple of years of marriage are all about training each other. Be patient and journal A LOT.
You guys both have good heads and huge hearts. I am proud of you for working through your problems and for showing other people what a real relationship is like/how to work through normal thoughts. Keep up the good work.
Thanks, Vanna. I have been journaling, I’m writing a memoir, and even writing these blogs are helpful to let it all out. Thanks again for showing understanding and support. It means a lot to me. 🙂 xoxo
I really believe that you really don’t realize what a gem of a man you have. Have you always had a doubtful personality? If you keep thinking about the grass being greener on the other side, you’ll never be happy. Look at how much patience Doug has had with you. To tell him that you have feelings for your ex, a man that can’t give you what you want more in life than anything else, is so mind boggling. You seem to want the cake and it it. Doug lives you so much. Just take a step back and truly see the man you have. He’ll give you children, just give him the space to decide he’s ready!
Jamie and Doug, I have been rooting for you two since the beginning. I think you’re both wonderful people and you have something really special together. Watching the most recent episodes of MAFS: The First Year i really feel for the both of you. The path you two have chosen wasn’t easy or common, it was bold and brave, and I want to thank you for letting us into your home to share not only in your triumphs, but your struggles as well. What you’re showing everyone is the real and raw and truthful side of marriage – it’s not always easy, regardless of how good you are for each other.
That being said…a marriage will never work if there are more than two people involved. There are reasons you’re not with your ex, Jamie. Those reasons don’t go away just because you’re not in the best place with Doug, nor does the comfort you feel with your ex. But YOU chose to marry Doug so now comes the time to stand by your vow and do everything you can to make that work, which includes not communicating with your ex. I understand there will be times where thoughts of him creep in, but no one every made it anywhere worth it by dwelling on the past. Don’t let the ghosts of your past come back to haunt this great thing you have in front of you. You guys can really make it if you want to. And I hope you do.
With love and hope and best wishes for the future. – Amanda
Hello Jamie,
I am an avid watcher of the show. You and Doug are my favorite couple and I root for you every show. You two make such a cute couple (even more so after you learned to love him).
Marriage is never easy trust me. I have been with my husband for 17 years and married for 12 years. We met when I was 19 going on 20 (I am now 37) and he was 34 going on 35 (he is now 52). He was divorced after being married for 10 years and has 2 kids. Marriage is always work. I don’t know anyone who is married that doesn’t say it’s not work….if anyone ever tells you that, they are lying. In a marriage you always have to find new ways to spice up your relationship….you always have to find new things to connect with them….you always have to be there for them on all the roller-coaster rides. Marriage is a gift, a bond, and a friendship….embrace it because they are few and far between to find anymore.
Doug cares and loves you very much (I can tell) and he is someone you can trust, have a family with, and someone who will support you in anything you want. When you have someone like that, why throw it away on an idea that you might think being with your ex would be better? Ex’s are Ex’s for a reason (even if you still remain friends). You got on this show and married at first sight for a reason. You want kids and your ex does not….why be with him? Give Doug time, he will give you a child or children. You guys have been married less than 2 years….don’t rush it. Thinking of your ex really isn’t a good time to have kids right now. You need to focus on you and Doug first, get your ex out of sight/mind and work on what is in front of you first before children come into the picture. If your Ex really felt the same way…then why didn’t he fight for you back? Trust me….your Ex is only good for a distant friend. You have a good thing there with Doug….don’t be stupid and mess that up because the grass is NEVER greener on the other side.
Look how strong you have been….keep that strength going mama and use that strength towards your marriage. It will all pay off for the better in the end. Be patient!!
I’ll leave you with this:
“A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on eachother.”
Jamie, marriage is very hard. But your making it so much harder by bringing your ex into your marriage. I have been on yours and Doug’s side since day one. But girl its hard to watch you tell your sister that Doug won’t mind your ex being there at the party. Would you be ok with Doug having his ex coming to a party and just after he told you he still loved him so much. There is a reason you broke up so please don’t put him on a pedestal it not right. There can’t be three people in a marriage. Please really think about it. The world wants you guys to work out but we can’t be on your side if your keeping your EX in your back pocket. Remember he is your ex for a reason. Good luck and work on your marriage not past relashionship.
