My heart is so heavy. There are no words to express the pain and sorrow associated with losing our baby Hehner.
We had planned a gender reveal party for our little one at the end of July. I was on Facebook making the “event” when we walked into a high risk doctor’s office. I had been bleeding for a few weeks prior, but every time we checked the baby (which was becoming twice a week by now) the little one was kicking, moving, and the heartbeat was going strong. The doctors said nothing seemed wrong with the placenta either. I read on several blogs that some women just bleed during their pregnancies. This allowed me to relax and continue to be optimistic.
By the time we went in to see the first high risk doctor (we saw four doctors – from four different practices – total before we lost our baby) my bleeding had altogether stopped. That being said, Doug, my husband, and I were very optimistic going into this doctor’s appointment. Like I said, I was literally on Facebook planning our gender reveal party…Until the doctor flat out said “The prognosis is very poor and there is nothing you can do to help it. You have very little amniotic fluid for the baby.” I’m a nurse so I know how important amniotic fluid is for growth and development, but I just couldn’t believe my ears.
How could the prognosis be so “poor” when I had just seen our baby’s feet kicking and his little body bouncing around in my belly less than a week before. Needless to say, we didn’t want to believe in that prognosis even though everyone raved about how amazing this doctor is. (And there’s no doubt in my mind he is an amazing doctor, but we were just in such denial!) We decided I would go on bed rest, drink lots of coconut water and even more regular spring water and fight for our baby – I read on blogs that this could potentially help.
There is so much more that happens after this first initial appointment, but I’ll have to save that for another blog. To me writing is therapy. Hearing feedback from others who have experienced this incredible loss is therapy. Talking about my baby who I fell in love with the minute I knew his little heart was beating inside me is therapy. I wish I could hold him and love on him. His little feet and hands were so precious. He was beyond adorable, even at 17 weeks.
Please pray for Doug, me, and our family. More importantly, pray for our little baby Hehner. I know he is up in heaven and I am sure he is bouncing on clouds, but selfishly I wish he was still bouncing in my belly. I’ll never get to see this Angel again on earth. He was given to us so graciously by God, and then God took him away way too early. My heart hurts so bad. Losing our baby has been the most terrible experience. I wish no one would ever have to endure this.
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Jamie Otis
331 comments
Jamie, There already is a secret FB group for those of us who have been in your situation, currently with nearly 700 members. Please feel free to email me for a link to the application. It is private, nobody will know you are a member but us, and none of your posts there will ever be seen or shared outside the group without your permission. We would love to have you join us and all of us are willing and able to support you through any stage of your loss.
Hi Jamie.. sorry for late response. Yes! A Facebook page would be so great and helpful to us mothers who feel alone! Btw, congratulations on your rainbow baby.. I am happy for you and Doug! 🙂
Hey Jamie, just reading up on the blogs and wish I could have hugged You while going through this. I was wondering. If the docs ever gave you a reason or an sanswer to what happened to Baby Hehner. Thank you for sharing your story. Its an inspiration. To many.
YOUR REVIEW
Jamie, I found your blog just to tell you how incredibly happy I am for you on your pregnancy. I will be praying for all things good for you and your family. I also lost a little boy when I was 32 weeks pregnant. We knew early on that he had a chromosome disorder “not compatible with life” and losing him was the worst pain imaginable. No other baby could or will ever replace him in my heart but 13 months later I gave birth to a beautiful and healthy little girl. My entire pregnancy with her was scary because I knew what I stood to lose but I got some great advice early on to allow myself to feel excited for this baby and in turn to allow her to feel my love for her from early on, rather than my anxiety. I’m so glad to see you are already doing this!!! This precious gift you have been given is so lucky to have you and Doug as parents. You’re already such a good mommy. Good luck with everything and God bless.
And if you start a Facebook page I think you might help a lot of parents who are hurting too.
I will definitely look into it. Thank you so much! xoxo
I too am part of the club… and know how devastating it is to go through something like this. It’s something words can’t explain. I had been trying for YEARS to get pregnant… when finally out of nowhere BAM, I’m pregnant. I was so excited for my baby boy…. made so many plans. I announced my pregnancy to all my friends and family. Everyone was excited for the arrival of our baby boy. My parents planned a beautiful baby shower for me. I got so many beautiful gifts. I payed for new laminate for my baby’s room, my boyfriend painted the walls, we set up our crib, our play pen, our rocking chair….. EVERYTHING.! Then one day, at 35 weeks pregnant….. my son stops breathing. It was the most devastating day of my life!!!…. I was induced into labor. I planned a funeral for my baby boy and til this day it hurts the same as it did the day it happened…… talking about it hurts but it also hurts that sometimes I feel alone and have no one to talk to about this….. 🙁
I once thought of starting a Facebook page that would be closed just for moms like us. To have a place to go to talk about their baby without feeling like they will be judged or misunderstood. Let me know if you think this will be helpful because I’d love to do start it. sending you loads of love. So sorry for your loss. xoxo
Hi Jamie, it wasn’t until yesterday that I found out what happened to you and Doug. I am so sorry to know you went through this….
Hi, I am just reading this, I know it might be too late, but I wanted to give you all my love. I have a big heart for mothers who lost a baby. I just don’t know what to do about it but to share my story. Your baby is loved.
Angelique.
https://angeliquevaccaroblog.wordpress.com/2017/01/06/all-the-babies-in-my-heart/
I’m very shocked by what Melody wrote to you. I’m so sorry that you had to read that. You and Doug had to make an extremely difficult decision and you should never feel any guilt knowing that you did what you and the doctors thought was best.
I read today that you and Doug are expecting, which led me to this blogpost. Congrats!! So happy for you both.
Jamie and Doug, I was so sorry to hear of this news. I followed Jamie on Bachelor and Bachelor Pad and then both of you on Married at First Sight and The First Year. I loved watching your journey and even took some of the advise the professionals were providing for dealing with some of your issues as good points for my husband and I 🙂 I was hoping that your story would continue in a reality series, but I hadn’t seen anything further. I don’t subscribe to your blog, so I had no idea you were even expecting.
I too had a miscarriage and although it was a lot earlier than you, at 10 weeks, it is still a heart wrenching experience. I was blessed enough to get pregnant again 6 months later and now our little girl is 14 months old. It really is a shame that miscarriage seems such a taboo topic. I only discussed it with 2 of my closest girl friends, my parents and my sister. My heart goes out to you, Doug and your little Johnathan. I’m sure he is looking down on you and will be your guardian angel to help bring another little life into your world, your rainbow baby :). God bless all of you.
Thank you so much for reaching out to us, Heather. It really is a shame that miscarriage is a taboo topic. Thank you! xoxo
I stumbled upon this article today and just wanted to say that I am thinking of and praying for your family. We lost our baby girl on November 19, 2014 at 19 weeks. Our stories are very similar, I too am a nurse, so when my water broke at 19 weeks I feared for the worst. We were asked to terminate at that point, but we waited and prayed that the fluid would fill back up. I began to show signs of sepsis, and our little girls status declined. It was the most incredible feeling of loss I have ever experienced, and to this day my one regret was not being able to see her or hold her tiny, perfect body. I will tell you this… We are 23 weeks along now with our baby boy now, and although this will never replace our loss, we are incredibly blessed to know that she sent her baby brother to comfort us. I wish you the best and hope that you, too, may experience the peace of knowing you are not alone.
…We have VERY similar stories. 🙁 I am so happy you have your rainbow baby and your pregnancy sounds like it’s going smoothly. God bless you and your little family! 🙂 xoxo
Melody – This is no place for judgment, on the blog of a grieving mother.
thank you xoxo
I too am part of that secret club. Mid July after announcing it to all our friends, we found out our little girl had a portion of her brain missing along with swelling, indicating severe brain abnormalities. After 2nd and 3rd opinions an amino and a MRI the prognosis was devastating. At 23 weeks and 6 days we said goodbye. My 5 year old daughter called her Pixie and we talk about her often. Some days are better than others but we did what we did out of love. Don’t let anyone make you question your decision. You made the best choice for your baby and your family. Good luck xx
Thank you so much for this. I really appreciate it. I hope Johnathan and Pixie are playing together in heaven. xoxo
I read the article about you on Woman’s Day. You may have been misquoted, but you said that you ad the option to not terminate to see how it went,, but you worried that the baby would reach 24 weeks, be kept alive, and have no quality of life. You had read a blog about a woman who had a baby w/ poor prognosis, who had a wheelchair and tube fed. …My daughter uses a wheelchair, and is tube fed. She’s also mentally retarded. I am sad that you missed out on seeing the quality of life that a person like this might have. Our daughter is a sparkly girl, a total joy. She is very happy, one of God’s angels on earth. She’s the best thing that has happened to her father and I. It takes us forever to go anywhere, because everyone wants to stop and talk to her. She is just pure happiness. I don’t even know who you are (we don’t watch TV) but wanted to tell you this. Please feel free to delete.
Melody, I am so, so sorry if my post upset you. I am happy your little girl is great. I feared the worst for my son …and I was advised by FOUR doctors that the worst would happen for him should I continue on. I decided to trust the doctors and follow their advice. I hope you know that your comment is a bit hurtful to me because you make it seem like I made the wrong decision and my son would be just fine. ….I have enough guilt and sadness already, so please don’t put these thoughts out in the universe. I did what I thought was best for Johnathan based on the advice I was receiving. God bless you and your family.
Jamie. , So sorry to hear about the baby. I watched your season of married and know what you went through to be married and how much you want a baby. God will allow it to happen. Just keep loving on Doug and let him love you. There will be little Bennet’s have faith. My prayers for you and Doug.
Thank you so much. xoxo
Dear Jamie..Sending you & Doug condolences on the loss of your son. May your next pregnancy be perfect and you get a beautiful baby. Sending you love & best wishes. Take care. Sincerely Sarah….
Thank you so much. xoxo
Hi Jamie –
I just want to say I am SO sorry for your loss.
I know you have probably been overwhelmed with responses, but I too am part of that ‘club nobody wants to belong to.’ One thing I found that helped me cope was knowing I wasn’t alone.
My husband & I lost our son at 17 weeks in November 2012. We went in for our big gender reveal ultrasound only to be told that our baby had no heartbeat. Those words will forever haunt me. I too am a nurse, so I felt completely blindsided after hearing the news – until my own experience, I was convinced that miscarriage only happens in the first 12 weeks. Amazing what you learn after a personal experience.
Since I was so far along I had to be induced and deliver our baby. I asked for repeat ultrasounds multiple times in hopes that maybe, just maybe they were wrong. We got to hold our son, we have his tiny hand & foot prints, and even have pictures with him.
You will never ‘get over it’ but you will get through it…I promise. I cried uncontrollably for I don’t know how long. I remember having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that one day you wake up with this little baby bump & then the next day it’s gone…one day there is a life growing inside of you & the next there’s not. I would see pregnant women & cry…I would see women out with their baby/kids & cry. I remember not getting out of bed for days…having no drive to do anything. But as the days passed I seemed to get a little stronger.
Stay strong & lean on family & friends. Cry if you want to cry. There’s no set time on grieving and no special way to grieve. Just know that you are not alone & one day we will all see our angel babies again! Hugs, kisses, & prayers to you & Doug!
Thank you for your sweet note. I am so sorry for your loss, too. xoxox
Jamie,
I have had 2 miscarriages and it is absolutely devastating. My first was the hardest because I was just getting into the second trimester. Both times I lost boys. We named my first son Tanner and my second son Samuel. I’m praying that you can find peace. Remember that losing a child is something you “never get over” it’s something you learn to live with. Don’t let anyone pressure you into feeling like you have to get over it or feeling a certain way. I encourage you to check out October15th.com. It’s a great resource. October 15th is pregnancy and infant loss awareness day. Praying for you!
Thanks for sharing that with me. I really appreciate it! xoxo
Hi Jamie, I’m so sorry about your son. I have 4 rainbow babies in heaven, and 3 here on earth. I applaud you in being vocal about the tragedy you and your family are going through; families need time to grieve over the loss of any child. My first baby had no heartbeat so was removed surgically (D&C). When I woke from the surgery, my first thought was, what did they do with my baby? The nurse said they keep them in the lab. Unfortunately I know that means that at some point my baby was discarded – either in the medical trash or down a garbage disposal. My baby deserved more respect, and I don’t know how to change this process. Mothers need to be given choices. (In contrast, I was offered to take my tonsils home when I had them removed…) I’ve reached out to several agencies but I’m not sure how to go about changing this. I also have a friend who miscarried at home – and she said she didn’t know what to do with the body. Options should be readily available so parents shouldn’t have to stress over this as well.) I’m sharing this in hopes you may be able to use your celebrity status to drive some change if you see fit. Thank you so much for your time, and God bless. I hope Johnathan is playing with my 4 babies 🙂
You’re right. I thought the same exact thing. Doug and I chose to allow scientific testing to be done in hopes they can find something to help out another momma who is going through the same thing – maybe prevent it somehow. But you’re right, just because they’re so small and have lived such a short life doesn’t make them any less meaningful and they deserve a proper “good bye” xoxo
Hi Jamie,
I just read your article in Woman’s Day where you shared your miscarriage story. I balled my eyes out the entire time. My story is very similar to your’s. My husband and I lost our baby boy at 20 weeks in April. He was due August 28th. For me, my placenta wasn’t able to support the baby. When we found out we had the same options, terminate or wait. It was by far the hardest decision we have made. I can relate to your feelings of anger and sadness and wondering what I did wrong since I was the one pregnant. My husband, as you mentioned with Doug, grieved in his own way. I was so angry with him because I had never seen him cry until one day he blew up on me and told me to stop asking him of he was ok. He finally broke down and now we have a better line of communication.
One thing we have been struggling with and continue to do so is whether or not to name our son. I can totally relate to your feelings on naming yours because of what you said at the end of that article, “This was more than a 17-week pregnancy that vanished; this was a baby who I loved. His name was Johnathan and he was my son.” I think I am going to have the conversation with my husband tonight about naming him.
One of the things that would drive me CRAZY is when people would say, “Oh things will get better” but when a friend of mine who had suffered a similar loss spoke to me she said “things will get easier” and I couldn’t agree more. I am sending love and light your way and pray for you all to find some sort of peace and remember things will get easier.
Hi Jessica. I am so, so sorry for your loss, but I am glad my article in Woman’s Day helped you a little. After we named our son I felt like he was more than just that 17 week old unknown baby – he was and is Johnathan. Our first born. It made me feel a bit better knowing we gave him a name. I hope you find something to help you feel better, too. And just like your friend said – I hope it does indeed get easier. xoxo
There is a website with stories, poems, and support and hope for all who have been through this, called Ending a Wanted Pregnancy. There is also a private support group, the directions on how to join are on the website.
Also babycenter has a board for people who terminated for medical reasons (tfmr).
Both of these are moderated.
Love and support to you, it is the most difficult thing I have ever been through.
Thank you so much, Anne. I will definitely look into this. xoxo
I’m so sorry Jamie. I had a loss at 7 weeks and it was the hardest thing I ever had to go through. I cannot imagine having to make the choice you made. You are an amazing mother even though your first is in Heaven rather than on Earth. Sending prayers!
Thank you so much Dacey. I am sorry to hear of your loss. As they say, “it’s a club no one wants to be a part of.” …Thinking of you. xoxo
Hi Jamie,
Am sorry for your loss, can not imagine what you and Doug are going through and prayed for you both briefly after reading your post. Hope your marriage continues to base on God. Have fruitful marriage with Doug, and we look forward to continuing see your blessed union with Doug grow.
Blessings,
Henry
Thank you so much for your prayers, Henry. We really appreciate that. xoxo
Hi jamie,
I dont know you personaly In from another country i just wanted to say i lost my second baby 2 weeks ago he was due also on 12/20/2016 that is my secondd miscarige I understand you do mush also because of minority of fluens..
I lost the first one at 14 weeks pragnent last than a year ago and now I lost my secondd baby 2 weeks ago at 20 weeks pragnent I really pray god will give us bothe a graet presant, be strong wish you all the best.
I am so, so sorry to hear about your loss. December will be tough for both of us this year. I will be praying for our rainbow babies. Please keep in touch and let me know how you are. xoxo
First off, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I do not know you personally, but I know how you are feeling…heartbroken, empty, angry and in a weird way blessed for being able to hold that baby within you even if it was for a short time (or at least this is how I felt.). My story is a little different from most miscarriage stories. I found out I was pregnant from a routine pregnancy test that my gyno did as protocol before my yearly exam. I found out on November 18, 2014, that I was 4 weeks pregnant. I was pleasantly shocked because my husband and I had been trying for 6 months and it happened when we left it in God’s hands and not to a fertility calendar. 4 weeks later at our ultrasound we found out I was pregnant with twins. Wow!!! We did no fertility what-so-ever, but God decided to give us a double blessing. We had another ultrasound 2 weeks later and I was told we had lost one of the baby’s. I was heartbroken but was thankful to still have one healthy baby. 4 weeks later at another ultrasound BOTH of my babies were growing and moving and everyone, including the doctor, were dumbfounded. How can a deceased baby grow and move around?!? The following day, I went to a high risk doctor to see what was going on. After a hour and a half ultrasound I was told I had identical twins, but that news was followed by devastating news, I was carrying TRAP twins. This is an extremely rare situation. The statistics are as followed: 1. You first had to carry twins. 2. They had to be identical twins. Then you had a 1 in 37,000 chance of them being a TRAP twin. This occurs in 1% of monochorionic twin pregnancies! TRAP is basically having one healthy baby and one baby without a heart. My baby without a heart was being kept alive by my healthy baby. They had a small vessel that was connecting their umbilical cords and my healthy baby was pumping extra blood to keep their sibling alive. Getting this news was numbing. What was going to happen to my babies and how we are we suppose to fix this. I was told that if there was any chance of saving my healthy baby, I would have to have surgery at 19 weeks pregnant and cut the vessel between the umbilical cords, so that my healthy baby wouldn’t go into cardiac distress from the strain the extra pumping was doing. So I was basically left with the decision of ending one of my babies lives to save the other. As a person deep in my faith, I couldn’t think of how I could pray to God to help save my healthy baby when I would have to cut my other baby’s life support in the womb away. After talking to a priest, he helped me see that a baby without a heart can’t possibly survive outside the womb. I made the heartbreaking decision to have the surgery to save my healthy baby girl. I carried both my babies all the way to the end. I delivered a healthy baby girl 1 year ago and also delivered my “angel baby.”
