Married At First Sight: The First Year S2 Ep 4
It’s Not Getting Easier
I’m sorry if I’m beginning to sound like a broken record, but I don’t even know how to begin blogging for Married at First Sight: The First Year without saying how miserable this season has been for me/us to re-live. And episode 4 wasn’t any easier to watch.
It begins with Doug and me chatting about my ex. Or more like me crying to my husband about my past love. I know, I know – it even sounds wrong as I sit here typing it out. But you can refrain from sending me your hate mail because I’ve already heard it all.
I’ve been called every name in the book, but I’ll spare you the details. If you’re dying to know just look at my Instagram feed. What I find most astounding isn’t that people have had the audacity to reach out to me saying I don’t deserve him as a husband and he should leave me, but they are reaching out to my husband and telling him to run, leave, go fast! WHAT?! Can you imagine? You’re going through a really bad fight with your partner – where you know, and admit, you are definitely 99.9% wrong – and everyone in the world is telling him to “divorce her, you’re better off without her….”
When is Honesty the Best Policy?
I thought honesty was always the best policy. I mean c’mon, do you think I wanted to tell my husband I was having feelings for my ex? Do you think I even wanted those feelings to creep up on me? Of course not! I felt as if I was already cheating on him just by thinking about my ex and I hadn’t even made one move. I thought it was the right thing to tell my husband how I was feeling. I didn’t think it’d be fair to Doug if I just lied through my teeth about what I was really thinking. Plus, we both knew something was wrong. Gone were the days that we had puppy love and excitement for each other.
Doug Talks To His Brother
Obviously Doug’s brother doesn’t have a whole lot nice to say. I couldn’t imagine what I’d have to say to my sister if she told me her husband was thinking about his ex. Nonetheless, it’s still so hurtful to hear my brother in law basically tell Doug it may be time to move on from our relationship. Has anyone else ever struggled with doubt? Am I the only person who has ever wondered what could have been with an ex? I’m not saying I am right – as a matter of fact, I feel 100% wrong for having these feelings – but does anyone understand where I am coming from?
I Married a Stranger, Not My Best Friend
The fact of the matter is that I didn’t know how Doug felt about me. I didn’t know how I felt about him. The only thing I knew for sure was that I once had a very happy, healthy relationship… and the state Doug and I were in was not happy nor was it healthy. Truth is, we still barely knew each other. Everything about our relationship had been in fast forward with no time to just be. I didn’t know how long we’d live being so miserable together if something didn’t change. This was the worst it had ever been. So, I figured I’d go first and say how I was really feeling since Doug isn’t one to open up about his feelings. I didn’t want to sugar coat anything – and as far as the fact that we were filming a TV show- I wasn’t going to fake a smile for the cameras just so we could look like the “all American couple” on TV. I’ve only known one way my whole life and that’s to be real and genuine. It hasn’t led me astray … yet.
And to give you a bit of behind the scenes – Doug and I were barely speaking to each other, let alone seeing each other. Of course we still lived in the same house, but it was like roommates who didn’t like each other. Doug would go off to work at 8:40 in the morning and sometimes it’d be 10 at night before he came home. When he got in he’d make a sandwich and head upstairs to go to sleep. We were having serious problems that needed to be solved. We were not happy together.
All I longed for was to be genuinely happy – for Doug to be genuinely happy. Who wants to be in a loveless marriage without any intention of building a family? If that was the case on his end, I’d want to know sooner rather than later so we could both just move along and go find sincere happiness. Because let’s be honest, you only get one short life on Earth. To spend it with someone who makes you grind your teeth and pull your hair out is crazy. I didn’t want to do that to him or myself.
Sexy Pole Dance
Did I just say ‘sexy?’ Errr, I meant ‘try embarrassingly hard to be sexy’ while dancing around a pole. And this pole happens to be your husband. Haha! Where’s the laughing cat emoji when you need one!
Listen, I am trying my best here. I don’t know what the secret recipe is to having a genuinely happy relationship. (Duh, I needed four experts to find me a husband – lol) But, I am giving it my all. I just don’t want to throw on rose colored glasses and go around “in love” when we aren’t sincerely there. I want to be there. I want to live it. I want to FEEL it. And I think I’ve made it clear that I won’t – I can’t – just fake it. I don’t think anyone should.
What to Expect Tonight
Married at First Sight: The First Year episode 5 is on at 9 tonight. Ugh, literally torture to watch and relive these tough times. And then hear from everyone in America how I am no good for my husband. But, tonight will be fun because I take Doug fencing. Yeah, because fencing is oh SO fun. …Actually, surprisingly, it was kind of fun. Doug won’t admit it, but I kicked his butt. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine I’d go fencing in my spare time. But hey, you do what you have to do to make your marriage work.