Your awesome Jamie. I’ve has similar issues. But you need to focus on Doug. What did it for me was raising our children and focusing on home life. I didn’t have time to ponder about what could of been and it eventually went away. And now we are having the best sex we’ve ever had, we’re laughing and he’s even helping around the house. It’s the little things that matter. And the less we complain about the happier they are. However that doesn’t mean they can get away with being a pig either 😉 it’s not what we say it’s HOW we say it. Even when we just want to make a point! And forget the haters! When I first saw this episode I’ll admit I thought really Jamie???? But then, LIFE IS NOT PERFECT. and if we weren’t honest with ourselves we would be fake. So KUDDOS for you for being the bigger person then most. I think your awesome!
Jamie,
I love the guts it took for you & Doug to even agree to give this project a try. You go all in & make yourself vulnerable to a stranger. I can’t imagine how hard it is having your entire life broadcast on tv. I pray you both can work through your problems, have that beautiful family & have a happily ever after! I wish you both the best, please ignore the negative comments & do your best to be happy with one another. I am in your corner! Good luck, sweet girl.
Jamie, I’m now in my early 40’s, and honestly, I think you should ignore those saying don’t be so hard on yourself. You should be that hard on yourself, but more honestly. How hard do you expect Doug to be on himself? If you’re going to be a wife and mother, you need to understand that the world isn’t all about your wants and needs. Sometimes you will have to swallow it all and do what is best for those you love. If your heart doesn’t break and cause you to weep thinking about how much you can hurt another person, you don’t actually know how to love.
@jamienotis I just watched “Greener Grass”. I have to say right away I feel that the whole finances talk was fruitless with Doug. I feel your pain because he refuses to grow up and take financial responsibility on his own or together with you. There’s no room in a marriage for the parents to be a part of his finances. They are wrong for continuing to feed his lack of financial responsibility. The cord needs to be cut and he’s refusing and he’s sending the message to you that what is a “normal” part of a marriage meaning finances together he refuses to step up to the plate. Therefore it creates a lack of respect on your part for him. How can you respect someone that shuts you down when he’s being called out to grow up and do what grown ups do. There is nothing wrong with him taking over ALL of HIS own finances and share it with you! You are not wrong in this case, at all. And I disagree with Dr. Pepper too. He is immature and she must not be seeing it but if it were me, I’d be just as upset. So big, important issues like finances and the resentment you are building toward Doug (which finances are important in a marriage) that infiltrate other areas like intimacy and also then you begin to notice all the other little things he does and they become larger than need be. This financial issue has begun to add bricks to a wall you are building. Your ex is your ex for the reason that you wanted children and he didn’t and that should be a deal breaker of course. But you remember that he was more mature than Doug so you start to think of him naturally. But that is not a reason to go back to him. He will still not want children and you will regret giving in. I don’t think Doug is the one really ready for marriage. “The two shall become ONE” means the child leaves the parents and cleaves to his wife and vice versa. I can hardly even watch the next episode. He refuses to separate his parents from your marriage financially. And his parents are wrong for enabling him!!!! Wasn’t there somewhere in the application for this show that you must have stressed how independence was important?!?! You told him you didn’t want to be married to a slacker it whatever it was. He might as well move back in with them in my eyes. He says its judging his culture and that his lame that’s not a culture. Call it what it Is, just lazy and convenient for him and he lacks the responsibility that a man, which should be the head of the household, requires. He doesn’t want to grow up obviously because he shuts you down for being a responsible adult. But let me say this too, going back and talking to your ex or thinking about him is wrong also. I am not an advocate for divorce in any way but if things don’t change on both sides this is where you’re headed. Just be sure this is real deal breaker. It’s not just the finances. It’s the all around immaturity coming from him. Another thing is you never ever go to your parents with your marital issues. Wrong on all counts. Even a marriage counselor should agree on that one. You guys started out wrong. If you had dated you would have seen all of this right away but that is In the past now. Doug says he would have been gone on the smoking incident. Well, yes Doug. You swore on your mother’s grave or something silly like that. You had to practically beat it out of him. How childish. How can you love a man-child? Be honest in ALL things Doug. She pleaded with you to be honest. Maybe he needed to be more honest on his application for this marriage. People can portray themselves any way they want on paper or online its actions that matter most. Doug is lacking action. He needs a mother more than a wife. Sorry Doug. You lose this one. Jaime is a catch even if she has a past. We all do. Only you’ve had it too easy buddy. Time to move back home maybe.