Before this happened to me, I never even thought about the emptiness that a miscarriage brings. It is a pain that cuts deep to your core and your heart will never forget. I can tell you I still have days I sit in my shower and cry, or look at my daughter and know that I should have another identical one just like her. The pain is real and although you will
Never fully recover from it, with each passing day it does get a little easier to bear. That little baby made you a mom and nothing can ever change that. You gave your baby life for the weeks you were blessed enough to carry them, and that baby will always be with you. You are in my continued prayers!
Your story brought tears to my eyes. There are no words. My dream is to have identical baby girls. …I hope you and your family are strong and happy. Thinking of you and your sweet angel baby. xoxo
YOUR REVIEW
Hi Jamie…I just wanted to say how sorry I was to read that someone had the audacity to leave a comment like ‘I Understand’ did. I have never had a miscarriage, however I’m a human being who knows what loss is and who has the compassion and couth to know that saying anything less than supportive is not right. She should be ashamed of herself. You are doing what you can to get by. I get that. You keep doing you and keep on sharing – here, there and everywhere. Because if your message of living through this loss can (and has) helped even just one person – then you have won! Internet trolls hide behind anonymity. You have so many more supporters than jealous haters out there. Sending you love and healing from my heart to yours. xo
thank you! xoxo
YOUR REVIEW
I wanted to write back to so many ladies who posted here, thank them for also helping me (and I am quite sure they helped more of us than they can know!) and to answer some questions that seemed silly and not something you should have to deal with, Jamie, but I never figured out how to. So I will just add that I am keeping you and Doug in my prayers, and appreciate that you shared honestly about such a huge loss. :/ I am also encouraged by you, having spent the past (Oh my gosh, no – 12 days?!) OK I have not washed my hair in 12 days, I have now horrified everyone reading the Blog. But i just haven’t been able to. Somehow I will, i will figure out life or at least take a step. Then maybe another. May God bless you and Doug & may you grow stronger & closer to one another as you each grow closer to God. <3
I totally know what you mean. And as far as not washing your hair for 12 days – some of the best advice is simply “it’s okay for you to cope and grieve however you need to.” Don’t be too hard on yourself … sending you lots of love. I’m so sorry for your loss. xoxo
Jamie, I’m so sorry to hear of yours and Doug’s loss. I’ve followed your story from day 1 and I know how much you wanted a baby. I can understand the place you must be coming from. My husband and I tried to have a baby from about 2 years and finally got pregnant in Jan. 2016. We were beyond excited and really sorta shocked because I wasn’t taking meds or using ovulation tests. Anyway, I went to my normal 16 week check up to hear our baby’s heartbeat and was told there was no longer a heartbeat. I cannot even begin to put into words the feelings of hearing that statement and to top it off my husband was out of state for a work training so I was completely alone. My husband got home late that night/early morning and we then went to the hospital to deliver our baby. I was induced and experienced every part of labor and delivery just as any other mother would but our baby was tiny and there was no cry. I delivered a beautiful 44oz. 5 inch long baby boy on 04/28/2016. We named him Cabot Warden. He was our first child and we will love him and have a place for him in our hearts forever.
I had no signs that anything was wrong with my pregnancy prior to going to my doctor’s appointment. We did DNA testing and later found out that Cabot had trisomy 18 and would’ve had a long list of health issues. In some ways it brings me comfort knowing he won’t have to suffer here on Earth but I am selfish in still wanting him here with us. I sometimes have to remind myself that I prayed for a healthy, happy baby and this WAS God answering my prayer….just not as I had pictured it would be answered. I know this is part of God’s plan for our family and maybe, hopefully one day it’ll make more sense.
Currently I’m doing better emotionally, although some days are still hard. I’m still working on healing physically and am scheduled for a D&C next month due to still having some tissue in my uterus. I’m hoping and praying that once this procedure is done we’ll be on the road to having our rainbow baby!!
Much love and prayers!
Oh I am so sorry to hear about Cabot (and having to go in for a D&C). I am thinking of you, Cabot, and your whole family. And I’m praying for you to blessed with a sweet rainbow baby. (Maybe we will have ours at the same time and be pregnant together…!) xoxo
Jamie, I have been a fan of torii and Doug since the first day of #MAFS and so glad to see you two work out so wonderfully .. as for your loss I am truly sorry I myself have been then .. I was not as far along as you at the time I had my miscarriage but it was very traumatic for me regardless .. I had to go through it by myself .. my mother was there to help but it was not the same as needing the person your in love with standing by you .. and for me he was not there. I had to endure a D&C and that was the most traumatic experience for me. Having a baby was something I had always wanted and to lose it so quickly.. I’m a firm believer of things happen for a reason but at the moment I didn’t understand the loss of my baby meant .. it took 8 years before I got pregnant again and happy to say she is amazing and is starting kindergarten Monday and will be 5 in a week .. but now I’m 36 years old and found out last week that I’m pregnant again. I’m 9 weeks and because of my age I know I’m considered high risk and I’m praying this pregnancy goes well … and just like my pregnancy with my daughter I’m worried of a miscarriage because of having the one before .. sorry to ramble on but I just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you, Doug, & and Baby Hehner ..
Jamie, I’m not even sure why you are even explaining your story to anyone. It’s your story your life. You don’t owe anyone anything!!!! You do what gets you out of the bed everyday and makes your head stop pounding. God took your boy for a reason. Always remember that. You will have another child and you will never forget the first one you had. This is helping you to move ahead and become stronger. God loves you and always will. Stay strong and embrace your haters as they have never lived a day in your shoes!!!! Keep smiling and know God has plans for you!
Jamie, I am so sorry for your loss.
Hi Jamie,
I am so sorry for your loss. I am currently 10.5 weeks pregnant and the news of your miscarriage has rocked me. It is so hard to hold back the love we have for the unborn child growing within us even in those early days. As you have said, there really are no words for the loss that you have gone through, but it is my hope and prayer that you continue to find strength for each new day. Keep loving Doug through the hard days and support each other as best you can, and keep dreaming about the future together. With love, Leah
Jamie and Doug
Unfortunately I have been in your shoes. My husband and I lost our son at 20 wks. He only survived 30 min after being born as it was in 1989 that he was born and the complications he had were too many for the medical abilities/knowledge at that time. After that we had . 2 more miscarriages early on. In 1992 I ended up with a hysterectomy because of the Endometreosis and I was never able to have my child. There are so many ways to help yourself but as was said here by someone else, you have to find the one that works for you. Everyone that loses a child faces their own demons on it….be it whether you feel you were at fault, what food did you eat wrong, did I eat enough…. So many questions go through the mind and heart. Bottom line is….when you go through this, you need to find some outlet that can help you go beyond it cause IMO, there’s no way to “get over it”. The one thing that I personally felt was feeling alone. Just know that you aren’t alone and unfortunately lots of others have gone through it as well. I know at the time it may not feel like it though so just look into your heart, hang onto one another and try to find the way of coping to you that allows you to carry on as like I said before, you’ll never actually “get over it” but you can find a way of coping and managing it all. My way of coping is that every Christmas on his “birthday” we light a candle for him and in the 27 yrs that has gone by, that hasn’t changed at all.
“JA 4 weeks ago
Six miscarriages?! Yeah, keep getting pregnant just so your body can kill them off. Well done.”
To me, that is the harshest thing to say to someone that’s had a miscarriage…..Especially if you want kids. Just because that’s happened, doesn’t mean you have to or should quit trying.
Then there is another comment here:
“Tracy 4 weeks ago Reply
Sadly it’s very common to miscarriage the problem is women today find out way to early they are pregnant! So so sorry Jamie don’t give up! Both my daughters had miscarriages! It’s normal so don’t give up!! You’ll get your baby!!”
I personally miscarried at 20 weeks so how is that early? BTW, it’s not “normal” to miscarry, in fact what can make someone miscarry could be completely un-normal. Also to me that sounds so glib. Saying it’s normal to miscarry is like saying get over it already cause that’s normal….sorry, just not something to say to someone that’s going through that kind of pain.
Jamie,
I am so very, very sorry to hear about the loss of your son. It just breaks my heart- I was so excited when I heard the news you guys were expecting. I remember thinking how blessed this baby would be, that you two will be such amazing parents. Keeping you both in my prayers, for strength, and healing. Sending many big hugs-
Karen
I can’t say I understand but I will say I’m praying for you, Jamie and Doug! Blessings to you in the days and months ahead!!
Jaime and Doug.
My heart is broken for both for you. I read through the comments and I see saw you say you couldn’t imagine a full term loss. A loss is a loss and it’s heart breaking. There is a great YouTube Video by Heidi Kim called “But I wasn’t as far along as you” it’s a great video and it helped me cope. I am also the proud mother of two very precious Rainbow babies! I am 1 in 4. Twice. I promise Jonathan will always be your son and the most beautiful guardian angel to any future babies. Take time and grieve, seek counseling and lean on your husband. Miscarriages can be a doozie on a marriage. Hang in there! love and hugs
Unlike you Jamie, I will not be so nice to that despicable woman who was so nasty to you. How dare she say “I understand” when she clearly does not. I too am an RN and had the misfortune of having to witness my patient deliver a stillborn on a med surg unit, the same age as your son. Looking at that perfectly formed little baby left a lasting impression on my mind to this day. The staff grieved with the young mother as we tried our best to console what we could not. God Bless you and Doug. as you both struggle to deal with your grief by any means possible.
While I have not personally lost a child, I have experienced great loss in my life. We all react to joys and sorrows in many different ways (that is what makes us individuals right???? God is the potter and we are the clay. He made us all perfect having our own uniqueness). Some of us need/want to be surrounded by people to help us deal with sorrows…some of us need/want to be alone. Some of us find other ways to keep ourselves busy…throwing ourselves into work (I am also one of them). We alone, have to discover what “helps” us…helps us to heal…or heal as best we can. It is no one else’s place to even suggest we should handle ourselves differently. Words can be oh so harsh and hard to ignore. You are a Mom Jamie…from the very second Johnathan was conceived….you became a Mom and Doug became a Dad. That will never go away. Hold on tight to that.
To “I underatand”…….. You yourself have obviously never had the chance to meet or just know Jamie. This horrible life event that her and Doug are experiencing is unquestionably something no one would ever want to experience. Saying that she is using this to capitalize on her book is absolutely disgusting of you to say. Haven’t you ever heard the saying ” if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing nothing at all” I am in complete disbelief that ANYONE would ever say that to someone in this or any unfortunate and devastating circumstance. You should be absolutely ashamed of yourself.
You are lower than slime “I Understand”…you understand nothing… I applaud you Jamie for standing up to thugs disgusting bully.
Jamie, I saw your post when everything happened and it hurt my heart so much because we lost our little girl also. Maybe even the same day? I’m not sure when it actually happened…but she passed on 07/12/16. She was 9 months old. She was the most perfect, happy, beautiful, sweet girl ever. It took me awhile to read your blog because my world also was flipped upside down. I’m not sure how willing you are to communicate with followers but through this loss I have been doing a lot of researching and I’ve learned a lot about losing a child and reasons for miscarriage. I lost my daughter to a rare genetic disorder that no one knew she had until the last few weeks of her life. I know everyone copes differently but I would love to send you my story about my daughter. If you would like to please email me. I’ve learned that everyone’s stories gives me some type of knowledge that I never knew before.
I know we are strangers and I am just a loyal fan, but I got your back, girl We mama’s with Angel Babie have to stick together
Jamie has simply gone back to work; doing what she did before her son went to heaven. She shares because writing is a release for her and we, her fans, do care and are helping her through this difficult time. I too have experienced miscarriage. I applaud Jamie for being able to speak out and open doors on this subject that is looked upon as, taboo. By doing so, she is in turn, helping countless women heal after such an emotional, life changing experience. If you truly understood, you would have chosen your words more wisely.
You are not alone. . . Jamie~ I just want you to know that I too have been in your shoes-I suffered miscarriage and a persistent eptopic pregnancy. My miscarriage was diagnosed at a routine visit—I knew something was amiss by the doctors tone during my ultrasound. I had went alone that day because I thought for just this quick visit my husband didn’t need to take a day off of work. I won’t get into the details of the days to follow-however I felt so ALONE. People knew and said the basic things…I was screaming inside—How could God give me this child, due date, joy, love and hope to just take it all away..sorrry, not happening-crushed. I want you to know that I too was very sad but my true depression didn’t even begin until the month of October when the due date was… Also, I remember my Husband and I getting into an argument shortly after over something very small…I freaked out on him and broke down and snapped at him. I remember yelling at him and accusing him of being emotionless accusing him of not caring—he broke down with tears in his eyes and told me that it most certainly had effected him, but that he was trying to be strong for me. I’m not sure what Doug’s emotions have been like, but just keep in mind that he wants to be your rock. It felt good to see emotion from my Husband-I knew I wasn’t ALONE. I pray for you and you have a long road ahead of you. I know, our angel baby would have been 15 this coming October-so hard to believe. A song that I LOVE that reminds me and says everything I think is called “Gone Too Soon” by Daughtery. I hope you give it a listen. Cry when you need to and hold each other close….this is a loss of a child. Own it and don’t let anyone make you feel any different..it seems miscarriages get the shaft. Unless you have been through it no one knows the pain. Much love & prayers~Paula
I am so sorry to hear this for you. I fear December because that is when my little Johnathan was due. We were hoping to have our own little Christmas present and now he’s gone. 🙁
Stay strong but let yourself melt down and cry. Your loss and sorrow is yours! Don’t let any outside voice make you feel wrong about taking as much time as you need to process the list of your baby!
Obviously I’m writing this because I have also faced loosing my baby 4 years ago and it took my a lot of time to come out of the depression. I also used professional help when I just couldn’t handle it in my own. As you wrote, getting back to day to day rutine helps but they are mainly a distraction. I remember how hard it was for me to hear about other expecting friends, or even see a pregnant women on the street. I felt I have to hide my sorrow and this led to having social engseiaty because I had to hide my pain and be “normal”.
I am writing this to you so you’ll know it’s normal to be un-normal and take as much time as you need to heal (don’t expect to be just like you were before… It is truly a life changing experience). It is also ok not to feel dipressed and get back to life fast. You make up the rules! Not anyone else.
When I got unthought full comments, at first I would cry and break down, but with time I just learned to answer back and latterly shut them up!
I’m at a loss of what to say about someone who would say this to an another person who just lost a baby. It breaks my heart that our society will trash someone on the horrible subject of the loss of a child. LOSS OF A CHILD!! Compassion isn’t common enough anymore. There may be things in your past, present or future that someone doesn’t agree with, it doesn’t give anyone the right to critique how you process and deal with the death of a baby. Usually, people who post things like that are afraid to say those things in person and find it easy to do it while hiding behind a computer screen or text message. I am praying for your sweet family Jamie. I am blessed to have never ever experienced this loss. Geeze, I can’t even imagine the inconsolable pain. I check here often because my husband and I love you and Doug on MAFS. We have 2 beautiful teen who are 19 and 16 and recently we have decided to have one more baby. I know, crazy right?! We have had some ups and downs in our 19 year marriage but the last 5, we have had a renewed love after giving our lives to Christ. In that amount of time, we have grown and experienced a deeper, purer love and true devotion to each other. Naturally, that restarted my biological clock. We are on month 3 of TTC and due to our ages (39 and 42) we have been undergoing fertility treatment for 2 months. We are hoping that God gives us our hearts desire very soon. Chad and I pray for you often and talk about you much, Our hearts bleed with sympathy over your loss. Honestly, we hear, see and feel how genuine your pain is when we read your blog. We lead the marriage ministry in our church and we pray hard for you two. Speaking with other couples who have experienced this devastation, it can drive a wedge in your marriage if you let it, DON’T LET IT! In my marriage struggle, my husband caused me the most pain through infidelity but he was also was the only one that could heal my my broken heart. And boy did he ever. When our spouse deserves our love the least, that’s when they need it the most. We have never met but I feel in my heart that you have that true, fierce momma love inside you and it shows. Jonathan is blessed with the parents God gave him. Now, its time to pray, heal, love, forgive and hold on to those memories that you are carrying with you of your sweet baby boy. Praying on your behalf that your Rainbow baby is not far away! Blessings!
You obviously DO NOT understand. You’re a horrible person. Your comments were disgusting. Shame on you! Get off her blog if you can’t be supportive.
Seriously. You ended two pregnancies by choosing abortion. How you can go on and on about the loss of your son but not acknowledge the loss of those babies is unconscionable.
I think you may be using this as “cathartic release”, but you are also capitalizing on the fact that there is sympathy to be sought after enduring such a thing. It is understandable to write about such loss and pain. Some of us have been there, too. But to publicize it on a platform to sell your book is disgusting. You need to heal your heart instead of capitalizing on the monetary gain to be had in place of your loss. I can’t imagine enduring your loss, I can’t imagine the immeasurable loss, the confounding sorrow. I can’t imagine it. My heart is, indeed, with you. I truly hope for healing and strength for your family.
This is one of the rudest things you could say to me. Typically I would ignore such a hateful comment, but since you’re on my blog and I am a bit emotional I am going to address this. First of all, I am not publicizing the loss of my son on a platform to sell books. That makes me disgusted – to think that you’d even think that is heartless. I wrote my book and poured my heart and soul into. I wrote it in a way to help inspire women and young girls who are going through or have gone through similar experiences I went through growing up; I talk about the struggles of domestic violence, sexual abuse, drugs, neglect – the list goes on. Obviously this plays a role in dating/marriage – and played a huge role in me wanting to be a mother and have my very own family for love and stability. I want to help others by sharing my story. Hence, I wrote my book. Writing my book and releasing it has been my work for the last year of my life – my job.
It is incredibly unfortunate that I lost my son. (Do I even have to say that???) It was a month after my book was released. I wasn’t doing anything to help promote my book for the first weeks of it’s release – which happen to be the most crucial – because I was worried about losing my son. (I haven’t even shared half of the battle of my pregnancy, but at this point I doubt you’d care to know.) Then when I did lose him I felt like I lost my life. I’d sit in bed numb with no motivation to get out and do anything. I walked around like a zombie day in and day out. I cancelled two TV shows in LA and an abundance of press based around my book. I had no will or strength for anything “normal” in life. My life no longer felt “normal.” Finally my husband said to me that I have to get back to work. He told me it was the only thing that would help me and make me feel better. So the next day I began working. I “promoted” my book and my jewelry. And Doug was right. It helped keep my mind busy so I wasn’t just lying around with greasy hair crying all day. I put my book up on my site for autographed copies. Signing my book is my way of connecting with my “fans.” (Obviously I cancelled all plans of a book tour the moment I found out I was losing my baby.) Writing can be a lonely job so when I get to sign a book I feel like I am almost interacting with friends. I’m so thankful to my husband and his advice. Working has helped me begin to “move on.”
Many of you know me as a nurse. I loved working in labor and delivery in New York. 6 months after being married my husband and I moved to NJ. At first I would take the hour drive into the hospital but eventually I realized it was just too much. Unfortunately, I don’t have my nursing license in NJ yet so I can’t work at a hospital here. To address your nasty comment – had I gone back to work as a nurse and talked about my loss and my book I doubt you’d ever have the audacity to say that to me. (Mostly because it would have to be to my face and I’d hope you wouldn’t be so cruel – though it was no less cruel for you to type and post on my blog.)
The short of it all: YES, I am “promoting my book.” And my jewelry line for that matter. It’s my job and it’s the only thing helping me move forward. When I want to lay in bed in a puddle of tears and wallow in my own self pity I tell myself to get up and get moving. I remind myself the advice my husband gave me. Typically the first thing I do is grab a cup of coffee and my computer and read comments here and on social media; they’ve been so encouraging and helpful to me. (Clearly your comment – not so much. As a matter of fact, your comment was more hurtful than I’d like to admit.) I’ve worked harder after losing my son than I have in months! It’s not even something I am necessarily proud of. It’s just that I don’t know what else to do to keep my mind off the pain and misery…to keep my mind from remembering the day when I delivered my son and got to hold his tiny little body in my hands and kiss his itty bitty forehead. I can’t wipe away the memory of seeing the image of my son in my hands and then having to hand him over to go to a lab to be tested. How dare you judge me! I wish I didn’t give you so much of my time.
I’m sorry about the crazy typos in my previous post, LOL. I’m using a talk-to-text feature on my crazy phone that needs to be replaced. I swear I have a college education and I know how to communicate in writing like a normal person.
ha, doug does this with his phone too when he’s driving. Modern technology is amazing!…(But clearly still need some work!) lol thanks for sharing.
I lost babies, plural. What what you went through seems more Of a loss than just calling it a miscarriage. I kept an online Blog from the time I started trying to conceive until my baby was born, three years later. I became pregnant in March 2008 and miscarried that Easter. It was pretty difficult comma a very hard thing to go through. Not a lot of books on pregnancy give information on miscarriage. So, I was completely unprepared. I am sorry you went through it. I am sorry that not a lot of people are public about miscarriages that it’s as normal to talk about it as it is to happen. I’m also sorry that it happens at all and that it’s a normal thing that many many women go through. I hope you have a very healthy pregnancy when your body is ready, and please know that there is nothing you can do 2 have caused your body to miscarry. You can do everything right and it still happens, and there are women who do everything wrong and have Healthy Babies. It doesn’t make sense. Hopefully you have a good attitude about it, and hopefully you have a lot of support. And I hope your husband has the support that he needs as well because when my husband was going through this, it wasn’t really common for men to show feelings about a lost pregnancy. Good luck to you guys, enjoy life! And truly, my online blog did help. My baby was born in 2011. I blocked from 2007 until 2011, my last entry was a photo of my beautiful baby. He’s a pistol! Starting kindergarten soon! There’s a song comma and it makes a lot of sense. Michael Bublé, I just haven’t met you yet.
I love that Michael Buble song. It’s really the perfect song. As a matter of fact, I’m going to download that today. 🙂
I know exactly what you’re feeling now. I got pregnant in March 2016. We lost our babies (twins) in June. Our Christmas twins. Jamie, our three musketeers are in haven, they’ll come back to us soon I hope. Hugs xxx
so sorry… we were supposed to have a Christmas baby, too. xoxo
YOUR REVIEW
My heart goes out to your and your family. I suffered a miscarriage two years ago and although I was not as far along as you, that pain is something nobody can prepare you for. Take this time to heal, love your husband, and know he and your family will be the support you need. I didn’t think I would be able to be pregnant on my own due to Polycistic Ovarian Syndrome, but two years later, I fell pregnant again. I’m still very early and scared to death it will happen again, but God has a plan for us all. Prayers to you and know God knows what he is doing. Johnathan was needed in heaven for a special reason.
I am praying for you and your rainbow baby. Sending lots of love your way! Congrats, love! xoxo
Jamie there are no words. My baby Grace was stillborn at 39 weeks. I have sent a special prayers to her to take your Jonathan under her wing and show him the ropes up there in heaven. She has been there quite awhile so I know she’ll be a wonderful guide for your sweet little boy. Cry all you want and remember we who have children in heaven are very special moms indeed. My warmest thoughts, prayers and hugs go out to you both.
I just couldn’t even imagine the pain of carrying to full term and losing my baby. My heart goes out to you. Thanks for your prayers. It’s good to know Johnathan has a friend named Grace. 🙂
I just wanted to say that my prayers are with you and Doug. I understand your loss, as I have experienced a miscarriage. I was told the same things that you shared. The baby would have had complications, it worked out for the best. I know that those words although true are not comforting. I just wanted to give you some encouragement, as I read your memoir, I realize that your past experiences although, unpleasant have not destroyed you. They have molded you and prepared you for different life experiences. Life happens after a miscarriage. I know it doesn’t feel like it will now but it’s true.. No future child will ever replace the one that you loss, but what it does give you is a greater appreciation for the gift of motherhood. I am here to tell you with certainty that God will give you back what he has taken, and in the end you will find comfort in knowing that all things happen for a reason, and all things are working for your good. May God give you and your husband the strength to get through this together.
Thank you for this. It’s nice to be reminded that we can get through it..because sometimes I’m not so sure… xoxo
I too lost our baby boy at 16 weeks. We named him Noah. I had no idea anything was wrong. I went to my normal appointment and was told he had no heartbeat. It is the most devastating words you can here. I’m sorry for your loss. Give yourselves time to grieve
I downloaded your book as soon as I heard you were expecting and read it that day until I was finished. You were so honest and it helped me understand what wasn’t shown on the three seasons I’ve watched the show. I’ve cheered you on ever since I saw you reluctantly take your vows on “Married at First Sight.” There are no words that are adequate to express how sorry I was to hear of your loss. You have been mothering for so long, I just know that some day soon you will be holding your sweet baby Hehner. Prayers for you & Doug at this difficult time. Keep being your positive, loving selves and you will get through this together! Hugs!❤️
I’m so incredibly sorry for the loss of your sweet Johnathan. I know this feeling all to well. My son, Arie was stillborn at 39weeks. And then I suffered a misscariage 6months later at 11weeks. I hate that you have to go through this. No mother should have to go through such pain as loosing their child. My husband was able to get back to “normal” shortly after but It took me awhile to get back to doing “normal” things too. Take all the time you need to heal. Lay in bed and cry if you need too. Just do what you need to do to survive. You’ll never get over the loss of your child, you just learn to go on with life. Johnathan will always be your first born, your first son. He will always be with you. And one day we will get to hold our babies again. And what a sweet day that will be. Keeping you and Doug in my prayers as you learn to navigate through life again. ❤️❤️
Thank you so much. I couldn’t imagine being 39 weeks … just awful. God bless you! xoxo
Jamie and Doug, my heart is breaking for and with you. I’ve followed your story and have been so encouraged to see you fall in love. I was thrilled to see your announcement that your baby was on the way. In addition to sincere condolences, I want to say two things.
First, we live in a society that has a very limited tolerance for grieving. People will expect you to “move on” after just a few months. Those of us who have experienced a loss like this (my first pregnancy ended at 19 weeks) know better. You will never “get over” this, you will never forget him.. There will be times and things that will slam you out of the blue, and you will be devastated over and over. Just know that is what’s normal, not moving on in a few months. In time, this will become part of you and your life story. I promise it will always be a part of you, but the pain will decrease in time.
Second, for Doug. Most of the time after a miscarriage, all the attention, sympathy, and support goes to the mom. The dad is expected to be strong and support her through it. Doug, know that you are also entitled to grieve and be supported. From what you’ve shared about your family, I feel the support will be there for you. Please don’t feel embarrassed to accept or even ask for it.
I’m wishing everything positive and hopeful for you, and many, many happy times and events to come.
Thank you so much, Holly. We really appreciate this. xoxo
Hi Jamie and Doug. I was pregnant with twins in 2013, i loved them from the moment i knew they were in my reality and tried my best to keep them healthy and safe at all times. I found out that they were no longer alive 15 weeks later. But i just want you to know that my little precious children have been my guides and guardian angels in times of struggle, loss, and even in beautiful memories. they are and will always be so missed, and i will always miss them and cry. But i know that one day i will hold their little fingers and little toes, and love them completely, until then however, i see my darlings in my dreams and feel their love with me every moment of the day .I now know i could not have loved them or protected them anymore than i did, and although the mommy instinct of self blame will kick in, they just want to see mommy happy and remembering them and the joy that they brought to your lives, even for a moment.
<3 xoxo
Dear Doug and Jamie,
I am so sorry for your loss. It helped me to remember that we had been parents to our child and the best parents we could be during the time we had him. We were parents and we had this child. I will tell you the other secret from my son who just left for college as you now know from having each other – there is never enough time. There is never enough time with the ones we love. We can never have enough time. So if you want to parent, or love or marry, we have to thank God for the time we are given, revel in every sweet minute that we do and did have together, because even if you had 100 years with this child, the loss of them after 100 years would be too little time. So remember – every second is infinity and everlasting joy. There is hope, there is a bright future waiting for you, promised to you.
.You have to keep moving to get from here to there. Love and peace.
A baby lost in the womb were NEVER touched by fear, they were NEVER cold, NEVER hungry, NEVER alone & most importantly ALWAYS knew love. You & Doug are in our prayers
Dear Doug and Jamie,
You are now members of a secret club that no one wants to talk about…until you become a member. Then other “members” seem to come out of the woodwork. I am so sorry that you lost your precious baby boy. Our daughter, Mary Kay, was stillborn on Feb. 3, 1989 at 26 weeks. She was my first. One day she just stopped moving. I knew. I knew there was something terribly wrong. My birthday was on the 5th so in my head, I decided that there could not be anything wrong if we quickly went to the hospital, had a quick ultrasound and then went shopping for that adorable maternity dress I had had my eye on. And to ensure that it would be a “quick” trip we brought our 9 month old puppy in my husband’s new car with us (no worries mild winters in VA!!) I can still bring myself back to that dark room and hear my Ob’s words, “there is no heartbeat,” confirming my greatest fear. Decisions…labor induction…puppy pooping in car …Birth…having to be wheeled out past the nursery full of crying babies when my arms were empty… neighbors bringing by amazing double chocolate muffins…milk coming in…10 days later, hemorrhage caused by retained placenta…and worst of all having to put away the little things that we had gotten for “Baby Gellene.” Jamie, I can tell you that what I wanted most is for someone to tell me that this will never happen again and no one could do that for me. I too have a medical background, which can be a curse sometimes because you can be a bit paranoid to put it mildly. What I can tell you about my experience is that I have two beautiful, crazy daughters born in 1990 and 1992. Their pregnancies were psychologically terrible for me because I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, which is why we stopped at only two. The advantage you have that was not available to me is many forms of support that I hope you are taking advantage of. My youngest daughter is a medical social worker who works in a pediatric hospice that not only cares for sick and dying children but also parents just like you who have had miscarriages and stillbirths. There are so many resources for both of you separately as well as you two as a couple. I hope you will allow people to help you. Most importantly, Jamie, you have moms like me that have been through what you have been through and the aftermath…you and Doug are not alone. ❤️❤️
Jamie and Doug,
My most sincere condolences for your loss. I cannot even begin to imagine the heartbreak of losing a child, and my heart truly broke for you both when I read this news. I’ve followed your story since day 1, and it has been remarkable to see you and Doug evolve into the couple you are today. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Please know that I am praying for you, Doug, and your baby. Don’t lose hope <3
Hugs,
Gabriela
Six miscarriages?! Yeah, keep getting pregnant just so your body can kill them off. Well done.
As someone who has been there, I absolutely understand the devastation you are experiencing. Be kind to yourselves and seek out support – especially in the early days when you are in shock and suffering hormonally. I found the anonymity of online forums to be helpful when I needed to vent to others who understood. Reddit and BabyCenter have supportive loss communities. Just know that you are not alone and there is no time limit that you are allotted to grieve. Life will get easier and you will be ok. Even though it isn’t spoken of often enough in daily life, there are so, so many of us who are also members of this terrible club for you to lean on.
My heart broke when I heard the news of your sweet baby boy. I too know this incredibly horrific pain. We were also 4 months along when we went in for just a regular appointment and there was no heartbeat. There are no words that can help y’all right now, hold tight to each other and cuddle with your pups. We are now getting ready to start our first round of IUI, I’m scared to death! I am sending so many prayers your way! You and Doug are so special to so many people, everyone is cheering for y’all! Much love! ❤️
I’m so sorry Hun that you lost your sweet baby boy I just lost my mom I know that nothing love ❤ Between the two is different she was my best friend not sec goes by that I don’t think about her some days I can’t believe she really gone and others like now I cry my eyes out to they hurt the pain that I feel I dont wish anyone to feel I know she is in heaven in a much better place but I miss her so much I want her back . I know you miss your baby so much I will pray that God brings you comfort for you and your husband I wish I could say more to help easy the pain. you will see your Son again one day in heaven… Tight Hugs
@Tracy – thats the worst thing to tell her. She was 17 weeks. Meaning in her second trimester. I’ve had 3. Nothing normal about them.
Jamie – I’m sending you lots of positive vibes & prayers your way. You’re an amazing mama, and someday you’ll get the opportunity again. Don’t lose hope. Big hugs to you.
Hello Jamie and Doug,
I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your baby. I have enjoyed following your journey together and it hurts my heart to hear this sad news. I lost very early on due to ectopic pregnancy and my brother and his wife lost their first child when they were about 5 months. My heart ached so very much losing a baby at just 9 weeks I can’t imagine what you both are going through and what my brother and his wife went through along with the many others out there that have similar situations.
I will pray for both of you. The love that both of you share is so strong I know that you will both get through this and be there for one another.
Jamie and Doug, I am so sorry for your loss! I can’t imagine how heartbreaking it is to grieve the loss of a child. I am praying for peace and comfort <3
Oh Jamie I’m so sorry for your loss! I’m a grandma of four boys and I get how you must be feeling! Both my daughters each lost one each also! Sadly miscarriages are way more common then people realized! However losing yours so farther in the pregnancy as you did must have been even harder! But as I told both daughters when they were grieving and feeling like they had failed I assured them it wasn’t in their control and in Gods way he has his plan for you! And it’s something that’s so hard to understand why but perhaps someday you’ll learn why! But just know this baby was needed in heaven for only Gods reason and you now have to allow yourself to grieve and then move on to getting your body mind and soul healthy again so that you can get pregnant with the baby that’s meant to be here on this earth in your arms! Take the time you need but then concentrate on life and having the baby that I’m sure you and Doug are meant to have! I really believe that! Again I’m so sorry for all you’re going through! Please know all the people, fans and me are all praying for you to finally get that little bundle of joy you so badly want and will love! Feel free to reach out to me if you need someone to talk to! You need a mom right now and I’m a pretty good one I’m a good listener to! Take care Jamie! Doug to! Hold on to each other and remember he’s hurting too! Sometimes we wives forget that this loss is just as hard for them as it is women! God Bless! Tracy
I’m so sorry that this happened. I just went through a similar thing a year ago and I know that there is nothing anyone can say or do to make the hurt stop or go away. The only thing I can say is that I will definitely be thinking and praying for both you and Doug. Don’t give up hope. Take the time to grieve because if you don’t you will drive yourself crazy. When the time is right and you feel ready then try again. Me and my husband decided to try right away and we got pregnant 3 months later and now we have a beautiful little 3 month old girl. Having her doesn’t take away the love I have for my other little baby and I always wonder what could have been, but I thank God for giving me another chance. It will happen when the time is right, just keep the faith.