I love your honesty. You really are not alone in the way you felt with your struggles for wondering if you made the right choice. I completely understand what you are going through. I am currently going through the same thing myself in my marriage wondering if the grass is greener on the other side. I love your honesty and how open you are with your husband with your feelings. I know I am not. lol. I hope the hate mail stops because no one is perfect. We all go through hard times in marriage. It is work. It is hard. I’m glad you have Doug to help you sort your feelings and emotions all out. Love is patient. Love is kind. People will judge but no one is perfect. It is okay to feel.
Ohh… Your troubled past makes you want perfection for your life. You’ve already been through so much and inside you feel you’ve had enough of a hard life. But, life is hard. I’ve seen some great advice in the comments below but want to add my own. (married 29 yes!) Remember “Marriage is a COMMITMENT between the periods of LOVE.” Marriage is not going to be perfect and you are hanging on to the imperfections bc you have set such high expectations for your marriage. Doug has flaws and conflict is hard for him. You already know, you too have flaws. Water and fertilize your ‘marriage grass’ to keep it healthy. You’ll always have patches that will be invaded with weeds so hopefully that analogy will help you to see that your grass CAN be green and healthy.
Doug…..walk away man. This isn’t going away….this will continue.
Cut your losses and move on.
Oh, Jamie. I want to leave the perfect words for you, but there are no words. Peace to you and to Doug. You’re both winners. (like some of the other posters…my opinion of you goes a bit back and forth, LOL, but you’re a good girl.) Hugs to you both.
Jamie your a role model to me
Wow, where to begin from someone who has been happily married for 29 years (2nd marriage) and survived all the turbulence! First, I do have to say that your tendency to volunteer to be on reality TV shows, and now using your celebrity to set up a jewelry business….is suspicious. Most of us would never consider putting our life in front of cameras without some kind of target agenda. You KNEW going into this and the previous show, that judgement would come in every way – good and bad – from social media. So not really sure how any of what is coming your way in light of recent events could be unexpected. Knowing how the public feels about Doug, you surely expected hate mail when you are shown treating him badly and especially communicating with an old boyfriend! On the other hand, Doug obviously NEEDS lots of attention and is in no ready to share it with a child. Sometimes I have gotten the feeling you want a baby more than a marriage and with Doug being uncooperative in that regard….he’s not so attractive anymore. I don’t know how much therapy you have had, but it looks like more is called for before you can be sure of what you want, and what you will settle for. Self confident people don’t just up and marry a stranger! You need to figure out your problems before you can ever hope for a “right decision” about a forever spouse and father of your children. Settling for one on TV is riddled with bad decision making….unless of course it was about gaining celebrity to begin with. I don’t eliminate Doug’s intentions either. And IF that is even part of the reason, shame on you and Doug for making a mockery of marriage and what it should stand for. Doug even labels himself an “Entertainer”. ??? What is that about? I get the feeling watching you two that there is a lot of hamming it up for the cameras. So if you think it’s time to move on, then just do it. If a baby is your number one priority, then just go to a sperm bank and have one. I personally don’t subscribe to being an elective single mother, but if you can’t make a relationship work, then do what you have to do to be happy. In closing, I was recording the show and watching weekly until your recent revelations about “feelings for your ex”. It it was meant to work out with him, it would have. Now I think it’s just an excuse to drift from Doug OR maybe the network’s idea to keep an audience bored with your seeming happiness. Either way, it didn’t work for me so I have cancelled your series on my DVR. Good luck to you and Doug in future endeavors but I’m not convinced that reality TV is the path to the kind of marriage my husband and I have. .