Dear Jamie & Doug,
I wanted to write to you but also acknowledge that there are not enough words in this world to take away the pain & grief you are experiencing over the loss of your precious little boy. I have no advice to offer you as you walk through this, only a heart that is breaking for you. I pray that in this difficult & painful season, you feel the comforting arms of the Lord being wrapped around you both, guiding your steps & protecting your marriage. Although I don’t doubt the ache will always remain, I pray there comes a day that remembering your precious baby Hehner doesn’t hurt as intensely as it does today.
My deepest sympathies, love & prayers to you & your families.
Tara
Hi Jaime and doug, I am so sorry for your loss I have followed you since day 1 you got me hooked on the show. I have lost 3 babies in past very early, the first one was twins. I had to got to fertility center, and we found out my genes and my spouse were so alike that my body kept rejecting fetus. They did lymphocyte therapy they took his blood and separated whit bloodcells to make antibodys. Three weeks later, pregnant worried whole time but being on progesterone helped. My daughter was born March 1997. 19 years old now, and is transgender. We lived in Sayreville nj also. I will be happy to get you info on the clinic, they are in NJ akso. Hang in there, there is hope.
YOUR REVIEW
This is something I participate in each year … Maybe you will find some comfort in it as well . http://www.thetearsfoundation.org
Im sure your baby boy was beautiful .. And he has wonderful caring loving parents waiting for him .
I’ve had two miscarriages – one baby in 2006 and twins in 2014. I wish I could give you some magical advice to take the pain away…but there are no words that powerful. Lean on your husband and your faith!
I’m so sorry what you and Doug have gone through, I saw my sister go through it 3 times and it breaks my heart to see anyone have to go through the lost of a child. My prayers are with y’all.
Jamie & Doug, I’m so very sorry for your loss. Please know your in our thoughts and prayers.
Sending hugs to you and Doug.
( Loved your book. Read it cover to cover in one day. Couldn’t put it down. I can relate to so much of it. Thanks for putting into words how I’ve felt for years. ❤️)
Sadly it’s very common to miscarriage the problem is women today find out way to early they are pregnant! So so sorry Jamie don’t give up! Both my daughters had miscarriages! It’s normal so don’t give up!! You’ll get your baby!!
So very sorry to hear this Jamie and Doug. Our hearts go out to you guys as you heal during this hard time. Hold tight to eachother.
I lost my son at 18 weeks!!! Placenta Abruption. I was devastated. I didn’t get out of bed for a month. My heart has healed as will yours but he will never b forgotten. Keep ur head up Jamie!!! It will happen and when it does you will b a great mother.
Jamie, I know your pain far to deep. I too had lost two babies, both girls, different pregnancies. I lost my first daughter at 5 days old, born at 24 weeks. Then my third pregnancy I lost my 2nd daughter stillborn at 26 weeks. The pain will get better, but will always be with you. I’ve since gone on to fight for a baby and my 2nd pregnancy, I had my oldest son Travis at 29 weeks, 2lbs 10oz , i was on hospital bed rest. Water broke at 3 months and no amniotic fluid. He is now 28 years old, perfect in everyway. I’ve been pregnant 7 times, had losses and with the 7th pregnancy I was blessed again with my only full term baby, a boy, Mason. He too is perfect in every way. However, there is not a day that I don’t think of my daughter’s and wonder what they would have looked like or what their personalities would have been like. I talk to them all the time, they are our little angels and one day we will all be together. You can’t tell someone who has lost a baby that you’ll be able to have another one. Your baby will never be replaced with another pregnancy. When the time is right you’ll know, grieve the loss and know you now have an angel who will always be there watching over you.
God bless you and Doug and I know you’ll have a house full of giggles and hugs very soon.
Jennifer
Ny daughter miscarried 25May and it’s the worst for a Mom to grieve for the loss of her grandchild, and the pain your child is going through……I’ve watched you from the beginning of “your story” and this just breaks my heart..
Hi Jamie,
Very very sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. It is devastating 🙁 I can understand how you feel because we lost a baby at 16 weeks. We were very exited for the next ultrasound, we tought we would know if it was a boy or a girl. But the doctor was very quiet and then we knew there was something wrong. BUT! We didn’t give up, althought it was very hard!! And now we have a healthy son and a healthy daughter. So my advice is to hold on to each other and don’t give up on your dream! A very big hug! Our thoughts are with the both of you! Excuse me if my English isn’t perfect 😉
I have lost 2 babies my self. My first born I lost at 26 weeks gestation due to a partial placental abruptsion. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. After that I had a healthy pregnancy and he is now 6. After him I lost another baby at 9 weeks gestation. I went on to have 2 more healthy pregnancies. They are 2 and 1. There are no words to describe the pain a mother feels when she looses her baby. Prayers and hugs for you and Doug!!!
My husband and I lost our baby girl, Cadence, at 21 weeks. She was born 2/13/14. She, like your little boy, had very little amniotic fluid. I never knew how much I could love someone. My world was shattered. Wondering what she would have looked like and her personality still brings a tear to my eye to this day. The movie Return to Zero helped me a lot. There was a line in it that said similar to…because of your experience you will love a child that much more and be that much of a better mother. I wholeheartedly believe that. We have since had another daughter, Scarlett. She is the light of my life and makes my heart so happy. There isn’t a single day, holiday, birthday, anniversary that I don’t think of Cadence. I live my life to make her proud and to honor. Honor your little man, remember him. He was in your life for a reason. Sending love during this difficult time for you and your family x0x0
I am so so sorry to hear this…..! My prayers are with you, Doug and your Families. Just know this doesn’t mean you won’t go on and have another baby. I had two after my miscarriage! Never lose hope and never stop Loving each other! ❤️❤️
Praying for you and Doug in this time. I used the same picture to tell the world that my baby Jacob had passed away it’d such a beautiful quote. I was also told my bleeding was completely normal for weeks until my baby passed away. Don’t lose heart momma after two years of trying I’m now 9 weeks pregnant with a healthy rainbow baby.
I’m sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you. Noone should have to go through this yet it’s more common than most people realize. We lost our son at 23 weeks. He should have been born this week. This time last year, we had just found out I was pregnant when I started bleeding heavily.
I just want to let you know that we just went through a hauntingly similar experience in March. After a perfect 13w visit and clean genetics testing, our 17w anatomy scan revealed there was no amniotic fluid in the placenta, and that our little girl was measuring 2 weeks smaller because she had little room to grow. We also sought the second option of a specialist, who found a placental abruption had caused the fluid loss, and it probably happened at conception. “A fluke,” they said. The outcome, as you know, was incredibly grim. What followed making a decision no expectant mother ever thinks she will have to make or ever should have to.
I just want you to know that you are far from alone. The despair, the guilt, the anger — it’s all very normal. Let yourself feel it all, but do know that none of this was your doing and there’s nothing you could’ve done differently. This will never leave you, but you will come out from under it. I wish you lots of peace and love in the days to come.
Jamie, my heart hurts for you. Since watching you and Doug on TV, I truly root for you two. Everything that you have overcome in your life already-wow, I admire you. I will pray for you, Doug, and your sweet angel baby.
As much as I am sorry for your loss, I have to agree with others that it is absolutely sickening that you are pushing your book sales at the end of this article, actually incorporating it into this piece.
I had a miscarriage my first time being pregnant. It was like being told I won the lottery and I planned all these things to do with the money. Then someone says it was a mistake and the money gets taken away. Crushed, heartbroken, disbelief. The light at the end of this dark tunnel for me was getting pregnant again and having my beautiful daughter a year later (and a son 2 years later). What helps me with the pain of losing my first baby is if I carried that pregnancy full term than I wouldn’t have my precious girl I have now. She was the baby I was meant to have. I know right now this does not help – but one day it will make sense. Your pain and sadness is real and nothing anyone will say is going to make you feel better. Just take one day at a time and do not let this divide your marriage. You need each other more than ever right now. Sending love and support your way.
I’m so very sorry for the loss of Baby Hehner… I followed you both religiously through the whole show, and The First Year – I first saw this morning of your loss before I’d even heard you had been pregnant – I’m so so sorry…
I’ve had a loss at 12weeks – they are devastating, to say the least… all i wanted to know was WHEN I would be pregnant again – if it was in 6 months, ok I’d keep busy for 6 months…
I DID get pregnant about 6 months after, and now that little boy is turning three years old this weekend! lots of prayers to you guys as you heal, and eventually move to “TTCafterLoss”
We lost our little one much earlier in pregnancy, but it hurts no less I can assure you. My only consolation at the time were the nurses words “You got pregnant once. You can get pregnant again.” At the time I thought it was an awful thing to say. There are no “right” things in those moments, but nearly two years later I have a healthy 8 month old son (and a rough “geriatric pregnancy” I might add. Who coined that term?). I am grateful everyday for what I have, and I hope your dreams come true as well.
So sorry for your loss. It’s the worst experience anyone could ever go through. I lost my son at 38 weeks. I found out he passed on a Valentines day and had to give birth to him the next day. I held him tight for hours but never heard him cry or got to see the color of his eyes. But do not let your experience discourage you to try again. I have had two beautiful healthy wonderful miracles after my son. I cherish every second and I still see his face in theirs. Lots of love and hope for your future with Doug.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. My daughter, Josephine, died at 35 weeks along two years ago. This is something you will never get over, but will learn to move forward while living with the pain. I always tell myself that the pain will never go away, because the love will never go away. I’m so sorry you have to know what this feels like. Your baby boy was indeed beautiful.
I only share because you mentioned reading about others who have suffered a loss like yours, but I too have a blog about the loss of my baby if you would ever care to read.
http://Www.noralafata.blogspot.com
So many prayers for you and your husband. You are not alone.
Love, Nora
So sorry for your loss Jamie and Douglas! We are many who’ve lost babies way too soon. All of our stories are different, we all have our own luggage and all of us are unique – making it impossible to know how you feel, you choose what helps you heal. But I can relate, I feel for you, I pray for you.
Acceptance in my own journey came with the birth of the children who are alive and well with me today. Then I knew, I had to go through the hardship I did to get to that point. If those things hadn’t occured – these children would not have been in my life today. Just part of my story, not a “right answer”.
And a note on Swedish maternal care. True that most women only do 1-2 ultrasounds, that’s mainly to do with that it’s considered enough to discover abnormalities and plan for delivery. However, in risk pregnancies we also do more frequent US (perhaps not 2/w though…). Studies have shown that US affect the fetal brain, true, but not that it harms the fetal brain. In example Helle Kieler’s thesis demonstrating that multiple US don’t affect sight, hearing, growth or cause behavioral abnormalities. One could however see higher number of left handed children in the frequent-ultrasound-group, indicating that the brain was affected in some sort though.
Different countries, different medical traditions I suppose. And not a cause to give a potential “blame” to the mother (Jamie) saying that it’s possibly the ultrasounds’ fault the baby didn’t make it. Most times when a fetus don’t make it, we never get the medical answer to why. We can just turn our faith to whatever comforts us; religion, family, science…and hope for strength and peace.
Love to you all!
Jamie there are no words. Being that I have followed you from the beginning, I feel like I know you. I think of you often and my heart breaks for you and Doug. I can promise you that God works all things for good. We will never understand his purpose until we get to heaven but he is a good God. There is no darkness, deceit, or anything negative in him. My daughter lost a baby too and it rocked our world. A year later she gave birth to a beautiful little girl who we love beyond words. I cannot imagine life without her. Be patient, allow the Lord to heal you. Thank him for this trial as it will refine you and make you more like him. Allow your self to grieve and go through the stages of grief but begin to prepare you mind and body for the blessing the Lord has for you. Love you Jamie and Doug ❌⭕️
I don’t know what to say except how very sorry I am for both you and Doug. May the love you have for one another help you through all the pain. Many prayers.
My heart’s breaking for you, I also lost our baby 4 months ago and nobody truly understands the pain and constant struggle to get through each day. Keeping you in our prayers and thoughts. Lots of love and hugs from South Africa xxx
I’m so sorry for your loss Jamie and Doug. I experienced multiple miscarriages and they never get easier. My first loss I was 13 weeks along, I already had a 7 month old son. I went on to get pregnant again before I’d even seen the doctor for my 6 week post loss checkup, My daughter was born healthy and perfect.
After her, I left my partner, met someone else (we could have been the first aussie MAF!!) and quickly fell pregnant with our son. After he was born I was never able to have more babies. I’d be late, do a test get a positive then within days or weeks I would miscarry. I never had a reason for our losses. That was the hardest part for me, not knowing WHY. Why us? Why could I not stay pregnant. 2 years ago we got some news after a hysterectomy, I had a damaged uterus. Maybe that was part of the reason, Who knows.
Love your little angel, and when the time is right I’m sure he will send you another to help heal your aching hearts.
You are a mummy and daddy and your little one will forever watch over you.
From Melbourne, Australia. Much love to you and Doug.
Dear Jamie and Doug
I am so incredibly sorry for all the pain you are going through.I am praying for you and your family and sending you so much love and light for Cape Town(We met at The Grand in Cape Town after I suggested it on Insta).You and Doug are such amazing people with beautiful hearts and I hate that you have to go through this.My heart breaks for you ❤️❤️❤️
I had two miscarriges , the first one at 11 weeks and the second one at 12 , i was able to see my baby last pregnancy and he was soo perfect ,I was due dec 13 , around the due date of your angel ! There are literally no words that could describe the emptiness feeling that we have as women now , just remember our babies are in heaven ! Be strong ,!!!
First of all, I am so sorry for the loss of your child, but gain of a guardian angel ♡ My husband and I were also due in December, amd lost our son at 14+5weeks. What you described sounds like the same condition as me pPROM (preterm premature rupture of membranes). We also chose to fight for our baby by bed rest and increased fluids. He had other plans, and we delivered him at home as I wasn’t aware I was in active labor. Hang in there on the days you feel completely numb. It has been two weeks on Saturday since out son was born sleeping. I don’t even have the right words to express what it feels like. All I can say is my heart physically hurts.
Jamie and Doug, I am heartbroken for your loss. I lost my first pregnancy at 15 weeks and I know the grief can be unbearable. I wish I would have had a clear enough head at the time to get his foot prints. As difficult as this is, I’m glad you have that to remember your baby. There is nothing comparable to the loss of a baby. But just know, this sweet angel will always be with you. I have found writing to be very therapeutic as well and I hope you will see that you are not alone in your pain and heartache by sharing your story. Sending you warmth as you navigate your hearts through this difficult loss.
Jamie,
You are so amazingly strong for putting this into the world and wanting people to know your loss and experience. I feel your pain and grief that your going through, though it’s common as you know with being a nurse; a lot of women just don’t speak about it. To them it may be taboo, but to me it’s courage. I sympathize with you in every aspect of your life (from the preview of your book) but I want you to know that you aren’t alone! My husband and I had a miscarriage, and that was on top of fertility issues and struggling to become pregnant in the first place. Then not long after we had our son, whose our little rainbow baby; because at the end of every storm comes a beautiful rainbow. I know it hurts, it will always hurt. The pain gets better sometimes but then at times you become emotional and miss the little baby you once had inside your womb, but God gave you that little gift to hold on to for that time being.. He just forgot to tell you he had bigger and greater plans for your little man! I know no one can ever say anything to make it feel better but maybe I can simply say this, your not alone and it takes a village; in every aspect. You will be blessed again. Sending baby dust your way! Much love -Jasmine Irwin
Did you really plug your book in your miscarriage post? Disgusting.
Jamie,
There are truly no words that I or anyone can say that will make the pain go away. And hearing anyone say I know how you feel is different for everyone. Some it comforts while others it doesn’t. You are so blessed to have such a huge community to back you and Doug during this time. When I had my miscarriage 10 years ago this past May, yes I know the exact day and everything, basically because my last little was due on the one year mark but thankfully for my heart she was born a week and a half early. But my family and my then husbands family didn’t know what do or how to act and I went through a day a line going through the miscarriage before having a d and c done. If only I had the love and support to know I wasn’t alone, the better I probably would have taken it. I got mad and angry. But I went back to writing and looking up quotes about pregnancy loss and different outlets for help and for help remembering my little peanut. We never got to know the sex of our baby but I did look up a church in New York where you can send in your baby’s name and all and they write the baby’s name down in a book and everyday at a certain time they pray for all the babies. When you go and visit you can see your baby’s name. They send you a little white bear and a piece of paper showing that your little angel is in their book. It might seem silly to some, but to me it helped. It has taken a lot of time for me to be ok with the loss of my baby, and I still have days that I hurt just like the day I lost my baby. But I know up in heaven is a little bouncing boy or girl waiting for me. And for me that is what comforts me in my darkest times in dealing with it. This isn’t something you bounce back from and your ever the same. Everyone heals and copes differently. Just know you both have such an amazing family and followers that we are praying for you and Doug through all of this.
I’m so sorry for your loss! My parayers are with you and your family. I myself have endometriosis and had complications with my first surgery. Due to the complications I could not get pregnant on my own. My husband and I decided on IVF. I was so excited that we got pregnant with twins the first time. Everything was going great and I was going in weekly to check on babies. The 5th week I went in and received the worst news of my life. I was no longer pregnant. We decided to try IVF one more time exact same thing happened except I was much further along. I was devastated! Someday maybe will be able to do gestational surrogacy. Everyone’s pain is different in these situations! Just keep faith in your love for Doug and your family. Now you have a sweet little angel watching over you! You both have been through so much and I wish you the best.
YOUR REVIEW
There are no words that will ever make your pain away. But please know you and your son are in my prayers. I lost my baby girl at 14 weeks and it was beyond devastating. I had to carry her an extra week before I was forced to abort her at an abortion clinic. The entire ordeal was traumatic and my heart still aches for her to this day. I have her sonograms framed and in my room and I still tell her that I love her daily. Stay strong and do not give up hope. You’re incredibly brave and courageous for sharing your story. You will make he most amazing loving mother someday.
Der Jamie and Doug: I a so sorry to read that you lost your little baby. You are right, there is no pain like it and no love like it either. I have lost 2 children. The first at just 8 weeks. I didn’t know the gender of that baby. I found out on a Monday I was pregnant and lost the baby the following week. In just 7 days I had fallen in love and played the child’s whole life. From diapers to college. My heart was broken. I then became pregnant about a year later after trying very hard. I just knew this was going to be a perfect pregnancy if I could just get past that mark. Because of trying to hard to get pregnant and fertility drugs, I knew almost as soon as I became pregnant. It was a really, really long pregnancy. I got to my 40th week, had pre-eclampsia, and no baby near. I was 10 days past my due date when they induced and on April 8, 1982, my sweet, beautiful baby girl, Brittany, was delivered by emergency C-section after being in labor for 17 hours. Unfortunately, she never took a breath and when they cut the umbilical cord, her sweet little heart stopped. I say little, but that is not accurate. She was 20 inches long. Had a head full of coal black hair and the pinkest lips I had ever seen. She weighed 9lbs 13 oz. and was perfect. They found absolutely no reason that this should have happened to her. I just wanted to die too. It was the hardest, saddest thing I had endured at that time. I would have done ANYTHING to save my child, as I am sure you would have. It took me many years to be a peace with it. I am slow to heal and recover from these type of things. I did get with a support group called Compasionate Friends, for infant loss, miscarriage, etc. It helped me. Protect your marriage. These type things can be hard. You will grieve differently. I hope that you soon start to feel better, but don’t be hard on yourself. There is on one time frame. Take care. Elizabeth
My husband and I lost our baby boy at 18 weeks at the end of last year.. I was devestated. I had one prior miscarriage and two healthy children.
I’m so sorry for your loss– talking and being open and honest always helps and makes it so much better not walking through the darkness alone. We women are warriors. We need to stick together and talk about these things that happen. Thanks for your honesty.
Oh ps/ I’m now 28.5 weeks with another baby boy. Hopefully you will experience a rainbow baby very very soon!
Oh Jamie, I am so so sorry. Unfortunately, I’m also part of the angel mom club. I just lost my sweet baby girl at 31 weeks in March due to two undiagnosed blood clotting disorders. She was my third baby, I had two perfectly normal pregnancies prior. It’s so hard and the pain is literally unbearable at times. Everyone says it gets easier with time, but I think it just gets different. I’ve started seeing a grief counselor that specializes in child loss, and that has helped a ton. I think the most important thing to know is that it is an absolute roller coaster. Some days are okay, and some just aren’t. It’s okay to be angry some days, just sad others, or maybe all of the emotions at once. Also, people will say stupid things. They don’t mean anything by them, but they just aren’t helpful. Just know that you aren’t alone. There are lots of resources available, I’m sure you know since you are an L&D nurse, I am a NICU nurse. Going back to work isn’t easy. But, I’ve tried to use my experience to help others. If you ever want to talk, feel free to reach out to me. I will always listen, even if it’s just to scream about how unfair it is. Prayers to you and Doug during this challenging time.
I am endlessly sorry for your loss. From one loss mama to another. This isn’t fair. It’s sucks. I’m a Doula for pregnancy and infant loss, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me mama. You don’t have to go through this alone. Hugs!
Jamie and Doug, I’m so sorry for your loss. I was so excited to learn you were pregnant and then heartbroken reading about your loss. It hits very close to home. My husband and I lost a daughter at 19 weeks, that was conceived through IVF. I had also just reserved a place for the gender reveal and was going for a normal check up before our big 20 week ultrasound the following week. My dad came with me to help with our 18 month old daughter. The doctor began to listen to the heartbeat, just like every other appointment and he wasn’t finding it. My heart sunk but he took me to another room to do an ultrasound. The second he put the probe on my stomach I just new she was gone. The little life inside of me was gone. My husband was out of town and telling him over the phone was the worst call I’ve ever had to make. I went to the hospital to be checked in and we went to labor and delivery to be induced. My husband eventually arrived to be with me. After 36 hours of labor our baby girl arrived. The doctor had offered to sedate me a bit but I declined. My daughter was being born, and although she was already gone, I was going to be present for her birthday. They quickly took her away and told us when we were ready, we could have her. We eventually asked to have her brought to us, and we just held her and cried. We took family pictures, let the grandparents say good bye, and eventually had to make the call to give her back to the nurses. Forever. We were encouraged to have a service and I’m glad we did. The nurses were amazing and took pictures of her for us and when we left they gave us her hat, blanket, footprints, etc. It has been 13 years since she came and went. It does get easier. When our daughter, who is now 14, goes through a milestone, I always think of what her sister would be like. Although we tried IVF one more time, it never worked, and we are beyond thankful and blessed for our one and only child. Everyone thinks once you pass 13 weeks that you have nothing to worry about, but that’s not true for all. Having had years to process my grief, I have discovered how thankful I am to have had a later miscarriage versus an earlier one. I got to hold my baby girl! I have pictures of her and with her! I have physical items that belonged to her. Would I wish a miscarriage on anyone? Of course not, but I can now look at my experience and not feel completely devastated. You and Doug just need to stay close, and constantly communicate. We all grieve differently and there were times when I would feel like he wasn’t grieving, but instead it was just differently. Since, as women our connection with the baby is also physical, of course it will be a different kind of grief. Just always communicate with each other. I also found comfort in knowing that if we truly wanted another child we would have one. It may not be through my own pregnancy, but it would happen. I think God knew that I would’ve been a complete nervous wreck with another pregnancy, and to have to conceive through IVF was also a factor for us. I’ve watched your journey from the beginning and you are an amazing couple. You will get through this and you will have the family you desire. Right now you need to be kind to your self and know there is nothing you could’ve done to prevent this. This wasn’t your fault. Recover physically and emotionally and then just be open to God’s timing for your family. I am praying for you both! I know I’m a complete stranger, but if you need to talk I’m happy to listen. Take care!
I had several miscarriages before I had my beautiful daughter. Keep the faith, kia are so worth it. GOD needed another angel is all set lady.
I’ve miscarried twice Jamie. The first time, we went to the doctor the day before we lost our little girl at 10w3d. Her little arms and legs waved excitedly at us and her heartbeat was strong. The dr found a subchorionic hematoma next to the placenta, which caused her to be born the next day. I also had the same thing with our son. We lost him at 11w4d. He was born with his arms crossed in the “I love you” pose. There isn’t a day that I don’t think of either of my children and long to hold them. I’d strongly recommend that you start a journal to your son. I write to my munchkins every night and it helps me feel closer to them. Sending you a big hug!
So sad to hear this!
No words can express how sorry I am that you and anyone else would have to go through this. I had 3 miscarriages before 10 weeks and then started treatments for infertility. I got pregnant with my son Levi through a procedure called an IUI. I carried my little man until I PPROMed at 18 1/2 weeks. I unfortunately had no fluid left but my little guy kept fighting. He only survived a week without his fluid before he passed away. I woke up one morning with a prolapsed cord and they induced me that day. I gave birth to my little guy 6 hours later at 19 1/2 weeks. This happened 10 months ago and while I have gotten back into my normal routine you still feel as if a part of you is missing. For me, it helped to talk about him, Especially with my husband. I’ll be praying for you both and you walk this path of mourning and healing. The pain never goes away, you just learn a way to live with it and remember the short time you got to spend with your little one.
People feel your sorrow and pray for you and Doug and your family. Life is sacred and you were never in control. God was and is: Let go and if that’s what He has planned for you, your baby will come. I waited 4 years and after many losses and 10 years without kids and a painful failed adoption, we adopted a newborn baby and we were there when she was born. She was and is our dream come true. I always assumed I’d get pregnant and give birth. That wasn’t meant to be. But I still chose to parent and we are honored for that God-given gift. Jamie, God has blessed you and will continue to do so. Have faith. But please, For your own self-respect, to honor your family, your husband and your little one, please grow up a little more Jamie and don’t mar the sanctity of this moment by pushing your book sales.
My heart hurts for you and your husband. It is a devastating loss that you will carry in your heart along with your son. We lost our daughter at 21 weeks after an hour on this earth six years ago. Not a day goes by that I forget her, she lives on in my heart. Take each moment as it comes and allow yourselves to grieve this enormous loss and remember your son.
Jamie and Doug,
I am so very sorry for your loss. I know how difficult this type of loss can be as I too suffered a miscarriage this past September. It takes a lot of time, faith and trust to heal and to know that your baby’s existence had a purpose, even if his life was never meant to be lived here on earth outside of you. Baby H. will remain in your hearts forever, and I know that he is deeply loved. I hope you can find comfort and healing during this difficult time and pray for a rainbow baby for you in the future. Also, there is an excellent website where you can order jewelry in honor and memory of your lost little one so that you can always have a physical reminder of them with you. The site is http://www.labelledame.com/miscarriagejewelry
Ugh, I know just how you feel. I have lost multiple babies, one being around 17-18 weeks also. I don’t know what your specific condition is but For me cerclage was the answer. I spent 20 weeks on bedrest with cerclage with my oldest son. It was hard but I wouldn’t change a thing. My youngest was cerclage baby with no bedrest, worked ft until delivery. And we have an adopted son in the middle. When I was going through all of that I never would have imagined myself a mom to 3 boys but here I am! I made it and you will too!!
I’m so sad for you guys no one should have to go through this kind of pain, i’ve been watching you from day one, you guys deserve so much hapiness one day you will be parents and i know your baby will be so lucky to have you in is or her life
Jamie, My husband and I lost our son at 24 weeks. I had to give birth to him like you did your boy. I was at Monmouth Medical Center and my nurse was Sheryl. Great woman for bereaved mothers. We had our precious boy buried and the whole process from beginning to end was so traumatic. I understand exactly what you are going through and I wish that I could just hug you from one grieving mom to another. We all need to stick together.
My daughter lost her 1st child – my 1st grandchild. There are no words to describe the loss. She asked me since her baby died does that mean she was never a mom? I told her of course not. You become a mommy as soon as there is life inside you. We don’t know why our 1st precious gift was needed back in heaven more than we needed he or she here but we do know there is light in the morning! My daughter has been blessed with 2 beautiful daughters and a gorgeous little boy! I know that doesn’t bring you comfort at a time that you feel like you won’t even make it to the next breath because the pain is so deep. I pray it does help you to know you are not alone in this kind of pain. You and Doug are in my thoughts and prayers.
I’m so so sorry this Happened to you. I lost one of my identical twins 47 days after a 30week birth. She was the bigger one at 3lbs with left side hypo plastic heart. It is the most unbearable pain ever. But I promise you that it will get easier cry as much as you need don’t hold it in do whatever you need to do to feel at peace. My heart is with you ❤️
You and I are alike in many ways, and I have been cheering y’all on from the very beginning. Sadly, nothing can ever prepare you for situations such as this. I’ve been there. You’ve been a very strong woman to share this with us.
Looking back on my own experiences, I would be the first to support you and allow you to feel everything you’re feeling. I would also suggest the following. You must promise yourself you won’t give in to despair. You must not give up on yourself, or Doug, or your life together. Share counceling together.
When the grieving process eases, start your love life with Doug all over. And last but not least, remember his loss also, his grief, his grieving wife, his helplessness (sometimes) and that he still loves you immensely.
You’re a beautiful soul, and remember the sun continuously shines even when you don’t see it. You will too.
Love, Support, and Prayers
-Joy
Jamie & Doug… words cannot express how awful this is for you. People who have never been through this don’t know or can comprehend exactly how you feel. Just remember that in times of great sorrow there are rainbows & love to help guide you through. I lost our first baby early on, then tried for another year only to end up having IVF. We were incredibly blessed that it took the first time! We were even given the miracle of twins! Unfortunately I lost one. It was crushing, but now we have a sweet beautiful baby girl. We went through years of fertility & tears & pain, but in the end it works out! I know I can tell you that there’s a plan & everything will work out, but I understand how hard that is to hear. Please know that there are people who adore you two & are praying for you! And don’t ever give up hope!!! Sending you lots of love, prayers, & white light! xoxo
Jamie, my heart goes out to both you and and your husband. I was due in December as well, and lost my pregnancy in May. Losing the pregnancy was one of the toughest things I have gone through, and no doubt one of the toughest you and Doug will go through as well. Make sure you lean on each other for support, and grieve as much as you need – don’t let anyone tell you to “get over it already”. Be sure to rest and just cry as much as you need also. Be there for each other, and while you will never forget the pain of losing your baby, you will heal. Thoughts and prayers are being sent to you & and your husband at this time.
Jamie I feel for your loss and I’m am so sorry! I have been through three miscarriages going to fertility doctor to try to figure out why me and my husband can’t hold on to our babies! Again I’m so sorry for your loss if you have any questions be free to email me ! Keeping you and Doug in my prayers
Oh friend (that I’ve never met but care about very much, even though I may never meet you!). So sorry to hear of this news. You and Doug are adorable and so lovable. This is a devastation no one deserves, but particularly, you two who I know will be the best parents. God bless and praying for you!
I lost my baby girl Mary Bryce at the same time in my pregnancy as yours. I too had unexplained bleeding. Doctors had no explanation. I also had an earlier miscarriage at 12 weeks. Somehow my maternal instinct was so strong that I had the courage to try again. I went on to have a full term baby boy followed two years later with a full term baby girl. To this day I haven’t been able to look at pictures of Mary Bryce but she’s always in my heart. She lived for an hour but of course she had lived in my heart from the moment I knew she was growing in me. I wish you the courage to hold on to your dream. The advice “try again” is so very scary but so very worth it in the end. It’s terrifying getting pregnant again but terrifying not to. With your husbands support and a doctor you trust, I know you will be ready again. Prayers and love to you and Doug, baby Hehner and future baby Hehners
Very sorry to hear about your loss. I experienced a loss as well with my first pregnancy. I was bleeding from very early around week 5 and it never stopped. Everytime I went in the heartbeat was strong and everything looked fine. At week 16 my water broke and that was it and I lost my baby at 17 weeks. It was the most tragic and devastating moment of my life. It’s been 7 years now. The pain is still there but it does get better. You will never forget this child but you will see light again and your home will be filled with more children. I now have 2 kids and expecting a third. I couldn’t have made it through without them. God bless.
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God only takes the very best!! I lost my daughter at 20 weeks , July 11, 1991. Your heart will heal but you will think about him often! Prayers for you and Doug, be strong for each other, so many times a loss like this will tear you apart, you both have been there for each other but now is the time to truly lean on each other, cry when you want and need too and remember how blessed you both are to have one another!
I was thinking the very same thing. I’m a labor and delivery nurse and the pain I see women go through every day after enduring such loss is excruciating. Using this as a forum to publicize your book is shameful. I hate to judge because you never know someone’s pain and everyone copes in different ways but this makes me sad on a personal level.
Sending love and prayers your way. I’m so deeply sorry for your and Doug’s loss. There is no greater pain than losing your child. We lost our little at 22 weeks and it’s still difficult to talk about. Your beautiful angel with pick out the perfect baby for you both, personally himself when the time is right for you to try again. He will forever be its guardian and yours. We are definitely routing for you. You’ll get through this, never over it but with love and support from Doug, family and all of us cheering for you, you’ll get through it.
I lost a baby boy when I was 15w5d. My Landon watches over me and his brothers and sister. You are in my Prayers!
I lost a baby boy at 17 weeks just one month ago and it was the most devastating day of my life (sadly we found out on my 36th birthday – a day that will never be the same again for me). One month on and I feel like I can move in with he fantastic love and support I have received. My advice is to tak to others who have been through second trimester losses and especially those who have gone on to have future successful pregnancies. You will never forget your first but I am certain there will be another baby for you and for me in the future. Wishing you and Doug all the best – be strong together and lean on each other.oh and ignore the haters! I have just read some vile comments below that you should delete and report.
She’s not perfect but her heart is open, raw and broken right now. And you kick her when she’s down. Makes you sound like you have no soul. You went through this. Have some compassion.
My husband and I fought infertility 6 years with two baby losses before we had our rainbow baby. It broke my heart to hear of your news yesterday. I hope and I pray you and Doug will get through this and have your own rainbow baby.
Jamie and Doug, forst, I am so sorry for your loss I am also 1 in 4. I lost my daughter Sutton at 18 weeks. My only babygirl. I like you need to speak of my babygirl. I like you like to listen to others who have lost. I found the TEARS Foundation. I have since become the cochapter Leader for Florida. Tears helps families with a few things after pregnancy and infant loss. Emotional support as well as financial support helping pay for funeral and burial expenses for babies gone to soon. We are have a Rock and Walk on October 15, 2016 In port orange Florida. Walking and honor our babies as well as raising money for other families who have endured what we have. Please remember it you have other who have been there, and are always here to support you
So sorry for your loss. Prayers that you’ll find peace during this difficult time. We all adore you both. We were all so excited for you both. Thank you for sharing your journey. Much love!
Jamie, I have followed you since MAFS and I am so sorry for yours and dougs loss. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Just know he will always be with you watching over.
Oh Jamie my heart hurts so bad for you and Doug. On July 17, 1999 my angel baby left me, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to experience. My love and prayers are with you always
I watched you and Doug and your journey on MARS. My heart breaks for you both. I lost a pregnancy in April,2007. It was devastating, heartbreaking, and to this day I still think of the life I lost. I was able to have a baby a year and a half later named Hope-named for the baby I lost. She exudes the spirit of two kids. Don’t lose your hope. You are a mother. Tge ache doesn’t stop, but it does lessen.
I lost triplets on October 15th (pregnancy loss awareness day). Ironic. Losing your baby is something we often live out in secret. In fact often you have no idea how many others share that secret. It helps knowing you’re not alone, but it hurts still. You don’t get to have that secret time, It’s on my Facebook feed, and in my Twitter.