I agree with others when they say stop talking about how unattractive you were to Doug. We all know. But we also all know you have grown to be attractive to him because of who he is. So just stop using that vocabulary. It can’t make him feel good! Other than that I think that you have to stop talking to the ex, which you know. I think you were seeking from your ex what you were missing in your relationship with Doug. Because you had it with him. You aren’t the first person to do that. So don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s good your being honest. Just remember your ex is an ex for a reason. He didn’t want kids and you do. Doug is a great man. Your a great woman just a little lost. Keep working at it and hopefully it will work out.
I can say I have always thought that you remind me a lot of myself. I too am a newborn RN, and I too come from a broken complicated family. It has always been hard for me to love and feel loved and either way always know that it may always feel like you may not be in the right place, but I think when you have time to look back on it all you can do is learn from it. Many…many people will tell you things and place judgements on the way that you are living your life, but ultimately who cares. I think it would be great to have extra money from the show and let’s be honest who doesn’t like to watch you both…you both are hilarious and make such a cute quirky couple. I myself know that I am a vain person, and yes I do judge people by their looks, and I would not have been attracted to Doug initially either. I think it is his personality and both of you together that make him much more attractive. It is obviously so nice to watch him support you, and watch the way you try to learn how to show him you love him. I say good luck always!! And know that there are people in this world that live the same life as you…(without the cameras of course) and I think you are amazing. Good luck the rest of the year and if people want to judge you let them!! It doesn’t matter in the end because eventually you will come to a place where you are happy with yourself and you won’t always be happy with the decisions you make but you can always learn from them. At least that is what I try to do!!
I think you’re both good people. I also think your marriage would have a better chance of surviving it weren’t on public display. Marriage is hard work for people who spent years getting to know one another before the “I do’s”. I can’t imagine marrying an unknown. But ANY marriage as exposed as yours, open to comments and scrutiny from the media and total strangers (like me) is ripe for failure. Marriage should be an intimate encounter between spouses (emotionally and physically). Yours is not. Good luck figuring it out. I mean that!
I love watching the two of you bloom into two connected souls. Marriage is work and some days are totally awesome, while others just stink. But in the end, you have a wonderful, kind and loving partner that respects and loves you wholeheartedly. Enjoy every minute of this crazy journey called marriage.
Jamie I Know what your feeling , I married my husband only 6 months after we meet, I was always feeling I shouldn’t of during the tough times but my hubby was patient and loved me no matter what and though therapy I found that I was lovable and after 16 years I’m so glad I stuck it out. He is the love of my life, Doug is yours. I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world. Take care
Jamie, I’ve been following your story since you married Doug. I’m sad for you that things are so hard now, But if I can give you some advice, I’d tell you to stop seeing/talking to your ex. Your feelings now for Doug are a result of your residual feelings for your ex. It makes you not want to try, not want to see Doug for who he is, but to see him through the eyes of your feelings for your ex. As hard as it is, it’s an emotional affair with your ex, and it’s not fair to Doug. These kind of emotional affairs can happen with anybody, exes, girlfriends, sisters, etc. If your emotions are transferred from one to another, it’s not going to be right for your marriage and you need to sacrifice that relationship that’s causing the emotional imbalance. I hope you can work it out, though. I’m rooting for you guys.
Step one..every time you speak about Doug and your meeting him you have to stop saying how you weren’t attracted ..he knows that the world knows that…kinda think it makes Doug feel bad hearing that ? Stop talking texting the ex…you want this to work you have to cut all ties with men from your past. They are back there for a reason ….leave them there. And please Stop talking at Doug like he is a 3yr old.. I get it trust me ..men can be a major pain in the ass. Messy …loud. Uggggg÷ ..silence is better than talking AT someone …best of luck to you both.
Oh honey I wish I could give you a hug and tell you it will all be ok. I too went thru wondering if my marriage was the right thing. Please try to ignore the nasty comments, I think what you did by getting married to a stranger and having everything memorialized on TV is so incredibly brave. Hold that head up and do what is best for Jamie! You have been in too many bad relationships so when a man like Doug comes along, you don’t know how to feel. You are so used to being treated badly, and here comes this man that treats you like a queen, and suddenly you are so confused. Please keep reaching out to the experts, and hang in there. You are the same age as one of my daughters, so I’m talking to you like I would talk to her. Much love to you, Doug, & Lady!