Doug and you, and your families, have to grieve somewhat publicly. With that comes support, but also judgement, and unwanted/unneeded comments…..because people are cruel.
I was in your shoes nearly 10 years ago now. And it still hurts. For me, I had my then 2.5 year old covering me in hugs and kisses. Telling me, “mommy you’ll get another baby in your tummy”. I had to be strong, for her.
And she was right. Nearly a year later, a stick had two little lines again. But that pregnancy was not filled with joy, and innocence. Once you lose a child, that is stripped from you. Instead you worry. You analyze every pain, ache, and movement. You inspect toilet paper like a mad woman….was that pink? Red? The innocence of going day by day, watching your belly grow, seeing just what fruit size you are, it’s replaced with worry. Whereas before you might be anxious when the OB can’t find the heartbeat right away, now you are left in absolute panic. But it’ll be there, and you’ll breathe. And every appointment helps to chip away at the fear, the anxiety. You’ll pass that milestone you didn’t before, and breathe a bit more. But you won’t really be able to take that deep breath until you hear that cry. Because you’ve been forever changed.
You haven’t just lost your baby, you’ve lost all that wonderful carefreeness we should all be able to have when we get those two lines. Don’t get me wrong, you’ll be happy! You’ll cry tears of joy! But it won’t be the same.
I don’t share this to bring gloom. As you’ve said, someday you’ll meet your baby boy. Someday I’ll meet my triplets. And I don’t doubt you’ll get your “rainbow” baby. And they’ll will help fill that hole, the void….but you’ll always wonder. This is the real thing no one tells you. Many of us have had to deal with losses in our lives. But no one tells you the other ways you’re forever changed. (For me, seeing triplets always breaks my heart….).
Jamie and Doug, I hope for you all the strength in the world, and much much love. I hope you get the time, space and support you need as you move forward.
And know, while you’ve been forever changed, the happiness will come! And you’ll look at that insane, obnoxious drives you crazy with the biggest heart 7 year old, and smile. Because he was meant to be.
We don’t always know why we’re given the life we are, but with time comes healing. And with time comes answers.
Be strong, be weak, cry, smile, laugh and yell. Be present. And Spoon!!! And know, sadly so many of us have been in your shoes.
My heart breaks for you, Doug & your family. My husband and I lost our son at 22 weeks 3 days last October completely unexpectedly. Our world was turned upside down. Our greatest news (that we had just shared exactly one week prior on Facebook) had turned into our most tragic news. It’s hard. I’m not going to lie. My best advice is to grieve. Grieve how YOU want. There is no proper or correct grief process. You will have good days. You will have bad days. My thoughts and prayers are being sent to you and your family! My son is in heaven with yours bouncing on clouds together!
Jamie,
You are not alone. You’re in our thoughts and prayers. Deepest condolences on your loss. Words cannot express how sorry I am.
Praying that you and Doug find strength in each other Your littlest angel is watching over you Your baby’s wings were ready long before your heart could ever be ready You have support of people you have never met sending a cyber hug
I completely agree. I never comment on things like this; however I find it truly disgusting that you would use a loss of a child to plug a book.
I have followed you and Doug (and have been rooting for you) from the very first MAFS show. I almost think of you as family. Which is why my heart is breaking right now for what you are going through. This you can count on: you will be in my prayers every day. And I will continue to root for you through how ever many more babies you and Doug have. Love and hugs from Chicago.
I am so sorry for your loss. As a mother to two angel babies I know how painful that is. My heart breaks for you two. Try to find comfort in knowing one day you will see each other in heaven again <3 The pain gets easier to carry but it is always there in the back of our hearts.
Been following you guys since the beginning and know how much you wanted a baby! Take care of yourselves and please know that God does not take our children away. It’s our own inherited imperfection that causes misfortune. Please read in your bible, Revelation Chapter 21 verses 3&4 for comfort Jamie and Doug. My prayers are with you and after some time, perhaps you can try again
My husband and I just lost a baby at 15 weeks in May. it is the toughest and most heartbreaking experience to go through! There are no words anyone can say to take your grief away! Just having faith in God and knowing baby is in Heaven is the only way we are getting through it! Know God has a plan for you! Prayers for you and your husband!
she is a real person…writing from the heart…I agree ,her words at the end could have been left out..yet, she was probably crying while writing, she just lost her baby, and she was only pointing to the fact that theres a spot in her book that she writes about how much she wanted a baby,. another source for other real persons to go to and read and heal. She is genuine, a real person….
Praying for you and Doug.
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You are a strong woman and have an amazing partner. My thoughts are with you and Doug. After having an abortion with my now husband then having a miscarriage a few years ago was heartbreaking and easy to blame ourselves. Don’t give up hope. Let your hearts heal and try again. Much love to you both during this difficult time.
Losing a baby is never easy. I myself lost 2 before having my rainbow baby. It is by far the hardest thing to go through but thankfully you have your husband by your side….he’s going through the same mourning as you and knows exactly how you feel.. I am so thankful I had my husband…we grew closer even after 15 years of being together after having multiple miscarriages. Grieve…mourn…you are allowed to and there are so many going through the exact same circumstances… so thank YOU for sharing yours with us. Sending lots of love and healing. Xoxo
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I know that during this time, your heart aches and is full of “why’s” and “what if” and it can be suffocating. But please know, there is hope to be had. I suffered3miscarriages before having our now 14 year old son. After suffering my 4th miscarriage, just after my mom died, I found an online forum and found my calling, my therapy. I then spent 10 years counseling women suffering with infertility and loss after suffering my 4 losses. During that ten year period, I suffered another loss BUT I brought 2 more awesome boys into this world. I took it a step further and became known affectionately as the “breastfeeding guru” and over time, my heart healed little by little. For me, helping others served as a distraction until I was ready to heal.
I wish I could say the well wishes were going to make it all better. Time will help, comfort from Doug will help, too.
Hi Jamie. I has a sub chorionic hemotoma which caused me to bleed throughout my pregnancy. I too went to a high risk doctor who gave me the same prognosis. A few days later we lost him at 19 weeks. It’s a pain like no other. It was the worst time in my life. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I am very sorry for your loss. And I am sorry to see that a previous commenter said such a harsh thing. You do you and do what you need to in this time of grieving. Best wishes to you guys! Praying for you all!
Doug & Jaime Hehner,
I’m praying for Little Baby Hehner and know Jesus has y’all’s baby all swaddled up loving on Baby H, preparing angel wings, allowing time for angelic eyes and grooming Baby H for a new adventure coming back to see just how Mommy & Daddy, the fur babies and all the family are doing. Only love prayers and support for all y’all from Oklahoma. . Ecclesiastes 3 There is a time for everything and there is a reason. Only God knows why.
Wow please calm it. There is no reason to be like that. So back off and let her be.
Hi Jamie I to have had that feeling of loss see I was pregnant almost 13 weeks with twins I to started bleeding this was December of 2001 we had an appointment in jan to hear the heartbeat for the first time but there wasn’t any devastated is a good word for how I felt. But fortunately for me God decided to give me a second chance and I got pregnant just a few weeks later with another set of twins who are healthy happy 13 year old boys. Somehow the hurt will get better it never goes away but I feel like that is to help with the memory we share with the ones we loss. You will get your blessing to cause God will help you through this. I wi continue to pray for and Doug. I have loved you guys since watching the show for the first time and keep up with you on social media.
When someone is deemed a high risk pregnancy, they often do frequent ultrasounds to monitor the baby’s growth and development, as well as to monitor Mom on things like amniotic fluid of placenta issues.
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I’m am so sorry to hear your this I did not know until today any of this. I have been watching the shows from the beginning and I am so sad to hear this. I had a rough pregnancy I was sick the whole time and they thought my baby had Down’s Syndrome but he has other issues. I was 39 and then the placenta was old and I had to have him a month early. But I never gave up on my dream wanting s baby we wanted another but it never happened . Sometimes it’s not easy but I hope God has a grand plan for you. You are in my prayers.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve lost 2 children and it’s definitely a hard road to go down. It makes me appreciate the two I have even more.
I’ll be praying for you & your family; allow yourself time to heal & have your MD rule out other problems like blood clotting issues. This happened to my friend; lost two babies before they found out she had issues with clotting.
Hugs…
I’m so sorry for your loss! I had a miscarriage last August 2015 when my son was 14 weeks. I found out the gender from the chromosome analysis report after my D&C. I had breakdowns, especially when seeing friends continue on with their pregnancy. It was an emotional roller coaster in my marriage but in the end, it brought us closer. A few months later in November, I missed my period & had that feeling again like something is off. Well, it turns out that I was pregnant and currently due any day now. It wasn’t planned and to be honest, I’ve been worried the whole time and I won’t exhale until baby arrives. I wanted to share my story in hopes that it will help. The pain will always be there and his due date was rough. Please know that you aren’t alone and your baby is the guardian angle for you, Doug and your future baby. God bless!
I am so deeply sorry your loss. Praying for you all.
I have been following your story for a while now as a longtime fan of Married at First Sight. Your miscarriage was such sad news because I know how much you wanted a baby. Nothing is worse than having that dream ripped away from you. I recently experienced a loss as well….due date was December 16th and I would be 18 weeks right now. Time has helped and I pray every day for a baby. One day it will happen…for us both!
I’m so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby boy. I don’t have words to make you feel better but I do know the devastation. I had my fourth miscarriage this past weekend. It’s heartbreaking. Xo
So sorry for your loss, I know from following you and Doug how important this baby was to to both of you. It’s like I know you both and when the announcement came I was so excited for you. Although we may never know the reason why these things happen, God truly has reasons for this. Going through the hugs and lows in a relationship will only make the two of you stronger. You have a mothers heart and I can not wait for you to show that love you have. Sending prayers for your strength you both need to get through this hard time.
I did a photo reveal to my husband to say we were expecting. ..I lost my baby a few weeks after that. the worst pain I’ve ever endured even from everything else I’ve been through. I went into a little depression but a couple months later surprised together we found out we were pregnant again… there’s a rainbow of hope after every storm. didn’t believe it at the time but now I do. my 2nd pregnancy was a little scary after that but with my husband and even dr friends and family support we made it thru, even all the eventful events toward the end… I believe you and Doug will have your precious rainbow baby. as I hold mine close now she believes so too. much love to you both
So is he a boy? I love that ultrasound photo, he looks like hes praying! So sweet.
I lost total of 4 pregnancy with the last one twins I was able to have 2 live children and there are not words to cover your grief I hope you all heal and know your lil angel boy is with God
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Sending you lots of prayers and hugs during this difficult time. You are so brave and incredibly strong to open up about what happenedhappened. You are not alone, this happens to more women than you think, just know you did nothing wrong and it wasn’t your fault. You will get pregnant again and have beautiful happy and healthy children. The best is yet to come, you guys will be okay and get through this.
En primer lugar pido disculpas por hacer este comentario en español (mi lengua materna) pero mi inglés es poco fluido y encuentro más propio hacerlo así. Ahora bien, lamentó profundamente su perdida, y Aunque hasta la fecha no soy madre se lo devastador que puede representar la pérdida de un bebé, no sólo para los padres sino para la familia, en general. En mi familia hemos experimentado esta dolorosa situación con dos de mis tías la primera perdio a su angelito entrada en el 7 mes de embarazo, sin razón alguna su corazón simplemente dejó de latir, era mi primer primo y el primer bebé en la familia después 7 años, cuando nació mi hermano. La segunda experiencia fue con otra de mis tías que perdio a su bebé en la semana 18 de gestación a causa de utero incompetente, luego de esta experiencia, y de un reposo de cerca de 8 meses, cirugía de cerclaje incluida, y con el Amor y apoyo de todos, que hacíamos turnos para cocinarle y hacerle compañía, nos regaló a toda la familia un hermoso y saludable bebé que hoy tiene 6años y del cual soy orgullosa madrina. Los tengo presente en mis oraciones y confió que su esposo y ud, se mantenga unidos y esperanzados en que su sueño de ser padres se hará realidad. Tenga presente que lo más importante y lo de los ayudará a salir adelante es el amor mutuo y el de su familia. Una vez más, pido disculpas por comentar en español y por hacerlo de forma tan extensa
Hi Jamie, my husband and I lost our son at 20 weeks back in September. It was unbearable, and I find myself still struggling at times. I found a sweet little devotional, Grieving the child you never knew (mint cover) and it helped me tremendously. We also were able to get our sons hand and foot prints before he was cremated. I found a shop on Etsy that was able to use the prints and make me the sweetest bracelet to keep with me always. I know the pain you are going thru. I’m so sorry. My the Lord bless you and Doug during this time!
First, I am terribly sorry for your loss. It was discovered my son was not moving/breathing at 27 weeks gestation and he was delivered at 30 weeks in June of last year. He passed away during labor. The pain of his death will never go away, but I learned that talking about the experience and him helps so much. I was afraid if I kept it in that it would be like he didn’t exist. I am just over a month away from meeting his baby sister who is doing remarkably well in my belly. Sending you love and hugs. I hope you can lean hard on the support network around you, I found that essential after my son’s passing.
Jamie, i swear you could have been writing my story word-for-word except for the fact that our loss was a little girl at 22 weeks a year and a half ago. I relived that shock and horror of our final ultrasound that you experienced because we went into ours the same way, optimistic and full of hope, but ended up completely devastated when the tech told us that she didn’t see much fluid, and then with her rushing out to get the doctor….the beginning of the worst few days of my life. The rest of my water ended up breaking completely that evening, and we said goodbye to our precious daughter the next day. I am so extremely sorry for your loss, the heartbreak will never go away, but it will get better, and there is always hope to get you through.
Totally agree
Jane, shame on you. Write something nice or go avout your day. Jamie, ignore this poor excuse of a human being.
If you need a special out fit for your baby. Little Angel Gowns provides them free of charge. Volunteers sew them from donated wedding dresses. They make angel wings n pockets for tiny babies like yours. It makes it so you can hold the tinyo es like yours
I am so sorry Jamie and Doug. There are no words to describe the pain you feel. Just know that we love you and God has your baby in his arms, never to feel the pain if the world.
Jamie , Doug and baby Hehner,
My heart, thoughts and prayers are with you all. Grieve, remember , and lean on each other. I have no other words Excep that I am so sorry ❤️
Hi Jamie, I am so, so sorry for your loss… I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes because I know all too well the feeling… I lost my little angel last May. At 8 weeks I had some bleeding that lasted a week or so. I went to the hospital to have an ultrasound, The ultrasound showed everything to be normal. At 12 weeks I went in for my second ultrasound, and there was no heart beat 🙁 I had no bleeding so I was completely shocked… I was sent home to do a “forced abortion”… That night I went into “labour” and had our sweet little baby at 2:20 am on the 22nd of May. I never knew if i was having a little girl or a little boy. There was some comfort in being able to hold him or her for a while and marvel at how beautifully detailed at only 12 weeks… My due date was difficult (December 5th 2015) it was hard to see my friends giving birth around the time I was due… I see their little faces in my Facebook feed and I wonder what would have been… It’s gotten easier, for a while I thought I was done trying. It was too painful a thought to go through this again. After a year I have healed and feel ready again… I wish you peace and courage to face the days ahead. My heart breaks for you and with you…
You and hubby has been my favorite from day 1. I was so happy to have read that you blessed with a baby. But, God has other plans for you my dear. I pray for you and hubby to remain strong and comfort each other during this time. God will have many more blessing soon. U r such a lovely person. May your hearts be comforted. You have overcome so many obstacle. Trust and believ the Big guy upstairs got you babe. Luv from Miami Fl,
Jamie, this is one of those posts but you can’t help but to cry while reading. My heart breaks for you and Doug every time I read about your loss. I cannot personally relate to what you are going through, but, I do know after loss there is something so beautiful just around the corner. Keep being the strong woman you are and never give up on your baby dreams! Sending prayers and big hugs to you, Doug, Lady & Foxy. xoxo Lindsey
Jamie – I wish I knew how to contact and reach out to you. I lost my daughter 8 hours after she was born (40+2weeks), just seven weeks ago </3 Just like your little baby she was too beautiful for earth. I'm so Sorry you had to go thru this, no one can understand the pain except those who's experienced it. If you need to talk to someone who's in the same situation as you please feel free to contact me (engelensofia@outlook.com). Sorry for my english, I'm Norwegian 🙂
Imagine the day when it's your time to leave, you'll smile, knowing that soon you're going to hold your perfect little boy in heaven – touch, protect and never let him out of your sight again <3 I know how this feels, I miss her so much, it's just not fair </3
I really do look up to you guys & feel you are too great of people to not be parents.. Some things are just unexplainable, we are told ‘things happen for a reason’ but it doesn’t soften the blow to our souls. Please stay strong. Prayerz for you all
I’ve lost two pregnancies and am now 35 weeks pregnant with my first healthy baby boy. My heart goes out to you as I know how you must feel and how much you wanted this miracle in your life. I have to be honest though, the push for your book sales at the end of this heartfelt, vulnerable outpouring of emotion just came across as really tacky and insensitive. I was actually shocked to see the transition from one to the other. Maybe you should consider editing that out for now. There’s always time for sales.. Now is the time for healing.
I’m so sorry for your lost. I know there is nothing anyone can say to get you threw this. I have lost several of my babies as well, and know you will have alot of dark days and wonder if there’s was anything you have done. There is nothing that you did to cause this and God just want him. Eventually you’ll have your good days but then there will be bad days were you feel so alone and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone but I know you’ll overcome this and celebrate the short time you had with him one day.
Losing a child during pregnancy is something that is devastating to the parents and especially to the women. I know for myself when I had my miscarriage I constantly wondered what I did wrong!? What was wrong with me that this happened? But what us women do not know is that miscarriages and failed pregnancy are EXTREMELY common. Now that I’m the age where everyone is getting pregnant and having babies, I am astonished to hear stories from women who have experienced the same thing and the same struggle. IT NEEDS TO BE TALKED ABOUT! Us women need to know that there is a support system out there and most women are or have experienced the same thing. We’re not alone like you think you are when there’s a miscarriage. And please please know that just because it happened doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you or it as something you did. I pray for you and Doug and I know that you will get you little bundle soon. I had my little princess 3 years after my miscarriage. Never lose hope and never get discouraged !!!!
Grandma Dot will take good care of him. So very sorry for your loss.
I lost my son in March at 41 weeks. My loss was an unexplained stillbirh. 1 in 160 pregnancies end in stillbirth the US, that is roughly 26,000 each year. Most of them are unexplained and happen on low risk text book pregnancies and that number is much greater with misscarriage. I am so sorry for your loss. I recently found out I am pregnant with my rainbow. This pain will never go away, you will learn to carry it and it will ease over time. Thinking of you and baby H.
Jamie, I am so sorry for your loss. I know you have been dreaming of becoming a mother, and I know what pain there is in letting go of that precious baby too soon. May God comfort you! I lost a baby in 2014, and it was truly the most painful thing I’ve ever endured. I now have a precious rainbow baby, and she is the joy of our whole family’s life. I pray that the same will happen for you and Doug. You will carry this baby in your heart and this pain as well, but you will have joy in your future! Sending love and prayers!
I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. We lost our little boy at 14 weeks last October. It’s an unimaginable pain that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. It’s hard to see everyone around me go on to have their babies, and I often wonder why it was me? Why was I the statistic? It’s been 9 months, and I’m still grieving. Wishing you the best during these difficult times. Praying for you and your family.
I can’t understand the book comment either:( maybe she will edit it?…
I’m so sorry. I went through this twice, and felt like I has no one to talk to. Talking really is therapy. I barely spoke of my two losses to anyone until I was pregnant the third time. The most unfair thing is how these losses rob you of the joys you should be feeling. When I got pregnant with what would turn out to be my rainbow baby, I cried when I saw the pregnancy test. I was filled with fear, sobbing to my husband that I just couldn’t go through it again. I know it’s the last thing you want to hear, but it will get easier. You’ll cry on your due date, and you’ll remember it next year. Your next pregnancy you’ll be a nervous wreck. But when that rainbow comes, you’ll know your are the luckiest mama ever, because this baby is even more special than you could have imagined.
Hang in there Jamie and Doug. We too lost our first baby and went on to have two more beautiful baby boys. Both pregnancies were very difficult. Stress and not taking care of Momma can be a huge factor as you know as a nurse. I will always love our first lil blessing and think of him often but remain strong when you and Doug are ready again God will bless you with another opportunity at a family. We do not know what God has in store but can be obedient vessels of his love. It will happen keep your faith. Keep Doug in prayer as well and close to you as it devastated my husband as he was somewhat pushed aside and unable to grieve with the support I had. He is hurting too. Keep doing what you do and watching you go through so much over the last few years reminds me of me in so many ways in how I used to sabotage our relationship over my past experiences. Let go of the past but never forget and continue to move forward. Also a lil side not skip over all the haters BS! I live in Dallas and as we lay another officer to rest today I am reminded that we need to love and support each other. Shut out the negative and as my momma always said if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all! *Haters don’t judge people when you haven’t walked in their shoes! This is what Jamie does for a living. Who do you think sponsors her blogs! Unfortunately life must go on and publicist say and may understand this tragic event but are not going to stop the world from moving forward and commitments/contracts to be completed as promised prior to this occurring. Put yourself in her shoes! Do you really think today of all days she really wants to promote her book! Have you thought of how hard that would be…#stopthehate #supportwithlove
Jamie, I too wish you didn’t have to endure this. I stood in your shoes 22yrs ago. Life does go on, Keep your faith and you and Doug will continue to grow together. Our babies were too special for earth and I now have 2 angels sent from above that I call my sons. Stay strong, God is with you always and has great plans for you.
I am so, so very sorry for you and Doug. Keeping you all in my prayers. So sorry for your loss.
I am so very sorry for your loss. My husband and I had our loss this June. In fact from the information you shared our babies would have been a week apart. I hope that you and Doug take care of yourselves and do whatever you need to help you grieve. If you need the oreos, eat them! If you want to stay in pajamas all day, do it!
I feel very isolated and disheartened with our loss being that I’m surrounded by several pregnant friends at the moment who are unaware of our story. However, I am finding forums, boards, and youtube videos about Hope after Miscarriage to be very comforting. I also use my creative skills (painting, drawing) as a outlet. It helps.
I pray that you two have much comfort and love surrounding you during this time and keep hope for another chapter.
Hi Jamie and Doug. Just wanted to say that I am so sorry that you lost Baby Hehner. Miscarriage is devastating. There really are no words that are comforting. Having been there, I will spare you the well-meaning platitudes. I will say from experience that things will get easier with time and that you will always respect pregnancy and birth for the miracle that it is (as a L&D nurse, it is already in your heart and soul – same with me). I will be praying for you as you move through the coming days and months. Allow yourselves to grieve and turn to each other for support. It will get better. Sending Love to both of you.
I do understand, I read your book, and I know how much you wanted to be a mother and you will be one day soon. I know it doesn’t change the circumstances today but just know you will. I’m so sorry for your loss, I cried for you guys. I pray you’ll not get too low, it’s hard, I know. You have so many people who love you! You and Doug will be a Mom and Dad – keep your eye on that and try to be positive and know God has reasons we often never understand. Love to you both, a follower of your journey,
The journey through miscarriage is scary and lonely. No matter how many kind hearts reach out to share their stories and journeys, each of our experiences is uniquely different, uniquely ours and it can still feel pretty desolate. For 13 precious weeks I carried our baby before hearing the dreaded news that things had gone wrong. I endured two surgeries and 6 months of treatment before my miscarriage was complete and I could think about moving on. My advice to take solace in each other. Cling to each other now, more than ever, because the only two people who know what it feels like to lose your child are the two of you. You’ll have days when you feel okay and days when you hate the world. Lean on each other, let this make you stronger as a couple, and let this experience teach you how to love just that much deeper.
If you’re at all interested in my story, you can read it here: http://lifefurandadventure.weebly.com/
Jamie please ignore any rude comments know that we hold you, Doug and baby Hehner in our hearts, thoughts and prayers stay strong this will take time
Oh Jamie, I am so so sorry for your loss. I was so excited for you after you had waited so long to finally after helping so many other women have their babies, you were finally going to have your very own. Don’t give up sweetie. I believe one day you will have a little baby of your own to hold and love. Go to a specialist and get everything checked out and see if they can find out what went wrong. I have a friend that went to school with my youngest son and I just adore her. She went through several miscarriages one of which was twins before a doctor found what he thought was the cause. She had a Septum (could be the wrong word) thing that divided her uterus and they were able to surgically correct it and she just almost 4 months ago delivered a healthy baby boy. So don’t give up sweetie. Pray about it and let God comfort you and guide you on your path. I just love you and Doug and am so happy that you two were able to work things out and be so happy together. I will be praying for you both.
I am so deeply sorry for your loss. My heart broke when I heard the news. I also suffered a miscarriage. It is a loss like no other You and Doug and Baby Henner are in my prayers
I have watched you and Doug since you met at the alter-yall will get through this, look at how far you have come. My first pregnancy was almost text book, ended in a C-section but he was a healthy 9 lb 4 oz baby. A few years later I was ready for another one and after a few months found out I was pregnant again. We found out at my 17 week appointment we were having a little girl, I was so excited. At that appointment they also did what is called a triple screen. A couple days later I received a call that my baby has a problem and I needed to see a specialist. So we did, my little Amelia was diagnosed at 19 weeks gestation with Trisomy 18(Edwards Syndrome). I had to do a lot of research on that as I didn’t know what that was. At 21 weeks and 3 day my Amelia was born into GOD’s loving arms. I held her for hours. That was the hardest thing in my life to leave the hospital without my baby girl. We had her cremated and she is in a beautiful bronze rose urn on my nightstand. I agree, talking and writing helps, I have told my story a million times and it does make it better and it also keeps your child with you. My sister lost 2 babies in early pregnancy and now has to amazingly beautiful rainbow babies! I wish you both peace and comfort in this time. GOD bless you both!
I’m deeply sorry for your loss!
Jamie I lost one of my twins at 16 weeks due to a birth defect and it’s been 12 years now and I miss him daily. The ache never goes away but I will continue to pray for you and Doug and your family. God will definitely bless you with another miracle. Right now he just needed your Angel in Heaven more than he was needed on Earth. Much love and hugs to you both!!
Heartfelt prayers going your way. I lost a baby at 13 weeks. Nothing prepares you and no words can comfort you. (Hugs to Doug and you!)
It’s so hard reading this because I went through the same experience. I used to blame myself on what I did wrong or what I could have done differently. Sometimes people say you’ll forget about after trying to have kids. I recently just had my third child a month ago and reading this brings me back memories. I never forget my first baby. That’s my angel baby cause in my heart I have 4 kids. And I never forget that little baby I lost. But God has my baby in its arms and one day I will see that baby again. I never knew what the baby was but I knew it was a precious boy. It takes time especially being a women and actually feeling the baby grow inside of you that even your husbands can’t understand or feel. But it’s the connection you have with that little one. I am hoping these are words of support because you are not alone. Your story made me cry thinking of my little one, it’s really hard going through hearing those heartbeats. You have everyone supporting you with love. I hope this gives you strength and encouragement. Your not alone.
I wish that no one had to endure this, either. I have also lost a baby. It is just such a devastating, personal thing to go through. No matter how many people can relate, you will feel like no one can really understand exactly what YOU are going through. It was your body, your baby. We are all so very alone in this kind of grieving. Doug will need support, too, but it won’t feel the same to you.
Patience. Time. Love. You’ll get through it. You will always miss this baby. When your rainbow baby comes, it will change your entire world and be a beautiful reminder. I now have my rainbow baby and she is an absolute miracle. Not a day goes by that I am not completely amazed that she is here in this world, in my arms, finally. God bless your family. <3
Jamie, I’ve followed you and Doug from the beginning. I shed tears of happiness for you when you announced you were expecting and tears of sadness for you when you announced your loss yesterday. I’m so sad for you. My prayers are with you guys.
I’ve been where you are twice. My friend send me this when I lost our baby boy at 25 weeks. It’s helped me heal. I hope it brings you comfort.
“the best comparison I’ve found is that grief is like an ocean. Some days, the waves are so high and the sea so rough, you feel like you might drown in sorrow. Other times, the water is clear and calm, and you can lay back in peace with the sun on your face. You’ll be swimming in that ocean for the rest of your life, but it helps to know you won’t always feel like you’re drowning. “
This is not true. There’s no evidence that ultrasounds are harmful.
Jamie, I’m so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage earlier this year & it was devastating. It gets easier but you never forget. Keeping you in my thoughts at this time.
Oh Sweet Hehner’s. I’m so beyond sorry for your loss. I lost 4 babies. I do have 3 precious daughters who are Alive & well. I also have TWIN grand daughters who are 7 weeks old now. They have a precious Angel brother in Heaven. Here’s a link to her blog about Sebastion. https://megdonnan.wordpress.com/
I wish you comfort & hope for your near future.
Praying for you and Doug not only for the lost of your precious little angel but that you will find comfort in knowing that God is taking both of you to a place that will leave you breathless, your loss is just a stepping stone for grater things……you will have another baby not saying it will replace that loss but it will give you an even greater appreciation for the kind of love that you and Doug share……don’t let this tear you guys apart hold on to each other, grieve together, pray together and most importantly talk to each other about whatever your feeling…..Love You Guys so much……I always know you guys were perfect for each other from the time you were matched (in spite of the awkward moment wen you first met) lol
Dear Jamie,
Im so sorry for your loss. I know how your are feeling right now – or not feeling anything else burt hurt and sadness. I lost my babyboy august 4 2013 in week 35. He was so perfect, and I miss him ever second of every hour every day. His 3 years birthday is comming up, and I just wish I could hold him and tell once again that I love him. And that I wish I could celebrate him him and kiss him – instead I have go to the cemetery.
I have no words, cause the pain will never go away – only time will make the tears no to be 24/7. I cry for you, I know what you are going trough, and I know how strong you and your husband have to be to get through together.
Love from Gitte in Denmark
Dear Jamie! I pray for you that God will dry your tears and that soon you will have a baby in your arms ❤️ After sorrow comes joy, after mourning comes laughter ❤️ Love/ Maria
Wow! I cannot believe the crap people are willing to write. The woman JUST LOST her baby and you’re pushing her to,” get righ back in the horse??” Are you crazy?? My rainbow baby was conceived six months after I lost my son, and I was guilt ridden. Take time to grieve and worry about yourself first and foremost, don’t make any rash decisions and for god’s sake, stay away from the Internet.
Jamie, my heart goes out to you, Doug, and the family. I felt you guys excitement and shared the anticipation. I am prayerful that another baby Hehner will come in due time. Until then, please continue blogging, writing, promoting your products and ideas and ANYTHING you want to do. I commend you for not allowing your loss to cripple your dreams and aspirations. Unfortunately, marriages have failed, relationships ruined, and dreams were not pursued due to people not moving pass loss. I know it’s hard and your thoughts are centered around Baby Henher not being with us. Please consider that Baby Henher would have loved to see how Mommy and Daddy pulled together to get through this hard time rather than see everything fall apart. Love you guys and I am praying for strength and blessings going forward.
Does not negate….not Doran.
YOUR REVIEW
It will all make sense one day, just trust in god and believe in his timing. I am so sorry for you both, I haven following your live story from the beginning and I know how much you want a baby. There are no words anyone will tell you to ease your pain, so just pray a lot and cry when you need to. You have many people who love and genuinely care for you both. You are both not alone, we feel your pain. xo
I always hate to hear people going through this. It is by far the worst experience of my life. I lost my baby boy last November at 17.5 weeks and had to deliver. For me, taking all the time I needed to process and grieve, attending the hospital’s support group, exercising once physically cleared, and using essential oils helped me get my mind and body back to “normal.” So sorry for your loss.
Please don’t make comments like, “someday you’ll be a mom…” The loss of a child Doran not negate motherhood. It’s amazing what nonsense people spout during times of difficulty.
Praying for you & your family. Let the negative comments someone left or may leave just roll off. Some people show no compassion. Nobody knows what you are going through unless they’ve been there. Everyone deals with loss differently. For you, writing has been a positive way of dealing with many aspects of your life & you have been so open for all to know. I have your book & enjoy reading it. Can relate to many aspects of your situation. Do not let others bring you down. You are an overcomer by far & this is just another point in your life to overcome. God saw reason to take your baby to his home. Bless you & your family & I hope for better days ahead:-)
Dear sweet parents, My husband and I suffered a similar loss. There are no comforting words. Do not blame yourselves, it will drive you insane (no joke). I was an OB nurse, and Jamie I know you are one. Things happen, but it doesn’t make the pain any easier. Things will get better, probably faster for you than Doug,support him and listen to him. He has to talk about his pain. Men suffer silently and differently, Be prepared for that. My husband was NOT ready to try again after six weeks but I was. Not to replace the baby we lost, but to feel happy again and to persue our future. It happened for us. And I’m confident it will happen for you! My heart truly breaks for you. You both are in my thoughts and prayers!
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I’m so sorry for your loss and I know how you feel. My husband and I lost our first child and we were devastated. It seemed like during the time of our loss all of our friends were getting pregnant. It helped us to mourn and to be truly happy for those around us (which was difficult). There is life after the loss of a pregnancy! We got pregnant one year later with a son who I was able to carry full term. You and Doug will have a similar testimony. You all are in me and my husband’s prayers.
The book, “I will carry you” by Angie Smith was the only thing that I found comfort in. It was the only thing that made sense. I hope you check it out and it comforts you, too.
My heart is heavy all over again after finding about yours and Dougs loss! There is nothing that I can say that will help you heal, I nnkw your heart is broken in a million pieces. My husband and I lost our son at 23 weeks and 6 days. I too was being monitored very closely, 2-3 times a week because I had thyroid cancer 2 years prior to this pregnancy. With my total thyroidectomy I was told that my chances of conceiving were slim to none but we were fine with that, we had 4 children at home one being a newborn at 5 weeks when I was diagnosed with cancer. When we found out we were pregnant a year after surgery we were confused on what to do, my health sucked, having no thyroid changed my whole life and there was no way I can go through another pregnancy. Miraculously that pregnancy helped me hormonally, physically and mentally. I was seeing 3 Drs including a high risk ob and they ALL said baby is great and growing to date and strong. I saw him 2-3 times a week in 3D-4d ultrasounds, I was in love! He was as active as can be and I was feeling him kick at just 11 weeks, hey I was a pro, he was my 5th baby. Then my world turned upside down on Father’s Day 2014. I felt him kicking all day as we were celebrating my hubby and when I finally got to rest at 8pm or so I realized I stopped feeling him move and recall the last time I felt him move was 3 -4 hours ago. I did all the things that would usually make him move or wake him up but nothing worked. I knew at that moment something was wrong. We had an apt with my high risk dr the next morning and they checked on him and there he was, as beautiful as I can remember and his little heartbeat struggling like I’ve never seen before. I felt like my heart stopped or should I say rapidly beating cause I didn’t know this pain I was feeling, I’ve never felt it before. I couldn’t breathe, I felt like a failure, I was mad, I was hurt, anger took over. I was mad at Drs for telling me that he looks great and I had nothing to worry about, I was mad at God for giving me a bonus blessing and then taking him so soon! Asking him why he even gave him to me knowing he was going to take him right back?! How was I gonna tell my kids? Why was God testing me and my faith? First cancer and then now a stillborn all in a matter of 2 years?! I needed help and we all know the world doesn’t stop for you as much as we want it to. I wanted the world to let me heal, why is everyone so happy?! And I’m dying inside?! My husband and I joined a support group of early loss at our local hospital and I can honestly say that it saved me, us! I don’t think my husband and I would have made it after losing our son if it wasn’t for that support group and the the couples we met. This is the first time I’m writing my story out, I’ve told it before to people but never wrote it.