Jamie, I have to say I fell in love with you and Doug from the onset. Against all the odds and all the mixed emotions, you and Doug seemed to overcome the odds and make it work. I think a lot of people go into a marriage thinking it is all just a “bed of roses,” but the truth is, there are a lot of thorns in the midst of the roses. As someone who has been married 23 years to a wonderful man, I can say you never know what lies ahead in your journey. That is why we take the oath “for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health,” because we really do go through all of those things. Many people think a good marriage is one without problems, but that is just not reality. To me, a good marriage is one that “goes through hell” and goes through the fire, yet coming out of it unscathed, because it is in those trials and tests that we really discover how strong our relationships really are. After all, we must first go through the valley in order to make it to the mountain. My husband and I only knew each other for 4 months before we married, but we both had resolved ourselves to make it work no matter what came. There have been lots of ups and downs, but through our commitment to each other and to God, we came out better for it. Nowadays it seems that many couples are on board with commitment until they hit the first bump in the road, then they just become overwhelmed and give up, instead of working through it. Yes, it is a lot of work, but remember if someone has not been married before, they really don’t know how to be a husband or a wife. It really is on the job training and it takes time. Yes, it does take a lot of patience, so you may want to give each other a break while you are both in, dare I say, “training.” I really do want you and Doug to continue to defy the odds and overcome every obstacle, but one cannot move forward by looking backward. We can’t drive a car by looking in the rearview mirror. Most of us do have an ex, but we must remember there is a reason they are an ex. There is a reason they are in our past, and not in our present. If we focus on what we have now and work with what we do have, then we can move forward and allow that to grow. It is not always butterflies, but love does grow, it gets stronger with time, and matures with age, but we have to make the commitment and put in the work, knowing all the while that it does take a lot of compromise and a lot of “enduring,” but well worth the sacrifice in the end. I wish you both the best, and much success. By the way, love your jewelry, keep on “spooning.”
Marriage is hard whether it’s to a stranger or not – so don’t think it would be all roses with someone you’ve known for years ; ) You have to choose, each day, to love and care for the sinner that’s right beside you. Marriage goes against every selfishness that’s part of our human nature. A good marriage will never happen on its own. It will always be a choice and take planning and hard work. My husband and I know our end goal is the same – to glorify God in our lives and our marriage. Every argument can go back to that and it’s reassuring to know we may be fighting, but our end goal is the same and we answer to a higher calling that what “I” want or what “you” want. Way to choose the route of working for your marriage Jamie!
You don’t marry anybody and get a happily ever after Jamie…marriage is work irrespective of how long u dated b4 saying “I do”. I know a couple who dates for five years and then got married but divorced after a little over one year! So the problem here is not about being married at first sight but about looking past each other’s imperfections whether is physical or behavioural imperfection. You have to make a conscious effort to be in it 100%. Love is a choice and once u consciously chose to stay in love other things will naturally fall into place..There is no perfect man or woman anywhere on the surface of the earth Jamie so stick out with each other an d make it work..God bless you both
It is a rare person who knows exactly who they are. I think you are a lovely young woman who took a chance with an unusual experiment to find love, and in doing so you’ve been able to see who you are and how you appear to others. Kudos to you for being brave enough to do it. I guarantee you, all your haters and naysayers do not have the courage to do what you have done. As you are finding out, marriage it rough. I married my husband after knowing him 4 months. There were some heinous moments, especially the first year as we got to know one another. I grew up in an abusive home, and it was hard not to fall back on defensive habits. We have been married 42 years. Some great, some horrible. But we worked it out. I think what you and Doug have has the potential for going the long run. Doug doesn’t always come across as the knight in shining armor all the time either, but you have become more of a public figure, you are beautiful, albeit confused. That’s why haters pick you. Block them and know you have so many more who are behind you.
Thank you for being so brave. Ignore all the bs. Who cares what strangers say. It is alk about love, and being truly happy.
I have been married 21 years and counting. Thank God our low moments were not filmed and judged. You are not alone. Stay honest. Stay strong. Stay focused. Stay Jamie!
Oh my gosh Jamie, don’t be so hard on yourself. We all fall in and out of love with our spouses. Honestly, my husband is the sweetest man, but there are times I just want to pack up and run. I am NOT the easiest person to live with. I’m 66 years old. When I want to do something and somebody tells me I can’t cause I’m too old, watch the steam come out my ears!!! I met my Husband Tim online!! He proposed on our second date! My family all said it was folly to marry so soon. But, I was determined just like always. (I was 51…not a child) We both came from disastrous marriages.(my first husband left when I told him I was pregnant) …
Tim isn’t always easy to get along with either. He snaps at me when I want to paint in our house or if I need some help in my workshop, sometimes I just need an extra set of hands. We have been married 15 years! There will always be issues, but we will work them out. We really love each other!
What ever happens. I’m sure that the two of you will give it your very best efforts. You are NOT a t.v. who’re. I can only believe you like doing everything! I do to!! I still think about being a rock star…a doctor, a everything!!! I even wrote to Sprint to be the Sprint Geezer at NASCAR…I can smile big hug the drivers and still sell phones!!!
Erin said it perfectly, ” marriage is a choice” and everything after that! I know the world appreciates Jamie being open and honest about real life trials.. It’s happy and fun with love and laughter but also challenging at the same time. Keep it up.. God bless you guys in your marriage and in life!
Jamie,
Thank you for being open and honest. People are always focused on the negatives so try not to let them get to you. You are doing what you feel is right and that is most important. No one is perfect, only God. Just remember that. 🙂
Jamie,
It’s time I say something. I wasn’t your biggest fan at first, I’ll admit it. I saw you on the bachelor and then when MAFS came out and I watched the wedding, I was not impressed with your behavior. I’ve watched you guys all the way through, and I follow you on social media. I know what it’s like to have a rough past and try to bring that to the a new relationship when you barely know that person. I didn’t marry a stranger, but I did get married pretty quickly after meeting. That was 9 years ago. Our first year was ROUGH. We had lived together, but holy moly marriage was something new. What I’ve seen you go through is incredibly familiar. I wanted a baby, he wasn’t ready. He was ready, I had just gotten in to a new career. Once we were both on board, we realized that we had both gained a bunch of weight and were having problems feeling good about ourselves, not to mention feeling good in front of each other. We still are working things out. I don’t know how long it will take, or if things will ever be perfect. I recognize your independence and I know what that is like for myself as well. I also know that I have kept in contact with ex’s, and some days your brain does wander in to “what ifs?” I just want you to know that I’m sympathetic and I can’t even imagine having that part of my life out there for all to judge. Hang in there. I wish you and Doug the best, whatever that may be.
Jamie, My husband and I married last year after 4 months of dating. What were we thinking!? Well, I was thinking I met the best man for me. He works hard, he makes me laugh, he cares about my well being and more. The first season of MAFS started a couple weeks later. It has been interesting. There have been many times, we have felt or gone through some of the same type of issues. It’s been great knowing we aren’t the only ones with these issues. I identified with you so much last episode. People who have never had to be brutality honest with themselves will never understand. Let the haters, hate. It is my belief we have to go through these ups and downs in life and open ourselves up to be able to change and become even better people. We are all flawed. Most have uncertainities. It’s how you handle it that makes the difference. You have the some of the best help you can get thanks to the show – which is GREAT! We get to do this alone. My husband has been patient and never even threatens to run. He promises he’s not going anywhere. Stay strong and don’t worry about the hate mail. Most of those are people who could never open themselves up for change the way you have. I have always been considered the sweet good hearted girl. I am the girl who was bullied in school. I was the girl who had a plan for life and stuck by it. I was the girl with the disabled mother and father who lived in another state not doing his fatherly duty.. I had to grow up too fast. I was a woman emotionally and sexually abused in my first marriage. I now live with chronic illness and can’t work. It has been the hardest year. I finally had time to mend the wounds of the past. Wounds I didn’t even realize existed.These issues put off due to being in survival mode. Sometimes, when you are doing the best you can, you don’t always realize how you come off to people. But, I’ve spent too much of my life worried about what others think. I actually think about what I do will “look like”. However, it’s no way to live either….believe me. Point is, haters are going to see what they want to see and draw the conclusion they want to draw. We must choose to not care knowing that we are doing what is best for us at that time. They don’t live your life. They don’t know what goes on besides what shows on TV. THEIR opinion of YOUR life does not matter. Stay strong.