Jamie, definitely one thing is for sure, you are not alone! I know we think it would never happen to us but we are living proof that that’s not the case. Let your emotions flow, don’t fight it, feel the moment, let it flow through you. Grief definitely comes in waves with no warnings! Talk about baby Hehner, most people will feel uncomfortable but we learned in our support group that it’s normal. You will find out who your true friends and family are cause there are a lot of people out there who will act like you and Doug are contagious! Stay strong, lean to each other, talk to each other and allow your heart to feel, that’s the only way your heart will start to heal! This unfortunately is your new normal and it’s an absolute nightmare that you can’t wake up from! I’m right here with you! I’m definitely thinking of you and Doug and your in my prayers. May strength be with you along the way!
If you ever need to vent you have my email! Lots of love, hugs and kisses to you Jamie!
Sorry Jamie and Doug for your loss. I loss my first child at 19 weeks. I remember that feeling. But now I have a wonderful 7 year old daughter who has been a true blessing. I wish all the best for your future. Just remember people love you and support you. Sending you love and prayers.
Jane…that was heartless. Those of us who have read the book AND have a heart know what she meant by bringing up the book.
Jamie…I am praying for you and Doug. I am so thankful you have one another to cling to.
I am so sorry for your loss. After struggling with infertility for a few years we finally got pregnant only to miscarry at around 11 weeks. We were devastated. 2 years later after more treatments and 1 round of IVF we welcomed out sweet baby boy. As others have said, the pain doesn’t go away but it does lessen over time. You all are in my prayers.
Jamie and Doug, I am so sorry for your loss. I’ve never lost a child, but I lost my husband to cancer in February and I’ll be on the grief journey for a long time. I know that it was very theraputic for me to share on Facebook to my friends and family as I’ve walked this road, because I, too, write to help get my feelings out. It has been SO comforting to have people replying with prayers and hugs and love. I am an atheist, but I am a firm believer in prayer, not in the way believers pray, but because I feel the collective hugs and love and support and it’s as though thousands of arms are wrapped around me; and, yes, it is very comforting and I always ask my friends and family to continue their prayers. So I send you prayers and hugs and love. You have a lot of people out here who adore your family who you are Jamie. You’ve been open and honest with us from the start, and we’ve all falled in love with you and Doug. I pray that you find comfort in the love of your family and friends, and, indeed, all of us on the sidelines looking in and watching over you. XOXO
Hi Jamie,
I feel your pain as I am 4 months out of losing my son also at 17 weeks. It’s hard to really connect with someone and understand what someone has gone through unless you’ve been there. The thing that has helped me the most through the grieving process is talking to other moms and hearing their story. You are not alone. A few great resources that I went through was HopeMommies.org and ForeverFootprints.org. Those two organizations have been a god send. If I were to give any advice it would to be to have open communication between you and Doug. Share as much as you can with each other but if Doug is anything like my husband he will probably keep his emotions to himself in fear of making you upset and that’s totally normal. I’m here if you need anything.
I wish that I could do something to comfort you and Doug. You are like surrogate children for me(I have raised 4 children and have two grandsons) To see young love develop and take hold is affirming in this cold world. I hope that future pregnancies will come and be wonderful.
God bless all three of you
Hi Jamie, I’m so sorry for your loss. I wanted to share my mother and sister’s stories in hopes of giving you hope in this dark time. About three years ago on Christmas eve my family and I were having our annual party. It was a beautiful time, my sister had found out she was pregnant and she and her husband came to visit from NYC. Sadly that evening though she lost the baby….it was such a heavy loss because Christmas eve almost 24 years prior, my mother lost her baby, my twin sister, also named Jaimie. She and I were born three months early, and as a result I have C. Palsy. But god allowed my sister a second and third chance to have a child. And allowed me to learn to walk, with the help of canes, and do so much more then my mother ever thought I would. So I hope these stories help to heal you.
xoxo
YOUR REVIEW
Unfortunately, I have to start off by saying to Jane a few comments before mine, that I think it’s absolutely disgusting that YOU would say something like that to someone who is suffering so much. The last thing she needs right now is someone attacking her motives. These comments should only be filled with love and encouragement for Doug and Jamie. Not ugly-hearted attacks like yours.
Jamie, my husband and I have been going through infertility for almost a year, which may not seem like a long time compared to many women who have been given bad news for years. However, the one thing that has helped me is sharing my heart with close friends and family. I can’t tell you how many friends have told me how they went through the same thing. It helped to know that I wasn’t alone, because I really wasn’t the only one experiencing infertility. Talking helps!! I ended up having a minor surgery to have polyps removed from my uterus, because that was 50% of the problem. I also don’t ovulate on my own, therefore we will have to pursue IUI. Either way, I’ve heard two people tell me, “In the end, it doesn’t matter how you get there.” You will have such an amazing testimony once your heart and body heals, and the Lord gives you another sweet baby. Who knows, another opportunity for you to write a book, which will in turn help millions, I’m sure, who have experienced a miscarriage. 🙂
I want to leave you with the name of a song that was written by Natalie Grant, for a woman who lost her baby. It’s called “Held”. It’s so beautiful and I strongly encourage you to listen to it, in hopes of it helping you heal. The bible says to weep with those who weep, and mourn with those who mourn. We are all weeping and mourning with you!
Praying for y’all! <3
If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. Shame on you, Jane.
Jamie* My heart is going out to you and Doug. I can’t even begin to imagine the heart break you must be experiencing. Thank you for sharing every step in your life with us and know we are all there through thick and thin and praying for you and Doug to get through this rough time and get blessed with another baby Hehner!!! Sending lots of love and light*****
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Jaime
My heart hurts for you and Doug so much!! I will definitely be praying that God will give you peace!!! Also I have a dear friend who had a couple miscarriages and always encourages other mamas to name the baby. Even if only you and Doug know the name it helps with the grieving process! Keep writing! Love and hugs
She wasn’t pushing her book sales. If you have nothing encouraging to say then please don’t share your thoughts. That is very uncalled for. She is hurting so don’t add any more hurt. Ok.
I’m so sorry for your loss. When I heard my MFM say “incompatible with life” my world crashed and has never been the same. There is a before and an after me, and although the “after me” has pain and heartache, I have the precious memories of the time I did have with my angel. There is an anxiety now that overshadows a future pregnancy (which I hope we both get to experience) that makes me sad and angry and every emotion in between. There are no words, no magical quotes or methods to heal that work for everyone. I will tell you that in time the pain doesn’t go away but it changes, it’s hard to explain. I can imagine your experience as a labor and delivery nurse you have seen similar heartache in some patients. Just know that you are not alone, and I applaud you on using your platform to heal in the way you feel best. For many women it’s a very silent suffering, and you are giving it a voice. No one has the right to judge until they’ve been in your situation, and no one’s situation is the same. My prayers are with your family and may our angel’s be forever watching over us from above.
I’ve lost two… Then had the most amazing daughter!! Although it’s so hard to understand….Just remember Gods timing is always perfect!
Jaime, the pain never goes away, But you learn that there is nothing you could have done to change it. Everything happens for a reason. I lost my baby after only 8wks. I’ve never had a more traumatic experience than that. We were excited to be having our second baby and announced it to the world. The day before and the day I lost my baby will be forever etched in my mind. My husband and I grieved like anyone would. The doc told us no sex for 2 week and like any couple whose gone 2 weeks without, we were ready. Next thing you know im pregnant again. My Josh is an amazing little boy and I know that had my baby not gone to heaven I would never have gotten to meet him. I am a strong believer in everything happens for a reason. Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you and Doug in this heart breaking time. <3 The Williams Family <3
Dear Jamie, My heart is breaking for you and Doug and your family. I cried when I heard, I know how much you wanted a baby. My co-worker lost her baby in November at 25 1/2 weeks. She and her family are still reeling. It’s so difficult and emotionally draining. I send you all hugs and healing thoughts. I know for her, honoring his existence, like you are with baby Hehner, has helped her tremendously.
I too suffered to the point of 8 months and had to push and go thru labor knowing my daughter had already passed away two days earlier.. it has been 14 years and not a day goes by that I don’t remember her to know that she won’t cry but I did get to hold her and say goodbye.. something I will never forget. I know God needed her more than I did.. I prayed for her years before I conceived her and I can’t wait to see her in heaven
I will never, ever forgot hearing them say to me, “You’re how far along again?” as I sat there for my first ultrasound. This happened to us twice. Both times we found out at our first ultrasound that we would lose the baby. We had to see a fertility specialist to even get pregnant the 2nd time and of course I cried with happiness when I found out I was pregnant again, but then quickly sobered as I realized the real hard part is carrying to term. There just aren’t words for this type of pain. The physical pain of miscarrying. The emotional pain of having dreams abruptly cut short. For us, I was 40 when I was pregnant the first time. It simply isn’t in God’s plan for us to be parents and I don’t know why. I never will understand why these things happen. I do know that it made my husband and I an unbeatable unit. We’ve been tested and we have curled into each other, cried, railed, and mourned, and then come to a place of deep love for each other’s strength. So much love to you guys. We’ll be praying for your healing. xoxo
I miscarried 11 weeks ago. I know your pain. I’m devastated for you and Doug. Very dis appointed by the plug for your book at the end.
Sweet Jamie – I have the utmost respect for you sharing yourself with us. I pray for your healing. Hugs and prayers as you endure this unimaginable loss. Hang on to your faith.
As a labor and delivery nurse, I’m sure she knows the science behind the use of these machines. Don’t speculate or insinuate that’s what caused anything. Offer your condolences, lift her up, and move along.
My heart hurts for you, also, we lost our baby at 30 weeks.. We went on to have 2 daughters. The pain never goes away, it does get better. Many years later and I still tear up. Prayers. I love your blog, thank you for sharing. Have seen every episode since the very first encounter at the altar.
After reading your book (in 2 days), I know how much he meant to you and Doug. There are no words to ease your pain. Hugs to you and Doug during this sad time.
I am so very sorry and i know this pain all too well. 9 months ago, I miscarried my baby as well. I was able to hear his strong heartbeat, one week prior to losing him. I was and still am so blessed to have the ultrasound pictures. Hold those physical memories close to you and pray and talk to your little one. That helped me when I was grieving. <3 May God bless you and heal your pain.
My deepest condolences to you and Doug. They say once your passed the 1st trimester your in the clear…. How heartbreaking to pass that point and lose your precious baby. I cant even imagine. My heart breaks for you both. I know in my heart you will have a beautiful baby and you will be wonderful parents but you will never forget the loss. Wishing you all the best. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Jaime, the same thing happened to me. The doctor graciously said, I can’t find a heart beat but you can start over. I didn’t believe her and miscarried 3 weeks later at home and held my miracle in my hand. He’ll live with me Forever and it’s still celebrated yearly and is considered my first of three born. The date of the miscarriage is his official birth date. July 31st, 2010. Our honeymoon baby. Until we meet again. Perfect and whole nothing wrong with him. Keep hope alive. You’ll see him again and You’ll treasure your next little loves born even more! Xoxo
My deepest condolences to you and Doug. They say once your passed the 1st trimester your in the clear…. How heartbreaking to pass that point and lose your precious baby. I cant even imagine. My heart breaks for you both. I know in my heart you will have a beautiful baby and you will be wonderful parents but you will never forget the loss. Wishing you all the best. ❤️❤️❤️
Jamie my heart hurts for you, Doug and your families. I also have experienced the horrible loss of an infant. My son was born an angel on his due date. There are no words to make you feel better just have comfort in knowing that there is life after loss. I now have a 2 1/2 year old that is the light of my life. Try to remember that this happened to you and Doug and your love will bring you though this! Lean on each other and talk about it often, do not pull or push each other away. My loss was 11 years ago next month and my angel Kamden is still a regular name in our household. God bless you and know that there are many praying for your healing.
im sooo very sorry for you guys. My heart is heavy as I take my daughter today to the high risk docs. She is due on Dec 20th. I hope you will be blessed with a healthy happy little again soon. Very very sorry for your loss.
Sometimes there are no words…… Hugs…..
I was 6months 21 days pregnant w/my daughter. I saw her suck her thumb grab her toes show me her cute honey and the next week there was no heartbeat. I carried her until my body delivered her. So I know your pain and loss. You are in my prayers. Know God has a plan no matter how bad this hurts and it hurts. God bless!
Warm thoughts to you and yours. Please take a moment to look up October 15th. It is pregnancy and infant loss awareness day. I lost my son at two months old and have met some of the best friends I will ever have through support groups for loss. I pray you find peace and healing.
We lost two babies. One at 11 weeks and one at 13 weeks. It was devastating. My heart aches for yall and we’re praying for you. I’m in the process of reading your book and I’m loving it. Thanks for giving us a glimpse into your life. Love y’all.
I am so sorry for your loss. I feel your pain. I have 2 angel babies and I miss them everyday. Rainbow babies are the most precious gifts you can receive and after all the hardships disappointments and heartache we got our rainbow and she is the light of my life. Have hope and keep the faith that you will be a mom someday I did and I wouldn’t trade any of what I went through for the world because the end result of all of it is the child I always dreamed I would have.
I am so so incredibly sorry for your loss. I too experienced a miscarriage with my first pregnancy and it was the most difficult thing I have ever gone through. The pain can be unbearable at times but please know that it will lessen over time. Only time and talking about your sweet baby will begin to heal your wounds. My rainbow baby is now 14 months and is a stinky little crazy person whom I love with all my heart. Take time to grieve (Doug as well – my husband refused to talk about it) and be as easy on yourself as you can. Sending love and prayers from Indiana.
I have been following your story since day 1, My heart just aches for you and Doug. Praying for you and your family during this difficult time.
As someone who has struggled with infertility for years, lost 2 babies in 2015 and is now currently 26 weeks pregnant, I want to say I feel your pain and your loss. I also want to say how brave you are for coming forth with such a tremendous loss. There is nothing in this world like losing a child, no matter what stage of life they are in. I can promise you it will ALWAYS hurt, but you will feel better. Don’t lose hope on growing your family, it will happen in God’s time. Wishing you and Doug comfort and a lifetime of joy!
I’m sorry for your loss. I too lost my first pregnancy at 12 weeks. It was very hard for me but also my husband. My advise to you is that even though you were carrying the baby and the loss is ever so much in your mind, please also be sensitive to your husband feelings. It hurt my husband equally and I wasnt in touch with how he was feeling. Also get right back on that horse … You are fhe most fertile now and will get pregnant if you try now. It worked for me(I was 33 at the time) and now I have a happy healthy 1 1/2 girl. I’ll pray for you and your family. Best of luck!
Prayers for you and Doug! Also may I suggest in the future, stay on top of your thyroid health too as good thyroid function is vital to help revent miscarriages. I pray for you and Doug and pray that God can bring you some comfort during this time!
I was devastated to hear about Doug & your loss. I feel like you are family to me as I watched how you two fell,in love. May God give you the strength in this hard moment in your life. I haven’t read the book yet but I will.
Oh Jamie I hate to hear how much you’re suffering after the death of your wee son I don’t believe God took baby Hehner away from you, he doesn’t do that. Baby H will always be in your heart and on the sonogram photos and in your memories. Thank-you for sharing this hurdle in your life, I believe sharing and sympathy is therapeutic also xo Your fans and well-wishers are surrounding you with a cushion of love from all over the world and along with your own faith please rest your sad heart and soul upon this love xo
I am so very sorry for your loss. About 10 years, ago after having 2 healthy kids, We were pregnant again. We decided not to tell the kids or anyone else for that matter until after the first trimester. I was about 13 weeks pregnant and after sonogram told the world. My kids were thrilled. The next day I began bleeding and lost the baby. It was the most devastating thing in the world. It does get easier to handle with time and I am a believer that things happen for a reason. With that being said just support each other and do not let this break you. You will both be in our prayers. May god bless you both!
Jamie, I am so sorry for your loss. I have been following you and Doug over the past couple years and I have loved watching your story. I know how much you wanted to by a mommy. I don’t know this loss personally, but my heart breaks for you and the pain you must be feeling. You are both in my thoughts.
I can’t imagine what you two are going through and as you battle to recover from this loss I hope it can bring you two together as it can easily drive you apart. I feel like I know you both which is weird I know but I hope you know everyone wants the best for you both and the family you will have, I’m sorry you’re going through this in such a public way, taking the good with the bad of publicity I suppose, but know you don’t deserve this and you will be ok again one day soon. You will be the best parents some day and we can’t wait to share that journey with you!! Keep your head up!
It’s a pain I’d never wish on anyone! I’m so sorry!
Prayers for you three. I definitely don’t know loss like this and I can only imagine the hurt in your heart. Stay strong and believe in Gods plan for you, doug, and your sweet baby.
Here i sweden we only look with a camera at the baby 2-3 times.. more can hurt the baby.. what do you mean twice a week
My heart just aches for you any Doug. I lost a baby at 13 weeks so can only imagine what it must be like at 17 weeks. I got pregnant again almost immediately, not necessarily planned, and went on to have two healthy pregnancies. You’ll always, always think of that baby but you’ll move on and have the family you dream of. It’s an indescribable pain until you’ve been through it. Wishing you peace as you process this loss.