Jamie,
I have followed you and Doug since the show first aired with Married and First Sight and I continue to follow it when I have the time to with Married at First Sight: First Year. It was hard seeing you so torn apart when you first married Doug. It was hard for me to see you scared about what you were doing. As I continued to watch the show I began to realize that the experts put you two together for a reason. Doug will heal you and love you and make you into a better person. It may be hard now but just know that it will get better. You didn’t have the time like a couple would to date and get to know each other. You’re still in that stage of getting to know each other while juggling work and married life. Married life is not easy to begin with and when you throw into the equation not knowing who you’re marrying you’re bound to start asking yourself if you made the right choice. I promise you that you did make the right choice. Everything happens for a reason and you and Doug were put into each other’s lives for a reason (which you’ll find out soon enough if you haven’t already). Don’t let the hate mail get to you. It’s a lot to take in all at once even after being married for a year or so. Eventually it will get better and you will stop asking yourself if you made the right choice in marrying Doug. When I watch the show and see you looking at Doug I can tell and see that you love him whole heartedly. Let that love guide you in life and be open with Doug about how you are feeling when you start to feel a certain way. I wish that I had the love that you and Doug have. We may be strangers but I am always one to be honest with a person even if I don’t know them. You are not “cold hearted” and “cruel.” You are a women who got married to a stranger and was scared about what was going to happen. That makes you human not cold hearted and cruel. I bet every girl and guy put in that situation would have reacted the same way. I know I would. So let the haters hate and don’t worry about what they have to say about you. I can tell by your Instagram posts and by watching the episodes that you love Doug and that you were scared and probably still scared about what is going to happen. So here’s a little advice. Don’t let fear of what might happen dictate what will happen. Don’t think about if you made the right or wrong choice instead think about all the good things about your relationship with Doug. Every relationship will hit rough patches sooner or later. Keep your head up and keep pushing forward.
Samantha.
Please check out this website: jw.org it has a lot of positive and excellent advice for married couples! And it has and still does help my husband and I with the problems and issues everyone has in their marriage. You remind me of myself when I was in the very early years of my marriage, the way you’re wanting to start a family right away, I was the same way! Hubby and I were married 6 years before our son came along. Cherish these times of getting to know each other. .. learning the way you can tell when hubby is in the room by way of his walk, smell, etc.
Next week marks 4 years of marriage for my husband and I and we still have problems of our own that we are fighting through. There is never going to be a time where you do not disagree or can not stand one another, its all in how you respond to those moments. Show your emotion, always express how you feel, and never take the other for granite. The difference between you and Doug is that your life is aired on TV, where as mine is not as millions of others are not. Never take negative feedback from anyone, the thought there in lies is that you are stronger than them and you have shared your story with the world, where they may be living a life of hidden secrets and just make it look like their life if perfect to the world when it may not be. Your marriage is “PERECT” how you see it not others. Everyone’s perfect is different and no ones perfect is wrong.
You are not alone. I found myself in the same situation. My husband and I are complete opposites.. Nothing seems to come easy for us in our relationship. I love him dearly but it is work! It’s hard and sometimes it gets exhausting because just for once want things to go easy.. Where you don’t have to try SO hard every day to make it work… A couple months after we got married my ex appeared back on social media.. He had gotten married a few years before so I knew I needed to move on and I married my husband. He and I ended up chatting on social media.. Just a quick ‘hello’ ‘how is life’ conversation where I learned he had gotten divorced the same month I had gotten married. My mind started going crazy… “is this a sign?” “was I not supposed to get married?” “had I just been patient and waited… was this my chance to be with him and now I’m trapped in this marriage?” it just really messed with my head and I had the same feelings as you.. Did I make a mistake? What you are feeling is not unheard of. It’s not ideal obviously.. In fact it’s one of the worst feelings in the world. I never wanted to question my marriage or relationship but it also forced me to take a step back and figure out what did my ex give me that my husband isn’t because it’s obviously something I’m really needing? And for me it was conversation. I need to be mentally stimulated in order to feel sexually attracted to anyone. I need to have meaningful conversations, laugh together and bond. I need to know your mind and heart intimately before I can become intimate.. And my husband is just not a talker. So we’ve had to work on that and it’s gotten better. And just for the record.. I never crossed any lines with my ex.. We spoke one time and the conversation was one I would have felt comfortable having in front of my husband.. All this emotional turmoil was caused just from my mind wandering and asking “what if?” but I did have to stop talking to my ex because it was too big of a temptation for me. I knew if I continued to speak with him eventually I would get emotionally invested and cross a line. . Just keep working with your therapist and don’t be ashamed to ask for help. Marriage and love is a choice, it is not a feeling. True love is when you wake up every morning and commit yourself to your spouse that you are going to love and care for them through the highest highs and the lowest lows there will be days you do not like him at all.. In fact you might even wonder if you hate him and then there will be days that you love him so much it hurts. If you two choose to love one another unconditionally and honor your wedding vows eventually you will see the day where you realize how deeply in love you are with your husband. Don’t give up. Marriage is not a fairy tale and I appreciate you being real and showing that to the world. People need to see that you can go through these low times and not need to rush off to get a divorce just because the butterflies are gone. Don’t give up. You are helping more people than you realize. Take care and God bless.
Thank you, this was well written and helpful
Jamie, my heart broke for both of you. I must say it was brave of you to tell him how you felt. I really pray you 2 can work it out and make it the greatest love story of all times. Not many women will admit those feelings to themselves much less tell anyone. I’ve been there. I was married before to my best friend. Our marriage was great but one stupid mistake he made, made me walk out the door. To this day we both regret we didn’t fight harder for us. But life moved on and he had his first child and at that point I knew it could never be the same . Fast forward 7 years I have my own 3 yr old and have remarried. But 1 thing I know I will never ever forget him and he would say the same, there will always be a love there because we miss our friendship. But I love my life now and try not to dwell on our past. Wishing y’all both the best.
Dear Jamie,
I can only read your blog since I live in Belgium. But after season 1.. I fell in love with Doug and you. Just because you two are so open and honest towards each other. No one said it would be easy, no one promised a rose garden…. Stay open and honest… and you’ll get there at the end…
Lots of love,
Lin
Belgium
hi Jamie,
I’ve been married to my husband almost a year now, and I will say that there comes a time when you just get frustrated, overwhelmed, want to make sure that it was the right path, want to know you’re with “the right ONE” – and ironically enough, my status a year ago today on facebook spoke about this same subject – and helped me tremendously to know that I am with the right one because I chose this one! although you didn’t choose him at first, your vow renewal was when you DID choose him and chose for him to be your partner for life.
This was my status : “”My husband and I believe no one meets ‘The One’ because there is no such thing. As in, there is not only one single person who we are perfectly compatible with. Out of the billions of people out there, there are multiple people that we are beautifully compatible with. But, I met my husband, I fell in love with my husband, and I chose him to be my one and only for life. So now, I don’t care about those other people. So, I guess in a way my husband is ‘The One.’ But not because the universe created him for only me and me for only him, but because we met, and chose one another.”
during our pre-marital counselling with a married church couple, they basically said the same thing and it has stuck with me. there is no ONE. We choose the ONE. We make the CHOICE to love, even when the love emotion is not there, and that’s HARD and it’s grueling. It reveals an ugliness in ourselves, that we sometimes project onto our spouse. I could go on and on but basically, continue to CHOOSE Doug, because I know he will always choose you. Don’t fight with each other, fight FOR eachother.
<3 much love <3